Is This Just Another " Sick Buffalo"- Story?

[Heng]

Pure entertainment.

[mikethevigoman]

Hi,

Some see the glass half full others see it half empty, depends which side of the bar you sit at maybe?

Having read the postings and also the many lips posted by the o/p on you tube I hope that my following comments are fair, if not entirely agreeable.

Brought up in a one horse town in devon, done a dick whittington up to the bright lights, was fortunate to find well paid work in the music industry and socialise on the music scene, later met meet a very nice woman early on in his life who gave him 4 children who she looked after for the next 18 years whilst she watched her husband enjoy what appear's to have led a peter pan lifestyle spending up to what he agrees was around £1500 on a good weekend.

I note that in his blog one of his songs is called Sensimellia dreams, and as the o/p claims the now ex wife has ended up with the not so cheap house in Surrey and is managing to remain in it whilst looking after 4 of his kids.

If the o/p is correct( and I have no reason to think other wise ) it seems possible that after 18 or so years of the good life the ex-wife possibly saw the writing on the wall that there isnt much call these days for 40+ year olds in the music industry and decided that the party looking lke it was going to come to an end sooner rather than later.

As the o/p has stated that the ex wife has never worked during the 18 year marriage period and also stated that the ex has plenty of money to support herself ( and presumably the kids?) for the next

10 years it makes you think about where the money she has now came from in the first place?

Was it her money, or from her family in the first place,who knows?

To live in Surry and in thestyle she appears to have been used to for the next ten years requires a HUGE amount of money, lucky lady to have it!

Did she inherit it? If so he is entitled to claim half of it.

Or is it possible the money has been generated under the table and she is confident he dare not submit a claim for his share of it?

From the clip of his trip to Goa and his choice of name for his music it seems he may be no stranger to the more enenlightened and alternative lifesyles, not that the matters too much but just exploring the possibilities you understand.

It would seem likley that the family trip to Thailand in 2004 may have been a bit of an eye opener for him and I guess his wife too, maybe she saw what she has been missing out on by marrying so early as is often the way these days and wanted to take contol of her life ( as they often do!).

Alternatively perhaps it was a case of a 40+ year old man with some dosh and an obvious eye for the ladies ( as evidenced by his posting a clip of a bevvy of beautiful babes from around the world on you tube) who wanted to sample the fine things he had discovered, not unknown to happen.

An aquaintaince of mine had a business which was cash only and he married a woman who was way smarter than he was ( not difficult!),and he made the cash which he stuffed in the cuboards until they could take no more, he reasoned ( wrongly) that as long as she had enough spending money that was enough to keep her on side.

Arrived home to find the locks changed, broke in cash gone ( well over £200k) and she walked back in the house with her Solicitor and having had the facts of life pointed out to him by the lawyer never saw either the house or the money again.

A tough lesson which has been experienced by many others and will continue to be experienced by many more to come I guess.

As the O/P appears to have left the matrimonial home for an open ended holiday at the expense of the

credit card company ( plus some cash I hope?) and the blls were presumably going to the home of the ex wife I really dont understand when having efectively cut his own throat by"sending" the reciepts the ex wife why he doesnt seem understand how she found out obout his new lady friend or even why she should get the hump and cancel the cards which were presumably joint or in some way provided by the bank/lender who dealt with their joint affairs!

A word from the ex in the ear to any lender about not having any income is likely to result in them taking action to protect themselves.

As for the new lady in his life, I can only say we all come with "baggage" one way or another. He certainly has and presumably so may she.

The bottom line is none of the above is worth the ink it is printed on!

He has my sympathy for the motoring accident and my congratualtions for what is clearly a beautiful baby, in which presumably his ex wife might viciously suggest he only had a small part in ( sorry bad sense of humour).

As for the not insignificant part he has played in the babys life to date, and the likely consequences of his not helping the mother of his child, and dispite the calls of some for a DNA test, in my eyes he is the only father the child has known, and that should be the end of the matter.

If you were big enought to fill a pram you should be big enough to maintain not only the pram but the baby and that includes providng for the mother, no different than the law insists upon here in the uk.

I also have a thai wife who is 20 years younger than me, six years or so years down the road I still appreciate her very much and yes I am aware that I am no oil painting and difficut to live with.

I provide love and care for her and her family as and when we can afford to do so and am pleased to do so, if she were to buggers off home to her family at some point in the future then does that make her any less of a person, I dont think so.

