Illegal Airport Taxis To Be Punished With King Power

[churchill]

BANGKOK – In a renewed effort to crack down on illegal taxis at Suvarnabhumi Airport, the AOT announced today strict new enforcement measures including a mandatory shopping visit to King Power for first-time violators.

“We tried arrests and fines but they just kept coming back,” said Airports of Thailand Plc chairman Piyaphan Champasut. “So we had to think of some kind of punishment that would truly deter these criminals.”

Effective immediately, persons who are caught operating unlicensed taxis in the airport zone will be immediately detained by King Power security guards and required to go shopping at King Power Duty Free, which operates on concourses B, C, and D. The length of the mandatory shopping will depend on whether it is a first offense.

“Repeat violators will be subject to minimum purchases, which will go as high as Bt20,000,” said Land Transport Department director-general Chairat Sanugansue, who chairs the subcommittee in charge of enforcement. “Also, they have to listen to King Power salespeople's nonsensical attempts to explain the difference between various kinds of cognac.”

Detainees will also be forced to watch King Power’s disturbing, nightmarish television commercials and promotional retail videos at length, and eat at the overpriced, sterile food outlets operated by King Power on concourse D, including Reef Bar, Glass Bar, Light Bar and Seafood Bar. “After paying Bt120 for mineral water and Bt280 for a dry, stale prawn sandwich, they will think twice about breaking the law,” said Chairat.

Piyaphan also expressed great confidence that the new plan would be effective. “King Power is worst than prison, in many ways,” he said. “After just an hour you start to feel nauseous and claustrophobic from the perfume and excessive lighting. After three hours, you lose all sense of reasonable retail prices and are subject to mild panic attacks. After five hours you can’t remember your own name, and will pay Bt2,400 for a generic Mouton Cadet just to get out of there. It can literally destroy a man.”

In anticipation of its new captive customers, King Power announced its new summer 2009 catalog specials, including a full range of last year’s digital camera models lacking international warranties, and Thai silk scarves for only 600% of normal night bazaar prices

http://www.notthenation.com/pages/news/getnews.php?id=812

[sunholidaysun1]

Great Post .

[handydog]

If only it were true

[mrtoad]

If only it were true

Well, a lot of the descriptions about King Power are.

[noahvail]

Yep, glad to see they're going after the taxis and not the drivers. After all, it's not the drivers' fault the bloody taxi can't get its meter to work

[hughben]

And after a long day at KP you'll be introduced to Ceylon Tony who will help you with your shoplifting accusation.

Bring an ATM card containing vast sums of the Kings sheets.

[a99az]

Is this for real? :D :D

[noahvail]

Is this for real?

Nah, it's from notthenation.com a great parody site. Nice if it were true, though

[hkt83100]

BANGKOK – In a renewed effort to crack down on illegal taxis at Suvarnabhumi Airport, the AOT announced today strict new enforcement measures including a mandatory shopping visit to King Power for first-time violators.

I must get my calendar repaired at the watchmaker's

[Maestro]

I am moving this topic to the forum "Farang Pub - fun, entertainment and Expat life", where satirical articles of this kind from "Notthenation" belong.

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Maestro