Am I Just The Typical Stupid Farang?

[thai3]

Me to.

I was with my g/f 3 years and for first 12 months gave 10K a month, and after 15K a month for 2 years.

Also the usual 30K here and there for things etc.I went out to see her 2/3 times a year.

But I didnt mind she said she loved me same she loved mama and papa,I was true to her all this time.

6 months in I gave 50K for her fathers operation, and mentioned I couldnt give such amounts every time.

After 3 years I discovered she had several other b/f and was even working Lucifers.

When I asked why she said when I said I couldn't give such amounts everytime it scared her.

After that the aussie she was seeing for 2 and 1/2 years proposed to her and she is now out there with him.

Thats when I realised where the chlymidia came from.

It was tough but better to find out.Not like the aussie guy.

It could have been me !!!

This must be one of the funniest posts seen here for a long time. SO you paid your GF (actually a whore) close on half a million baht for a few fuc_ks? and people wonder why bar girls think western men are stupid!!!!!!

[Loz]

Thai3,

Harsh. But close to the mark. IMHO.

Sponsers are clearly happy to rent a relationship for long term continuity and perceived stabilty. To each their own. I have stopped trying to understand it. I just accept it works for some people sometimes and thats that. It ain't my business to change it, but when you post some funny story like dustybin, I am happy to have a laugh.

They can't all be snakes with t_i_ts, but I think the good ones might take a bit of weeding out that some people aren't prepared to do.

[F1fanatic]

In response to the original question "Am I just the typical stupid farang?"

Yes.

[personchester]

A stupid farang?, yes perhaps, but not a typical stupid farang, those are personal matters and they can not be generalised and classifield as being typical.

A non-stupid farang in Thailand will look for an attractive Thai girl suitable for his personal taste, he will be polite to her (gentlemen like) and generous in financial matters, as a result the girl will like him, and after a while will probably fall in love him, that is fine, and it will be to his advantage.

A non-stupid farang will also avoid falling in love with his GF, because he knows love is an addiction similar to narcotics, that is to say the bodies hormonic reaction results into narcotism, which is a condition that creates deep stupor and affects mental clarity when dealing with problems of this nature, moreover, should the GF leave her man one day he will be unable to deal with this, the falling in love syndrome has overpowered him, and he goes through a difficult time, can't eat, can't sleep, can't do his job properly, will drink too much, and the result of all this will have serious consequenses for him.

Therefore, in order to avoid all this and maintain mental clarity it is advantages not fall in love with one's GF, make her fall in love with you that is fine and will be to your advantage, should problems arise one day you can deal with them in clarity within a sound mind, moreover, if need be you can walk out of that relationship gentleman like that is to say without shouting, screaming, or hassling, perhaps with some regret, but no more.

[Loz]

So in other words, beat them at their own game?

[hughben]

'Sponsorship' is an act of madness.

Regarding the OP.

I would have thrown her out the first time she showed up drunk.

You are better off out.

And the more you try and persuade her to take you back the less chance you'll have.

She has more respect for a dog turd in that derelict building adjacent to Nana BTS than you.

So move on and see it as a lesson.

It could have been worse, you could have married her and built a house for her blowing your life savings thinking you own something.

[SantiSuk]

Me to.

I was with my g/f 3 years and for first 12 months gave 10K a month, and after 15K a month for 2 years.

Also the usual 30K here and there for things etc.I went out to see her 2/3 times a year.

But I didnt mind she said she loved me same she loved mama and papa,I was true to her all this time.

6 months in I gave 50K for her fathers operation, and mentioned I couldnt give such amounts every time.

After 3 years I discovered she had several other b/f and was even working Lucifers.

When I asked why she said when I said I couldn't give such amounts everytime it scared her.

After that the aussie she was seeing for 2 and 1/2 years proposed to her and she is now out there with him.

Thats when I realised where the chlymidia came from.

It was tough but better to find out.Not like the aussie guy.

It could have been me !!!

This must be one of the funniest posts seen here for a long time. SO you paid your GF (actually a whore) close on half a million baht for a few fuc_ks? and people wonder why bar girls think western men are stupid!!!!!!