The O//P has stated he hates london now, so is it any more likely that a Thai person would prefer to live in the uk where it is cold, expensive and without friends or relatives to spend time with, or live in familiar surroundings and language?

I am in no doubt that a return to Thailand is on the cards at some point in the future, hopefully I will also be able to spend some time in the uk as I really dont think I can put up with some asspects of Thai life for much more than 8 months at a time, but thats just me.

Thai Family life is not easily understood, and although I have visited and lived in Thailand on an off for 15 + years unlike others I dont understand thai ways muh more today than I did previously, I do what I think is right at the time and by and large it works for me.

The only advice I would give the O/P is to stop feeling hard done by, we have all been in failed relationships before, and many of us will continue to do so again in the future I am sure.

She is the mother of your child and as such you need to respect her views far more than us armchair critics, £1500 may be a lot of money to you at the moment but it works out at less than a packet of cigarettes a day over a year.

I guess you may smoke and drink so why not try to put pen to paper and see what you spend what little money you have coming in now on and try to see what items are really as essential as providing a roof over the head of , and food in the belly of your beautiful little girl?

When you other kids required a new computer, designer gear, holidays and pocket money did you think of that as being a rip off? I hope not.

For what your british kids cost to feed and clothe for a week you could likely keep your Thai daughter

for several months, they have your ex wifes money to look after them this poor unwanted child.

Sorry if that seems a bit harsh but unless you get off your arse now thats exactly what she will be if you dont claim her 100% as you own and provide her with the equality with your other children she is entltled to recieve.

This Mother and child come as a package make no mistake, I note some clown has suggested that you should bring the baby to the uk and apparently without the mother. With no close family to look after her

here that is a total no brainer.

Beg borrow or steal the £1500, send it in 3 instalments over 9 months, if thats not acceptable then you have your answer form them.

Dont ever ask for her to provide documentation to prove or disprove her mother debt, the loss of face will return to bite you in the future.

Forget the debt title, this is not a loan, this is an investment in your childs future and dont you ever forget it, grandma is now providing the care which you should be providing right now, abusted up leg does not excuse the brain for not working out how to get the bread on the table.

No one I hope is unsympathetic about the leg, but its time to turn the page and start afresh, sure you have reservations, but didnt you have them with every relationship you ever had?

I am quite sure that over the years lots of your friends and aquaintences over the years have slaped you on the back and remarked what a clever/lucky person you are to have all that you once had, luck generally has little to do with it in my experience. You set the goals and you did what you had to do to get there,you are still the same person albeit a bit battered and brused along the way.

Admittedly looks can be deceptive but from your short clip on you tube you are lucky to have her, (I dont mean her looks either) if she is lucky to have met you at this point I would say it appears not.

You say you cannot aford to phone her much, have you ever used the cheap rate call numbers available on the "Nifty List"? 2pence per minute is available, up to 8-10p for calls to mobiles and landlines alike in Thailand fm the uk, makes bt and the rip off phone cards redundent.

Serch Google or Yahoo for NiftyList its a wnner!

Call her, tell her you have not got the money but you may be able to borrow a third of it and possibly help them with the rest later when you are on your feet ( sorry no pun intended).

Only you can judge if those 14 months meant enough to you that you are willing to get your finger out and dowhatever you can to get her and the baby over here and start afresh, if it fails after she has been here a while well you can make far more lasting damage by becoming involved with farang female dont you think?

On the long term you need to consider the possibility saving and going back to retire to Thailand at some point in the future, after all I take it you enjoyed the place and she will be delighed to be back amongst her own I am sure.

As you apparently have no assets at present you only have your ego to lose, on the other hand you have already hit the jackpot with you beautiful daughter so why not give your lady and yourself the chance to make a go of it?

I hope to hear that you are able to turn the corner and get her and the baby over here asap, true it will take time and effort on your part, but other than crashing out on mates floors and sofa's and sitting up all hours with your computer talking to complete strangers what else do you have planned for your future?

Best of luck to the THREE OF YOU.

Sorry about the length of this message but I hate monday mornings, makes me grumpy

roy

can i ask where in devon you are from? me too

[Momo8]

Lighten up folks,nobody knows the real story but the OP himself.

Let he/she who is without sin cast the first stone.Why do people come to TV so readily to judge and bash other's lifestyle,opinions etc. Hasn't ANYONE been in a difficult situation and wanted advice???? All the best anyway about this situation Danny always look on the bright side of life.

