Thai Girlfriend's Jealousy.

[Eastender]

My new (and first) Thai girlfriend is continously suspicious and jealous, to the point where it's difficult for me to talk about or see any existing female friends. She also checks my text messages and stuff, but I've never given her any reason to be suspicious. I met her as a student in my class.

I thought it was the Thai men who were supposed to have the bad reputation?

So I'm feeling a little suffocated and I want to know, is this a common trait among Thai women. Any advice to calm her down?

[taxexile]

sorry but you must get out before its too late. dont even think about calming her down . i doubt it will work.

[kwiz117]

My new (and first) Thai girlfriend is continously suspicious and jealous, to the point where it's difficult for me to talk about or see any existing female friends. She also checks my text messages and stuff, but I've never given her any reason to be suspicious. I met her as a student in my class.

I thought it was the Thai men who were supposed to have the bad reputation?

So I'm feeling a little suffocated and I want to know, is this a common trait among Thai women. Any advice to calm her down?

Eastender,

Same in my case.

She is also a student but I am not a teacher. She can not trust other Thai Girls. I too have never acted or done any thing to make her suspicious about me. But this is common from the start of our relationship 3 yrs back and even today it is the same.

So I take her to all the friends places I visit.

Don’t worry. Things will be fine and just carry on without thinking of it too much. I’m sure when she gets older, she will realize it and adjust to it. I am hoping for the same.

Good luck to both of us.

[kwiz117]

sorry but you must get out before its too late. dont even think about calming her down . i doubt it will work.

No way? For such a small thing. you are kidding

I am sure she loves him so much and she is too young to understand that he can stay away from other Thai Girls.

It’s natural you know? She has a Farang BF and he lives in “Sex and the City”. She knows her friends who are trying to catch or trying to be the "Neck" of a Farang "Head" all the time.

So it's her right to look after him. He may feel that it is like she is Spying or Suspecting him, like in my case.

I see no problem with her. He is lucky to have a girl like that.

[taxexile]

i stand by my advice kwizz117, jealousy should not be confused with love and can destroy a relationship if not controlled. controlling jealousy is not easy as it is often an irrational emotion that comes from some deep seated insecurity that has nothing to do with what is going on in the relationship. she will always find a reason to be suspicious/jealous and eastender will find it harder and harder to relax into the relationship.

naturally i would rather relationships be successful than otherwise,but the words

"continuously suspicious and jealous" and "feeling a little suffocated" would indicate that all is not well.

good luck eastender.

[taxexile]

on a lighter,or perhaps even a darker note,may i direct you to the recent post,

in the "general" section entitled "concerned,please advise."

[tomy]

you are the man of the house, teach her to sit when you tell her to sit, and cook when you are hungry, right now she is outta hand, she forget what is her role, be a man and get thing straight.

[Boo]

mm right Tomy, I'm sure you are a great catch for any woman with that attitude!

Eastender, you have to understand that your girl is probably feeling insecure, what with you being a farang man in LOS. Unfortunatly, the few who treat thai women as objects that can be dismissed when their needs have been met, give a bad rep to the others, like yourself who want a proper relationship & her jelousy & constant checking up are just her way of making sure your not hanging around with bar girls in Nana! Be patient, explain to her that your to be trusted & explain to her that her jealousy will cause a lot of problems in the future. I'm sure that once she gets to know you (& when you continue to prove to her that your a decent guy) she will calm down & if, in the worse case senario, not, then you have to decide if you can continue to be with her.

Thai men can also be jealous, even so much as talking to another man used to send my hubby off on a rant but I put my foot down in the very beginning & everytime his insecurities manifested themself I explained to him that it was pointless & stupid, as I am a monogamous kind of girl, & now he knows that just becauase a guy approaches me doesn't mean I'm gonna do anything about it.

Good luck with it all & be patient. (we girls are emotional creatues that can sometimes (!) make us irrational )

[D80]

Agree with Boo!

Also, I have to say some Thai women do confuse jealousy with love. From what I have seen from Thai webboards, sometimes a woman would post a topic asking for advice since her Thai bf is getting really possessive. Sometimes they sound pretty scary but many people think the reason why a man/woman is extremely possessive of you or evry jealous is that he/she loves you so much. Ack! I don't think so myself! Most of the time, it's a sign of insecurity and immaturity in my opinion.

And... hmm don't know what to say now. Boo's said all I wanted to say!! hehehehe!!

Good luck!

[kwiz117]

Sometimes they sound pretty scary but many people think the reason why a man/woman is extremely possessive of you or evry jealous is that he/she loves you so much. Ack! I don't think so myself! Most of the time, it's a sign of insecurity and immaturity in my opinion.

Boo and D80,

Interesting thoughts. I agree with your comments about insecurity and immaturity, coz that is exactly what I think too.

