This was obviously created 5-6 years ago but it's just for fun. Anyone want to take a stab at what the Thai one would look like?

Political Science for Dummies

DEMOCRAT

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

You feel guilty for being successful.

You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.

REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

So?

SOCIALIST

You have two cows.

The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST

You have two cows.

The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

You wait in line for hours to get it.

It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.

You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.

Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.

You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.

You are surprised when one cow drops dead.

You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.

Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike because you want three cows.

You go to lunch and drink wine.

Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.

Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.

Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.

You break for lunch.

Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have some vodka.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You have some more vodka.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.

You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.

You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.

They go into hiding.

They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.

Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION

You have one cow.

The cow is schizophrenic.

Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.

The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.

The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.

The cow asks permission to be cut in half.

The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.

Everyone votes for the best looking one.

Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one..

Some people vote for both.

Some people vote for neither.

Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.

Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

You have millions of cows.

They make real California cheese.

Only five speak English.

Most are illegal.

Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

ESTONIAN CORPORATION -

You have two cows.

You are going to sauna, and the cows want to come along.

You have only a limited amount of vodka.

You decide to build a bigger sauna.

The cows come to sauna, drink vodka, and procreate.

You have more cows, and life is good!

Thanks for that!

I like these cow jokes...

CAPITALISM:

You’ve got two cows. You sell one of them and you buy a bull to breed calves.

SOCIALISM:

You’ve got two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them and you share the milk.

COMMUNISM:

You’ve got two cows. The government takes them away and provides you with milk.

FASCISM:

You’ve got two cows. The government takes them away and sells you the milk.

NAZISM:

You’ve got two cows. The government takes the blond one away and shoots the brown one down.

DICTATURE:

You’ve got two cows. The militia confiscates them and shoots you.

FEUDALISM:

You’ve got two cows. The lord claims half of the milk for himself.

DEMOCRACY:

You’ve got two cows. A vote decides whom the milk belongs to.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY:

You’ve got two cows. A vote designates a representative who decides whom the milk belongs to.

SINGAPORE DEMOCRACY:

You’ve got two cows. You get a fine for keeping cattle in a flat.

ANARCHY:

You’ve got two cows. You let them milk each other in self-management.

CONSTITUTIONAL BRITISH MONARCHY:

You’ve got two cows. You kill one of them and feed it to the other one. The cow becomes mad. The European Union subsidises you to destroy it. You feed it to your two sheep.

HONG KONG CAPITALISM:

You’ve got two cows.

You sell three cows to your public limited company, using credentials gained from your bank by your brother in law. Then you exchange your debts for shares and do a take-over bid to get four cows and pay for the keeping of five cows. The milk rights of six cows are then transferred by a Panama middleman onto the account of a Caiman Islands umbrella company, secretly owned by a shareholder who resells the milk rights of seven cows to your public limited company. In the annual report of the latter, eight cows are declared, with a buying option for a ninth animal.

Meanwhile, you destroy the two cows because their horoscope predicts bad luck.

EUROPEAN CAPITALISM:

You’ve got two cows. You get subsidised the first year to buy a third one. Quotas are set the second year and you are fined for over-production. You get subsidised the third year to kill the third cow.

FRENCH CAPITALISM:

To finance the retirement of your two cows, the government decides to raise a new tax, the SSTOAF (Social Solidarity Tax for Our Animal Friends). Two years later, as France has picked up part of the British livestock, the system is making losses. To make up for the losses, a new tax is raised, the CBR (Cow Bill Repayment). The cows go on strike. A milk shortage is triggered. French people are in the streets: ‘MILK! WE WANT MILK!’. France builds a milk pipeline under the Channel to import milk from England. The European Union declares British milk unsuitable for consumption. The pipeline will never be used. The government raises a new tax to maintain the pipeline.

WILD CAPITALISM:

You’ve got two cows. You butcher one of them, force the other one to produce as much milk as four cows, and finally fire the worker in charge, under the accusation of letting the cow die of exhaustion.

BUREAUCRACY:

You’ve got two cows. Hygiene rules are published that invite you to destroy one of them. Thereafter the government asks that you declare the amount of milk produced by your second cow, buys the milk and throws it away. Finally, you are required to fill in several forms to declare the missing cow.

ECOLOGY:

You’ve got two cows. You keep the milk and the government buys the manure.

FEMINISM:

You’ve got two cows. The government fines you for discrimination. You exchange one of the cows for a bull that you attempt to milk as well.

SURREALISM:

You’ve got two giraffes. The government insists that you give them harmonica lessons.

Thanks for those oldies but goodies. Truth always makes for good humour.

PCism

You have two cows but you are prohibited from calling them cows with the attached negative sexist undertones so you decide to call them bovine quadrapeds.

This is unacceptable as it discriminates against bovines with less than quadra peds so you call them Dolly and Iris.

The humanist league sue you under EC Directive 97/23 that explicitly prohibits the attachment of human names to animals as it engenders negative feelings towards humans with the same names.

So you call them Number 1 and Number 2.

You are then blockaded by PETA as it is undugnified to merely treat animals as numeric units within a production system. So you call them the white and brown one and the white and black one.

Now your are in deep sh1t with the equalities commission as you have attached labels of differing colour to the two animals which will inevitably lead to unfair comparison of milk yields.

So you drop the names lark altogether and escape narrowly being shafted by the Druids for treating animals as non-entities.

Then you come to milk them and find that handling the teats of 12 year olds lands you with the threat of a life sentence.

So you go get you <deleted> great 12 guage shotgun and blow their fcking heads off.

Then murder squad arrive.................

Thai Version

You have two cows.

One is red and one is yellow.

They do nothing but moo constantly.

They do not give milk.

Good one chuck.

Alternative Thai version;

You have two cows. One has a lien on it to a loan shark and all it's milk goes to him just for the interest payments. The other one will not produce any milk unless you give it tea money every day.