Another death to sarcasm posting on TV.

Changing tack only slightly - its extraordinary that 229 people have commented (make that 230 with me - oh shit that ruins my point .....

I was going to say it's extraordinary that 229 people have commented on a tammadar posting of boy screws/ boy gets screwed posting. Perhaps there's scope for a magazine with a 'this weeks fuc_kee' column

Edited January 18, 2010 by SantiSuk

[moetownblues]

sounds like she went to work in a bar.

[hawthorne]

Stupid - It was your first lesson Next time I would call you stupid. Plus you might be too young to know that women all over are similar. But a Thai lady in general treats her boyfriend like no other lady in the world. They make you feel so special but it usually cost, so no money no honey.

It is what it is. Nothing for free. You had a great experience.

[britmaveric]

You were simply replaced with a better option. Sorry about that, but this is an all too common. Just count yourself lucky that you lost time and only a little dosh. Lads have lost far worse here than you.

[F1fanatic]

Thai3,

Harsh. But close to the mark. IMHO.

Sponsers are clearly happy to rent a relationship for long term continuity and perceived stabilty. To each their own. I have stopped trying to understand it. I just accept it works for some people sometimes and thats that. It ain't my business to change it, but when you post some funny story like dustybin, I am happy to have a laugh.

They can't all be snakes with t_i_ts, but I think the good ones might take a bit of weeding out that some people aren't prepared to do.

The awful thing is that those of us who have been here for some time here nothing but bad stories.

People have lost their lives.

Doesn't matter - go for it, if you can afford it. If you can't, then be aware and enjoy whilst NEVER trusting your partner - the recipe for a great life.

Edited January 29, 2010 by F1fanatic

[longballlarry]

beware of the girl who goes to work nights at her aunties som tum stall and comes home in a cocktail dress . Drunk.

[ThailandTommy]

This can and does happen all over the world! (the main difference is that in LoS MONEY IS #1) Your circumstances are not unique to you, move on with your life.

Remember it can/could always have been worse!!!! You could have met her!

[flemmie]

She probably doesn't have a new boyfriend now. She just needed to get over you and have you stop calling. Most Thai women think Farangs are all rich ... and by Thai standards most are.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH A WOMEN WANTING FINANCIAL SECURITY?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH A WOMEN BEING ATTRACTED TO A SUCCESSFUL MAN?

You losers who constantly see all Thai girls as money hungry whores need to grow up and get some self-esteem.

There is nothing wrong with a man wanting a GF or wife that doesn't need to be supported financially or who feels they should contribute very little financially to her or her family ... absolutely nothing wrong with this BUT you are truly a loser if you want to see the girl (in a poor country with little opportunity to make money legally for females) as some evil creature because she wants a man who will take care of her and her parents who raised her.

Relationships don't always work out and I am truly sorry for what you are going through. Sadly many Thai women are shy and have problems expressing their needs BUT she did tell you what she needed and either you didn't listen or care or you couldn't afford to take care of her and her family the way she hoped. If it is a matter of not having the funds then it still may have worked but lying is not uncommon (especially in Thai culture to avoid conflict) and she probably felt you had the money but just didn't think she or her family were worth spending it on.

Consider your GF was also probably VERY embarrassed having a farang BF and having to work for what was no more than 200 bhat a day.

This by ALL means doesn't sound like a situation where she was after your money. Thailand may have cheap rent for a crummy apartment but sending her 10k Bhatt or about $300 US ... how long were you gone? Was she supposed to live on 10k for a month or more? You left her when she had no job ... how scary that must have been for her.

Maybe I am wrong but folks who are unable to step into somebody else's shoes to think of their feelings are clearly self-centered folks.

My gut tells me you could easily get this women back if you can commit to take care of her financially. And offer the parents some funds to not just help them but help make her proud and show her parents she is well and has a good BF who will take care of her. By the way ... do you know the Thai culture and what is expected if you married her in terms of paying off the parents?