A girl in her early 20's and studying in a Thai Uni will feel "insecure and immature" when she is having a serious relationship with a financially stable BF. The environment in Thailand will add up more flavors to it.

I have studied with girls in UK and have noticed that there is a big difference, when it comes to the thought process and the maturity of a girl in her early 20’s in Thailand, compared to a girl in the same age in Europe. Hope you will agree with this.

If the girl is old enough and have faced with all sorts of ups and downs by mixing in the society, then I agree with your point.

So I think you should give a little concern to her AGE and her background here. I know this well coz sometimes my wife also shows me some similar reactions when it comes to other women known to me as my clients or friends.

At the time we started our relationship around 3 years back, she was 21 and now I have felt that she is much more matured enough handling many things alone.

We have talked about this before and she told me that she is so jealous of other girls who are capable of doing certain work for me in the Company etc coz she is not in a position to help me.

She think, one day I may feel she is useless and other women are better than her coz she can’t help me in any of my work.

In many cases, those women are older than I am.

I have explained to her the difference. Basically I have found out that she could not get the real meaning of Professional Work and the Private Life.

In Thai Culture, woman brought up in such a way to help her husband and to take care of them.

In some cases, now she is closely associating with those women and some of them have become our family friends in Thailand.

Sometimes, I refer to those good old days the way she acted when they call me etc and we both laugh.

Also it is interesting to say that she got the help of one of those Friends [Formally her enemy] to sign as the witness for our Marriage. They all came to the ceremony. But sometimes, when a new face comes to the picture, I notice still her face gets changed.

I am sure these things will get sorted out once she started working. As far as I understand her and I will not make it an issue for myself, I am ok with it.

This is just a small thing and wonder why you guys think so serious about this.

Thanks to Eastender for making this post and sorry for stealing it.

[Pablo H]

Eastender,

I think this is a common problem between Thai women and foreign men. The reasons for these problems are explained in earlier replies. I think you have to put your foot down. Tell her to go home, or you will leave if she continues to act the way she does now. Kwiz, I do not think it is a good idea to take your gf with you all the time. Surely you need some space.

I have put my foot down, before I felt very bad, wanted to leave my gf because of the jealousy, I told her she was making me unhappy and told her to go home.

This scared the shit out of her I think, as her attitude has changed now. I have my freedom back and we are both happy living together.

Explaining the meaning of trust to a Thai gf is near impossible in my opinion. I have tried for the last two years but I might aswell bang my head against a brick wall.

If after explaining your feelings to her, she continues, tell her to go.

[Heng]

It's a problem when it's a Thai fellow and Thai gal as well. Gals are often very UNDERSTANDABLY possessive.

1) There is a lack of supply of the 'in-demand' guys. One can take an informal survey of what gal's "specs" are.

2) There is an endless supply of attractive girls who don't mind "stealing" (including just hanging out until her mark's current relationship breaks down) someone else's guy.

3) A lot of guys who can afford it (and many who cannot) don't mind taking care of more than one girl.

The girls know all this. So they try to hold on to what is theirs... very tightly. It's like when you own a nice home here. You hire security, put in a good security system, and invest 500,000 Baht just on steel bars, walls, and alloy sliding doors. All precautionary.

[marquess]

You only have to read the newspapers, and see how many crimes of passion there are. The jealousy thing is innate. As stated earlier, one has to put one's foot down, otherwise you will be miserable with that ball and chain.

[Eastender]

Thanks for all your replies. Very interesting, (especially Tomy's!), and taxexile - you may well be right in advising me to get out quick, I'm beginning to find this girl is a bit possessive to the extreme.

To add a bit more perspective, the girl in question is 29 years old, and seperated (but not divorced) from an earlier mariage to a Taiwanese guy.

[taxexile]

To add a bit more perspective, the girl in question is 29 years old, and seperated (but not divorced) from an earlier mariage to a Taiwanese guy.

to exhibit irrational jealousy at 29 sounds wrong.

i wouldn't be surprised if the break up of her previous relationship was due to similar probs?

good luck.

[p1p]

Get Out

Get Out

Get Out

Do not risk involvement with someone like that. I was previously married to a very similar girl and was attacked with knives, hammer and scissors (you guessed where!) amongst other things before I was able to get out of it.

It has taken me over ten years and the love of a great woman to recover psychologically. Get out while you still can do so in one piece.

[Heng]

Thanks for all your replies. Very interesting, (especially Tomy's!), and taxexile - you may well be right in advising me to get out quick, I'm beginning to find this girl is a bit possessive to the extreme.

To add a bit more perspective, the girl in question is 29 years old, and seperated (but not divorced) from an earlier mariage to a Taiwanese guy.

The fact that she has been married means that she has limited options in finding a local fellow in the event that the two of you don't work out. Again, understandable that she may want to hold on to this rope tightly.

