How To Fit-In In The Village

[fatfather]

It tooks me years to get the feeling to be respected, it tooks me some years more to recognise that it is not true. I made friends and I'm respected by some people, many others just play a show, which doesn't bother me. I do not like everybody in the village, but I'm friendly nevertheless, same as the Thais do. As many times posted before in this topic, be yourself and care for yourself.

Fact is that you'll remain a Farang and there is nothing wrong with it because you are not a Thai.

I now live for eight years in a very small rural village, I had to find out where my place is in the small society and till up today I didn't rue one day at my new home.

I love the Thai country side, Fatfather

[govoner]

people are in the main friendly and show a decent level of respect, it does differ depending on the westerner and his attitudes, me i only have positive interactions, most in the village refer to me by name, but have witnessed them being rude/disrespectful to other westerners, perhaps this is due to their partners actions/reputations.

my tips for fitting in as a casual visitor

3. be able to keep a secret (just sit and smile, you know the truth but dont give the game away)

does this include not telling your farang pal he is being two timed by his wife / gf

[sinbin]

does this include not telling your farang pal he is being two timed by his wife / gf

I told a farang that his g/f was cheating on him. I cleared my conscience, in that if it had been me I'd have wanted to know. Unfortunately the guy chose to believe his g/f that the lover was an old friend who wanted to see where she lived. She got away with it. Not a problem with the guy that I told, other than we don't speak. I can live with that. Unfortunately the cheating g/f, who has a large family within the village, decided to spread gossip about my wife, they thought she was my informant. My wife rode out the storm, but is still ignored by the g/f's family. Would I do the same again, and tell ? No, based on the grief that my wife endured. It burns me up to see that most farangs, where i live, are being two timed or lied to, but I have no choice but to stay schtum, for my wife's sake.

[IsaanAussie]

It tooks me years to get the feeling to be respected, it tooks me some years more to recognise that it is not true. I made friends and I'm respected by some people, many others just play a show, which doesn't bother me. I do not like everybody in the village, but I'm friendly nevertheless, same as the Thais do. As many times posted before in this topic, be yourself and care for yourself.

Fact is that you'll remain a Farang and there is nothing wrong with it because you are not a Thai.

I now live for eight years in a very small rural village, I had to find out where my place is in the small society and till up today I didn't rue one day at my new home.

I love the Thai country side, Fatfather

FF,

That is one of the best posts on this subject I have read, well said sir.

Isaan Aussie

[govoner]

As far as I can remember out of the 20 or 30 odd farangs I know fairly well here in Thailand only one has not bought his Thai wife a house, possibly as he is not married to her.

at least youhave one friend with brains, someone who wants to control his own destiny and not subject it to the whims of a wife or gf

[Atmos]

As far as I can remember out of the 20 or 30 odd farangs I know fairly well here in Thailand only one has not bought his Thai wife a house, possibly as he is not married to her.

at least youhave one friend with brains, someone who wants to control his own destiny and not subject it to the whims of a wife or gf

I don't know you . . . .so you'll have to take my word for it and add me to your list.

My partner has her own house we live in, inherited, but hers alone with no debt.

My contributions amount to some minor decorating and landscaping (can't help myself, love to garden)

[Gary A]

To be truthful, I get more crotchety as I get older. I have no patience for kids and I enjoy my own company. I NEED my privacy. My wife's family respect my needs and although they live in the next small village they rarely come in the house even when they come here. My wife has a huge garden, fruit trees and actively farms so she spends a lot of time at one of the farms most days. Several times a week, I go to the nearest farm where we have a small weekend house. I am content to sit on the front porch, look at the pond, feed the fish and watch the sun do down over the mountains. Life is good out here in the boonies.

I'm not a sour guy and I do nod and smile at the locals. A couple or three times a week I go to my favorite local watering hole and more likely than not there will be another farang or two there. That is the extent of my socializing. I don't go to Thai weddings or funerals.

If I wanted an active social life, I'd move to a farang ghetto. My life style here certainly isn't for everyone but I am content.

Back on topic, do I fit into the village? I really don't know or care.

