Successful Relationships With Thai Girlfriend/Wife

[cityboy]

Just wondering if anybody knows anybody who had fulfilling relationship with Thai girl for long period of time (tens of years) - you know the life long partnership thing with Thai lady? Is it all an illusion?

All opinions welcome!

[gotlost]

[StreetCowboy]

I know someone. That's not opinion - that's fact.

SC

[Wallaby]

How many relationships last that long in any shape or form?

[BWPattaya]

I have a friend in the UK who has been married to a Thai for over 28 years. He is now over 80 and she takes care of him very well. I had another friend who died earlier this year. They had lived together in Thailand for many years before they got married 18 years ago.

I went to two weddings in the UK, both partners in each marriage were English. Neither marriage lasted a year.

[Peterbigeyes]

The closest I have is a friend and his wife of 3 years. Still going strong despite the many minor arguements.

Edited September 14, 2010 by Peterbigeyes

[chiang mai]

Six years and getting stronger all the time, best choice I ever made in the dating game. Having said that, the first year was not easy but we both tried really hard and the effort paid off.

[seabear]

I have been together with my wife for over 20 years.

She is funny and smart. She works 12 to 14 hours a day. Not because she has to, but because she likes it. She doesn't gamble, drink, or smoke. I respect her, she respects me. I trust her, she trusts me. We never nag or quarrel. All my family and friends In Europe like her. She does not to try to impress people by decorating herself with gold, but by the success she has in her businesses. She's a woman for sunshine and for rain.

To make a long story short: I am a Lucky man.

[chiang mai]

I have been together with my wife for over 20 years.

She is funny and smart. She works 12 to 14 hours a day. Not because she has to, but because she likes it. She doesn't gamble, drink, or smoke. I respect her, she respects me. I trust her, she trusts me. We never nag or quarrel. All my family and friends In Europe like her. She does not to try to impress people by decorating herself with gold, but by the success she has in her businesses. She's a woman for sunshine and for rain.

To make a long story short: I am a Lucky man.

Very nice, well done.

[Thules]

Yes, well done to you and your missus, Sir.....

But consider how aggrevating, and totally frustrating, your fine response will be to those desperately want to denegrate your happiness together, and those in general within Thailand....

[cardholder]

Spam, I agree.

Nevertheless, it is worth posting a few positives before the detractors get in.

I have been together with my partner for four years. Ups and down and we often disagree - sometimes heatedly. As far as I can recall the only person who has carried an argument over to the next day has been me.

These four years have been as enjoyable as any period in my life and that counts as a measure of success. Will it continue to be successful over the next four years ? Who can tell, but I am happy to continue to put commitment into making it work and enjoy the pleasures and challenges of a multiracial/multicultural relationship.

Anyway, at that time she will be 21 and can make her own mind up

[johninbkk]

I have been together with my wife for over 20 years.

She is funny and smart. She works 12 to 14 hours a day. Not because she has to, but because she likes it. She doesn't gamble, drink, or smoke. I respect her, she respects me. I trust her, she trusts me. We never nag or quarrel. All my family and friends In Europe like her. She does not to try to impress people by decorating herself with gold, but by the success she has in her businesses. She's a woman for sunshine and for rain.

To make a long story short: I am a Lucky man.

I must have married her younger sister. They sound not only similar, but exactly the same. No wearing of gold to impress, not on the phone 24/7, just wholesome family life. We have been married for 6 years and I feel the relationship is getting stronger. I have never had a partner who supports me in every aspect. The only minor problems we have is when family intrude, for you know what purpose, oh well I can cope.

[cityboy]

Thanks for the replies.

Had my good and bad experiences. Perhaps there is hope.

[mca]

But consider how aggrevating, and totally frustrating, your fine response will be to those desperately want to denegrate your happiness together, and those in general within Thailand....

I was in immigration last year and there was this old westerner with his Thai wife. Both in their late 70s. I got chatting to them and found out they'd been married and living here 40 years. They had some intresting tales about Thailand years ago. It was sweet when they sat at the officer's desk they were gently holding hands.

I bet there's some gobshite westerner only too willing to tell the old man " She's just biding her time. All Isaan women are crooks " I've heard it myself on numerous occasions over the years.

Mainly to cover the fact that they married or got involved with trash and were too frigging dumb to see it before it was too late.

Edited September 15, 2010 by mca

[FarmerJoe]

Been together for 6 years with my better half with nary a bad word between us. My friends tell me I hit the lottery. Always kind and helpful to anyone, works like hel_l and treats me like a king. And I treat her the same. And her family and I get along great. We both help each other out in different ways. You have to pry us apart.

[cardholder]

Mainly to cover the fact that they married or got involved with trash and were too frigging dumb to see it before it was too late.

