In Need Of Advice: Thai Woman, U.s. Man -- And Plans

[Sabum]

There is no way an university girl has close to no english skills.

First if she's there, she had to go through highschool where they do learn highschool. then if she went to the university, being poor. it means she worked real hard not to disappoint her family. So she definitely had great grades meaning she would of learned English. Then she would of gotten better at the university.

You're going through an awful lot of trouble just to finally get laid after so many years, and you are probably going to hurt someone.

This whole thread is ridiculous but you in particular dont know what you are talking about. Thais do not learn english well at all in Highschool, and most barely speak english after years of university, dont know where you think you are getting your information but you seriously over estimate the quality of education in this country, everything is learned by repetition and memorisation, the worst way to learn english.

[britmaveric]

I'd have to agree meeting the family is paramount to serious relationship. I'd refrain from doing this at all costs unless you are dead serious with this lady and plan on marriage. You will make her look extremely bad if you meet them and the village and it doesnt work out.

Remember there is no rush - take your time.

[haltes]

Chances of being taken to the cleaners in this situation = 95%

[thaihome]

Chances of being taken to the cleaners in this situation = 95%

Think that statement says more about you then the OP...

TH

[haltes]

Think that statement says more about you then the OP...

Actually it means I can spot possible warning signs having seen them before.....

Even if the girl in question was of the same nationality/social class/education as the OP, it would STILL be not very likely to succeed!

Let's look at the factors against:

1) He met her online

2) Family are poor

3) She speaks very little English

4) He speaks very little Thai

5) She's a student who didn't even graduate yet

6) Possible age gap

7) Differences in levels of eduction

8) Cultural differences with a "Bahn Nork" girl

Chances are slim to zero

[Maigo6]

Better she sticks to a Thai man, and he sticks with a Farang.

Edited January 21, 2009 by Maigo6

[cmbe]

There is no way an university girl has close to no english skills.

First if she's there, she had to go through highschool where they do learn highschool. then if she went to the university, being poor. it means she worked real hard not to disappoint her family. So she definitely had great grades meaning she would of learned English. Then she would of gotten better at the university.

You're going through an awful lot of trouble just to finally get laid after so many years, and you are probably going to hurt someone.

I think not always that an university girl has close to english skills, there are a lot of major that they study in highschool or university and many major do not need to learn so much English and also depend on a person that they are interesting to develop their English or not. I know a lot of university girls who can not write, read and spreak good in English, many of them have not much praktice in daily life, may be they understand a lot but for answer back by writing or speaking are difficult for them and they need time to thing about what they should anwer and need also dictionary.

[GuestHouse]

A question you ought to ask yourself is, why is she telling you how poor she is and that her father has taken on debt to get her through college?

I'm contrasting that with conversations I have and have had with regular working Thais I know - I think I can count on one hand the number of times a Thai has told me how poor/hard up they are - Every single one of those converstations led to the suggestion that I ought to put my hand in my pocket. Thais, like the rest of us, do not go broadcasting their poverty.

With that in mind I would advise you start repeating the following mantra to yourself "I am not responsible for this person or her family'.

I'm not saying that you are definately being lined up as an income stream, but I think there is a pretty fair chance that you are.

Anyway, whatever happens, do come back and tell us how it works out, what kind of a time you had and which of us is right here, the rose tinted spectical group or the sceptics?

[onward]

You're going through an awful lot of trouble just to finally get laid after so many years, and you are probably going to hurt someone.

Some of the people here are very insulting, and a lot of the remarks seem to have more to do with their originators than the subject. I get laid all the time, but it doesn't have anything to do with this.

[sassienie]

If all her problems can only be solved with money? BEWARE

[Geekfreaklover]

Are there any other Thai girls on this internet dating site?

Why not converse with a few different girls from different social backgrounds online, perhaps some with similar interests and expectations ? Thats what internet dating sites are for (or so I'm told?) .