[sinbin]

Why do we have to fit in ? Nobody speaks to my next door neighbour, a Thai, it doesn't bother him.

[sinbin]

Why do we have to fit in ? Nobody speaks to my next door neighbour, a Thai, it doesn't bother him.

[JurgenG]

Back on topic, do I fit into the village? I really don't know or care.

Why do we have to fit in ? Nobody speaks to my next door neighbour, a Thai, it doesn't bother him.

I've to be honest, I usually prefer the company of my dogs than of my fellow villagers.

But sometime we need help. I found one of the worst problem falangs face in Thailand, and the reason of most very negative posts in this forum, is they are cut from their local community.

You don't need to get along with everybody, just when you need something it's good to know that you can knock to the door to your neighbor and ask for it

Just my thinking

[Gary A]

My wife cooks for weddings, funerals and is often the emergency taxi for people needing to go to a hospital. Everyone knows her and she knows everyone. I stay out of the way.

Would I still live here if anything were to happen to my wife? That's not likely.

[JurgenG]

My wife cooks for weddings, funerals and is often the emergency taxi for people needing to go to a hospital. Everyone knows her and she knows everyone. I stay out of the way.

Would I still live here if anything were to happen to my wife? That's not likely.

Very interesting post.

Would I live in Thailand if my gf is not around ? It's the question I've been asking myself for the past 6 month.

I've haven't found the definite answer yet but where I am now is if I can't stay if my gf is not around, I better leave now.

[villagefarang]

My wife cooks for weddings, funerals and is often the emergency taxi for people needing to go to a hospital. Everyone knows her and she knows everyone. I stay out of the way.

Would I still live here if anything were to happen to my wife? That's not likely.

Very interesting post.

Would I live in Thailand if my gf is not around ? It's the question I've been asking myself for the past 6 month.

I've haven't found the definite answer yet but where I am now is if I can't stay if my gf is not around, I better leave now.

I’m with Gary A on this one.

By way of explanation, just because I wouldn’t want to live here in the village without my wife, doesn’t mean it isn’t a great place and a great life that we are living. It just means I wouldn’t want to live here as a single man.

My wife fulfills all the village requirements for attending the requisite functions, while I am given a pass and allowed to pursue my many and varied interests. Without her help, village life would not be for me, however. Just too much house, garden and dogs to deal with alone, and too far from town.

I’m not leaving now, or ever, I hope.

[Gary A]

It has been more than six years since we made the move to Loei province. I have had difficult to control high blood pressure for many years. Since we have lived here in the boonies, my pulse rate has dropped nearly 20 beats per minute and my blood pressure is now normal. I am a firm believer that stress is a killer. I live here stress free.

[IsaanAussie]

Gary A,

Your quote: Back on topic, do I fit into the village? I really don't know or care.

You have found the secret, be yourself. Many Thais spend their lives trying to impress others, usually only winning over the local hangers-on. I'm a product of my upbringing and whilst I freely admit to having changed since I have been here, I hope it is an improvement set again my inbred standards. Anything else is a positive. If I have become more acceptable to the local villagers, great. But for me, I have read all the Noddy books and don't aspire to be Moonface. I'm just me, at peace with myself.

The comments on remaining if my wife wasnt here with me are interesting. For me, why would I? But for those who might consider it, you must have assimulated very well, good on you.

Isaan Aussie.

[isanbirder]

In posts 2 and 3 on this thread, another poster and I said, "Just be yourself."

At post 137, IsaanAussie says, Just be yourself."

We seem to have gone a long route to get back to the start!

[villagefarang]

In posts 2 and 3 on this thread, another poster and I said, "Just be yourself."

At post 137, IsaanAussie says, Just be yourself."

We seem to have gone a long route to get back to the start!

You aren’t perhaps suggesting that everything should have stopped because you spoke?

[Gary A]

Gary A,

Your quote: Back on topic, do I fit into the village? I really don't know or care.

You have found the secret, be yourself. Many Thais spend their lives trying to impress others, usually only winning over the local hangers-on. I'm a product of my upbringing and whilst I freely admit to having changed since I have been here, I hope it is an improvement set again my inbred standards. Anything else is a positive. If I have become more acceptable to the local villagers, great. But for me, I have read all the Noddy books and don't aspire to be Moonface. I'm just me, at peace with myself.

