Hello Daddy This Is My New Boyfriend

[canuckamuck]

Don't get to worried about it, Marks posts aren't meant to be taken literally. What you see are creative embellishments pasted over the itinerary of his life. He's a story teller and likes a good troll now and then.

[maccaroni man]

I wonder if you were a rice farmer who lived in a shack, and made enough to eat off say 5 rai, and had little of anything else, and little hope of breaking the cycle of poverty..........I wonder if your values about the type of person your daughter married would be affected.

Now I'm not saying you send your daughters out to find a rich foreigner, but if they did happen to turn up with one.......well being the rice farmer....are you likely to object too much?

The rice farming families here simply don't mix amongst the circles which would include a farang. And so how would your daughter 'find' a rich foreigner? Because you pimped her out, that's why.

I have met farmers daughters at the Thai market, every other day where I live and on buses and Song taus.

I have met then where I taught school when they came to pick up their sister after school. The sister introduced me.

I met them at the Wat. I met them at the 7/11. I met them eating at the Thai buffet restaurant. I met them at the cell phone store.

I think that's about it. Perhaps I forgot some places.

Strange. I've never 'met' (I'm assuming you're using this word the same as 'party' has 'evolved?) at a 7/11, wat (?!), 'phone store, or having been introduced to 'their' sister.

So, you have a habit of 'hitting on' every Thai girl you come across? I've seen your type in and at all these venues doing this, and it makes my skin crawl.

The culture of the Thai is to be (a) as polite as not to tell you to f*k off (you are, after all an old man whose attentions are really not welcome. OR, in the 'sister' case 'Ere sis, got a stupid old farang I can hook you up with. Get as much off the old git as poss before settling down with Somchai' LOL!!!!!

here we go again, being educated about thai culture by a person who is not thai tbh most educated thais i know will be the first to say that they dont know what thai culture really is. :jap:

[jazzbo]

M45 at post #71: I try not to talk about things I don't know anything about.

...and that excludes just what?

BTW as my unofficial daughter will be age 4 next month, I will sit this one out...

[saraburioz]

I'd like to think the bloke would turn round looking suitably embarrassed and leave to sort his life out.

Yep, there would have to something wrong with him if he expected you to be alright with it. The thought sickens me.

[needforspeed]

Reply to gregb.

Quote gregb "Come on marky. I enjoy reading your posts but cut evanson some slack. He said the guy was 20 years older than her father. So imagine a situation where the girl is 20, the father is 45, and the old geezer is 65. I have to agree that such a situation does qualify as pathetic.

Why?

Because it reduces the institution of marriage, or just the cultural standard of finding a partner, to a business transaction. A 20 year old and a 65 year old do not share enough common cultural traits to form a lasting friendship. The only reason they are together is financial, and it does look kind of sad. Not because there is anything unnatural about it, but because it destroys the dream of what a life together is supposed to be like. It destroys the dream of growing old together and looking back on your 50 years of marriage and holding your great grandchildren in your arms together.

That loss of the dream, to be replaced by a relationship that is grounded merely in financial realities, is a very sorry state of affairs, and not what we are taught to aspire to."

My response.

Perhaps I should use my relationship in the west to take the Thai bar girl equation out of the picture.

She got married at 17 because she was pregnant. Her husband seemed like a nice guy. He was a car salesman. He made good money. He wasn't ready for a baby. He attacked her and got put in prison. She was a neighbor of mine and I knew her parents.

I gave her a job and she was good at it. She booked the banquets for my restaurant and gave sales presentations to groups about what kind of food we could provide and so on. She moved in with me. I wanted to marry her. I was 50 something at the time she 18. I provided her and the baby with a stable home life. No drugs no booze. And her family across the street to babysit. When I got old she and the child would get the small chain of restaurants. Perhaps that is a financial arrangement.

My first wife's father was 60 when he married her mother who was 18. They had 8 kids. They lived on a 600 acre farm. Dad died at 99.

I think you forget that 50% of marriages end in divorce. 10 years is a good run for a lot of people. Folks no longer get married and stay married for 50 years that's a rarity.