You should also ask yourself what did she do for you during this relationship? Who cleaned? Who brought you food and drink? Who took care of you? What did she do to take care of you? Or maybe don't think about this and be like others who post and believe a Thai GF should wait on them hand and foot but have no reward and be forced to sell food on the street to have a few bucks in their pocket and feel even the slightest bit of security financially if you were to leave her as you kind of did a few times.

Even if she was out selling sexual services those nights she was out ... why did she stay with you? Maybe she wanted the money to save face and not look like a complete idiot for being with a "rich" farang but being more poor (in terms of money in her pocket) then she was before she met you.

It is very easy for a Thai girl to be poor and she doesn't need a Farang BF to remain poor. How can she feel secure and loved by a man who is able to travel the globe but can only afford to give her $330 to live on and pay all the bills when he heads off on international flights???

Please don't take my post wrong as I really do feel for your situation and feelings and highly respect your coming to this board to get advice and answers but WE are all a bunch of dumb farangs here too for the most part and my frustration is directed at some of the responses --- not your original post. I am also concerned that you will become like many of these losers here who have predetermined notions of all Thai girls based on a bad relationship or two or three or even four. Since when does every relationship work in any country? Oh but then again maybe that is why they left their homeland and thought finding some poor girl in Thailand would be the answer because she would have to worship them and take a few left over crumbs and be happy even though she might be 20-years younger.

You are in your 20's and sounds like she may be young 20s. How many healthy 20 year old girls in any country don't want to go out and have fun? Have nice cloths? Have money to spend? You sound like you want to settle down and she might want to too but she also wants to have fun before she gets old and if she is going to settle down, she wants to do it with a man she knows will take care of her financially and that she will not one day be left with nothing if you leave. Consider if she takes care of her parents a bit now too that she will have them to turn to if you did leave her.

Bottom line is you are both young, from different cultures, have communication problems and often are forced to be seperated ... this is were the problems are coming from.

And I kind of am missing something about you going to Loas when you come back ... Even most poor Thai girls will prefer to be poor in Thailand and not Loas.

I can only wholeheartedly agree and applaud this honest answer!

Edited February 1, 2010 by flemmie

[britmaveric]

^too bad its <deleted>!!

[Beardog]

Coronadian

If this happens to you more than once in your lifetime then the answer to the question is yes.

In the U.S. & most other countries this girl would be considered no more than a common slut. If you have learned your lessons from this than at whatever price you paid it is worth it. You got off cheap. Count your blessings. The girl really wasn't that into you.

Or obviously was not a decent woman. It is common for women here to have another husband boyfriend & a gik along with you & whoever they can string along for the next kickdown. Although this is a common occurrence that we all read about on a semi daily basis on TV. It could happen in any country. if you have to leave the country set who your with free on your own accord. If she welcomes you back wholeheartedly you got a keeper. Not the end of the world you are young & will recover. I will bet she never thought twice about cutting you loose.

[leogerritsen]

Surely many of you will find me hopelessly romantic,

but here is my opinion :

THEY NEED TO BE TAKEN CARE OF FINANCIALLY!

============================================

no, but in the Asean culture the family, mom and dad,

take care of her and in return she HAS TO take care of them

Of course she still makes very little income.

==============================================

little income is not important, important is that she takes care of her family

telling her not work implies immediate that you will provide !!!

if she loves you she will just be in shock how to combine this

(her responsibility for her family and her love for you)

When I say she came home drunk,

No, what exactly is up? What exactly was she doing

==================================================

in my opinion, trying to get the answer

I don't understand why she would flat out tell me

she has a new boyfriend though.

=================================================

she says so to hurt you, so YOU will break the link

between the two of you, she cannot because she loves

you too much

Second, if we were to get married, ......

=========================================

In Thailand, often the girl bring the BF to a temple

and a simple ritual follows and then in the eyes of the

family the two of you are married, and there is no

LOOSE OF FACE for the girl (and her family !!!!)

This may also have happened to you

I do want her back, and i talk to her sister.

=============================================

good you did that !!!

I told my wife that i will take care of her and of all people in her heart.