The comments on remaining if my wife wasnt here with me are interesting. For me, why would I? But for those who might consider it, you must have assimulated very well, good on you.

Isaan Aussie.

I can't say that I have changed. The difference is that I am now totally free to live exactly as I choose. There is no pressure to socialize or adhere to social norms. Normal here is whatever I decide is normal. It would be nearly impossible for me to go back to the rat race. I despise commitments and basically am content to be left alone. I do have a number friends here in Thailand and enjoy the occasional visit as long as the visits are on my terms. I do realize that if I were not reasonably financially secure That I would not be able to live the lifestyle that I now enjoy.

[doglover]

Alot of positive and insightful posts on how to 'fit it' with the village in terms of interacting with the villagers. Something else that could be done is to try to live as they live, to an extent. Try to hold off from building a fancy western style house that is way nicer than everyone elses and the new mansion of the village. I think this creates envy in alot of the villagers and certainly won't help you 'fit in'. If you desire an expensive modern style home that's great, but it will match an urban landscape much better than rural one. Nothing 'fits in' better than another home very similar to everyone elses.

Imagine a suburb back in your own country where everyone in the burb is living in homes fairly balanced in relation to size, appearance and value and drives mid-range vehicles. And along comes a foreigner who buys 4 lots and builds a mansion everyone else in the burb can only dream about. Also has a ferrari, benz, bmw and hummer in the garage. Would you feel envy? Would you feel comfortable bringing a bottle of $20 wine over if invited for dinner when you are aware his wine cellar is stocked with bottles 50 times the price? At least if the foreigner had purchased a lot and home at the same level as everyone else in the burb they would have that in common right off the bat!

[cardholder]

Gary A,

Your quote: Back on topic, do I fit into the village? I really don't know or care.

You have found the secret, be yourself. Many Thais spend their lives trying to impress others, usually only winning over the local hangers-on. I'm a product of my upbringing and whilst I freely admit to having changed since I have been here, I hope it is an improvement set again my inbred standards. Anything else is a positive. If I have become more acceptable to the local villagers, great. But for me, I have read all the Noddy books and don't aspire to be Moonface. I'm just me, at peace with myself.

The comments on remaining if my wife wasnt here with me are interesting. For me, why would I? But for those who might consider it, you must have assimulated very well, good on you.

Isaan Aussie.

I can't say that I have changed. The difference is that I am now totally free to live exactly as I choose. There is no pressure to socialize or adhere to social norms. Normal here is whatever I decide is normal. It would be nearly impossible for me to go back to the rat race. I despise commitments and basically am content to be left alone. I do have a number friends here in Thailand and enjoy the occasional visit as long as the visits are on my terms. I do realize that if I were not reasonably financially secure That I would not be able to live the lifestyle that I now enjoy.

I think this is the most apt and succinct statement I have read about 'Thai life'.

Thank you, it put into words what I have been feeling. It is why Thailand is nowmy 'home'.

[jazzbo]

GA @ 140: It would be nearly impossible for me to go back to the rat race.

from screenplay Baby Boom -- J.C.: Diane Keaton

J.C.: I'm sorry. I think the rat race is gonna have to survive with one less rat.

[billd766]

My wife used to do a lot more in the village several years ago but has cut back on a lot of things.

Saying that however a friends Dad died yesterday ans my wife was up helping out with the cooking etc for about 8 hours and is back there again to day with another friend.

I was helping a little last night with the wiring up of the lights etc as nobody had thought to bring a torch or electrical screwdriver.

I am looking after the little girl of about 3 while this is going on and around 4 pm something will have to change as the kids are coming home from school and get dropped off in the village 6 km away so someone will have to be there for them.

I can't really leave the little girl nor would I want to get the other two as I only have my motorbike as my wife has the pickup truck.

Should my wife die before me I will stay here as I have a few Thai friends plus the house and land will all belong to my son and he will live here as well.