[ozzydom]

Some of the members will remember Big Spuds and his predicament of quite some time ago,we had the same old "bash the bar girl " posters, who in the short term were proven wrong.

The last I recall was that Big Spuds had gotten his lady to the UK and everything was peaches and cream for them.

How sad it must be to have such a jaundiced view of fellow human beings.

[dannyh2000uk]

Exactly. Reading Danny's posts, it's obvious that he wants affirmation, acceptance, and approval from a bunch of strangers...rather than his loved ones. That doesn't make sense. Too, he has changed his story several times about the money.

First, it as for his GF's mother to "repay a loan shark", a hoax if I ever read one. Second, it was to "support my daughter". What part of the 100K THB does he think will be used to support his duaghter? Not a single baht. Third, it was to pay back his GF for tending to him when he was "mashed up". In any supportive, nurturing, and loving relationship, partners are expected to love, nurture, and support. However, rather than repay graciousness and generosity with gratiousness and generosity, Danny believes that he needs to repay it in cash. For some reason, he wants to treat his GF as a prostitute. Hmmm.

In any case, Danny should realize that the 100K THB is just the first installment. When the family knows that he will allow himself to be cheated, all sorts of dire consquences will occur: daughter needs a new liver, mom broke her hip, grandma has breast cancer. It's all very sad. Eventually, Danny will relaize that he's been taken for a ride, and he's going to return to the TV threads and ask "why did they take advantage of me?", and the answer will be "because you wanted them to."

I don't believe my story has changed only some posters perception Of what I have said, read from the top.

In terms of repayment, well I agree but I don't think the Japanese Money lender will accept that-only cash

[dannyh2000uk]

Hi,

roy

can i ask where in devon you are from? me too

Newton abbott, I went back there a few years ago to see where I was born-what a dump

[Momo8]

We need that Colin that Guru of Happiness guy back http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=162785 too much negativity going on here.

Kung Hey Fat Choy to all!

[dannyh2000uk]

Amazing how these bar-girl and newbies to Thailand threads get so much attention.

Mate, you have practically no chance in making things work out with this woman. Walk away now!

You are probably right, but can I walk away from my daughter????

I don't think that is possible

[blizzard]

hey dont confuse this guy.

right now at least he of the mindset to help his kid.

i do agrrewith mr nee though. for others los is a place to have fun , it is NOT a place to start a family with disco ladies.

[Briggsy]

Here are some questions and an offer for the OP. No need to post the answers simply consider if you know the answers and if not, should you know or would you like to know?

1) Where is your daughter now?

2) Do you have an address?

3) Who is taking care of your daughter?

4) What is his/her name?

5) What is the carer's daily routine? Are they working? If so, who takes care of the child during working hours?

6) What is the contact telephone number?

7) Do they have your telephone number or any other contact details?

8) Who has been financially supporting the child's welfare so far?

9) What is the source of this cash?

10) Are you aware that 'sister' is a very loose term in Thai that covers even casual acquaintances?

11) If your child is in Bangkok, why isn't the mother present? There is no better place to make money in Thailand than Bangkok.

12) Can the carer speak English?

13) Are you relying solely on one source of information, i.e. your girlfriend?

On ThaiVisa and other forums, there are many members who live in Bangkok and could help you in practical ways (I'm assuming you don't have any mates in Thailand). People who

- have transport

- speak and read Thai

- can pass on photos of your daughter

- can pass on information in both directions

Just think about it.

[Robski]

Here's a question for Briggsy.

1) What's your problem?

Just think about it.

Edited February 12, 2008 by Robski

[yorkman]

Here's a question for Briggsy.

1) What's your problem?

Just think about it.

A bit unfair Robski if I may

I agree entirely with your reactions to a lot of the posts on this thread, but I actually think what Briggsy has asked, and suggested as a bit of a way forward is very sensible.

[qwertz]

Without wishing to cast a slight on any of the parties involved here, scenarios like this always beg questions in my mind - such as:

Why the hel_l can't Thais stay out of financial traps?

Why is it always a kind hearted farang who must come flying to the rescue like Batman?

Why don't Thais help Thais?

Do the mothers go so lightly into such impossible debt in the sure knowledge that when worst comes to worst - no problem, she can always offer up

attractive daughter No, 1 or 2 as a honey trap, which will surely snag a farang with some handy readies?

Why am I so cynical about these things?