Love may be the worst reason in the world to get married. If one of my daughters tells me she is getting married I remind her to check off a whole list of things about the potential husband and love is not on the list. Financial stability, or potential financial stability is right up there at the top. I don't think that is a sorry state of affairs especially since most divorces are caused by financial problems.

There was a 30 year age difference between myself and my fiancée. What possible interests could we share? Her child, our business, sailing, Florida, I had a sailboat and she liked to sail. Riding, ballroom dancing, playing the guitar, cooking at home and at work. Skiing in Canada, she also spoke French and half of my family speaks French. Dinner out and movies. Shopping for her daughter, our house and the restaurant. She got along well with my daughters because my kids wanted nothing to do with the restaurants. We went to a lot of black tie charity events (good business contacts). She liked dressing up and dancing. To dance well together you have to take dance lessons, tango, rumba and so on. She liked taking dancing lessons.

The only reason I go into this in so much detail is I don't think you have any idea how a couple with a significant age difference can get along or what they do. Women adapt very easily to an older man. Maybe now you have a little better understanding.

She was 18 and you were 50 'something'. Well that says a lot. 59? Can you not be more specific? Have you forgotten 'exactly' how old you were when you married this child?

And your ultimate sentence speaks volumes about how arrogant/condescending you are and thus can only attract girls half/third your age.

2nd half of your question.

Half my age would be 30's and a third would be 20's. What pray tell is wrong with a woman in her 20's or 30's. Do you think women get better looking or more intelligent after 30?

Or do you think it would be more difficult for me to attract a woman 65 than a woman 25?

I have had physical relationships with women who were 65 and women who were 25 and to be completely honest I liked it better with the women who were 25. I also liked talking to women who were 25 better than women who were 65. Women who are 65 talk a lot about health problems. I liked dancing with women who were 25 better too. In general they are more agile than 65 year old women. Skiing, I don't know. I have asked but never found a 65 year old women who liked to ski. I am sure they are out there but I have not met them. 25 year old women are better restaurant cooks and they mop the floor a lot quicker than a 65 year old women. It is quite hot in a restaurant kitchen and the 25 year old women seem to tire less.

The 25 year old mop the floor quicker, quicker isnt always better .

[Ulysses G.]

So, you have a habit of 'hitting on' every Thai girl you come across? I've seen your type in and at all these venues doing this, and it makes my skin crawl.

There are a lot of guys that do this back home and they usually have much more active social lives than the rest of us. Personally, I am too much of a coward.

Why is it supposed to be inappropriate to to do it Thailand?

[F1fanatic]

So, you have a habit of 'hitting on' every Thai girl you come across? I've seen your type in and at all these venues doing this, and it makes my skin crawl.

There are a lot of guys that do this back home and they usually have much more active social lives than the rest of us. Personally, I am too much of a coward.

Why is it supposed to be inappropriate to to do it Thailand?

Not in my experience as an English woman. They were seen as 'creeps' that we all laughed about, but also got annoyed about as they made our skin crawl.

They had hardly any social life at all as they had no conception that their attentions were not appreciated, so had no male friends either! Even the men could see there was something wrong with them.

One woman actually complained about one of these men where we worked - I'll never forget (even though it was nearly 30 years ago!), how he couldn't believe it and asked me why she had complained?!

[Rimmer]

One inflammatory post removed from view.

[mark45y]

I wonder if you were a rice farmer who lived in a shack, and made enough to eat off say 5 rai, and had little of anything else, and little hope of breaking the cycle of poverty..........I wonder if your values about the type of person your daughter married would be affected.

Now I'm not saying you send your daughters out to find a rich foreigner, but if they did happen to turn up with one.......well being the rice farmer....are you likely to object too much?

The rice farming families here simply don't mix amongst the circles which would include a farang. And so how would your daughter 'find' a rich foreigner? Because you pimped her out, that's why.

I have met farmers daughters at the Thai market, every other day where I live and on buses and Song taus.

I have met then where I taught school when they came to pick up their sister after school. The sister introduced me.

I met them at the Wat. I met them at the 7/11. I met them eating at the Thai buffet restaurant. I met them at the cell phone store.

I think that's about it. Perhaps I forgot some places.

Strange. I've never 'met' (I'm assuming you're using this word the same as 'party' has 'evolved?) at a 7/11, wat (?!), 'phone store, or having been introduced to 'their' sister.