I mostly do my own things and if my wife wants me to do something I will. If I want to go off for a couple of days on my motorbike I tell her early and then go off, similarly for her.

If she dies before me then the house and land go to our son and I become the legal guardian and can live here until I die.

Thailand is now my home and other than a short holiday I have no desire to return to the UK.

For me life is good here and far better than I would be able to live back in the UK.

I know my neighbours here but when I lived in the UK I don't think I knew anybody from 3 houses or more away from ours.

[JurgenG]

Gary A,

Your quote: Back on topic, do I fit into the village? I really don't know or care.

You have found the secret, be yourself. Many Thais spend their lives trying to impress others, usually only winning over the local hangers-on. I'm a product of my upbringing and whilst I freely admit to having changed since I have been here, I hope it is an improvement set again my inbred standards. Anything else is a positive. If I have become more acceptable to the local villagers, great. But for me, I have read all the Noddy books and don't aspire to be Moonface. I'm just me, at peace with myself.

The comments on remaining if my wife wasnt here with me are interesting. For me, why would I? But for those who might consider it, you must have assimulated very well, good on you.

Isaan Aussie.

There are many way to look at it. One of them is to realize it put a lot of pressure on your wife / gf to have to solve all your problems. You need to get more independant. You have to arrange you life to be able to live, not survive, live without her. Then you are together because you enjoy to be together, not because you need assistance like a young kid.

And in the process I realized you gain a lot of respect too ... from everybody !

[govoner]

In posts 2 and 3 on this thread, another poster and I said, "Just be yourself."

At post 137, IsaanAussie says, Just be yourself."

We seem to have gone a long route to get back to the start!

but what say you are a grumpy old bugger, wouldnt it pay to be someone else

[tatom]

Something doesnt make sence to me. "Just be yourself". Before you moved here, if someone gave you some sh!t, did you just smile at them? I didnt and I dont here. Im the only farang around and get along very well in the village. Im active in village affairs (work projects etc) and the locals like and respect me. They know Im always willing to help anyone with a problem and they feel comfortable enough to stop by for a visit. They also know me well enough that if someone p!sses me off they will hear about it.

Im not a grouchy old codger. If someone irritates me, Ill respond appropriatly. Small irritations get no responce. For instance, when the kids are out hunting with thier slingshots and bounce rocks off my roof, Ill give them holy hell and chase them off. Then on Sunday clean-up day when the same boys go by the house picking up trash, I go out and give them drinks and snacks and thank them for cleaning up. They wai and thank me and everything is fine.

I know Im a farang and they know it and they dont expect that Ill behave the same as them. Im just myself here. Like anywhere, I avoid the people I dont like and am friendly with the rest. It works for me. I planned on traveling alot when I moved here, but its been 15 years now and I havent been anywhere. I really like my little village. Its real little, only 250 people and a few jerks.

Actually, being myself has been good for the village. They used to think I was a bit strange, always picking up trash around my property. And instead of digging up grass in my yard likeeveryone else, I mow the grass and encourage it to grow. Now, almost everyone keeps thier place clean and has a lawn! Ive never told anyone, you should do this or that, I just do what I do and if they like it the follow me. Im just being myself.

Tom Salarak Khon Kaen

[fatfather]

Something doesnt make sence to me. "Just be yourself". Before you moved here, if someone gave you some sh!t, did you just smile at them? I didnt and I dont here. Im the only farang around and get along very well in the village. Im active in village affairs (work projects etc) and the locals like and respect me. They know Im always willing to help anyone with a problem and they feel comfortable enough to stop by for a visit. They also know me well enough that if someone p!sses me off they will hear about it.

Im not a grouchy old codger. If someone irritates me, Ill respond appropriatly. Small irritations get no responce. For instance, when the kids are out hunting with thier slingshots and bounce rocks off my roof, Ill give them holy hell and chase them off. Then on Sunday clean-up day when the same boys go by the house picking up trash, I go out and give them drinks and snacks and thank them for cleaning up. They wai and thank me and everything is fine.