And, of course, trash can be high-so or it could be low-so

[mca]

It could even be middle-so

[maccaroni man]

14 yrs and counting, best woman i have ever been with.

[MAJIC]

The question you are asking is how long will/can a relationship last,

the answer to that is:the same as anywhere else in the world,one night, the rest of their life,or somewhere in between.

UP-2-U and her!

How long is a piece of string?

Edited September 15, 2010 by MAJIC

[MB1]

Thanks for the replies.

Had my good and bad experiences. Perhaps there is hope.

And did you then you wake up from your dream, give your head a good shake...Nudge nudge wink wink say no more...

Edited September 15, 2010 by MB1

[hawksway]

We have been married 23 years. Like me, my Thai Wife is Catholic and well educated.<BR><BR>My advice is not to marry out of your religion. If you have no faith then support your Wife in hers.<BR><BR>Communication is paramount. If your Partner is not educated at least to your standard then marriage carries real risks as so many misunderstandings will result threatening the relationship. From these columns you will find that poor communications is the single biggest reason for failure.

[mallyrd]

We have been together for 23 years and married for 18 years, there have been ups and downs but these get worked through by talking matters through. My wife has travelled with me to Kuwait, Abu Dhabi, Dubai, Qatar and Malaysia. Life with her is a never ending love story, I have been blessed.

[Thules]

Congratulations, and best wishes, to all of you having such great and long term relationships !

After 7 years here, I'm now into a 1 year relationship with a great Thai Lady, having had numerous false starts. Time will tell of course, but practically every day, I tell her how happy I am with her, and she tells me how she just wants to be with me for the rest of her life.

To the more sceptical of punters here, I ask that you keep on trying. There's no guarantee of anything, but having found my, hopefully, life long soul mate, I hope that you also find yours.

[Jimi007]

Congratulations, and best wishes, to all of you having such great and long term relationships !

After 7 years here, I'm now into a 1 year relationship with a great Thai Lady, having had numerous false starts. Time will tell of course, but practically every day, I tell her how happy I am with her, and she tells me how she just wants to be with me for the rest of her life.

To the more sceptical of punters here, I ask that you keep on trying. There's no guarantee of anything, but having found my, hopefully, life long soul mate, I hope that you also find yours.

I have to agree with you! I went through a lot and many years, to find someone that I love and she truly loves me. We have never had a fight in almost two years of living together. We disagree once in a while, but I take care of her, she takes care of me! Her mother, father, grandmother and old blind family monk approve of me. They always ask if I'm OK. She gets a bit jealous that her mother always asks how I am, and not how she is. I don't give the family much, but I help when I can. I hope others can find someone, anywhere in the world that can develop a strong and lasting relationship. Good luck!

I also have a friend of more than 30 years in the US that has been married to a Thai woman for well over ten years. They now own two profitable Thai restaurants. And it's all their fault I came to Thailand in the first place and can't seem to leave!!! Although I still have a house in California, that I do need to go visit, I seem to make it over there about once every 14 months or so...

[sarahsbloke]

We have been married 23 years. Like me, my Thai Wife is Catholic and well educated. My advice is not to marry out of your religion. If you have no faith then support your Wife in hers. Communication is paramount. If your Partner is not educated at least to your standard then marriage carries real risks as so many misunderstandings will result threatening the relationship. From these columns you will find that poor communications is the single biggest reason for failure.

I would have to disagree,

It's all about sex, if one of you wants sex more than the other then the marriage is doomed to failure.

Nothing makes a better marriage than a damned good shag, at frequent intervals!

So there we go

You think poor communications is the biggest reason for failure, I think poor sex is the biggest reason for failure.

[Gideon]

My friend is married to a Thai muslim girl from down south and he is an atheist. She is 10 years older as him and not educated and takes care of the house. He has a master degree and a good job (works is ass of). They have been together for more then 6 years, are happily married and hardly ever have trouble in their relationship.

This proves that both age difference, difference in religion, difference in work etc. doesnt really matter at all.

It does matter that you are dedicated, have respect for each other, give each other space and freedom and that your personalities have a click.

Thats it ! Puzzle solved.

Ohh yeah forgot.... Her family including brother who is Imam accepts and respects their relationship. They go on holiday to visit mum and her brothers very often.

Edited September 23, 2010 by Gideon

[ianwuk]

These stories (of relationships that work) are nice to see and are a refreshing change from the cynicism that breeds here. I am sure it is lurking in the shadows as I type this so that others can bring you down to their level of failed relationships, regret and bitterness.

ianwuk

[villagefarang]

Thirteen years and counting. Never been happier or more spoiled.

[bangkokcitylimits]

'The 10 Biggest Mistakes Western Guys Make With Thai Women

Western guys like Thai women and Thai women like Western men. We might not quite be in vogue like we were several years ago, but the average Thai woman will still consider a foreign guy, even if she is not one of the so-called farang hungry women.

