The Off Topic Thread

[thithi]

[BIGTOE3]

ONLY WELL try this one I don't think I have sent you this YET....

IF THIS STORY

DOESN'T MAKE YOU CRY FOR LAUGHING SO HARD, LET ME KNOW AND I'LL PRAY FOR YOU.

THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS.

THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF FARTING

LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND

THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR.

EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF

BECAUSE IT WAS MAKING HER SICK. HE TOLD HER HE COULDN'T.STOP IT AND THAT IT

WAS PERFECTLY NATURAL. SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT

ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT.

THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED

TO RIP THEM OUT. THEN ONE

THANKSGIVING MORNING AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE

TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE WAS UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS

AND NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL THE SPARE PARTS AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME

TO HER.

SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS

SOUND ASLEEP AND, GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE

ELASTIC WAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPAN TS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO

HIS SHORTS

SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL

TRUMPETING WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF

FRANTIC FOOT STEPS AS HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM. THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL

HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN HER EYES! AFTER YEARS OF

TORTURE SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRETTY GOOD..

ABOUT TWENTY

MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS IN HIS

BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS

WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE. SHE BIT HER LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT WAS

THE MATT ER.

HE SAID, 'HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT.' 'ALL THESE YEARS YOU

HAVE WARNED ME AND I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU'.

'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' ASKED

HIS WIFE.

'WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP

FARTING MY GUTS OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED.'

BUT BY THE GRACE

OF GOD, SOME VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS. I THINK I GOT MOST OF THEM BACK

IN.'

bt

[thesunset75]

Diff to read

give me more aspirine !!

[thithi]

thanksie for the bed time story BT ...

[AlexLah]

Old story and please next time do not Cap all letters.

Request:

I need some help from Thai speaking person.

[thesunset75]

who is Thai speaking here ?

try Thai language forum lol

[thithi]

i speak thailish....

[thesunset75]

I speak Southern lang...is that Thai too ?

Like : Bai Dee Mai ?

[mmushr00m]

#$%@!$&!!!!!!

Cant believe wife got her tourist visa rejected!!!! After having multiple visas and having lived in canuckland too.

<deleted>!!!!!!!!!!!

They felt it suspicious that we havent applied for a PRV and thought wife would do a "Robbin Hood".

[thesunset75]

Sorry to hear about your wife's visa

I've been there, applied for visa and turn down...but for visa here in EU...I always got what I expected

[BIGTOE3]

thanksie for the bed time story BT ...

Some people have NO sense of Humour as They worry about CAPS ?????

Anyway Thithi to keep your mind of CAKE try these - true so I am informed - but others might think OLD....

BT

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)

>

> >

> Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and

> cheesemongers'?

>

> Contestant: Homosexuals.

>

> Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very

> upset

> with you.

>

>

>

> BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)

>

>

> Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?

>

> Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point....

>

> Theakston: There's a clue in the title.

>

> Contestant: Leicester .

>

>

> BBC NORFOLK

>

> Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?

>

> Contestant: I don't know.

>

> White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between

> your

>

> hand and your elbow?

>

> Contestant: Arm.

>

> White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?

>

> Contestant: Strong.

>

> White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?

>

> Contestant: Louis.

>

> White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the

> song

> What A Wonderful World?

>

> Contestant: Frank Sinatra?

>

>

>

> LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )

>

>

> Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy ?

>

> Contestant: France .

>

> Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.

>

> Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.

>

> Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country

> is the Parthenon?

>

> Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.

>

> Trelinski: Just guess a country then.

>

> Contestant: Paris .

>

>

>

> THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)

>

> Anne Robinson: - Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have

> all

>

> written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or The

>

> Conservative Party?

>

> Contestant: The Conservative Party.

>

>

>

> BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )

>

>

> DJ Mark: For 10 Pounds, what is the nationality of the Pope?

>

> Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

>

[AlexLah]

I did it!

Today!!!!!

Yes!!!!!!!!!!

[thesunset75]

Lazy @ss...im skip the class today...also yesterday but it was reason why - my son has farewell at his Language school.

Today ?

LAZY

[AlexLah]

My sister in law managed to speak and write Dutch in just 3 months.

Shhe is clever, I guess.

[thesunset75]

I can do as your in law does before I came here even hehehe

So i must be stupid cuz I cant read / write /speak Dutch...as a Dutch speaking. hahahahahaha

The course is require by Gemeente they offered me a free course , free transportation (only 3 stations trip) and 1/6 cost of day care for my son :-)

And its fast project ( for higher education people) that I have to finish within a year.

Edited January 9, 2009 by thesunset75

[teacup]

The Chessgame has three phases:

The first - when one hopes one has an advantage

The second - when one "believes" one has an advantage,

and

The third - when one knows one is "going to lose"

[thesunset75]

Should I stay home or take my son for shopping ?

Meet his friend and parents, drink ?

Headache !!!