[yorkman]

Without wishing to cast a slight on any of the parties involved here, scenarios like this always beg questions in my mind - such as:

Why the hel_l can't Thais stay out of financial traps?

Because there is no state social security, and desperate times mean desperate measures

Why is it always a kind hearted farang who must come flying to the rescue like Batman?

They are not all kind hearted, they have there own agenda sometimes

Why don't Thais help Thais?

Inside the family, they help each other a lot, this may be the case here too

Do the mothers go so lightly into such impossible debt in the sure knowledge that when worst comes to worst - no problem, she can always offer up

No. My Mother in Law put herself in huge debt to put 3 of her 4 kids through university

attractive daughter No, 1 or 2 as a honey trap, which will surely snag a farang with some handy readies?

Why am I so cynical about these things?

Only you know why you are so cynical about these things

[flyer]

I will just add I came on this forum because all my so called "forward thinking london friends" just say the same thing " shes Thai she must be on the scam"- I hoped you guys would have a little info- correction some of you have given very good info.

But attacking me is pointless, I do that myself already.

I know I am in a bad situation, but what I want to focus on , is this immediate problem, the rest can be sorted later.

Dan

Hi Dan ,

Well so much has been said already i wil try to keep out of those topics. I think the worst thing was that you met your new wife in a bar... with all the stories going around about bar girls, this is never a plus, even if she is very honest and good girl. Now this has been so , so forget about that and try to think she is a normal girl you met somwhere in a park or wherever.... maybe that will help cut off most of the sick buffalo stories that came around ... By the way the truth is that there are also bar girls who are very honnest and good mothers. I personally know two who are friends only to me, but after so many years i know them i know they are very honest and hard working. So far for the bar girls.

Now about the 100 K debt, well i have very long time Thai friends in Issan (farmers) and there it is not uncommon to make 'private loan' to some powerful local people for whatever reason that is... remember Thailand has no health care and no social security, and with what they earn there there is also no savings to fall back on. So loans are frequent... and impossible to pay back with what they earn. Often they will borrow money elsewhere (at crazy rates) to pay back a going loan when the lender wants his money back .. and on it goes... so what your GF/wife is telling you does not come over to me necessarily as a scam but could very well be the truth. The only way for them to get out of their situation is to pay it back, what they cannot do. For them it is a life time saving, for you it is only 2,000 £ ! What i should do however is get the complete story from your wife about the origin of the loan and why they have got to this point. Get the story from her in much detail. Thai's are not good liars when it comes to putting together a complicated and detailed story over 8 years time. Most probably you wil have enough clues to see if the story smells good or bad.

As to your personnal situation , well there is only one thing you can do for now, and the most urgent. That is get back on your feet financially and start again from scratch. If you are really motivated, you can succeed. Think of your reponsibility to your thai wife and daughter; and work to it day and night. It won't take so long then to get the 2,000 £ you need for them and give them if you feel the story was strong enough. Don't be panicked by any urgency, there is none. If you were not there they would find some way to clear the present dead lock (by taking anohter loan elsewhere) and keep going for while. This gives you time to get back on your (financial) feet and save for the loan if you think it is right and get the situation cleared lateron. Only be very clear about what you do and how you are planning so that your thai wife understands what you are doing for them and know you love her and do everything you can for her. I think you had more love and happyness in 14 months with her then many people do have in their entire life, so keep that and the child of love that was born fom it as the most precious gift you probably ever got and organise yourself for even more of it in the future with them.

If there is any way i can help you further, PM me.

Good luck and much strength.

[yorkman]

Excellent post Flyer,

I know a girl that lives 200m away. She works in a bar, and it is her job. She talks and jokes to her thai and farang customers, so of course she must be "easy"

Complete crap unless you are one of the Pattaya crowd. Her husband picks her up at 11PM, and she is back home.

Its not easy for some of these girls, I am sure even this was not her dream job as a kid

[torrenova]

You don't get many good girls going on camera talking about wanking though !

I agree with the most of your post so thank you, but I have to ask " what constitutes a "good girl", at the time of that segment we were pissed up before we knew she was pregnant.

Once she did the test she didn't drink again.

I am of the impression that a good girl is somebody with a good heart, not somebody who might/or might not have done some stupid things.

Also X has a crap phone, and no jewlery to speak of.

Blimey you have me defending her honour now.