[kwiz117]

To add a bit more perspective, the girl in question is 29 years old, and seperated (but not divorced) from an earlier mariage to a Taiwanese guy.

Oh oh..I reverse my above comments..

You need to think (t)wise and may be try another..

[pnustedt]

the girl in question is 29 years old, and seperated (but not divorced) from an earlier mariage to a Taiwanese guy.

Eastender

The girl in question wouldn't be Janny from Buri Ram would it? If so pls e-mail me.

[Eastender]

No,she's not Janny or from Buri Ram, she's Ba Ba Bor Bor from Udon Nutsville.

"on a lighter,or perhaps even a darker note,may i direct you to the recent post,

in the "general" section entitled "concerned,please advise." "

I read the above post and it scared the shit out of me!!!

[Never Never land]

GET OUT !!! i have a simple line for this if they ever get this problemsome get out it will not last even if the sex is good it will not last it will end up in the POLICE house finish and get out even if its hard times for a while

[cbatson]

Dear Eastender,

The traits you mention are common for Thai women. However, I do not recommend courting these types. There are plenty of reasonable Thai women, though they are a bit harder to find. I seriously recommend moving on, the sooner the better. The jealousy you are seeing can be neither subdued nor removed.

In my last relationship, the woman was jealous to the point I didn't have any female friends any longer. Then, once all my remaining friends were male, I was accused of being gay. In the end, I found out she was the one cheating on me.

Chuck

[KevinN]

I guess that your GF is no different from most Thai women,they do see a lot of the butterfly here.

When my wife and I first got together,she was extremely jealous,and I had done nothing to give her the ideas that she had,unless she knew about what I was doing before we got together.

she was a 43 YO divorced woman with a very good education,and it caused us some trouble,but as time went on and we talked about it,she got progressively better and more comfortable with our relationship,after 6 months everything smoothed out and I have never had a better or more stable relationship,and I have been married quite a few times,she is pobly the best thing that has ever happened to me,but she never made threats about the knife or scissors either, so you will have to make your own decision about what to do as I am not there to see it, but anything worth having is worth working for.

So I would say that if you prove yourself worthy,then you might have a very good life ahead of you,,just my opinion...

[kwiz117]

Get Out

Get Out

Get Out

Do not risk involvement with someone like that. I was previously married to a very similar girl and was attacked with knives, hammer and scissors (you guessed where!) amongst other things before I was able to get out of it.

It has taken me over ten years and the love of a great woman to recover psychologically. Get out while you still can do so in one piece.

Seems like you have lived with Sadam Husain’s daughter...

What you did so much for her to go into this extent. Hope your P**** are intact..

[meemiathai]

How many truly honest guys are there???

And yet we expect women not to be suspicious???

(especially when in Thailand, so many beauties, so easy to have!)

[pnustedt]

she never made threats about the knife or scissors either

My wife used to threaten my quite frequently - only got the meat cleaver out a couple of times tho'. She seems to have settled down a bit lately . . . and I am a light sleeper!

[kwiz117]

I am a light sleeper!

Hmm..it's not going to help..

When they want to cut it, they will make you get Drunk or will mix some pills.

You never know.

Better to cut it by yourself before it happen. [Just kidding]

I mean..is this real?

[pnustedt]

I mean..is this real? 

Yes, quite a few of my friends who are married to Thais are threatened.

Only know one guy who's girlfriend tried to carry it out tho'. Police were involved and she was carted off - he married his Philippino gf who was the catalyst for the problem.

They seem to get serious when/if they think that they are going to lose you, not just for screwing around. The logic seems to be that if they can't have it nobody else is going to!

[Eastender]

Original poster here.

In case anyone's interested I decided to finish with the girl in question. Jealousy wasn't the only problem but I found her immature, and stifling, and I believe she is a bit unstable. After finishing I discovered she, or someone for her, had been spying on me when I met a female student friend for a doughnut!

Anyway the 'finishing' took about 6 hours during which time she sobbed, threatened to kill me, tried to kill herself by smashing a glass and cutting her wrist - but I got the glass off her. SHe went from crying to anger to hatred to insisting we must stay together and she wouldn't fininsh with me, and then that I must go to England the next day. I couldn't get her out of my apartment but she finally left to her parents.

I came to realise that she wasn't so upset about loosing me. Just very upset about loosing face with friends and family.

I saw her again today, she's a student in my class. Luckily she had calmed down and gave me a note which was actually quite nice.

I have learnt a very big lesson though. Due to the language barrier I didn't really 'know' this girl when we got together. Also I slept with her way to early in the relationship and should have made sure I knew I wanted to stay with her long term. It was only after a couple of weeks that I came to realise she was a bit unstable and I could not have a decent relationship with her.

So please be very careful.

[Butterfly]

Are you another teacher who has sex with his students ?

You will be lucky if she does not report you to your superior