A Farmers Sense Of Humour

[IsaanAussie]

Australians of my vintage used to pride themselves on being able to "Cop it sweet" and laugh at themselves. Imagine the importance of that attitude to Australian Farmers in Oz and even more so here in Thailand where everything is supposed to be "No Problem".

Well since that spirit has been reawakened in me by Tim Armstrong, and the world is still in economic chaos, consider the plight of the Aussie at home. We have a new female Prime Mnister who is an atheist living in sin in the official residence. Who would be an Aussie now, despite the high our commodity based currency gets? Hahahahahaha or in Thai 555555555

Isaan Aussie

PS. Off to talk some sense (with the pigs)

[canuckamuck]

Apparently this is Aussie code speak

[GarryP]

Yep. I think even Bletchley Park would have trouble with that. Left me scratching my head it did.

[teletiger]

"PS. Off to talk some sense (with the pigs)"

At least they won't be telling you any porkies.

"Left me scratching my head it did."

Excellent.

Regards.

[OOTAI]

Guys I wouldn't worry about IA I think he's been sniffing too much of the methane his pigs are producing. I'm an Aussie and it went over my head as well.

However I was impressed to read that Julia refused to attend church which to me in commendable as politicians usually don't wrry about being hypecritical(spelling??).

Also IA I have never heard the expression "Six axehandles across the acre" but have heard "Six axe handles across the shoulders" which means he a big mother so don't mess with him.

As for those people who had the misfortune to not be born in Aussie I suggest you should read "They're a Weird Mob" by Nino Cullatto (I think??) it is a good guide to the "Aussie" language.

IA did the pigs make better sense than the locals? I would think they would.

[CM4Me]

OOTAI, you should also read 'Bill Brysons Down Under', he tells some bonza dinky die tales

[Traxster]

OOTAI........'hypocritical'. :whistling:

Topic Summary......'dinky di' :jap: :jap: :jap:

C'mon you blokes get with the programme........

[IsaanAussie]

In Thai, what is the pronunciation of the number 5? Now re-read my OP.

[canuckamuck]

Nope, still no clue

[IsaanAussie]

Nope, still no clue

Ha Ha Ha

[lesdunbar]

The Author of "There a wierd mob" was John O,grady . The story concerned the plight of Nino Cullotta . An Italian Immigrant just moved to Sydney NSW.

A story about his life there starting up a job in the building game. A very good read and very funny as well.

Cheers n Beers,

lesdunbar

[Wallaby]

Correct. Movie was shit but the book is very good.

[IsaanAussie]

OK so who has read the Fools of Foolgarah. A book about the garbos and the shitees in Sydney?

[tim armstrong]

IA I'm still laughing, This has to be the best forum on TV !

[CLEVERTREVOR]

Report from Brisbane Australia - On farmer wife in Sa Kaeo...

1st year - Pigs - 4 pens - Lose da money....

2nd year - Pigs - 6 pens - Lose lotta money.....

3rd year - Pigs - 12 pens - Lose crazy ( its not my fault, I like the pig. ) money.......

4th year - Tile the pig pens to fatten hoppy things + Build a large Correctional Centre for a couple hundred quacky things... No report yet,except the Sa Kaeo bank account is maintaining its zero balance.. Its nice to know there's some certainty in this world !!!

[grimleybob]

Oz pig farmer talking to his mate

" Got some of them Ormone tablets for the Boar yesterday. Supposed to boost his ability in the reproductive department"

"Have they done any good"

"Dunno but they taste alright"

[tim armstrong]

Oz pig farmer talking to his mate

" Got some of them Ormone tablets for the Boar yesterday. Supposed to boost his ability in the reproductive department"

"Have they done any good"

"Dunno but they taste alright"

Bob, I think you can do better than that one. There must be other farmer's jokes out there ?