The Isaan family social system often calls on the eldest daughter of the family to provide for the rest of the family in times of financial difficulties. You mentioned that the father has borrowed money against farm land and is currently working as a tuk-tuk driver. If you visit the home it is more than likely that you will be expected to pay several thousand baht for the privilage of doing so - direct to the family in cash. Sleeping in a wooden shack in the middle of nowhere, not being able to speak with any of the locals. An interesting experience, some people like it, some people don't. But once you visit, beware of that "Knight in shinning armour" syndrome that hooks many a well meaning farang.

Edited January 21, 2009 by Geekfreaklover

[GuestHouse]

Are there any other Thai girls on this internet dating site?

Actually this is a good point. Since you are making the trip and laying out all the expense of transport, accommodation etc, why not book meetings with half a dozen or more Thai women so you can 'play the market'.

You'd also be reducing the 'loading' on each meeting - Travelling all that way to see just one woman that you don't really know is loading a whole lot of expectation on this one connection.

Don't feel bad about doing this, be assured your young lady in Thailand will be juggling a whole bunch of Farangs over the internet.

[BeauKarl]

Can't see how people can take the piss out of her family for being poor if they got a tuktuk and a ricefarm

Some people are honoust and some dishonoust, no matter where, but unless you got the money to take her with you or come and live here, you better not fall in love, Long distance relationships suck

[pop_corn]

A girl in Isaan would rather prefer to be poor in States than in Isaan. All they want is to get out of that place, so what can be much better than an alien who's able to do so? Even if you tell her you are poor she probably knows you have more than she does.. Situation there can be so extreme that you might get really surprised when you see a hole in the earth instead of a WC! Now, how can you get to know someone without communication? If you don't speak the language and neither she does? Are you that needy? :S

[henryalleman]

I'm new here ... visitor to Thailand, avid student of the culture and, recently, the language.

Online I met a Thai woman, student, who I plan to visit soon. We've corresponded much (emails, chat); her family -- rice farmers -- live in a northern village, and are very poor.................................

What kind of student is she?

If she is attending university, then it is very unusual for a very poor rice farmer's daughter unless she has a sponsor.

Most urban Thais who can speak very little English can very rarely write it. So very likely her emails are written by somebody else.

Are you looking for romance? If so tread very carefully.

Arrange to meet up away from her village first, book into an hotel and if she stays the night in the same bed, then she is a working girl. If she is shocked at the idea or sleeps on the floor, then you maybe ok.

Make an appointment in a near by town, and invite her as you guest to have some dinner.

And if she is genuine as she claims to be, she probably show up with some girlfriend or sister the first time.

[henryalleman]

I'm new here ... visitor to Thailand, avid student of the culture and, recently, the language.

Online I met a Thai woman, student, who I plan to visit soon. We've corresponded much (emails, chat); her family -- rice farmers -- live in a northern village, and are very poor.................................

What kind of student is she?

If she is attending university, then it is very unusual for a very poor rice farmer's daughter unless she has a sponsor.

Most urban Thais who can speak very little English can very rarely write it. So very likely her emails are written by somebody else.

Are you looking for romance? If so tread very carefully.

Arrange to meet up away from her village first, book into an hotel and if she stays the night in the same bed, then she is a working girl. If she is shocked at the idea or sleeps on the floor, then you maybe ok.

Make an appointment in a near by town, and invite her as you guest to have some dinner.

And if she is genuine as she claims to be, she probably show up with some girlfriend or sister the first time.

And stay away from her family during your first holiday. Tell her that in your culture you only visit the parents when you are planning to be engaged.

[yabaaaa]

Are there any other Thai girls on this internet dating site?

Actually this is a good point. Since you are making the trip and laying out all the expense of transport, accommodation etc, why not book meetings with half a dozen or more Thai women so you can 'play the market'.

You'd also be reducing the 'loading' on each meeting - Travelling all that way to see just one woman that you don't really know is loading a whole lot of expectation on this one connection.

