Much Ado About Nothing

[trompelemonde82]

I met my Thai girl just over a year ago and we recently reunited for the fourth time - as in we split up or parted ways a few times in the past year, each time doing so on a mutual and friendly manner, except for last time when we had some daft argument over nothing. It's too long a story to get into the history of it but she's one of the 'good' ones here, works in sales and has self-taught herself a considerable amount of English in the time we've known each other which has really improved our communication. We get on well, have a good bond and what I would describe as a happy relationship. Just after the last time we split and her saying she probably wouldn't be back to see me again, I went on a visa run and met a Filipina girl while traveling across the border. We got talking, went to eat, had a few drinks and before long were in bed - we hit it off pretty well and she suggested we share a room then jumped on me. As I was next to certain the Thai GF wanted to end things I thought 'well why the hel_l not?' and went ahead.

That turned out to be a fling and after some consideration I decided there was no good reason to end it with the Thai girl as we had a good thing and the problems we sometimes had were due mostly to my misunderstandings and her stubbornness, which aren't particularly problematic and can be easily dealt with. Well, we got talking again and she came to visit and we picked up right where we left off. Since that time things have improved a lot and our relationship has strengthened.

Well, the dilemma is this - she found out about the fling with the Filipina and I had a really hard time convincing her I didn't mess around and go cheating on anyone (as in continuing to see Filipina after I got back with Thai GF which I really didn't do, not my style), and only started the fling because I thought she wasn't coming back. After a long and difficult discussion I managed to talk her round and all was well again.

Anyway, her day off usually falls in the middle of the week, which is when she will take an 8 hour bus ride to come and visit me - usually every week as well. While I pay for practically all costs, food, drinks, trips, movies and whatever, it's not a great deal and she's certainly not a gold digger who often cautions me about spending too much on her and rarely even asks for me to buy her something. When I ocassionally do, I'm usually told not to buy expensive gifts (something like 800 baht for a pair of earrings and she thinks it's too much). As we're doing this long distance thing it's not like I'm throwing away money every day so I'm happy to spend a bit when she does come. Sometimes when she's low on salary she'll take a few hundred baht, or maybe 1000 and use that to visit twice (about 400 baht each way).

Anyway, my work schedule was recently rearranged and I was asked if I could work on her day off. I said I'd confirm with them later, and checked with her. She said 'no problem, you take the work and I can spend time with you the same day anyway.' I asked her if she could talk to her boss and change her day off to be the same as mine, and she said maybe. Now she's just done this and let me know yesterday, saying she'd come to see me again.

I used to work in another province and one of my former colleagues who I have had a good friendship with over my time in LOS is still staying there. It just so happens to be his birthday on my day off when the GF is supposed to be coming over. He reminded me of this last weekend and said he'd drive over to my province to hang out. Now he's been a bit under the weather so asked if I'd go over to see him. This guy is a decent chap, kind hearted, has helped me with many situations and given good advice. However, he has basically only one Thai male friend down there and sees him infrequently. He's in his mid 40s and hasn't had a Thai GF before in many years of living here (so he says anyway).

I talked to the GF tonight and told her about this (truth be told I'd forgotten all about his birthday what with working this new schedule,) and she seemed rather put out and a bit annoyed that I'd go and see him over her. I suggested she come along, but she's not mad keen on him and would rather not. She's going to the same province to visit her family next weekend so asked if I could go to see him then and see her this weekend. This seems reasonable enough to me, but I already told him I'd go to visit him on his birthday. His Thai mate may come along but has a habit of randomly turning off his phone and disappearing when he wants to (well he is Thai after all) so my friend might end up being alone on his birthday.

So I'm in a bit of a quandary here - just came off the rocky road with the GF and want to maintain the good times which seeing her would help to do. Haven't seen my mate in a long time and with him being a lonesome type I'd feel kind of bad if he's alone on his birthday. I'm sure some posters will say 'well just arrange to go and celebrate his b-day next weekend and see your girl this weekend/' but I don't want to leave him crying into his birthday cake without his pal there. Either way, someone will be upset.

What would you do in this situation??

[mallyrd]

Well the first thing I want to do is puke!! The second thing is "why are you bothering trying to maintain this rather dodgey relationship"?

[antony77]

What a boring post. You sound like my 14 year old son who comes to me with these sort of problems. If you around this age then I apologize and suggest who ask your mama or Papa to advise you what to do

[trompelemonde82]

Hmm, guess I wasn't so far off the mark in my suspicion that posting in the 'farang pub' forum would result in useless answers from a couple of <deleted>. Looks like I was right.

Thanks heaps for your (uninformed) words of wisdom and prejudicial opinionated twaddle - but really, what more can one expect from a couple of <deleted>?

[DumpyLevel]

Well now you have "a few" <deleted>.. sorry...

You wrote a novelette, and it could have been condensed to a few lines... if you consider this one of your major dilemmas in life, consider yourself lucky..

It really is a no brainer.. go see your mate.. if you are truly on again, off again with her, it does not really matter and you can sort it out later

[britmaveric]

Well technically you made plans with the lady, but since you said its pretty rare occasion with your mate then go to the bday party. If she gives you sh*te then so be it - I am sure there might be other ladies who would be more understandable.

[onnut]

I have read the OP in full without falling asleep!!

Is your mate as boring as you? Maybe that is why your girl does not want to go and see him. Just a thought!!!

Here is what I would do if I got into this pickle. Look after your mate because he will be around longer than the girlfriend for sure.

[Theo007]

Go and visit your friend. This girl is another control freak. It will get worse the longer the relationship lasts.

[stander]

OP ...........You can't be serious?

Edited October 15, 2010 by stander

[Traxster]

The heading really says it all................

'Much Ado About Nothing' !! :rolleyes:

[paulchiangmai]

I wouldn't have to think twice, go with the girl. Possibly you may have to spend the rest of your life with her where as mates come and go. Possibly this is the reason I have no real mates.

[IanForbes]

Well now you have "a few" <deleted>.. sorry...

You wrote a novelette, and it could have been condensed to a few lines... if you consider this one of your major dilemmas in life, consider yourself lucky..

It really is a no brainer.. go see your mate.. if you are truly on again, off again with her, it does not really matter and you can sort it out later

I have to agree with the above post and the topic line. The whole thing could have been explained in one or two sentences.

1. You made a prior commitment with the gal

2. Your mate wants to see you on the same date

3. Only you can make up your mind what you would rather do.

4 If either the mate or the gal has a hissy fit about being the odd one out then neither is worth the bother. Any mate of mine would understand if I had to break a date.

[richard_smith237]

Your mate might be there on his own if you chose to stay where you are with your girl....

Why not invite your mate over to yours for the weekend ?

[StreetCowboy]

Hmm, guess I wasn't so far off the mark in my suspicion that posting in the 'farang pub' forum would result in useless answers from a couple of <deleted>. Looks like I was right.

Thanks heaps for your (uninformed) words of wisdom and prejudicial opinionated twaddle - but really, what more can one expect from a couple of <deleted>?

To be fair, you should stick to one <deleted> or another.

SC

I generally find, when it comes to matters of the heart, there are two options: Trust to the guidance of complete strangers who bear you no good will, or sort it out yourself.

I do hope that this thread runs and runs, and I am tempted to offer some advice to enhance its comic potential, but I struggle to think of anything that could sound credible...oh, and also, I couldn't be bothered to read the whole of your OP.