Did you guys always know how you wanted your lives to be? I mean career-wise and relationship-wise... and did it turn out that way?

I feel like I'm going crazy recently trying to think about my future and what to do with it and how if i'd done things differently in the past I'd be on the right track now...

It might sound a bit ridiculous because i'm only 26 - I say only but I actually feel really old, like i've missed my chance to make something of myself.

All through school I was led to believe that I should get A levels and go to university and get a great job. I dropped out of college in my 2nd year doing A levels when I went slightly 'off the rails'. I already had a job in a library as a casual worker. I did that for 6 years then I worked for a year in a freight forwarding office. I now do data entry for a fairly large company with no opportunity to move up. I've almost finished an basic IT technician course because I thought IT would be the way to go.

I think my main problem lies in the fact that I'm not particularly self confident, still feel overprotected by my mother and my boyfriend is in Thailand It probably sounds a bit daft but we are pretty serious about being together eventually but more and more I'm thinking how is it going to be possible. As far as I can tell teaching English would be the only way to go if I want to stay in Thailand for extended periods. I really don't want to teach. And the only way my boyfriend could stay in England with me for extended periods would be if we marry. Having not spent particularly long periods of time together in person, marriage isn't something I would want to rush into.

For those of you who have been in similar situations, do you have any advice? Did you reach a certain age and think where is my life going?

I'm not sure what to do, just thinking out loud I guess.

Gawd, I reached that age at 40 sweetie. I have no advice for you except to do what is in your best interests and not those of the people around you.

I am in a similar position to yourself pmb, at least career wise, and I am 35.

Having a wife and kid here I am obliged (and happy) to stay with them and take care of them, otherwise I may have left for the UK some time ago. Being more or less tied to stay here has led me to do the best I can to see what is available for somebody like myself and although I am not where I want to be yet, there are some encouraging signs that all is not lost.

I do have 'A' levels myself but they seem useless without a degree, which I don't have. I do sometimes wonder how things may have been different or 'better' had I gone to uni, but then many of my friends are doing well here with no degree themselves. Come to think of it, about the only people that I do know with degrees are teaching and that option would be a last resort for me.

It seems obvious to me that you have just reached the point in your career where you can progress no further and you wish to take the next step, which probably happens to all of us at some point in our careers. Being in Thailand doesn't help as opportunities for foreigners are very limited but you are only 26 and so ask yourself "why the rush?".

I really wouldn't worry too much about whether or not you end up in a high position, it's whether or not you are happy in your job that really matters. For now have a good look about and keep your mind open to opportunities and even if you are not successful straight away (which I would guess you wont be), you should still get a good feel of what is out there for you which could at least make you feel better about what the future may have in store for you so you don't have to think that to stay in Thailand you must be a data inputter or a teacher.

That's certainly what helps me feel more positive anyway and you have a whole decade more time than I do.

Thanks guys. Sorry just to make it clear I'm in England, not Thailand. If I could do data entry in Thailand for the same wage I'd be there now

I think you are right not to rush into marriage, especially if it is for the sole reason of obtaining a visa for your BF to live in the UK, or for you to live in Thailand.

You are the same age as my daughter.... she dropped out after 2 years also and has since not held any well-paid jobs.

I know it must be hard to live away from your BF. Perhaps you should look at enterprise. Work for yourself. Do something that interests you and that you can make a living from in Thailand.

And yes, you ARE young.

I am sure that I do not know anybody who set out in life and achieved everything they planned....and I am sure if there are, that they are leading humdrum repetitive lives and have no aspiration to change.

Is that you in you avatar popmybubble?

If so then you are attractive girl. I know it sounds shallow and it is because good looks may not be everything but they do help.

Anyway, I didn't realise when posting my first reply that you where in the UK. In which instance you have many more opportunities available to you than I previously thought.

To cut a long one short, you are stuck in a rut aren't you? Your job is no longer a challenge..... Been there done that.

You mention the IT course because you "thought" it was the way to go. Why "thought" in the past tense rather than "Think" in the present tense? Or are you looking for re-assurance on your IT course, it is fair enough if you are looking re-assurance regarding the decisions that you have made.

That is a genuine question from myself because you yourself mentioned that you are not self confident and I have been known to doubt myself too much as well. The point I am trying to make is that I know where you are coming from

Excuse me if I am rambling but I have had a crappy week and alcohol, despite not being the answer to my problems, does at least offer a temporary respite. (That sounds worse than it is I think)

Chin up bubble girl. Try to think of it this way: If you never experience the downs, then how would you ever be able to appreciate the ups.

The future is always there before you're ready for it anyway.

