I Might Become A Father.

[tartempion]

I am in europe this month and got a phone call today from the GF asking me something to which I replied " Go ahead"

Now let me try to explain how we came to this:

Two years ago her sister (working in a factory) got pregnant from a glue sniffer

They married a few days after the child birth.

One month later the family expulsed the glue sniffer.

Now my gf has been complaining she is and remains childless.

I on my side have no desire to add an other human being to the almost 7 billion we have already.

So I had this idea when the father of sis's child got evicted: since the mother was bound to return to work at the factory (600km Southbound) and seemingly had an other young man in love with her at the factory, why not have the sis give the child to us, we would take good care, he might have better chances in life with us, altough I am retired and my age is a concern (amongst others with such an idea)

Well it did not happen, the new man willing to take the child and the mother probably wanting to keep the child, altough the villages are full with kids raised by the grandparents, which is not necessarly a good idea neither, but with abandonned mothers and factory workers, who knows?

The sis got pregnant again and again

So I got this phone call today, asking if I would mind taking care of number 3 (sis has no money, need to work, etc etc)

The deal would involve taking care of the mother as of July, have the child delivered at our expense for sure and take care of mother and child until she will be able to return to her factory and take care of her other 2 childs and husband.

Then we would raise the child for the forseable future. GF wants the child to be registered in het tambien ban. Not sure yet if she means legal adoption or similar.

I think it would be good for the gf to have a child to raise.

Often she tells me: What will I have in live when you're gone? (she never had a man before meeting me, spent 15 years of her life working for her parents) These are valid questions for all women I think, Thai or any nationality.

It frightens me somewhat, but I see positive issues for me to behave as a father raising a second child.

I mean it scares me but I would like to occupy more of my time by providing whatever assistance a child might need then living for myself.

I try to figure my future life in the moths to come with two women in the house, waiting for the child to come and the following years raising a child not really ours but hopely ours.

Am I crazy to follow that route?

Your thought are welcome, since I am somewhat baffled for the moment

Edited May 3, 2008 by tartempion

[Scott]

This sounds very complicated. Be very, very careful. A friend of mine married and adopted his wife's kid. It cost 200,000 baht to pay off the father. The adoption was not entirely legal. His embassy won't recognize it and so the kid can't get citizenship. Then the wife decided to let him live and work in the city and she would live in the village--where her ex-husband and the kids biological father live. My friend now gets to support her and the kid to the tune of a lot of money. Apparently, it costs close to 30,000 baht per month to live in a small Issan village in the middle of nowhere!

So, you might want to think this one through very carefully.

[realmadrid25]

you can't change his bad genes.

Edited May 3, 2008 by realmadrid25

[naka]

Being a bit of a cynic I suspect the kid could be used as leverage … perhaps

further down the line. Anyway, tread carefully.

Naka.

[a2396]

I am surprised you would even consider such a thing, unless you have got plenty of money to throw away & want any number of emotional hassles. I wouldn't touch it with a 10 ft pole.

[villagefarang]

If it makes you feel good to help out, go ahead. Just be aware that things could change dramatically at anytime during the child's life. If you will be unable to let go if the other parties change their minds, then it might not be a good idea. Nothing is forever over here.

[MrPaddy]

No real difference between this child and any others put up for adoption, how many of them have bad parents and perhaps 'bad' genes.

A lot will be up to the upbringing of the child and education etc.

Unfortunately in this instance you will not get any annonymity as to who the childs parents are as he/she gets older. You can bet the sister and granny maybe will be telling the kid in thai who their real parents are etc.

If you did it strictly by the book and adopted according to the law with full legal custody and court documents stating the natural parents have completely given up the child, then maybe it could work.

I can understand you not wanting to add to the worlds population, so why not adopt from an orhpanage and keep the future problems to a minimum.

Living in the same village, you will have problems and the child will have problems in the future. Just imagine when the child is 18yo educated and perhaps working, or going to college and the natural parents are asking the child for money and help for this and that. You will be burdening a future child with problems for sure from day one.

[swain]

The problem with this is emotional attachment. If you can take care of the child and have something in writing that you are the legal guardian then I would consider it. But if this is not the case and it is an issue that is revisited over and over again ... run don't walk from this situation.

[distortedlink]

So the sister of your girlfriend, who is nothing to you, became pregnant from a glue sniffer. Sounds like a STICKY situation.

What will happen is that the mother of the child will use you to finance it's upkeep as long as it suits her, than will claim it back at her convenience as you have no legality or control over custody of the child. The sister of your girlfriend will probably return to her loser boyfriend or another loser eventually anyway, (I don't know your name, so I'll call you the Mug) and Mug will receive no appreciation whatsoever.

Mugs never take advice or use common sense, they only learn from experience.

Edited May 4, 2008 by distortedlink