When back home and something need to be done, i go out with one of the brothers

buy the materials and work together to fix things. No need to pour out a lot of

money. One time we left her parents home and i told my wife to give some more money to

mom. My wife said yes, but on the way home she confessed not to have given the money,

because she thought i did not have enough for myself.

And for sure not all people in her heart are in my heart ....

Also please take the book "Thailand Fever" with a pinch, no a ton of salt.

It does not apply to all people and will most certain leave your sweetheart very confused

[drronnie]

Always remember in Thailand, you donot lose your girlfriend just your place in line.

Go back to Thailand and live life your to young to be getting hung up on one girl. look around and you will find another nice girl, look for one with a good job, not a hooker.

these girls have a lot of pressure to help the family and it can be very stressful on them. On one trip my girlfriend is talking on the phone and I can tell she is pissed after she hangs up I ask whats up. All she says is money, money don't these people realize I have a family to take care of. It was her kid sister asking for money when she had been given a couple of thousand baht a week earlier.

It's hard to get the full story, they will not talk about it that much.

Go back have a good time life is to short wondering why, who knows and who cares.

'you donot lose your girlfriend just your place in line' - what a sad puppy you must be and what a slur on the majority of Thai women. Stop swimming in the sewer and you might meet some decent women or maybe you are just a misogynist

What does the psoter mean by "'you donot lose your girlfriend just your place in line'"

[ignoramus]

Some brilliant posts here. I understand that females are far more practical than are males, whilst males tend towards the truly romantic [biological imperatives would seem to support this view]. Which gender writes all those gooey lerve songs for example.

When in the mood the gals can behave incredibly 'romanticly', overcome with emotion and all that stuff, but it's only in the moment.

The need to be constantly upgrading seems to me to be a fairly universal phenomenon though [Hollywood provides some nice examples]. Elephants too: young females, once got at, prance around joyously with tails aloft [get my drift?] inviting competitors to have a go. Upgrading in quick-time. As Costanza said, or was it Jerry, you've got to have 'hand'. As someone here said, maintain the upper hand, stay cool. Don't submit, be submitted to. [sorry about the prepostion ending the sentence]. I've added little but god it felt good.

[elliss]

Thnx for the response, even though it was a tough one. I don't like the idea of all that being true. If I was nothing more than a money extraction scheme she did a really poor job I have to say.

do not be too tough on yourself mate.

i have been there done it , wand worn the T shirt out .

having been been coming to LOScams , for only 15 years .

Edited March 3, 2011 by sbk
absolutely derogatory generalizations about all thais removed

[KeyserSoze01]

I apologize if I come off holier than thou here because I too have issues and really had some back when I was younger as do some of the posters currently here. I just hope that some people step back and realize they are the ones with the issue and can only control themselves. No doubt there are some bad women out there (as there are men - just look at some of these posts) but in the end, we can only control ourselves. And if you want a relationship to work then you have to have trust and being willing to risk getting hurt or losing things such as money.

And any of you that read the above words and think how the girl who burned you did't do any of the above ... you are missing the point. You can only do what YOU can do to make things work and cannot control your partner or blame her for your actions except one ... and that is your leaving her because you are just not right together but even this can be done with respect for the other person ... because you can control yourself and your actions and always "try" to do what is right.

For those of you with daughters ... one suggestion I have is to ask yourself how you want your daughter to be treated in a relationship.

Who is this clown?

Whoever you are, you need to get down off your soapbox and smell the coffee.

You aren't in Kansas anymore and applying western logic to cross-cultural relationships will get you no where.

BTW, yes, you are coming off like a pedantic, holier-than-thou farang.

[KeyserSoze01]

What does the psoter mean by "'you donot lose your girlfriend just your place in line'"

He is implying that all Thai women are whores and as such, you never lose you GF per say, but where in line you are to bed her.

[chooch7]

Stupid - It was your first lesson Next time I would call you stupid. Plus you might be too young to know that women all over are similar. But a Thai lady in general treats her boyfriend like no other lady in the world. They make you feel so special but it usually cost, so no money no honey.

It is what it is. Nothing for free. You had a great experience.

actually all women are not the same. thai women are different!