Fortunately there's usually more future around the corner.

Some of the most interesting people I have met in life still didn't know what they wanted to be when they grew up.

Most were already over 40 when I met them

Well Bubble, I certainly know how you feel. I am 31, married with two children (7 years & 19 months) and I am just getting my BS this year! I have no job, my wife works six days a week to make all our money and we borrow a lot from family and people she trusts just to pay the rent. I am appling to grad school this year as well, which means moving my broke family across the country to a new town were we know no one, we are in America by the way. Her parents are waiting back in Thailand for us to move there but school and life keep getting in the way.

Did my life turn out like I planned? No, but I am happy and one day I'll set foot in Thailand with my family. I just have to focus on what I am doing now.

Life is what happens while you are making other plans. - John Lennon

I admire you and your wife's fortitude, Thabebop. Stick with it.

I admire you and your wife's fortitude, Thabebop. Stick with it.

Thanks Harcourt. I think the hardest part is my wife can't even leave to go visit and since her mother's health has gotten worse they can't come here to visit. She hasn't seen her family in two years and hasn't seen Thailand in eight. I feel like all of that is my fault sometimes. I try to make it up to her everyway I can.

What a great woman. I know you will cherish her, as she so obviously cherishes you.

Good luck to you both....though you have it already with each other.

Harcourt- I think enterprise sounds more easy than it is, I don't have the first clue about business- I've actually asked my bf about starting a business and stuff but he says you need a lot of money to start out with. Which neither of us have.

Moonrakers- No, that's not me, it's an actress You're right about me being stuck in a rut, I feel like I have been for a long time and just haven't known what to do or had the motivation to do anything about it.

Basically the idea of doing IT came from me wanting to learn something that I could pretty much do anywhere. Get some skills. It's also something I thought anyone can learn, don't have to be a genius. I was unsure as to how to get into this sort of work so I signed up to do an IT technician course with the hopes of getting a trainee/helpdesk job/foot in the door. But there's not a whole lot of options jobwise in my area.

I feel kind of like I know what I don't want to be doing, but I don't know how to get to where I want to be.

If you don't mind me asking, what sort of work do you do yourself?

thaibebop- wow, that sounds tough, you're really lucky you have such a dedicated partner. Do you feel like you waited too long to change your career prospects? Would you have changed anything, perhaps waited longer before having children?

Love your avatar btw, spirited away?

My dad had a mid-life career change at around 40 when he got sober and gave up what was essentially a rather cut throat career that he didn't have the stomach to do sober. He went back to school and obtained Masters in Divinity and went into drug and alcohol addiction family counselling. Its NEVER too late to change course if you've got the willpower to do it.

 

 

If you don't mind me asking, what sort of work do you do yourself?

Pretty much anything do do with the written English language, not teaching though.

I was in sales for a long time but got fed up with the instability and having to deal with cowboys all the time. In my last sales job I accepted a low position and salary in order to progress but then the recession hit and everything went pear shaped, that was the last straw for me where sales is concerned.

So, English is a bit off an odd one in that it is not a new skill for me but one that I have had all along, I never thought of it previously but on reflection people where often asking me how to spell this or that or what the meaning of a particular word is etc. It is surprising how many native speakers don't have particularly strong English skills and that includes some of those with a good education and who hold higher positions.

Much of it is monotonous, dead end stuff like proof reading but it helps to pay the bills for the time being. Other stuff such as content writing could develop into something else and I am toying with the idea of trying something more creative. I have even applied for a position as an editor recently which in all honestly sounds like just another proof reading job but might open a few doors for me elsewhere.

I think that many of us seem to 'fall into' jobs rather than go searching for them, except for those in more specialised fields. I had a position in Thailand once that put me into a house with a private pool, all expenses paid, 150,000 baht/month salary and no bills to pay. For that job I just happened to be in the right place at the right time as the admin guy left and I helped out, the job grew, I was given more and more responsibility and I ended up as regional manager. They left for the Philippines though and that was that, I was naive enough to think that my experience would see me find a similar job but I was up against a brick wall in that I am not a degree holder.

Anyway, I am rambling again. I think that what I am getting at is that once we find something we are comfortable with then the rest comes to us automatically (not without hard work though, of course).

Gawd, I reached that age at 40 sweetie. I have no advice for you except to do what is in your best interests and not those of the people around you.

I agree 100% with sbk on that. Do what is best for YOU! Enjoy life to the max. Nothing is ever for certain and NEVER put all your eggs in one basket. An active person is an interesting person, and the more interesting you are the more people you will meet and enrich your life.