[cashill]

I can do as your in law does before I came here even hehehe

So i must be stupid cuz I cant read / write /speak Dutch...as a Dutch speaking. hahahahahaha

The course is require by Gemeente they offered me a free course , free transportation (only 3 stations trip) and 1/6 cost of day care for my son :-)

And its fast project ( for higher education people) that I have to finish within a year.

come over and i'll teach you

[thesunset75]

Oh great great grandma !!

I had a dream about you last night.

Fail off the bed...NIGHTMAIR !

[thithi]

what?

what?

WHAT?!

[cashill]

Dat zal je leren!

.

------------

-

[thithi]

My finger smells soooooo bad. Where the hel_l was it?

[AlexLah]

My finger smells soooooo bad. Where the hel_l was it?

You were cutting your toenails.

Ha ha ha, I told you before didn't I?

[thithi]

My finger smells soooooo bad. Where the hel_l was it?

You were cutting your toenails.

Ha ha ha, I told you before didn't I?

They aren't THAT dirty!

[AlexLah]

In your nose then?

[thithi]

betta to be yours lah

[BIGTOE3]

betta to be yours lah

Okat Thithi one for you ?? try this and tell us "honestly" how you got on.

BT

Greetings !!!

AMAZINGLY ACCURATE

Whatever you do, don't cheat!

CHINESE HOROSCOPE :

THE YEAR OF THE IRON DRAGON,

WISHING YOU PROSPERITY AND GOOD FORTUNE IN THE

CHINESE NEW YEAR

FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS -

DO NOT CHEAT

OR IT WON'T WORK AND

YOU WILL WISH YOU HADN`T.

TAKE 3 MINUTES

TRY THIS - IT WILL FREAK YOU OUT.

THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO ME SAID

HER WISH CAME TRUE 10 MINUTES AFTER SHE FORWARDED THE EMAIL

NO CHEATING !!!!

THIS GAME HAS A FUNNY / CREEPY OUTCOME.

DO NOT READ AHEAD, JUST DO IT.

IT TAKES ABOUT 3 MINUTES - WORTH A TRY

1st. Get PEN and PAPER

2nd. WHEN CHOOSING NAMES, MAKE SURE THEY ARE REAL PEOPLE THAT YOU ACTUALLY KNOW

3rd. GO WITH YOUR FIRST INSTINCTS !!!!! Very important for good results.

4th. SCROLL DOWN

ONE LINE AT THE TIME

DON`T READ AHEAD

otherwise

YOU WILL RUIN THE FUN.

1. On a blank sheet of paper, WRITE NUMBERS 1 through 11 in a COLUMN on the LEFT.

2. BESIDE the NUMBERS 1 & 2 ,

WRITE DOWN ANY

NUMBER YOU WANT

DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE NUMBER?

3. BESIDE the NUMBERS 3 & 7,

WRITE DOWN THE NAMES OF TWO MEMBERS

OF THE OPPOSITE SEX.

CAUTION: DO NOT LOOK AHEAD or IT WILL NOT TURN OUT RIGHT

4. WRITE ANYONES NAME

(like FRIENDS or FAMILY...)

next to 4, 5, & 6.

DON`T CHEAT OR YOU`LL BE UPSET THAT YOU DID

5. WRITE down FOUR SONG TITLES in 8, 9, 10, & 11

6. Finally,

MAKE A WISH

ARE YOU READY?

HERE IS THE

KEY TO THE GAME

1. THE NUMBER of PEOPLE YOU MUST TELL ABOUT THIS GAME is found in

SPACE 2

2. THE PERSON IN SPACE

3 IS THE ONE YOU LOVE

3. THE PERSON YOU LIKE but your relationship CANNOT WORK is in

SPACE 7

4. YOU CARE MOST about the PERSON you put in

SPACE 4

5. THE PERSON YOU NAME IN NUMBER 5 IS THE ONE WHO

KNOWS YOU VERY WELL.

6. THE PERSON YOU NAMED IN 6 IS THE YOUR

LUCKY STAR

7. THE SONG IN 8 IS THE SONG THAT MATCHES WITH THE

PERSON IN NUMBER 3

8. THE TITLE IN 9 IS THE SONG FOR THE

PERSON IN 7

9. THE 10TH SPACE IS THE SONG THAT TELLS YOU MOST ABOUT

YOUR MIND

10. AND 11 IS THE SONG TELLING HOW YOU

FEEL ABOUT LIFE

11.. NUMBER 1 IS YOUR

LUCKY NUMBER

SEND THIS TO A MINIMUM OF

10 PEOPLE

WITHIN AN HOUR OF READING THIS.

IF YOU DO, YOUR WISH WILL COME TRUE.

IF YOU FAIL TO, IT WILL BECOME THE OPPOSITE

STRANGE HOW IT SEEMS TO WORK.

!

[thesunset75]

Ice is melthing !

5 degrees today

[thithi]

bleghhh forwarded mail

[thesunset75]

One female friend in BKK came online, she asked...hey can i c you ?