3 Children , 20 Years In Thailand And 16 Years Together

[needforspeed]

Sounds like a regular topic but it isnt, i live here for almost 20 years, speak Thai and have 3 beautiful children we both 42 years old.

Stay with my girlfriend for 16 years(Never been married).

Just found letters translate from Thai to English as my girlfriend cant write English, about a other foreign man meeting her when i am overseas i am working overseas and spend my time off with my family in Thailand.

Never tought that this happening to me.

Didnt tell her annything as we spend 2 days on schools as it is children day.

I am now i a bar in Bangkok thingking what to do.

Any advice is welcome.

Thanks

[sinbin]

Move on. Good luck.

[bkkjames]

First of all mate take a deep breath and don't do anything silly today (although I wouldn't blame you).

Before you throw the b i a t c h out the door, get your ducks in order.

[needforspeed]

First of all mate take a deep breath and don't do anything silly today (although I wouldn't blame you).

Before you throw the b i a t c h out the door, get your ducks in order.

Thanks mate,

I am not a guy doing silly thinks that is the reason i didnt tell her.

One problem is that i am going to work next week, maybey need to keep it for myself but it is F@*%ng difficult for me.

Give myself some time to make a plan, but i dont know.

Just crying in the toilet here, that is just how i feel.

[Dakhar]

I hate to say this.... but from experience, revenge tastes A LOT better when it is well planned. As others have said, get your ducks in a row, and execute your plan in a timely fashion. Truth is, if this is going to happen.... you are lucky to get the upper hand.

Secondly are these old letters, or recent? In my book it does make some difference. She may have strayed away in the past and found the error of her ways & has decided she would never ever do that again. But this is purely conjecture.

If it is any consolation to you.... "I feel for you"

[PoorSucker]

:D

[needforspeed]

I just want to write how i feel, just had 2 pins off beer so i am not drunk yet.

Good moment out of my live going true my mind, feel empty and very sad.

We had many ups and down in our live but always end up on top and stronger.

But this is something new feel like a little child fallling in love en dont know what to do or say as it is a new experience and feeling.

Hope i keep my myself together.

[Dakhar]

I had a moment like this... I basically built my life's foundation around the belief of a woman's love for me.... only to find out it was BS.

I got to tell you, it seemed like life was all "fake" at that moment of time. I even figured if I jumped off a building I really wouldn't get hurt, because apparently nothing was real any more... not even gravity.

But, I got to tell you, I made it around another corner and another and another.... Truth of the matter is, I am much better off with out her. You will be able to say the same too in a matter of time.

Edited January 8, 2010 by Dakhar

[noahvail]

I can't imagine how devastated you must feel.

Simple advice: hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

The questions to ask yourself are probably not limited to just these: Do you still love her? Do you think she still loves you? Do you want to stay together? Do you think she wants to stay together? If any of the answers are yes, there is hope. There's plenty of ways to find out why she is doing this. If you can find the why, then you can find a way to solve the problem.

However, it's possible for everything to blow up in your face. So retain a farang lawyer who works a good distance from your home to help you marshal your assets. That may include setting up irrevocable trusts for the kids, for instance. I don't know the laws here, but a good lawyer will know the ins and outs of the law, eh...and can help you.

Best of luck to you.

[needforspeed]

I can't imagine how devastated you must feel.

Simple advice: hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

The questions to ask yourself are probably not limited to just these: Do you still love her? Do you think she still loves you? Do you want to stay together? Do you think she wants to stay together? If any of the answers are yes, there is hope. There's plenty of ways to find out why she is doing this. If you can find the why, then you can find a way to solve the problem.

However, it's possible for everything to blow up in your face. So retain a farang lawyer who works a good distance from your home to help you marshal your assets. That may include setting up irrevocable trusts for the kids, for instance. I don't know the laws here, but a good lawyer will know the ins and outs of the law, eh...and can help you.

Best of luck to you.

Now here some answers:

I still love her, but as i am working overseas i cant trust her anymore.

Yes she loves me, but i feel that also if we have everything, nice house , nice car, going on holidays every year, sending my children to good schools, having health insurance for all off us and safing money on the bank she seems to want more than this.

For the children i maybey stay together, but will make my plan for the future.

And the answer why she is doing this, is that we have it good but we are no movie stars, i am not a miljonair and maybey she just want more than i been able to give.

[Dakhar]

well the good news is

You know about this, & she does not.

