Jingthing Posted May 14, 2009 Share Posted May 14, 2009 (edited) A funny item in the Washington Post. Readers are talking about hints they are in a bad restaurant. Most of those are more US specific. How do you know you are in a bad restaurant in Thailand (funny ones)? some to start: The cockroach crawling across your table is a relative of the meat in the main course. You ask for ten items and they say no have every time, so finally you just order fried rice. Have. They brag that all the food is sourced at Friendship Market! (Pattaya) They bring ketchup for the pizza. Washington Post, Sietsema's Table You Know You're in the Wrong Restaurant When... .... the reviews on the wall are from the last century or .... the menu is available in five languages or ... everyone around you is wearing a convention badge or ... White Zinfandel is listed on the wine card . . . The waitress responds to a question about the three soups offered with "Red; Green; and Clear - the flavors change, but the colors, they stay the same". . . . a new sushi restaurant has a sign that says "Chinese food available too!". . . . the bread is already buttered for you" (true story) My husband likes it! When the waitstaff touches the customers. (See, a Thai one already!) ...you can't find a wine you want to order for less than $60.00 ...the preium beers don't include a single beer from Belgium Italian restaurant in Long Island with notice: Al dente, 50 cents extra Edited May 14, 2009 by Jingthing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hanno Posted May 14, 2009 Share Posted May 14, 2009 The menu comes complete with pictures of each dish. The menu is laminated. The bread sticks in the (expensive) Italian restaurant that appear on your table make their way onto the bill. The waiter is squeezing his zits whilst taking the order. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thithi Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 The waiters/waitresses are not happy taking orders. The food are slowly cooked. There are 4 different channels on TVs at the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jingthing Posted May 15, 2009 Author Share Posted May 15, 2009 You ask for the food extra spicy, in Thai, three times, three different ways in Thai and one or two in English for good measure. The food comes out totally bland. (True story many times!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jingthing Posted May 16, 2009 Author Share Posted May 16, 2009 (edited) When there are seven different dishes featuring CRAP. Edited May 16, 2009 by Jingthing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tywais Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 You see the cook coming out of the bathroom smelling his hands. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texpat Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 You're hungry again by the time the check arrives. The bugs on the table are intentional. The waitress takes your bottle of Sing and ice bucket hostage across the room and is oblivious to your profound thirst. Your salad has more goopy white sauce on it than a Japanese fetish film. You ask for a doggy bag and the enterprising waitress throws in yesterday's old rice and some chicken bones -- no extra charge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jingthing Posted May 16, 2009 Author Share Posted May 16, 2009 (edited) You see the cook coming out of the bathroom smelling his hands. That, and ... You see the cook coming out of the bathroom licking his hands. The spaghetti bolognese is Mama noodles topped with a sauce of super sugary raw pork blood Edited May 16, 2009 by Jingthing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kan Win Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Then the 'Menu' arrives:- same place with an up-graded 'Menu' Yours truly, Kan Win Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jingthing Posted May 16, 2009 Author Share Posted May 16, 2009 Menus look fine to me, except I really do prefer Argentine leaver. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdman Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 When the one and same menu shows first Farang prices in English and later Thai prices written in Thai for exactly the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deke Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 When the waitress sets your beer glass on a table across the room while she goes to fetch another bottle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mahtin Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 When your beer is served as bottle in squishy condom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PoorSucker Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 When you go to the toilet and they have potatoes soaking next to the toilet seat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jingthing Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 (edited) When your beer is served as bottle in squishy condom. But that's qual-i-tee! Edited May 17, 2009 by Jingthing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
njpski Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 Liked the second menu Friend minced - how did they know that was the way he walked? Shrimp wrapped - well, he does wear a condom! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hanno Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 When you go to the toilet and they have potatoes soaking next to the toilet seat There used to be restaurants here in Vietnam where the toilet drain exited straight to the pig pen. Put me off pork for a while Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilHarries Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 When you go to the toilet and they have potatoes soaking next to the toilet seat There used to be restaurants here in Vietnam where the toilet drain exited straight to the pig pen. Put me off pork for a while So that's why they put ice cubes in the urinals, the pigs obviously like their drinks cold. Half limes in the urinals (always suspicious whether that is before or after squeezing the juice out for the nam sodas). The cockroaches eat next door. The dogs turn their noses up at the scraps thrown to them. You get to your food before the flies. There's a Thai hygene certificate halfway up the grease stained wall. The chef has a sneezing fit just before your food is delivered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PEP Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 When visiting theToilet at a restuarant, observe the following:- If the Footprints on the Seat face the Door this is normal practice. Continue on. If the Footprints face away from the Door, check the Floor surface where you are standing. If all clear, continue on. If the Footprints are on the Toilet Tank or any of the Wall surfaces, Check the cubicle for signs of Feathers, Bones, Blood or other Chicken parts. Suggest you exit without delay and seek a more reputable Venue. If in any of the situations above, you recognise the Footprints as your own you should immediately leave. Suggest that you contact the nearest Travel Agency. You have been in Thailand too long! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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