I know Im a farang and they know it and they dont expect that Ill behave the same as them. Im just myself here. Like anywhere, I avoid the people I dont like and am friendly with the rest. It works for me. I planned on traveling alot when I moved here, but its been 15 years now and I havent been anywhere. I really like my little village. Its real little, only 250 people and a few jerks.

Actually, being myself has been good for the village. They used to think I was a bit strange, always picking up trash around my property. And instead of digging up grass in my yard likeeveryone else, I mow the grass and encourage it to grow. Now, almost everyone keeps thier place clean and has a lawn! Ive never told anyone, you should do this or that, I just do what I do and if they like it the follow me. Im just being myself.

Tom Salarak Khon Kaen

So what...? First you say ""Something doesnt make sence to me. "Just be yourself"" and at the end your statement is "I'm just beeing myself" ....cannot get the sense.

fatfather

[isanbirder]

In posts 2 and 3 on this thread, another poster and I said, "Just be yourself."

At post 137, IsaanAussie says, Just be yourself."

We seem to have gone a long route to get back to the start!

but what say you are a grumpy old bugger, wouldnt it pay to be someone else

I dunno, Govoner; would you pay me?

[zzaa09]

Some will always feel foreign and others never will. Your respective integration into a village situation shouldn't include a Western psycho-babble offering. Putting far too much thought into one's existence {anywhere} can be terribly destructive.

[pgs]

"Just be yourself" is a good concept if you're with people of similar ilk.

When you're in a different country with different rules & cultural restrictions, "Just be yourself" doesn't really work.

Remember back (or way, way back) when you started school. It was a different world of new people, things & rules.

You had to change a little. You have to decide or learn who you will be friends with & who to stay away from.

You've come to live in a different country. You will have changed a little. You may not notice it, but you will have changed.

Some of what you could do at home, you can't - or shouldn't - do now.

Some things you probably never thought you would do, you may have done since moving.

Move into a village & you're novelty for a while. Everyone wants to know you.

Maybe to see if you're an easy mark, maybe to genuinely be friendly.

Then, like the first days at school / uni / new job, you're back to working out who is OK & who isn't.

You don't have to like everyone on the village or be liked by all.

It will never happen unless there are only two of you in the village.

Even then there is no guarantee.

Take part in village festivals & go to the markets.

Even if you're not religious, drop by the temple occasionally. It won't hurt.

You may be lucky enough to find a monk that has some English.

I don't care for religion, but do like old architecture, so will go to temples for a look.

As hypocritical as it seems, I'll go to temple once a month with TW or the sisters.

The head monk appreciates me being there, as do the older villagers.

The kids seem to think it's a hoot as I have a lot of trouble siting on the floor for so long.

It's a small price to pay.

I feel quite 'at home' in our village. If help is needed, it's available & it's a 2 way street.

-

My experiences in the village may not reflect yours or your ideas of how it should be.

It doesn't make them wrong, just different.

[IsaanAussie]

Time to get this thread working again. So how about this for a discussion starter?

When I lived at "home" I did not know everyone in my neighbourhood. There were many people that I did know and nodded to as we passed. Many were regular friends and some very close. I consider that most people who have posted here would have been in similar circumstances. So why would it be different here?

Here as a "newbie" villager I believe most of us would have been considered something of a novelty until people formed them own opinions of us. After all we are just people too, non-Thai, but after a while just the guy living down the street. I have found my niche in the village and those that I have gained respect for have become nodders that I pass by, others friends.

There are one or two villagers that I wouldn't urinate on if they spontaneously burst into flames, and a few others that are displeased by the fact I don't urinate in their pockets. But that's just me, being myself. I have learnt not to react so much to what those people do and say, better to try being Thai and offer a smile.

Do I make any concessions culturally? Of course I do. But I tend to keep my opinions to myself on things that annoy me about Thai village life. Good example, merit making. To me the concept is satisfied by a give and take attitude between neighbours and doing your bit for the weddings, funerals, and home warmings. Slinging a few baht onto the money tree on its way up to the Wat on Big Bhudda days is one thing, but having pickup trucks full of monks all wanting money to build yet another empty building in a Wat 30km away, stopping outside my gate every week because a farang lives inside is over the top.

OK guys get stuck into that lot!

Isaan Aussie