U are technically not married

there are thousands of women that pray for her situation and would be very thank ful you gave them this oppertunity

Now the bad news is.... I don't want to scare u, but u may want to get your self "checked" out and make shure she has not passed anything on to u. Then u should also resist her physically until all of this is sorted out.

crazy world we live in

[needforspeed]

she just want more than i been able to give.

and that makes me very sad

[needforspeed]

well the good news is

You know about this, & she does not.

U are technically not married

there are thousands of women that pray for her situation and would be very thank ful you gave them this oppertunity

Now the bad news is.... I don't want to scare u, but u may want to get your self "checked" out and make shure she has not passed anything on to u. Then u should also resist her physically until all of this is sorted out.

crazy world we live in

Yes you are right didnt tought about that need to do that as well this week, thanks

[Farma]

As others have mentioned get everything in order. Sit back, calm down and make sure there’s no misunderstanding on your part.

I know it’s hard but don’t let yourself get dragged down with guilt.

Once you’ve done that, work out a plan of action.

Before you let on that you know what she’s been up to I recommend you:

Get all your documents stashed away in a place where she doesn’t have access. If possibly keep them with you.

If she has access to your bank accounts, make sure that access is stopped, change passwords and if possible move the funds to a new account.

The same goes for your email accounts, change passwords and start a new one purely for correspondence with your lawyer and close non Thai family. It’s possible the new man in her life has or can gain access to your current email accounts.

Keep a detailed record of all money transactions, letters and any evidence in the event this turns nasty.

Don't broadcast your intentions on the internet. You never know who can use it against you.

Just remember this isn’t the end of the world. Plenty of us have been through this, we’ve survived.

You’re still young and there’s lots more fun to be had in life.

Edited January 8, 2010 by Farma

[needforspeed]

As others have mentioned get everything in order. Sit back, calm down and make sure there's no misunderstanding on your part.

I know it's hard but don't let yourself get dragged down with guilt.

Once you've done that, work out a plan of action.

Before you let on that you know what she's been up to I recommend you:

Get all your documents stashed away in a place where she doesn't have access. If possibly keep them with you.

If she has access to your bank accounts, make sure that access is stopped, change passwords and if possible move the funds to a new account.

The same goes for your email accounts, change passwords and start a new one purely for correspondence with your lawyer and close non Thai family. It's possibly the new man in her life has or can gain access to your current email accounts.

Keep a detailed record of all money transactions, letters and any discriminating evidence in the event this turns nasty.

Just remember this isn't the end of the world. Plenty of us have been through this, we've survived.

You're still young and there's lots more fun to be had in life.

She dont know that i know about her farang boyfriend, so thinking about renting a appartment and getting documents over there even as we have some very expensive painting is our house.

But the biggest worries are about my children, they love me, they call papa, they want to stay with papa, sing with papa, dance with PAPA, and swim with papa they my blood my love and that is why i am so very sad at this time.

[Dakhar]

she just want more than i been able to give.

and that makes me very sad

Dude, that is more of a reflection of HER personality, not your short commings. Some people are a bottomless pitt and just want MORE MORE MORE, and never learn to just "stand still" and be thank ful with what they got.

Even if she was with Brad Pitt she would be looking for other means to satisfy her desire for more more more...

I imagine working over seas, you have provided for her more than most every person could have....

[johndpoole]

After getting done with the girl you pick-up and screw ... confront her on why she appears to have been unfaithful with you.

[Dakhar]

As others have mentioned get everything in order. Sit back, calm down and make sure there's no misunderstanding on your part.

I know it's hard but don't let yourself get dragged down with guilt.

Once you've done that, work out a plan of action.

Before you let on that you know what she's been up to I recommend you:

Get all your documents stashed away in a place where she doesn't have access. If possibly keep them with you.

If she has access to your bank accounts, make sure that access is stopped, change passwords and if possible move the funds to a new account.

The same goes for your email accounts, change passwords and start a new one purely for correspondence with your lawyer and close non Thai family. It's possibly the new man in her life has or can gain access to your current email accounts.

Keep a detailed record of all money transactions, letters and any discriminating evidence in the event this turns nasty.

Just remember this isn't the end of the world. Plenty of us have been through this, we've survived.

You're still young and there's lots more fun to be had in life.

She dont know that i know about her farang boyfriend, so thinking about renting a appartment and getting documents over there even as we have some very expensive painting is our house.