Don't feel bad about doing this, be assured your young lady in Thailand will be juggling a whole bunch of Farangs over the internet.

Well said GH did the same myself a few years back and told the four I chatted with i was doing that too.

[thaihome]

Think that statement says more about you then the OP...

Actually it means I can spot possible warning signs having seen them before.....

Even if the girl in question was of the same nationality/social class/education as the OP, it would STILL be not very likely to succeed!

Let's look at the factors against:

1) He met her online

2) Family are poor

3) She speaks very little English

4) He speaks very little Thai

5) She's a student who didn't even graduate yet

6) Possible age gap

7) Differences in levels of eduction

8) Cultural differences with a "Bahn Nork" girl

Chances are slim to zero

You didn’t say there was little chance in the relationship working out, which I agree is unlikely. You said there is a 95% he will be taken to the “cleaners”. Big difference. Do you by chance have experience in being “taken to the cleaners” which has now biased your opinion on every Thai woman?

I stand by my statement.

TH

[Shotime]

she doesnt speak much english, you dont speak much thai.

So that means someone is writing her emails for her. And even if its not the case, you are willing to get together with someone you cannot talk with? That sounds desperate and a recipe for disaster. There are plenty of less good looking girls who actually speak your language.

Seriously i take huge offense in your post, you are clearly only looking for a human animal.. Pet some, lay some, feed some and make some hand gesture.

I don't see where the OP said he was looking to get married or give the girl or her family any money. I'm not sure how old he is, but it seems as if he's just looking for the experience. I hope that's what this is about. If not, it could be a disappointment and a waste of time.

In that regard, not being able to communicate with her or the family can be very uncomfortable. It depends a lot on you, but it was difficult for me not to be able to converse in Thai. Just be respectful, and don't take any preconceived notions about Thai people/women, nor their "culture" with you. You will be considered a brother from another planet, at first. You may get paranoid that they're having a laugh at your expense. fuc_k all that, and enjoy yourself.

[Shotime]

Better she sticks to a Thai man, and he sticks with a Farang.

Better you stop being so predictable.

[Isee]

A girl in Isaan would rather prefer to be poor in States than in Isaan. All they want is to get out of that place, so what can be much better than an alien who's able to do so? Even if you tell her you are poor she probably knows you have more than she does.. Situation there can be so extreme that you might get really surprised when you see a hole in the earth instead of a WC! Now, how can you get to know someone without communication? If you don't speak the language and neither she does? Are you that needy? :S

While I'm loathed to enter into this thread, the first part of your post is utter rubbish - if you were talking about a Pilipino, I would then tend to agree. Isaan people are usually proud of who they are inside, its just that they have to constantly face being looked down upon by thais and treated as second class citizens so in response they have to modify their ways when outside Isaan. I see it all the time in BKK with my GF and things only change when they see me. Sure thais will live abroad, but they would much prefer the farang to stay with them in Thailand. A lot of people leave Isaan to other parts of Thailand looking for better work opportunities, but don't be fooled in believing that they want to "get out of the place". The end part of your post is just wrong too, the OP is already communicating in english - so there IS communication. If they do get together, one thing that will improve is her English as she can now practise it with a native speaker. My GF goes to uni as well and her thai english teacher has about 60% knowledge of the complexity of english, I'll point out to my GF where the teacher is wrong - but then I'm not grading her exams am I. I have no idea why uni's don't employ native speakers (well I do know why and hence the point made by someone about the "quality" of schooling).