Please bear in mind the context of you met your girl. Likely Lucifers, Marine I or II, Insomnia, they being discos. Most of the girls in those places are either freelancers or working girls who have finished their bar or go-go shifts and are looking for a guy to buy them for the night.

So they would not usually be called good Thai girls. You know, the type with normal jobs, without any sexual attachments. I don't know that many good Thai girls in that context who would be happy talking on camera about blowjobs.

It doesn't matter if she turned a few tricks in the light of the fact that you both genuinely seem to care about each other. Maybe you paid for it at some times as well. I'm sure you took girls out in your youth, spent money on them and hoped for something later eh ?

The fact is that the background of the girl is important if you ask whether it is a scam or not. Scams seem to be far more prevalent in the families of those who choose not to have a boring low salary job but rather prefer the bright lights and the associated easy rewards. Your knowledge of her actual background is important. Most Thais in that profession lie so much that they cannot remember them all and you can usually find plenty of holes and inconsistancies in their stories. That should be a good starting point for you.

I still stand that whatever her background, you should send something and I am glad you say you have sent Bt30,000. To offer further advice, it would be nice to know how receipt of that 30k was received.

[IMChris]

Dan frist I want you know most of us are sorry about your current state. I dont want to BASH you or anything but you have done some stupid things. Frist what were your intentions when you had SEX with this girl. I assume you were not paying for it, my other assumption since you had sex with her you were planning on marrying this girl. In Thai culture when you meet the parents it's sort of giving intention on marrying thier dauther. Having sex with a Thai lady leads to the next step marriage. So are you going to marry her? Or just having fun on the side (no condom) with total disrespect for Thai culture and the women. Im sure your intentions were honerable and if you love this women and you think she loves you as well your next step would be to send money to the mother. The average educated Thai only makes between 9,000 and 12 ,000 baht a month, so 200 $ = 6200 Baht. So sending her 50 USD a week, this would help to keep a roof over thier head and food on the table.

Also I know this is off topic but I also think that you would benifit from studying Buddhism. This would help in many ways it would help you understand the Thai culture, help you understand "good" Thai people and would help you thru this painful time in your life. You have the power inside you to change anything you want. GOOD LUCK

Edited February 12, 2008 by IMChris

[enyaw]

Dan frist I want you know most of us are sorry about your current state. I dont want to BASH you or anything but you have done some stupid things. Frist what were your intentions when you had SEX with this girl. I assume you were not paying for it, my other assumption since you had sex with her you were planning on marrying this girl. In Thai culture when you meet the parents it's sort of giving intention on marrying thier dauther. Having sex with a Thai lady leads to the next step marriage. So are you going to marry her? Or just having fun on the side (no condom) with total disrespect for Thai culture and the women. Im sure your intentions were honerable and if you love this women and you think she loves you as well your next step would be to send money to the mother. The average educated Thai only makes between 9,000 and 12 ,000 baht a month, so 200 $ = 6200 Baht. So sending her 50 USD a week, this would help to keep a roof over thier head and food on the table.

Also I know this is off topic but I also think that you would benifit from studying Buddhism. This would help in many ways it would help you understand the Thai culture, help you understand "good" Thai people and would help you thru this painful time in your life. You have the power inside you to change anything you want. GOOD LUCK

Reality check!.

Edited February 12, 2008 by enyaw

[blizzard]

i think the posting needs to stop. he might have a job as he not responding.

[cafes]

They looked after you for?????????? well... you guessed it. For a reason. Trust me, they just want to get paid for having looked after you. It's probably not the girl but the family that want something. Since you did not "force" them to look after you and help you out. I strongly beleive that the 8-year loan story is just a scam and I'd strongly advise you against giving them a cent!

Ok here is a story of which many of you will probably say " we got another one", but all opinions are being sort here so no problem.

My marriage fell about after 18 years in 2005 to an English girl who kept the house etc, etc.In Apr 2006 I had to freelance out in Los for 2 months and met girl X.

I met her in Pattaya ( I know, I know!).in a disco

By observing her over many days, I came to the conclusion she had a good heart and was pretty honest.

When I returned to Uk in June we kept in touch ( her always phoning me)

In Aug 2006 while homeless and skint and feeling down, I travelled back over to Los.

We hooked up and travelled around Thailand

We did the usual trip to Issan etc, etc

Her family were lovely too

Somewhere during this trip, she got pregnant.

I was due to return to UK after 5 weeks but thought I have to stay and not leave this girl to cope with this alone .