[IsaanAussie]

Wow, blue bombers for pigs! Why not I suppose? Actually I wonder, if that Oz farmer did injest one, did just one of his nuts get bigger or both? Can you imagine the reaction in the showers after a footy match, "Hung like a Pig!" Doesn't seem to click does it? But it should, after all what have donkeys and bears got to brag about in comparison?

Arh, all these questions, it makes my brain hurt. Who would want a pair of Ross Faulkners between their legs anyway? Just how far to the left or right can you dress?

Isaan Aussie

[IMA_FARANG]

O.K. I'm a Yank but I remember this advertisment for "Four Stars" on Sky TV out of the U.K. I once saw.

Two Aussie sheepmen are leaning on the fence watching the sheep milling about.

Firt one says,"Boss and I had a go round yesterday, Seems he thinks I was up in the big house visiting his wife last week while he was away. Says he knows cause I drank some of his Four Stars".

Second one replies,"Well now, that's not right. Every time I go up to the big nouse to visit his wife, I bring my own Four Stars".

First one replies,"So do I, so do I. After all a man has to have his standards, doesn't he?"

Well, doesn't he?

[grimleybob]

Falang sheepfarmer relocates his flock to the slopes of Kilimanjaro. Only white man for miles around.

One day, Rufus his black farm-manager arrives and tells him his wifes given birth to a little white boy

"What goes on Boss" he demands

Quick as a flash the boss replies "Genetics You know how wev'e got 10,000 white sheep. Well some of them have black faces. Its all down to genetics"

Rufus "Now I understand Boss If I leave your sheep alone you'll leave my wife alone"

[IsaanAussie]

Falang sheepfarmer relocates his flock to the slopes of Kilimanjaro. Only white man for miles around.

One day, Rufus his black farm-manager arrives and tells him his wifes given birth to a little white boy

"What goes on Boss" he demands

Quick as a flash the boss replies "Genetics You know how wev'e got 10,000 white sheep. Well some of them have black faces. Its all down to genetics"

Rufus "Now I understand Boss If I leave your sheep alone you'll leave my wife alone"

Nay, I prefer the pig joke, in fact I prefer pigs. My grandfather was a merino stud master and had a ram named David who was used as the Gloden Fleece Signage. Now who amonst you Aussies cab remember Golden Fleece? By the way my second name is David, I asked my father if there was a connection, he just smiled. In any case we are here in Thailand and Baa is not verbalising pleasure, just an indication of madness.

[grimleybob]

Falang sheepfarmer relocates his flock to the slopes of Kilimanjaro. Only white man for miles around.

One day, Rufus his black farm-manager arrives and tells him his wifes given birth to a little white boy

"What goes on Boss" he demands

Quick as a flash the boss replies "Genetics You know how wev'e got 10,000 white sheep. Well some of them have black faces. Its all down to genetics"

Rufus "Now I understand Boss If I leave your sheep alone you'll leave my wife alone"

Nay, I prefer the pig joke, in fact I prefer pigs. My grandfather was a merino stud master and had a ram named David who was used as the Gloden Fleece Signage. Now who amonst you Aussies cab remember Golden Fleece? By the way my second name is David, I asked my father if there was a connection, he just smiled. In any case we are here in Thailand and Baa is not verbalising pleasure, just an indication of madness.

take a look at my picture madness runs in the family

Edited November 8, 2010 by grimleybob

[IsaanAussie]

My farm pond is looking great and I would like to add some more fish. I was reminded of a joke

A couple went on vacation to a resort in Thailand . The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife liked to read.

One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decided to take the boat out. She motored out a short distance, anchored, and continued to read her book.

Along came a game warden in his boat. He pulled up alongside the woman and said, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replied, (thinking: "isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informed her.

"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," said the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you!" said the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment."

MORAL: NEVER ARGUE WITH A WOMAN WHO READS. IT'S LIKELY SHE CAN ALSO THINK!

[tim armstrong]

I think its time for a kiwi joke. - Question: Why do all the horses run so fast in New Zealand ? - Answer: Because they've seen what happens to the sheep !