@ the OP

If you glean anything being said from the replies, I would agree with others that you should seriously reconsider visiting her village as it will probably do more harm than good to the family if you don't stick around. In this respect, I'm a little surprised she is OK for you to go there on a first visit - so that would be ringing small bells for me. I could be doing her an injustice and maybe she's agreeing because you want to go there and she's worried she might upset you if she says no. Also, whats your plans when you arrive? If she's going to uni, she has commitments to that - unless you're going in March when she starts her holidays. If she is prepared to treat her studies secondary to your visit, give her a miss. I could continue making other points and agreeing here and there on what others said, but I really want to stress the point about visiting her home – visit her home once you’ve decided that you want to pursue a relationship with her.....hel_l, took me almost 2 years before I visited my GF’s home in Yasothon (and my GF was reluctant to take me there for about the first 12 months until she felt we were in it for the “long haul” so to speak).

Goodluck with it anyway

Cheers

[caulfield2]

I'm new here ... visitor to Thailand, avid student of the culture and, recently, the language.

Online I met a Thai woman, student, who I plan to visit soon. We've corresponded much (emails, chat); her family -- rice farmers -- live in a northern village, and are very poor. Probably will be a mak mak strange experience, for me at least, since she speaks only a little English and I speak only a little Thai, so far.

I realize most who might help me could have a "where do I start" mindset, but I'd like to know if there's something I should be particularly wary of, or aspects I should consider? Thanks in advance for any / all help.

1) As a university teacher here, I can attest that non-English/English teaching majors can have very little to no English...borderline atrocious. Usually so-so understanding, better if given time to read/decipher/decode in writing with dictionary/translator if wealthy or expensive cell phone. Speaking...forget it, just canned phrases and memorized responses.

2) Don't go to her house unless you are sure you want to pursue her. OTOH, don't line up other dates/girls unless you really want to risk/jeopardize your relationship with her. If you're in it for the long haul, be patient...if you want something faster, then by all means, organize the date every hour or two system I've seen many men utilize in the Philippines to mixed results (getting you sex faster, as some men grow impatient on a short trip and want to cut to the chase and not invest time and money into one girl). Know that the girls who "put out" too quickly aren't USUALLY serious relationship material.

3) Don't ASSUME than any Thai girl who's NOT from Pattaya/BKK/Phuket/Patong/Patpong are out to use you IF THEY HAVE SEX WITH YOU, let's say, on the third or fourth time together. Or even the first time, if travelling from a long distance to see you.

4) Her broadcasting the financial information about her family is the biggest red flag. Most Thais are very private and tend to hide these problems or sweep them under the rug out of shame/embarassment. Try to figure out why she is so open/direct about this subject.

5) As mentioned, don't do anything to broadcast what money/lifestyle you have. Always be realistic, it doesn't mean lie, but also, don't overpromise and commit to things you can't deliver in the future, or she will be disillusioned quickly.

6) Decide early on if you're willing to give her support, and, if so, why. And what are the conditions? Is it a loan to be paid back or a gift? Are you buying a relationship with her by being a sponsor? Also, try to find out if she's speaking to other farangs, how long she's been on the Net, etc. Ask for her hi5.com account and see how many farang/Thai male friends she has, that could be one indication, although not necessarily condemning, lol.

7) Try to be careful with ANY girl 15 or more years younger than you...don't know your age here.

8) Find out if she wants to live/move abroad or stay in Thailand...look for clues/hints. Make her feel that you might never go back to your country...although this would be more effective in the Philippines to determine her motivation, as many Thai girls would prefer to remain in their country than Filipinas.

[Naam]

not cynical - realistic is a better description, trust your instincts and not your heart

instincts are embedded in brains. brains need appropriate blood supply to function. the latter is also required for an erection. unfortunately the creator who gave males brains and a pecker made a mistake when allocating blood supply. brains do not function properly when the blood/oxygen supply is too low because the pecker was faster and secured the lion share.

[rideswings]

I agree with many of the above posts, but if you believe in her, it can happen. Send her to English school or have her take more English classes at the Uni, dont meet the family until you are ready to get married, and dont worry about her being poor. Maybe she is a good one, possibly one of the 5% of them out there according to one of our fellow posters (just kidding). I am engaged to an Isan farmers daughter, and she is the love of my life. You just gotta believe it can happen and then work on it until it does.