Because Of the visa situation in Thailand I had to keep leaving so, we got her a passport and she came too

I took her for two months to Cambodia .then back to Thailand, etc, etc.

On one of these trips we popped into Pattaya she hated it I loved it, but we moved on.

Just before the baby was born on a that last trip to Cambodia We were involved in a bad crash.

Luckily she was Fine I was a mess ( smashed leg, shoulder etc, etc.).

We transferred to Trat Hospital where The baby was born, and I was cast up.

After 15 days and 2 ops I had to leave hospital as all money gone.

X, baby and me had to loan money and rent cheap place in trat for the next 2 months till I could move.

She said to me " I would love you even if they cut your leg off- reference to what Cambodia clinic were

advising to me, she looked like she really meant it.

In all the time there she never moaned while looking after a new baby, and an invalid day in, day out. getting food etc, etc

Because of leg cast and shoulder cast, I couldn't even help by holding our Daughter.

Anyway when we could move from Trat we had to stay with her Family in Issan as I had no cash and couldn't get on my plane yet due to leg.

All the while in Issan X was positive making the food, looking after baby etc, etc.

I explained many times that I was going back to no job, house, and a complicated divorce.

When the time finally came for me to face the UK, X cried real tears ( so did I) we had travelled 14 months solid, day and night, with me being quite poor ( for a farange), if truth be told.

When I got back I found a lovely little note written on our daughters tee-shirt, hidden in my bag.

Also I was shocked to see all my clothes secretly ironed

Anyway I have been back 4 months now, and although we spoke everyday at first, now both of being skint, we are down to emails.

X works 300 kms+ from baby who is in Issan with Gran. X is selling clothes- trat ( of all places)

Now I discover her mum is Owing 100,000 Baht ( and has done for 8 + years) to a loan person who now wants to call in the loan, i.e. House/Land etc, etc.

Now this part I believe having been there a few times and observing what goes on.

But If happens My Daughter who is parentless now becomes Homeless.

I am switching between totally believing the story, and thinking that at worst they just want the security of the home, and that the loan shark doesn't really want the house now. Which are both good enough for me as I lived there so long and have a daughter and genuinely like them all.

OR am I being carefully scammed.

One Brit in Pattaya some 12 months before said to me- without meeting her " she'll have the lot off you mate", to which I replied " too late the uk wife already has it all- and this Thai girl doesn't seem to want anything, i.e. I give her money she goes and buys me clothes etc, etc.".

He said to me " Oh she is playing the Long game, for the big score"

In order to pay that 100,000 baht at this time I would have to loan, so not something I can do Lightly-if at all-

I can't believe I am so blind after 18 years marriage, or am I just rebounding and that is blinding me

What do you guys think ?

Is this just another "sick Buffalo story"- or are there ever any honest stories?

She is 25 and mature I am in my 40's wise to some things not all.

.

[cafes]

Frist what were your intentions when you had SEX with this girl. I assume you were not paying for it, my other assumption since you had sex with her you were planning on marrying this girl. In Thai culture when you meet the parents it's sort of giving intention on marrying thier dauther. Having sex with a Thai lady leads to the next step marriage. So are you going to marry her? Or just having fun on the side (no condom) with total disrespect for Thai culture and the women.

Wakie wakie it's 2008. how long have you been in Thailand? no disrespect meant here.

Im sure your intentions were honerable and if you love this women and you think she loves you as well your next step would be to send money to the mother. The average educated Thai only makes between 9,000 and 12 ,000 baht a month, so 200 $ = 6200 Baht.

Not necessarily. Some make 9000 -12000 a month but some make a LOT more than that

So sending her 50 USD a week, this would help to keep a roof over thier head and food on the table.

No. This does not help the family in any way. It makes the family more lazy and lot more greedier. Laziness creates additional problems... so, DO NOT SEND MONEY TO THE GIRL OR FAMILY.

Also I know this is off topic but I also think that you would benifit from studying Buddhism. This would help in many ways it would help you understand the Thai culture, help you understand "good" Thai people and would help you thru this painful time in your life. You have the power inside you to change anything you want. GOOD LUCK

You seem like a nice guy and I have all the respect for ya but you really got to stay a lot longer in Thailand to truly understand Thai culture. Thais are a proud people. Most "good" families won't ask for money from the farang no matter what. Nor will they expect money form the farang. Just my opinion.

[qwertz]

He's not listening.