So, you have a habit of 'hitting on' every Thai girl you come across? I've seen your type in and at all these venues doing this, and it makes my skin crawl.

The culture of the Thai is to be (a) as polite as not to tell you to f*k off (you are, after all an old man whose attentions are really not welcome. OR, in the 'sister' case 'Ere sis, got a stupid old farang I can hook you up with. Get as much off the old git as poss before settling down with Somchai' LOL!!!!!

I was a teacher at a large government school (not in a rice farming but in a rural area) for three years. Since all the students have families I have probably met 5000 or so Thai women over the past few years through teaching. By met I mean introduced to them. I see the kids with their families at the market and in town all the time. They say hello. Since I worked in Three different towns, I see people I know all the time. I can't go anywhere without someone saying hi to me.

I worked for the mayor of the town also and met all of the government employees at meetings and parties for the municipality. Government employees and families add another 500 women. Now we are up to 5500 Thai women.

Did I hit on all of them? No. Mostly they say hi to me. If I am in the mood we chat. Perhaps I ask them out to dinner.

I know twenty old men who are married to Thai women half or a third of their age. None of them are bar girls. That is the reality of Thailand.

I don't know why Thai women don't talk to you when you are out and about. How do you dress? Do you speak Thai to the store clerks? Are you normally with a woman and child? If the Thai ladies think you are married it really cuts down on your chances of them speaking first. Do you wear shorts? I have found no one talks to me if I wear shorts and flip flops. Do you shave every day? Do you have visible tattoos? Do you drink? Thai women can smell it even if you have not had a drink that day.

Are your nails well manicured? Do you have good haircut?

Your demeanor here is not very pleasant, perhaps they sense that.

Do you have a lot of worries? People can tell a happy person who is financially solid and not bothered by most things.

You stated, “And your ultimate sentence speaks volumes about how arrogant/condescending you are and thus can only attract girls half/third your age.”

I answered that statement and ask you a question, “Half my age would be 30's and a third would be 20's. What pray tell is wrong with a woman in her 20's or 30's. Do you think women get better looking or more intelligent after 30?

Or do you think it would be more difficult for me to attract a woman 65 than a woman 25?”

But you didn't answer my questions. What is wrong with a women in her 20's and 30's? You said I can only attract women half my age. What is wrong with that? You said it in a demeaning way, implying it would be hard for me to attract a 65 year old woman, Why? And why would I want to attract a 65 year old woman? Do you have some reasons? Maybe I could learn something. Because as it stands right now I like women in the 25 to 35 year old age group.

This is Thailand and there will be a cost whatever the age so why not cohabit with women in an age group that I like?

Edited November 28, 2010 by mark45y

[sarahsbloke]

Because it reduces the institution of marriage, or just the cultural standard of finding a partner, to a business transaction. A 20 year old and a 65 year old do not share enough common cultural traits to form a lasting friendship. The only reason they are together is financial, and it does look kind of sad. Not because there is anything unnatural about it, but because it destroys the dream of what a life together is supposed to be like. It destroys the dream of growing old together and looking back on your 50 years of marriage and holding your great grandchildren in your arms together.

That loss of the dream, to be replaced by a relationship that is grounded merely in financial realities, is a very sorry state of affairs, and not what we are taught to aspire to.

BUT

The institution of marriage was always a business transaction. It's only in the last 50 years that the western world has changed it from a business transaction to something called 'love'. When it was a business transaction, it pretty much worked for life, now that it's only for 'love' it appears to be a short-time deal that usually ends in divorce. What you have been taught to aspire to, is a fantasy that just doesn't work.

Funny how some people think that what happens now is reality (even if it never works), and what was traditional for the previous 2000 years was never valid (even though it did work).

What people need to understand is that love is a fleeting emotion, it doesn't last, so a relationship based on love won't last either.

[F1fanatic]

Because it reduces the institution of marriage, or just the cultural standard of finding a partner, to a business transaction. A 20 year old and a 65 year old do not share enough common cultural traits to form a lasting friendship. The only reason they are together is financial, and it does look kind of sad. Not because there is anything unnatural about it, but because it destroys the dream of what a life together is supposed to be like. It destroys the dream of growing old together and looking back on your 50 years of marriage and holding your great grandchildren in your arms together.