Edited January 28, 2009 by rideswings

[hhgz]

"I'm new here ... visitor to Thailand, avid student of the culture and, recently, the language. Online I met a Thai woman...'where do I start'".

Well, you've already started. Not counting this experience, how has "online dating" worked out for you? What are your expectations? Do you have sufficient financial resources to support her and her family? Those are realistic questions that you should have asked, and answered, before you get into the entire "she's never had a boyfriend, she's the best woman I've ever met, and her family's livestock has fallen ill" scenario.

[Tyree D.]

You're going through an awful lot of trouble just to finally get laid after so many years, and you are probably going to hurt someone.

Some of the people here are very insulting, and a lot of the remarks seem to have more to do with their originators than the subject. I get laid all the time, but it doesn't have anything to do with this.

do you really? It reminds me of the time on this board where a guy asked how to talk to a Thai girl then he said he said to her he could get any woman. If you really do, you don't need our jaded advice.

[a2396]

Sorry to disappoint you guys, most Thai woman married for love. Language is not a problem. There may be some difficulties initially, but it is not difficult to master. The big problem that you have to over come is culture difference.

"Most Thai women married (Farang) man for love"?? You've got to be joking. I once asked one of my young Thai men freinds what percentage of Thai women married foreign men primarily for money. His reply( and opinion)... 90%. No doubt many of the Farang gents on this forum are in the remaining 10%.

[a2396]

There is no way an university girl has close to no english skills.

First if she's there, she had to go through highschool where they do learn highschool. then if she went to the university, being poor. it means she worked real hard not to disappoint her family. So she definitely had great grades meaning she would of learned English. Then she would of gotten better at the university.

You're going through an awful lot of trouble just to finally get laid after so many years, and you are probably going to hurt someone.

This whole thread is ridiculous but you in particular dont know what you are talking about. Thais do not learn english well at all in Highschool, and most barely speak english after years of university, dont know where you think you are getting your information but you seriously over estimate the quality of education in this country, everything is learned by repetition and memorisation, the worst way to learn english.

Agreed!! I have see plenty of uni grads whose English is basic at best. The exception is is if they are an English major, but not many of them around.

[Tyree D.]

Sorry to disappoint you guys, most Thai woman married for love. Language is not a problem. There may be some difficulties initially, but it is not difficult to master. The big problem that you have to over come is culture difference.

"Most Thai women married (Farang) man for love"?? You've got to be joking. I once asked one of my young Thai men freinds what percentage of Thai women married foreign men primarily for money. His reply( and opinion)... 90%. No doubt many of the Farang gents on this forum are in the remaining 10%.

That's a Thai man's perspective even though I too asked some and they all said 90%. It's just that the majority of farangs hook up with the barlady. It's so much easier to go to a bar and ask "how much". But this case is of the internet dating site hook up.

When I would go to internet cafes I would see women registering on the sites, and they ALWAYS had somebody with them to write and translate for them. To the OP, just realize the lady isn't the only one looking at your messages, and if her English is as bad as it claims, she definitely didn't scan and post the pics by herself. But even fluent English speakers still claim they speak it bad.

If she is really an educated student, go for it. But something is still up for going to an online dating network. It's not like you came across a myspace which even George Washington has. Happy 277th birthday GW!

[canadianmonkey]

Sorry to disappoint you guys, most Thai woman married for love. Language is not a problem. There may be some difficulties initially, but it is not difficult to master. The big problem that you have to over come is culture difference.

"Most Thai women married (Farang) man for love"?? You've got to be joking. I once asked one of my young Thai men freinds what percentage of Thai women married foreign men primarily for money. His reply( and opinion)... 90%. No doubt many of the Farang gents on this forum are in the remaining 10%.

People who say that are the desperates who marry any young girl finally willing to sleep with them.

He thinks because he lusts for a woman, that he knows love. I call it. Being horny