So with foreign guy / Thai girl relationships so common these days, why is it that we hear far more tales of woe than we do fairy tales? Of course Western men and Thai women are very different, but what I see are the same mistakes being made over and over again.

I believe that more happiness or more misery comes from your relationship with your other half than any other aspect of your life - so it really is important to get it right! What follows are some of the most common mistakes I see Western men making in serious relationships with Thai women.

Taking the "easy way" to meet a life partner

Clearly the most common mistake so many guys make is taking the easy route to meeting a woman. In other words, they look for a wife in a bar. The easiest route usually ends in the biggest disaster as guys who attempt to turn a prostitute into a wife find out. Sure, some make it, but the vast majority crash and burn, only those guys who have near endless pots of gold are able to navigate the minefield that is a relationship with an ex-prostitute. If there was one theme that runs endlessly through this website - and has done since the site's inception - it is that marrying a prostitute is a recipe for disaster.

Moving her in

If you are genuinely contemplating marriage to your current darling then move her in. Otherwise don't! It's as simple as that. The only reason to move a Thai lady in is if you really think you'll be putting a ring on her finger. Later discovering that she was not quite as suitable as you first thought and finding yourself in a situation where you have to move her out can become a nightmare. A lady being told to move out can become manipulative and may attempt to demand a "settlement". Failure to cough up can result in theatrics the sort you just don't want to experience. Drama with an hysterical girl in your condo is no-one's idea of fun.

Settling down too fast

Do a survey amongst your Western friends married to or engaged Thai women to ascertain just how many got engaged or even married because of threats she would do a runner if marriage was not agreed to. It is so common in Western guy / Thai girl relationships that sometimes I think it is almost the norm. (Real life examples (and two nicely written stories) can be found here and here.) Stories abound of guys getting engaged to women they have known less than two weeks. "But I talked with her online for months and months", he says. What is she like at that time of the month? What are her friends like? What does she do in her free time? What is she like when she is under pressure? What does she really think of you insisting of watching every All Blacks test and in her mind, putting your love of sport before your love of her? There is no substitute for spending a good amount of time together. A few weeks just is not long enough to know what a person is really like. And if it was while you were in Thailand on holiday, the proverbial two-week millionaire, she is going to have some lofty expectations...

Speaking Thai

Language and culture are inextricably linked. Communication is critical and if your Thai is better than her English then Thai becomes the language of the relationship. Speaking Thai is all very good and well but you will find that you tend to do things the Thai way. That means that the norms of Thai relationships will become the norms of your relationship. Try arguing with a Thai that you are not prepared to pay a dowry or not willing to support distant lay about relatives. If you're arguing in Thai it isn't easy.

I don't think it's any coincidence that when she speaks very good English and thus the language of the relationship is English that the chances of long-term success are much higher. Besides, and this really is as an aside, I think one of the best things you can do for her is to get her English up to speed. By doing so you open up the world to her.

Agreeing to things you really don't want to agree to

"But it's the Thai way" she claims and you foolishly try and rationalise that this is Thailand and you don't really understand everything that is going on around you and oh so begrudgingly give in. You really don't want to do it but failure to might result in the relationship going south... Too many guys agree to things with their Thai girlfriend that they really would not agree to in their homeland. Sometimes it can be packaged in such a way that failure to do so might result in a premature end to the relationship.

If you're constantly told that you do not understand Thai culture or you do not understand Thai women then run, run as fast as you can and never ever look back. It's a card that many play...

Meeting her family for the first time...on your big day

It's an old cliché but you really do marry the family when you marry a Thai woman. With this in mind, one should take a close look at her family - and long before the time that many foreigners meet their bride to be's family, either on the wedding day, at the occasion of the engagement ceremony or at the dowry discussion. Believe me, the Thai family will examine you closely and they will ask all sorts of personal and impertinent questions. These are the people you will be spending time with over holiday weekends, the people who may visit you unannounced and expect to stay with you for days on end and from whom there very well may be requests for assistance of some sort. Are they decent folks? Do they have a sustainable lifestyle? Are they people you would be proud to introduce your parents to? I find it quite appalling the number of Westerners who have said to me that they love their in-laws to death and how they are decent people and the salt of the earth and they would do anything for them.....but no way in hel_l would they ever introduce them to their own parents! You have every right to ask all of the same questions to your dearest about her and her family. In fact you would be foolish not to.

Perhaps I ought to add that two of the guys I know who have genuinely happy and successful relationships as best I can see married orphans. There *is* something in that!