That loss of the dream, to be replaced by a relationship that is grounded merely in financial realities, is a very sorry state of affairs, and not what we are taught to aspire to.

BUT

The institution of marriage was always a business transaction. It's only in the last 50 years that the western world has changed it from a business transaction to something called 'love'. When it was a business transaction, it pretty much worked for life, now that it's only for 'love' it appears to be a short-time deal that usually ends in divorce. What you have been taught to aspire to, is a fantasy that just doesn't work.

Funny how some people think that what happens now is reality (even if it never works), and what was traditional for the previous 2000 years was never valid (even though it did work).

What people need to understand is that love is a fleeting emotion, it doesn't last, so a relationship based on love won't last either.

I know a couple of marriages (based on love) that are still v strong 30 years later. Mind you, its unusual!

Marriages based on money didn't 'work' as such - the couple saw it as a responsibility from which they could not escape....

Nowadays, people know they CAN escape and do so when the infatuated love dies.

[mark45y]

Because it reduces the institution of marriage, or just the cultural standard of finding a partner, to a business transaction. A 20 year old and a 65 year old do not share enough common cultural traits to form a lasting friendship. The only reason they are together is financial, and it does look kind of sad. Not because there is anything unnatural about it, but because it destroys the dream of what a life together is supposed to be like. It destroys the dream of growing old together and looking back on your 50 years of marriage and holding your great grandchildren in your arms together.

That loss of the dream, to be replaced by a relationship that is grounded merely in financial realities, is a very sorry state of affairs, and not what we are taught to aspire to.

BUT

The institution of marriage was always a business transaction. It's only in the last 50 years that the western world has changed it from a business transaction to something called 'love'. When it was a business transaction, it pretty much worked for life, now that it's only for 'love' it appears to be a short-time deal that usually ends in divorce. What you have been taught to aspire to, is a fantasy that just doesn't work.

Funny how some people think that what happens now is reality (even if it never works), and what was traditional for the previous 2000 years was never valid (even though it did work).

What people need to understand is that love is a fleeting emotion, it doesn't last, so a relationship based on love won't last either.

You are right. Women have always known. And still for the most part know. A man needs only to be a little better looking than a monkey as long as he takes care of the bills and does not damage the merchandise.

Love is a masculine fantasy at least in Thailand.

[sarahsbloke]

[i know a couple of marriages (based on love) that are still v strong 30 years later. Mind you, its unusual!

Marriages based on money didn't 'work' as such - the couple saw it as a responsibility from which they could not escape....

Nowadays, people know they CAN escape and do so when the infatuated love dies.

My former marriage in the UK was based on love (on my part at least), it did last 30 years and then she decided to escape leaving our 4 children fatherless (you will never see your children again!).

I now have a new marriage to a woman 1/2 my age based on money .......... I'll let you know how that turns out (so far, so good, but only 9 months in)

[naboo]

But what if he were same age as her, had no job nor money, drove a motorbike like a lunatic, smked like an old chimney, drunk Lao Khaw and picked his nose?

You know me?

[mark45y]

I think you may both be saying the same thing.

Marriages based on love don't have money problems.

Marriages based on money don't have love problems.

See what I am getting at?

I was never in love with a woman I married but two out of three times came to respect them over time. Respect and friendship may be some peoples definition of love.

Argue about money and nothing works.

[F1fanatic]

[i know a couple of marriages (based on love) that are still v strong 30 years later. Mind you, its unusual!

Marriages based on money didn't 'work' as such - the couple saw it as a responsibility from which they could not escape....

Nowadays, people know they CAN escape and do so when the infatuated love dies.

My former marriage in the UK was based on love (on my part at least), it did last 30 years and then she decided to escape leaving our 4 children fatherless (you will never see your children again!).

I now have a new marriage to a woman 1/2 my age based on money .......... I'll let you know how that turns out (so far, so good, but only 9 months in)

How old are your children? Can they not make their own decisions ? If your wife left you I'm sure that your children will seek you out as soon as possible.

Things are somewhat different now - 'responsibility' is no longer part of the equation unless one is from a VERY upper-class family in which case status is more important than love.