The problem with good advice is that most of it is given free and many people think, if it's free, it's worthless.

[Kimera]

It strikes me as amazing how entrenched is the thought that a man is responsible for all the financial situations that might arise in a modern family.

I grew up in a house where I never saw my mum as she worked, but yet now I am propelled back to the 1950's !!!-lol

I will just add I came on this forum because all my so called "forward thinking london friends" just say the same thing " shes Thai she must be on the scam"- I hoped you guys would have a little info- correction some of you have given very good info.

But attacking me is pointless, I do that myself already.

I know I am in a bad situation, but what I want to focus on , is this immediate problem, the rest can be sorted later.

Dan

Well I have posted before and I still feel the same, pay her the money she sounds like a good girl and then my friend you can ( sort the rest later) ie. the next request for money ??? then you will clearly know! it is in the way of things a small amount of money, as your wife and children live very well in the UK due I take it from your efforts, uk or Thailand your problems are the same, support your family

[billd766]

I have been coming to/living in Thailand since 1993 which makes me a sort of old timer but not necessarily any wiser than a lot of people.

I have followed this thread from the beginning and I was not going to reply to the post at all.

However for what it is worth, in my personal opinion Danny and his lady are very lucky to have each other, he more so as she helped and took care of him after the accident without having to do so. She could at that stage have just walked away and found another farang with less problems if she wanted to.

The fact that she didn't indicates to me that both cared more for each other than a casual wham, bam, thank you maam relationship.

She has a responsibility towards her parents that most westerners never have and while the reasons for the debt of her mothers is immaterial she still feels obligated to help as much as she can.

I am making an assumption that DAnny has explained his current circumstances to her as best that he can and that she understands a fair amount of it.

He is still finding work hard to get which I understand only too well especially as he is self employed, in his 40's and with a specialised skill set which pays well but has a limited number of jobs.

He also has an existing family and cares a lot about his children and also his child here in Thailand. His family in the UK are able to get limited support from the government through the socila welfare schemes and are unlikely to starve.

I suspect that in the future his relationship with his UK wife will be terminated and a divorce settlement will come along where his UK wife and family will be awarded an amount but given a good solicitor he will also be able to live his own life and possibly be able to provide for his child in Thailand.

What needs to happen is that he needs to get a reasonable job to get back on his feet again and reshape his life in the way he wants to. After that he can plan for the future.

Once you get financially better off then help X and her family as she helped you and if you afre as lucky as me it will be repaid in many different ways.

I think that it will be unlikely at least in the short term that he will be able to get his Thai lady and child into the UK because the powers that be over there will need evidence that he will be able to support them financially and provide a home for them and should that no be forthcoming they will in all probability not get a visa.

As an aside I was married and seperated in the UK and tried to get a tourist visa for my wife to visit me and it was rejected on the grounds that

"the address that she will be staying is not the same as yours" (I suspect my UK wife would not have been too happy if it was)

"She does not seem to have enough attachments to return to Thailand at the end of the visit" IE she may well become an illegal immigrant.

My feeling is that Danny has found a very nice lady who he now has a child with, accidental or not, and they wish to be together. The fact that he met her in a disco in Pattaya, a bar in Bangkok, a coffee shop in Phuket or anywhere esle in Thailand matters nothing to them and equally should mean nothing to anybody else on this forum.

Good luck to them both and I hope that it all works out well for them.

For the doom merchants and the naysayers, it is not your problem. They are consenting adults and presumeably old enough to make up their own minds.

Danny do the best that you can for her and the family with what you can.

My best wishes to you abd your Thai family.

[backflip]

"right now at least he of the mindset to help his kid. "

But, it's meaningful only if he feels that he should support his child. His postings read as though he'll support the child only because he feels guilty. Unfortunately, his GF has made it clear that her most important thing is not to provide for her daughter, but to pay off her mom's debts. The OP will make another mistake by sending too much money for his daughter, essentially making her family feel as though they've won the lottery. Guilt is a strong emotion, much strong than the OP's constitution.

[orchis]

OP says he has sent already 30K baht for his daughter's support.

So I wd say, fine just sent 70K more for the daughter's support, makes 100 K, not too much all considered.

OP happy to support his daughter.

His GF could then see if she spends this on the daughter or on her parents.

GF happy.

Then OP could concentrate on solving his first wedding problems which also include wife, child(ren), money.