I lived my life by one credo... NEVER MISS AN OPPORTUNITY TO DO ANYTHING WITHIN REASON! I don't regret anything I've done and even the stuff that didn't turn out as I had planned was always a valuable learning experience.

PMB, I'm not a teacher myself, but what's your fear of teaching?

Why don't you get a TEFL (or whatever it is), then move out here and try it for a few months? I couldn't imagine anything more mundane than data entry and given that you've got no immediate targets you're hardly going to miss out on anything...?

If self-confidence is the issue I don't think any of the schools will be particularly worried, and it may give you the opportunity to improve this perceived weak spot. Never know, it may then lead on to other opportunities here outside of teaching...

Just a suggestion from somebody in a similar age bracket in Thailand.

thaibebop- wow, that sounds tough, you're really lucky you have such a dedicated partner. Do you feel like you waited too long to change your career prospects? Would you have changed anything, perhaps waited longer before having children?

Love your avatar btw, spirited away?

The funny is I wouldn't change anything, otherwise who could say if the same wonderful wife and children would still be in my life. I know what you are asking though so let me say this, I know what I liked and what I wanted to do but ignored it and made some really bad choices. When I finally met my wife and started a life with her I slowly but surely began to see that I knew what I wanted to do all along and that is in regards to having children and to studying history and so forth. These are all things I knew before but I wasn't listening to myself, so I used up many years before these pieces fell into place. So, I have a feeling that what you really want is there and you just need to listen, easier said than done sometimes I know. However, don't feel you have to make a decision on an issue in your life just to make a decision. Many things can be left undecided for a long time without doing damage to anything. So, no rush take your time and live and listen.

Yes, that is one of the characters from Spirited Away. My kids and I love that movie.

If you had told me ten years ago that I would be living in Thailand, I would have just laughed, if you had told me 18 months ago that I would be on my third Thai wife helping her to run a bar, I would have fainted.

I've tried planning my life, and it has never worked, I do have some admiration for those whose lives go as they have organised them, but in some ways I feel really sorry for them.

I'm nearly 50 years old, don't ask me what I will be doing when I am 55 as I don't know, I sort of like it that way.

I have worn uniforms and carried guns since 1979. I have homes on both sides of the world and to this day, I wish I was a plumber, a carpenter or anything that gave me the chance to actually make something that is constructive for my fellow man.

I would give up all the financial gain and excitement to be happy in what I do on a daily basis. This realization took me fifty years to attain.

"Did you guys always know how you wanted your lives to be? I mean career-wise and relationship-wise... and did it turn out that way?"

hel_l no! ..and im still trying to work it out. No..wait..ive learned NOT to try work it out! The only time in my life that i had some form of real stability and goal was when i was with my ex. We met during my foundation year and after graduation we moved south for better work opportunities and got a mortgage. It felt great to be plowing our money and energy into something concrete (a house). An investment too. However, it also became a bane too, because all our money and time went on fixing it up..and that was also our undoing. Combine the stresses of work, and having no free time/fun time, and one very big private compounding factor, and our relationship unraveled. I remember thinking at the time.."Oh my God..all this work, for what?". Everything we had built up, gone. I dont regret making that investment, it has provided me with something to fall back on after the sale went through, but the cost was high (a good relationship broke). Sometimes its good to actually stop and look at our lives and work out what is most important.

Anyway..i dont have regrets really. Some things i probably would have done differently in hindsight, but maybe i would end up less happy. I think you have to think about what you really want, then find a way to achieve it. I realised I had to find an alternative to working my ass off in the UK, spending tons of money on bills, and saving a bit for the future and possible short holidays.

"Did you guys always know how you wanted your lives to be? I mean career-wise and relationship-wise... and did it turn out that way?"

hel_l no! ..and im still trying to work it out. No..wait..ive learned NOT to try work it out! The only time in my life that i had some form of real stability and goal was when i was with my ex. We met during my foundation year and after graduation we moved south for better work opportunities and got a mortgage. It felt great to be plowing our money and energy into something concrete (a house). An investment too. However, it also became a bane too, because all our money and time went on fixing it up..and that was also our undoing. Combine the stresses of work, and having no free time/fun time, and one very big private compounding factor, and our relationship unraveled. I remember thinking at the time.."Oh my God..all this work, for what?". Everything we had built up, gone. I dont regret making that investment, it has provided me with something to fall back on after the sale went through, but the cost was high (a good relationship broke). Sometimes its good to actually stop and look at our lives and work out what is most important.

Anyway..i dont have regrets really. Some things i probably would have done differently in hindsight, but maybe i would end up less happy. I think you have to think about what you really want, then find a way to achieve it. I realised I had to find an alternative to working my ass off in the UK, spending tons of money on bills, and saving a bit for the future and possible short holidays.