Marriages based on money nowadays are different - its a lottery, just like those based on love, but for different reasons....

[mark45y]

There is really a culture divide here. Male and female and Western sensibilities and Asian sensibilities.

I am sure everyone in the conversation thinks they have a handle on Asian/Thai marriage traditions.

Discounting teenage liaisons and pregnancy I have never seen a Thai marriage of a poor Falang to a rich Thai.

Given, I don't think anyone else has either, I can only conclude that marriage in Thailand between Falang and Thai is 100% based on financial stability. Now you can call that what you want and of course some people will call it love but the fact remains, there are no marriages in Thailand between poor Falang men and rich Thai women.

[sarahsbloke]

Back to the OP

My step-daughter is 12, when she is a little older, if she chooses to bring a guy my age home (a man 40 years older than her) I would have no problem.

Hopefully he would be an English speaking person, great ... someone in the family I can speak with and play pool.

I never understand why people are so judgmental on these forums, we should just learn to get on with each other and everyone else that comes into our lives.

My MIL is my age, has no problems with me and her daughter, and tells me I'm the best guy her daughter has ever had (previous guys were all Thai)

Her friends in the village are all envious that she has a white son-in-law. My step-daughter has a father for the first time in her life.

As far as I can see none of the locals think our relationship is pathetic ..... maybe some foreigners have a problem, but nobody cares what they think.

Oh yeah ..... my wife/MIL is/was a rice farmer (as is 70% of the population), although sometimes they plant tobacco.

[naboo]

..............................I have never seen a Thai marriage of a poor Falang to a rich Thai.  

Given, I don't think anyone else has either...............but the fact remains, there are no marriages in Thailand between poor Falang men and rich Thai women.

Speak for yourself. My friend, though not poor, is considerably poorer than his very wealthy Thai fiance, soon to marry when she finishes university. He wasn't rich enough even to find the funds to stump up an appropriate, totally to be returned, sin sod. Her parents did.

He drives around in their old Mercedes. He's young (a couple of years older than her), handsome and well brought up. He met her whilst she was at university in the West. He's accepted as part of the family, lives with her parents while she finishes her studies at university.

Its not easy to find, I'll grant you.

[mark45y]

..............................I have never seen a Thai marriage of a poor Falang to a rich Thai.  

Given, I don't think anyone else has either...............but the fact remains, there are no marriages in Thailand between poor Falang men and rich Thai women.

Speak for yourself. My friend, though not poor, is considerably poorer than his very wealthy Thai fiance, soon to marry when she finishes university. He wasn't rich enough even to find the funds to stump up an appropriate, totally to be returned, sin sod. Her parents did.

He drives around in their old Mercedes. He's young (a couple of years older than her), handsome and well brought up. He met her whilst she was at university in the West. He's accepted as part of the family, lives with her parents while she finishes her studies at university.

Its not easy to find, I'll grant you.

I imagine somewhere in the world there is a white crow. And in the family who we cannot mention who could ever be that rich? So you disagree with me for one out of 10,000! 99.999 is close enough for me to call it 100%.

[elliss]

my thai gf is 35 years my junior ,

and i am 7 years older than mare .

nickname. dirty old man/papa 3 pensions :jap:

[IanForbes]

HOpefully we will raise our daughters to make wise decisions on their own. And, we will provide our children as many opportunities as possible for a good education so they will make wise decisions. If my daughter was happy with a man much older than herself then I'think that would be her decision to make. As it turned out, my daughter and son both married a spouse within a few years of their own age. It's not a lot different than marrying someone of a different culture or a much different faith if you are deeply religious. Even different ethnic backgrounds MIGHT make a difference with some couples. All I would do is point out the pitfalls and possible problems they might face. There is no getting inside someone else's head to understand their likes and dislikes.

[andyc2006]

What if your daughter is coming home with her new boyfriend and he is 25 years older than her and 2 years older then you :o .

i think the subtle thing you're missing is that if the parents object to something like this, and in the 18+ years leading up to that day, they've failed to impart their values regarding this to their daughter, that it's much too late -- the daughter clearly doesn't consider this "immoral" or she either wouldn't do it, or wouldn't let her family know about it.

while some parents can do everything "right" and still end up with an awful child, i can't help but think that in this situation, they simply failed to teach their daughter (whether intentional or not) that "no amount of sin sot compensates for marrying a man old enough to have fathered your mother."

in my case, i'm 40, mother-in-law 41, and my wife is 22, so clearly none of this applies, since it's still Pi Mom for me and i'm not twice my wife's age.