But the biggest worries are about my children, they love me, they call papa, they want to stay with papa, sing with papa, dance with PAPA, and swim with papa they my blood my love and that is why i am so very sad at this time.

My wife and I both have stated that we stay togher soley because of the children.... I don't know if this is the ideal relationship, and the truth of the matter is, it probably is not. But I am willing to bet a lot of people walk in my shoes. That said, maybe (if u are willing) you can re-define this relationship. She does her thing, you do yours, you live togeither much like a husband and wife.... but you have someone on the side, and she does too? Not exactly ideal but it may allow u to have "love in your life" and your kids.

I couldn't do the above, I am not built that way... so I just go without.... without a lot of things.... but I love my kids, and every time I pick them up and hold them, my suposed opressions seem trivial

[needforspeed]

she just want more than i been able to give.

and that makes me very sad

Dude, that is more of a reflection of HER personality, not your short commings. Some people are a bottomless pitt and just want MORE MORE MORE, and never learn to just "stand still" and be thank ful with what they got.

Even if she was with Brad Pitt she would be looking for other means to satisfy her desire for more more more...

I imagine working over seas, you have provided for her more than most every person could have....

Just tell a story about how my live was on christmas day, we have a diner i a 5 star hotel in Bangkok next to the river all off us with some friends, i just arrived in Bangkok. Bought DIOR make up set at Kuala lumpur Airport for her and presents for my children, i had a pefect christmas evening, nice meal, good wine, nice cigar, good cheese, my beautiful happy children and my girlfriend next to me, HEAVEN.

[needforspeed]

After getting done with the girl you pick-up and screw ... confront her on why she appears to have been unfaithful with you.

Don't understand this message

[NADTATIDA1]

Be cunning as she has been...and get your own future sorted out now without her not knowing you know...you have got the upper hand and then i would personally confront her for the facts!

good luck mate.

[Matan]

For how long each year are you away, by the way?

Edited January 8, 2010 by MiG16
removed blog - MiG16

[needforspeed]

For how long each year are you away, by the way?

Working for around 4 weeks and be home for little bit less than 4 weeks.

[Matan]

For how long each year are you away, by the way?

Working for around 4 weeks and be home for little bit less than 4 weeks.

That sucks. Not like you're gone for 3 months and back for 2 weeks

Make sure you protect your assets so you don't end up penniless, don't become worth more dead than alive, and then you can work on continuing to provide for your children, but not your cheating partner.

[needforspeed]

For how long each year are you away, by the way?

Working for around 4 weeks and be home for little bit less than 4 weeks.

That sucks. Not like you're gone for 3 months and back for 2 weeks

Make sure you protect your assets so you don't end up penniless, don't become worth more dead than alive, and then you can work on continuing to provide for your children, but not your cheating partner.

Thats a good one, i read many topict before about this, thats going to be a problem as well isnt?

[Matan]

It depends on how you handle the situation.

If you listen to other posters and waltz in one night when all her family has come to visit, with three hookers and lipstick down your neck and start giving out copies of her illicit letters, she's probably going to try and stop you seeing the children to punish you.

If you can work on an amicable split, with the interests of the children at heart, saving everyone's face, it'll be easier. Not to say that won't be phenomenally difficult. You probably have quite a lot invested in the country, but hopefully your entire fortune hasn't been channelled into the house and land and can be retrieved and protected.

Edited January 8, 2010 by MiG16
removed blog- MiG16

[midasthailand]

I would not get too carried away with instant thoughts of revenge and payback. You have invested a lot of time and love in the relationship and no doubt so has your girlfriend. One wonders how long you are away from Thailand each time and how much time you get to spend with your family. It would appear difficult for a Thai woman with three children (presumably under 16) to start a fresh relationship with another farang while you are not here. Certainly make the appropriate preparations to split with her, protecting as many of your assests as possible and then arrange for the children to be looked after and speak with her calmly and rationally about your accidental discovery of this "other man".

Whilst many would condemn her out of hand, she is only human and depending on the length of time you are away maybe she got lonely and met another guy, one thing led to another and now she corresponds with him.

You do not give any detail as to the contents of the letters or any indication of how recent they are or the amount of them so it is difficult to pass judgement based on the available information.

I would just caution that you do not allow your emotions to take control, do not confront her when under the influence of booze, do not confront her in front of your children and most importantly do not burn your bridges.