Sounds like you are talking about me,Eek

I try to remain positive and look forward and not back.

I have learned to be contented and easily pleased(maybe a little stupid too )

Dave

Hmm... I know I want to be with my bf, but I don't know how. I at least want us to be able to spend a considerable amount of time together, living 'normally' without rushing into anything. Ahhhhhhhhh it's my own fault for not realising it was going to be so hard in the first place, but once you fall for someone that's it, I guess.

Even trying to get a foot in the door in the IT world seems particularly frustrating. Even simple helpdesk jobs want you to have a year or more's experience.

Then I'm thinking I'd like to work for myself and that seems even more difficult.

No plans, no idea what I want to be and still no idea what I want to be.

Most of my friends are now mid/senior managers or have their own business. They are specialist with good careers etc. For me I am a generalist, I can do many things but am not especially good at anything particular.

At your age, 26, I was still travelling the world working odd jobs.

Infact I did not fall into a career path until I was 28. I fell into it by accident, showed up with no experience at all. managed to move up the corporate ladder.

Then i met my wife and decided to move to Thailand. Basically I started fresh again in my 30s. 3years now, am I where i wish to be career wise, no. Are there days where I ask myself, "where did I go wrong" yes. Days where I ask myself "could I have done things differently?" yes.

Am I happy? Yes and No. But thats life... good times and badtimes.

The most important is to live it. If you let fear hold you back then you will never know.

Oh forgot to mentioned I never wanted the BMW, house with white picket fence etc.....That part certainly came through as I definitely dont have those

Oh you said "Even trying to get a foot in the door in the IT world seems particularly frustrating. Even simple helpdesk jobs want you to have a year or more's experience. " That 1 year experience doesnt matter. Its usually there 'cos its a field they have to fill up or to weed out those who are applying but are not serious about it.

If you see those, apply anyways. Its the nterview that counts.

This is a nice thread with some insightful posts. I never really planned any of my career moves, yet everything seemed to work out fine. Go with the flow I say.

So I've kind of decided what I want to do, at least for now anyway. I'm going to finish the course I'm currently doing at college, save as much money as I can and then live in Thailand for 4 to 6 months. I figure that I don't really have much to lose doing this and hopefully what I will gain is independence, confidence and perhaps a better insight in the way I'd like my life to go. Ideally I'd have liked to get work experience doing I.T. stuff while I'm there, but this doesn't really seem like a possibility, however I plan to focus on teaching myself some web design skills (I have a very basic knowledge).

Basically I need to get out of this job and explore other possibilities and learn more about myself (and of course work on my relationship with my bf and see where that's headed at the same time). I feel a bit like a little girl trapped inside a woman's body.

The main drawbacks to doing this I feel will be c.v. when I get back (but lots of people take time out to travel, so shouldn't be too big a problem) and future visa issues for my bf.

The alternative that I was considering was to try and get my bf to come here for the same sort of length of time (if he could get a visa) then I'd go back with him to Thailand for a few months but from what I've read it would be near impossible that he'd get the visa.

Anyway just a small update for anyone that was interested

sounds like a good plan. Why do you think your bf wont get a visit visa? If he is able to meet the criteria then they should have no reason to refuse it. The main one being "reason to return" from what I gather from reading the visa section but if you an prove that he has good reason to return & include in that reason that you will be coming back with him then it is doable.

The issue of your c.v. having a 6 month break on it is also IME not an issue at all. I spent 7-9 months a year outside of the Uk for 7 years & it didn't make an impact. In fact it was raised as a positive as I was considered to have a more worldly & extensive experience. I just made sure that my C.V had a "notes" section where I explained briefly my absence & my the various stamps in my passport backed it up.

Good luck with the plan.

Thanks Boo

sounds like a good plan. Why do you think your bf wont get a visit visa? If he is able to meet the criteria then they should have no reason to refuse it. The main one being "reason to return" from what I gather from reading the visa section but if you an prove that he has good reason to return & include in that reason that you will be coming back with him then it is doable.

Unfortunately after thinking a bit more about him coming here for such a long (ish) time and speaking to him about it, he doesn't feel like he could do it at the moment as he's paying monthly installments on a car and a house for his parents. So looks like I'll be going there, possibly leaving UK in July and heading back in December. I would really like if he could perhaps return with me for a month over Christmas and New Year, but I would have the problem of showing I can support him- he would have to stay at the family home (where I live now) and I'm not too sure if my dad would be willing to let me see his bank account, nevermind sending a copy to thailand. The reason to return would probably be pretty poor in this instance too. But we can at least try.