Marrying a moron

The average IQ in Thailand of 91 is a lot lower than the average IQ in Western countries (Canada 97, USA & Australia 98, England & New Zealand 100) - and I am told that the difference between say 91 and 100 is actually quite significant. Many guys may claim that they do not get their emotional needs from their wife. They have plenty of mates who satisfy their intellectual needs. That is all well and good but we simply cannot overlook the fact that some rural Thais have not had anything like the opportunities the average Westerner has. The reality is that looks fade and (sorry to alienate the female readership here) few women look that attractive after menopause. If it was looks that attracted you to her initially, I sure hope she has a bit of substance to her or something about her grows on you over time because looks don't last forever! If you married a simple girl you might find she is unable to stimulate you intellectually. You may find her simple nature appealing, uncomplicated and perhaps even cute, but will it remain endearing forever? In terms of simple compatibility, is it not preferable to have someone with a similar education to yourself? When you face difficult times, be it external such as a job loss, or something within the relationship itself, it is much easier to work through things with someone who thinks beyond what their next meal will be.

Revealing too much too soon (if at all)

I have always lived my life with the philosophy of not telling everything to anyone. Not the other half, not my parents, not even my closest, most trusted friends know everything about me. As one ages, one realises more and more the vulnerability in letting any one person know too much about you. Friendships go sour, people fall out and if you're really unlucky the person you once called your best buddy is now mouthing off about you to all and sundry. Your deepest, darkest secrets and some incredibly embarrassing moments are now in the public domain. Fortunately this sort of thing doesn't happen in the West so much.

But it does in Thailand. If you asked me to give you five adjectives to describe the Thai character then "vindictive" would be one of them. Should things go bad between you and your Thai other half then don't be surprised if she gets nasty. Many Thai women feel hard done by when a relationship with a Western man goes bad - whatever the reason! They often feel aggrieved and it often seems that 99% of the time they get it in their mind that it was all your fault. Expect pay back, perhaps even revenge. The best way to minimise any damage is to ensure that she doesn't know too much about you. Be prepared. For example, I would not reveal my place of work or the company I worked for if I was dating a lower class Thai woman with whom I felt the relationship wasn't going anywhere. For some, their vindictiveness knows no limits. And a reminder about making your Thai wife the sole beneficiary of your estate. Doing so inadvertently makes you more valuable to her dead than alive! Not if but when the inheritance question comes up, tell her that it is split between her and your closest family members, whether that be the case or not.

Supporting her ad infinitum

Each partner has a role in a relationship and once you have reached the point where you're living together, it is perhaps time for these to be defined. Allowing her freedom to do as she pleases while supporting her handsomely will reinforce the message that having a foreign husband is a ticket to a sabai sabai (comfortable and easy) life. By all means support her if she is playing housewife and / or raising the kids, but if she isn't - even if money is not an issue for you - get her doing something. Thai women married to Western men who don't have kids yet lay about the house all day doing precious little are the absolute scorn of expat society. A woman gainfully employed or pulling her weight in a relationship carries herself with pride. Woman who are supported, sleep for half the day and do previous little of any value have a very different air about them.

Letting her get away with murder!

The Western guy's amazing ability to overlook the most heinous behaviour in a relationship continues to bewilder me. How many guys have forgiven their betrothed after she has slept with a former flame? How many are blind to the obvious clues that you're not the only one in her life?

I heard a classic the other day. A fellow was walking along the road with his girlfriend when she made him duck down behind a car as a motorbike whizzed past with what she described as her brother riding it. Clearly she came from an incestuous family.

Thai soap operas propagate tantrums and seem to reinforce to the local woman that if things don't go their way then they should scream and shout and start destroying property as a mechanism to change their boyfriend's / husband's behaviour so that they do manage to get their way. Never does a week go by when I don't receive a tale of woe from a reader whose Thai girlfriend has thrown a wobbly. It starts with the destruction of property with remote controls, cups and the 21st century favourite, the mobile phone, all learning, totally unsuccessfully, to fly. A bad sign and you need to review things at that point. But it gets worse. Next is the threats to harm herself, usually with a knife, possibly to jump from the balcony (a favourite when she realises that you want to call the relationship off), or perhaps even to harm you. When it gets to this stage, it's time to walk. Don't think that a woman who is capable of pulling a knife on you is not capable of castrating you while you sleep...although with that said, Thai women tend to slice the meat as opposed to the vegetables. Whatever, we're talking semantics. You get the point.

There's no reason why you can't have a fabulous relationship with a Thai woman. Take the time to choose the right one, take the time to get to know her and don't accept anything that you would not be prepared to accept in the West. A Thai woman can make a fabulous life partner but if you choose badly, she can end up a real nightmare!'

source: stickmanweekly.com

Edited September 25, 2010 by bangkokcitylimits

[Gonsalviz]

Well ain't this just grand. Mostly positive replies and mine is also.

First Thai wife lasted 22 years

The current one is much better lady.