[RusticCharm]

I also sent her a bit of money while I was gone, both for the apartment and herself too (around thb 10000, so not much).

I also send her money again, again not much, around THB 10k.

[Kilgore Trout]

Yes, but don't feel too bad, there are countless others like you with far worse tales, get over it and live and learn. :jap:

[makkam]

Hopefully you have learned your lesson. Just be glad she was honest enough to tell you she has a new boyfriend and didn't lie to you and milk you for all she could get like a lot of them would do.

Based upon the 'uncle' stuff and coming home in party dresses it sounds like she was probably cheating on you or at the very least going out and partying with her friends and lying to you about it. This stuff is pretty common with Thai girls - they are great liars.

Regarding her saying stuff to you that you totally believed and she made you feel great etc - Thai women are masters at this, seriously like Picasso. No way to know based upon your post whether she meant what she said or not but my inclination is that she was probably telling you what she thought you wanted to here - and she clearly has/had monetary motives as evidenced by her asking you for money repeatedly and especially with the reference to you not caring about taking care of her family - which is ThaiSpeak for give me 20,000 baht every month which I say I'm going to send back to my family.

In short: this is probably not the kind of girl you want to be with. It will hurt to get over it but once you do you'll be stronger and wiser and probably not fall for the same trap next time.

There are a lot of old cynical dudes on this forum who are probably going to say a lot worse than what I just said, they assume every Thai woman has the worst of intentions as they've been burnt by them so many times, but in this instance I think much of what they say will probably be at least somewhat true.

Good luck. Keep your head up.

Yes you are absolutely on the money here !

Western women aren't at all avaricious or duplicitous. They are all paragons of virtue and truth.

A western woman cheating on you..pfft perish the thought.

[kpmsprtd]

"Cynical old dudes..." I resemble that remark.

OP, your assignment before you return to Thailand again is to read Thailand Fever cover to cover. Buy two copies, one for yourself and one for your next significant other.

For now, be grateful. You are young and single and the world is your oyster. You have barely been grazed. Now you'll be smarter next time, and hopefully you won't end up a "cynical old dude" like so many of us here.

[atyclb]

There are tons of girls here that are easy to meet but a high % are dreaming about money. Some are quite charming, however none the less looking for support not only for them but family members. Sorry if I sound cynical, but reality bites. My Thai friends are almost uniformly from high society. Not cause I am a snob or look down on other people, but because we have many commonalities. All of them did live and/or study abroad and have interests and hobbies and insight/knowledge into the world outside of the som dom bowl. Our friendships are not based at all in one parties need of money, cause they don't need my money and I don't need theirs. The friendship is pretty much akin to our friendships back home in the west or japan. Can you recall friends back home?? Usually not based on money.

My advice, if you just want to have fun, OK, but if you look for a serious relationship, look beyond the girl, look at her family. Sad but very important cause it is better to lose a little now than a lot later.

[MEGALITHIC]

Lots of good advice from many experienced old hands here in the LOS. Are you the typical stupid farang in the LOS? No, not at all. You were just new and a bit naive to how things work, that's all. As hard as it may be, you need to stop all contact with her. Change your number, get a new email address because these type of girls never completely let go. If you show any indication that you're not emotionally strong enough to be rid of her then, as sure as night follows day, when something goes wrong with her new relationship, she'll be back on your doorstep trying to use you as the back up plan. Always keep in mind that the most important thing in life for these poor girls, good and bad, from the villages up north is the ability for them to take care of their families. Nothing, and I really mean nothing, out ranks that in importance to them; not even you, the farang, who she professed to cherish and love. Move on and remember that life, and relationships for that matter, should always be about integrity, truthfulness, honesty and respect. Any relationship which is based on your ability to pay each month is to be avoided.

[sbk]

A reminder of forum rulesis clearly in order.

7) Not to post slurs or degrading comments directed towards any group on the basis of race, nationality, religion, gender or sexual orientation.

8) Not to post extremely negative views of Thailand or derogatory comments directed towards all Thais.

Please note that after public warnings such as these, those that choose to then break the rules will be suspended.