[Ulysses G.]

in my case, i'm 40, mother-in-law 41, and my wife is 22, so clearly none of this applies, since it's still Pi Mom for me and i'm not twice my wife's age.

We need more such shining examples of moral virtue in Thailand.

[mark45y]

Sooner or later someone is going to mention the mother and daughter dancing teams now performing in Pattaya. You can usually tell which is which. Depending of course on time of night and amount of beverages consumed.

In that case it may be unwise for daughter to bring home only one older gentleman.

Of course this never happens in the west where mom gets involved with the son in law. 555.

Does anyone else watch law and order special victim's unit on cable here? Did you know that the female lead is Jayne Mansfield daughter? It's on Monday nights.

[Loz]

Love that SVU. Great show and she is a very attractive lady.

Think L&O criminal Intent is the better show though. But as I don't have TV it matters not. What ever is playing when I am in a hotel is what I get to watch. Maybe it's time I looked at these torrent download sites... but thats another thread...in another forum no doubt...

[needforspeed]

What if your daughter is coming home with her new boyfriend and he is 25 years older than her and 2 years older then you :o .

i think the subtle thing you're missing is that if the parents object to something like this, and in the 18+ years leading up to that day, they've failed to impart their values regarding this to their daughter, that it's much too late -- the daughter clearly doesn't consider this "immoral" or she either wouldn't do it, or wouldn't let her family know about it.

while some parents can do everything "right" and still end up with an awful child, i can't help but think that in this situation, they simply failed to teach their daughter (whether intentional or not) that "no amount of sin sot compensates for marrying a man old enough to have fathered your mother."

in my case, i'm 40, mother-in-law 41, and my wife is 22, so clearly none of this applies, since it's still Pi Mom for me and i'm not twice my wife's age.

No, they very respectful and intelligent people and she know that this is going to be a issue, she cant help she's in love.

She has a very good education, If her parent did not accept him she would leave the family and stay with him.

She never would tell the parents but they found out.

The Japanese father is blaming himself over this situation.

[flying]

Never replied to this thread but did see this today & thought of it.....

German man castrates teenage daughter's 57-year-old boyfriend

By Allan Hall, Berlin 10:11PM GMT 12 Dec 2010

An enraged father who disapproved of his daughter's older boyfriend

went to his home and castrated him with a bread knife.

Helmut Seifert, 47, an ethnic German originally from Russia,

was enraged when he heard his 17-year-old daughter

was having a relationship with Phillip Genscher, 57.

He went to police in the town of Bielefeld where he lives

but officers said they were powerless to intervene.

"The man then recruited two work colleagues at his factory

and then went to the house of the victim," said police.

"The man was forced to remove his trousers and, fully conscious, he was castrated.

The severed testicles were taken away by the perpetrator."

The man was close to bleeding to death but managed to call police.

His life was saved but he remains a eunuch for life.

Seifert pleaded guilty and will be on trial for attempted murder next year.

But he has remained silent on who his accomplices were.

He told police: "I received a phone call anonymously that my daughter was involved

with a guy 40 years older than her. You said you couldn't stop him – so I did.

"I saw it as my duty as a father."

[mahtin]

There are enough numbers in some of these threads to inspire the choice of a winning lottery ticket.

[IanForbes]

Every man who has a "lady" half his age really should not mind that his own daughter ends up with a much older man. And every sexpat should not mind if his own daughter ends up with a sexpat. True?

True. If the girl is happy then that should be all that matters. I've seen a lot of May-November marriages that have worked out quite well. However, if you've raised your daughter properly and provided a good education, and she's financially secure, then she'll probably go for someone her own age. She'll have no need to go for a man with enough money to take her out of poverty. There is that old money thing again. Lots of good looking gals in North America go for wealthy older men. One of Canada's Prime Ministers married the daughter of his good friend. Margaret Sinclair was 21 when she married Pierre Trudeau who was over 50 at the time. They had 3 sons together.