I understand that an element of trust has been lost and it will be difficult to rebuild that trust, but at least try and find out what her feelings are towards you. It would seem that when you are here she treats you like a good and loving husband and it seems you love her a lot, so try and work it out and if you are unable to work it out, try and manage any breakup without emotion and with dignity! If you want a continuing relationship with your children it is important to manage things carefully.

I am so sorry o hear about your situation and wish you every success in your endeavours to get to the bottom of the story and negotiate a happy ending. Good luck mate and enjoy a few beers but do not get smashed, none of us make smart decisions when drunk!!

[needforspeed]

I would not get too carried away with instant thoughts of revenge and payback. You have invested a lot of time and love in the relationship and no doubt so has your girlfriend. One wonders how long you are away from Thailand each time and how much time you get to spend with your family. It would appear difficult for a Thai woman with three children (presumably under 16) to start a fresh relationship with another farang while you are not here. Certainly make the appropriate preparations to split with her, protecting as many of your assests as possible and then arrange for the children to be looked after and speak with her calmly and rationally about your accidental discovery of this "other man".

Whilst many would condemn her out of hand, she is only human and depending on the length of time you are away maybe she got lonely and met another guy, one thing led to another and now she corresponds with him.

You do not give any detail as to the contents of the letters or any indication of how recent they are or the amount of them so it is difficult to pass judgement based on the available information.

I would just caution that you do not allow your emotions to take control, do not confront her when under the influence of booze, do not confront her in front of your children and most importantly do not burn your bridges.

I understand that an element of trust has been lost and it will be difficult to rebuild that trust, but at least try and find out what her feelings are towards you. It would seem that when you are here she treats you like a good and loving husband and it seems you love her a lot, so try and work it out and if you are unable to work it out, try and manage any breakup without emotion and with dignity! If you want a continuing relationship with your children it is important to manage things carefully.

I am so sorry o hear about your situation and wish you every success in your endeavours to get to the bottom of the story and negotiate a happy ending. Good luck mate and enjoy a few beers but do not get smashed, none of us make smart decisions when drunk!!

I know i met her when i was drunk,

The content off the translations has no secrets, they met each other a few times when i was gone

andn talking about that they need each other for live, cant tell any names here as i dont do, but he is from Italy.

[gvallee2]

Long distance relationships never work.. your situation really sucsk but you should find someone whre you work and establish yourself there. Even a good person wont waste their short life waiting for someone half the year.

I consider myself a good person and at 42 i would feel really disgusting wasting my short sexual and emotional life being alone 6months a year.

[midasthailand]

I would not get too carried away with instant thoughts of revenge and payback. You have invested a lot of time and love in the relationship and no doubt so has your girlfriend. One wonders how long you are away from Thailand each time and how much time you get to spend with your family. It would appear difficult for a Thai woman with three children (presumably under 16) to start a fresh relationship with another farang while you are not here. Certainly make the appropriate preparations to split with her, protecting as many of your assests as possible and then arrange for the children to be looked after and speak with her calmly and rationally about your accidental discovery of this "other man".

Whilst many would condemn her out of hand, she is only human and depending on the length of time you are away maybe she got lonely and met another guy, one thing led to another and now she corresponds with him.

You do not give any detail as to the contents of the letters or any indication of how recent they are or the amount of them so it is difficult to pass judgement based on the available information.

I would just caution that you do not allow your emotions to take control, do not confront her when under the influence of booze, do not confront her in front of your children and most importantly do not burn your bridges.

I understand that an element of trust has been lost and it will be difficult to rebuild that trust, but at least try and find out what her feelings are towards you. It would seem that when you are here she treats you like a good and loving husband and it seems you love her a lot, so try and work it out and if you are unable to work it out, try and manage any breakup without emotion and with dignity! If you want a continuing relationship with your children it is important to manage things carefully.

I am so sorry o hear about your situation and wish you every success in your endeavours to get to the bottom of the story and negotiate a happy ending. Good luck mate and enjoy a few beers but do not get smashed, none of us make smart decisions when drunk!!

I know i met her when i was drunk,

The content off the translations has no secrets, they met each other a few times when i was gone

andn talking about that they need each other for live, cant tell any names here as i dont do, but he is from Italy.

Good to see you have not lost your sense of humour! I notice in the OP that you speak Thai, do you also read it? sometimes the meaning may get lost in the translation (particularly if not done professionally) and if you read the Thai you may find a different meaning?

Hang in there mate !