(like the t shirt says : same same but different)

[dannyh2000uk]

"right now at least he of the mindset to help his kid. "

But, it's meaningful only if he feels that he should support his child. His postings read as though he'll support the child only because he feels guilty. Unfortunately, his GF has made it clear that her most important thing is not to provide for her daughter, but to pay off her mom's debts. The OP will make another mistake by sending too much money for his daughter, essentially making her family feel as though they've won the lottery. Guilt is a strong emotion, much strong than the OP's constitution.

An update

Just to clarify, X is working away BECAUSE she needs to send money to help raise Daughter, and it seems that She is working very hard ( I phone her now skype has arrived- at 10am and you can hear she is doing what she said- very unlikely if she was in the bargirl lifestyle.

X wants the house secure because of her MUM and Her DAUGHTER- fair enough.

I think whenever you pay for your kids it is always a mix of 98% love, 2% guilt.

I agree the ideal would be to send in installments and hope the house was being paid off, so her old folks could relax for once.

I spent months in total living at their place, and Mums life is incredibally tough, collecting fish/frogs from pools, collecting mang som ( i think that is how you spell it) and then bartering for veg.

When I lived there I gave some houskeeping and expressly said it was not to be spent on me, what happens- I get delivered to me a huge snakehead for my personal tea.

In the last 5 weeks I stayed there I was skint awaiting my flight, an additional burden on them, I never sensed any moaning.

I guess I am answering my own questions here, but I stress it is with taking all the replies in

[dannyh2000uk]

OP says he has sent already 30K baht for his daughter's support.

So I wd say, fine just sent 70K more for the daughter's support, makes 100 K, not too much all considered.

Not to much, but at the moment a fortune-lol

But I expect to change that, but it takes time.

The 30,000 was from the goodness of my friends loaning me here in London.

[dannyh2000uk]

I have been coming to/living in Thailand since 1993 which makes me a sort of old timer but not necessarily any wiser than a lot of people.

I have followed this thread from the beginning and I was not going to reply to the post at all.

However for what it is worth, in my personal opinion Danny and his lady are very lucky to have each other, he more so as she helped and took care of him after the accident without having to do so. She could at that stage have just walked away and found another farang with less problems if she wanted to.

The fact that she didn't indicates to me that both cared more for each other than a casual wham, bam, thank you maam relationship.

She has a responsibility towards her parents that most westerners never have and while the reasons for the debt of her mothers is immaterial she still feels obligated to help as much as she can.

I am making an assumption that DAnny has explained his current circumstances to her as best that he can and that she understands a fair amount of it.

He is still finding work hard to get which I understand only too well especially as he is self employed, in his 40's and with a specialised skill set which pays well but has a limited number of jobs.

He also has an existing family and cares a lot about his children and also his child here in Thailand. His family in the UK are able to get limited support from the government through the socila welfare schemes and are unlikely to starve.

I suspect that in the future his relationship with his UK wife will be terminated and a divorce settlement will come along where his UK wife and family will be awarded an amount but given a good solicitor he will also be able to live his own life and possibly be able to provide for his child in Thailand.

What needs to happen is that he needs to get a reasonable job to get back on his feet again and reshape his life in the way he wants to. After that he can plan for the future.

Once you get financially better off then help X and her family as she helped you and if you afre as lucky as me it will be repaid in many different ways.

I think that it will be unlikely at least in the short term that he will be able to get his Thai lady and child into the UK because the powers that be over there will need evidence that he will be able to support them financially and provide a home for them and should that no be forthcoming they will in all probability not get a visa.

As an aside I was married and seperated in the UK and tried to get a tourist visa for my wife to visit me and it was rejected on the grounds that

"the address that she will be staying is not the same as yours" (I suspect my UK wife would not have been too happy if it was)

"She does not seem to have enough attachments to return to Thailand at the end of the visit" IE she may well become an illegal immigrant.

My feeling is that Danny has found a very nice lady who he now has a child with, accidental or not, and they wish to be together. The fact that he met her in a disco in Pattaya, a bar in Bangkok, a coffee shop in Phuket or anywhere esle in Thailand matters nothing to them and equally should mean nothing to anybody else on this forum.

Good luck to them both and I hope that it all works out well for them.

For the doom merchants and the naysayers, it is not your problem. They are consenting adults and presumeably old enough to make up their own minds.

Danny do the best that you can for her and the family with what you can.

My best wishes to you abd your Thai family.

Thanks a lot billd, much appreciated