By the way IA I come from a finewool Merino Stud background.

[ableguy]

Oz pig farmer talking to his mate

" Got some of them Ormone tablets for the Boar yesterday. Supposed to boost his ability in the reproductive department"

"Have they done any good"

"Dunno but they taste alright"

Good one

[CLEVERTREVOR]

Ahhh!!! No more , the sound of sick Harleys being cranked over + no more the shrill of the banchee when snorters don't get their way.. A new life beckons an ex Aussie pig farmer. Now can appreciate the sounds of dumb old sheep but not as much Kiwis do.....

On our Selection in peaceful Sa Kaeo... A bloody good nights sleep???

Watched Series 2 Underbelly, crawled under the mossie net,straightened a few bodies up and crashed. Time 12 pm...

1am - Wife started the diesel ute, loaded chilli,peanuts,snakebean,cucumber, had a yelling conversation with the neighbours.

Banged every house door, car door, tailgate ect... Left around 1.30am...

2am - Wifes alcoholic sister gets the DTs... Starts ranting + raving, then abusing everything in sight. T

[CLEVERTREVOR]

'CLEVERTREVOR' timestamp='1289300708' post='4012076']

Ahhh!!! No more , the sound of sick Harleys being cranked over + no more the shrill of the banchee when snorters don't get their way.. A new life beckons an ex Aussie pig farmer. Now can appreciate the sounds of dumb old sheep but not as much Kiwis do.....

On our Selection in peaceful Sa Kaeo... A bloody good nights sleep???

Watched Series 2 Underbelly, crawled under the mossie net,straightened a few bodies up and crashed. Time 12 pm...

1am - Wife started the diesel ute, loaded chilli,peanuts,snakebean,cucumber, had a yelling conversation with the neighbours.

Banged every house door, car door, tailgate ect... Left around 1.30am...

2am - Wifes alcoholic sister gets the DTs... Starts ranting + raving, then abusing everything in sight. T

[/size] Continued - Thus settling down to a sobbing murmur, nearing 3am.....

3am - Cats fighting inside the house. Chased the buggers with a broom , hoping to smash them. Alas, too many escape hatches in our

Thai house...

4am - Mongrel rooster in tree outside the window has a chat with every other squarker in the neighbourhood.. First a few pebbles, then

some rocks and finally a couple of half bricks.. The dislodged ball of feathers hit the ground running, dissapearing into the night...

Sister in law still whinging to herself in bed....

5am - Wake up staring at a deceased fruit bat next to my pillow...Probably a peace offering from one of the cats.. Sister in law asleep or

or dead, preferably the latter!!!

6am - LOUD Speakers wailing from the nearby school. Probably about important Government business..

Give up, Get up, have a coffee.

7am - Dam!!! sister in law Not dead.....

Anybody want a free Isuzu pickup - Conditions - Marry my Sister in law, shoot a couple of cats and there will plenty chickenrooster

at the reception..

[grimleybob]

Market day and four farmers are chatting.

Three of them start bragging about their sons.

First one says "Since my son went to the City and started working in Finance he's made a fortune. His portfolio is worth millions. He's so rich he gave £50.000 stocks and shares to his friend"

Second one says " Thats nothing. My son left the farm and started a Porsche dealership. Turns over millions. Last month he gave an £80,000 Porsche to his friend"

Third one says " My sons a property developer with properties all over europe. He recently gave a 1/2million pound docklands penthouse to his friend

Pissed off with the other three the fourth one says "My son works as a rent-boy in Soho he's recently been given a Porsche, a penthouse and £50 grands worth of stocks and shares"

[teletiger]

Pissed off with the other three the fourth one says "My son works as a rent-boy in Soho he's recently been given a Porsche, a penthouse and £50 grands worth of stocks and shares"

Regards.

[grimleybob]

IA I think youv'e heard this before

what turns a fat ugly pig into a blonde bombshell

10 pints of lager

What turns a blond bombshell into a fat ugly pig?

a WEDDING RING