Dying Girlfriend?

[taxexile]

ive been following this thread since the first posts and i am very saddened by the outcome.

you supported her unquestioningly when many others would have walked away.

its encouraging to know that there are people out there like yourself (and those forum members who were able to offer help ) for whom "doing the right thing"

is the only thing to do.

good luck to you.

[Goddess of Whatever]

Rest In Peace.

[Boo]

my condolences richardb

[Thaipwriter]

Got a lot of respect for the way you have shown that you really cared about this girl.

Your one of the good guys, someone to rely on when times are hard.

You can take great comfort in knowing that you cared, you helped and did everything you could to make her last days as comfortable and as dignified as possible.

[slimdog]

You and Aom were in my thoughts a lot this pass week. I am truly sorry the way things worked out. You have my deepest and heartfelt condolences.

You are a good man Richard.

[Digger]

Very sad.

All credit to you Richard for the actions you took and the comfort you brought to her.

The camillion centre team are truly outstanding and they will have looked after her with dignity and compassion.

Digger

[thaiflyer1]

Richard...............dont make yourself a stranger here...........you have plenty of support.

We might get on each others tits some time but the whole forum are there for each other.

Sorry if i am not as eloquent as other posters.

[gharknes]

So sad Richard, my thoughts are with you and Aom.

[dvk1951]

Richard...............dont  make  yourself  a  stranger  here...........you  have  plenty  of  support.

We  might  get  on  each  others  tits  some  time  but  the  whole  forum  are  there  for  each  other. 

Sorry  if  i  am  not  as  eloquent  as  other  posters.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It is at times like this that the written word seems so inadaquate. Sorrow is a word that can only be expressed in heart felt terms. I would think one and all of TV feels a tug of sympathy from our hearts and a tear of sadness in our eyes. Richard, the heart wounds are fresh and no amount of words can heal that wound, however friendship and compassion can aid in decreasing the recovery period.

As Thaiflyer1 says, this is a forum of friends and the support that is inherent with such a group can be invaluable. Richard, you are a man of honor and compassion and can indeed hold your head high with respect and dignity. Aom is now in peace and she arrived there knowing she was loved. I only wish the same for every soul departing this earth, it is the cornerstone of humanity and life.

Time passages

[ghengis]

Aom was one of those larger than life characters whose personality had to make up for the fact she was a deaf mute and living on edge in the precarious existence as a poor foreign woman living in Thailand, just trying to survive. Having suffered so much abuse, it is difficult for women like her to truly accept someone with a pure and honest heart, but it seems that, in Richard, she found such a person. Its sounds as if life with her was a roller-coaster of ups and downs, but probably never dull. I have never met her, but somehow I feel that I know her. Aom's story has touched many souls.

Edited September 14, 2005 by ghengis

[richardb]

The camillion centre team are truly outstanding and they will have looked after her with dignity and compassion.

Digger

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thank you all. Things happened so quickly. I still can hardly believe it I keep getting the urge to phone her expecting her to pick up and yelp down the phone at me.

There are many issues I am thinking about many intensly personal but I am thinking also of the many others in her position who either are not told before its too late of their HIV status or who lack the skills and knowledge to access health services.

Aom was in the Camillian Centre when she died and its worth a look at what they do.

http://www.camillianrayong.8k.com/

I cant say enough about the good thing they did.

I recieved a mail from a guy who helped me and was there I would like to share some of it with you all as somehow I think you will understand. Aom was no saint and neither am I. We argued and rowed lots and did some bad things to each other but at the end of the day I know she knew that I had come through for her. Its just so sad I did not know earlier.:

(At the BKK Pattaya )" ....XXX and XXX then arrived. I was sitting outside Aom’s room as nurses were popping in and out. I waited thirty seconds or so and then went in. Aom must have been reassured that I was really a friend because she looked at me and gave me the most wonderful smile as she reached out with her hand for me to gently shake

That is a smile I will never forget; it said everything that words never could.........

( arriving at the Camillan Centre Rayong ) ...Once in the grounds, they were uncertain as to where to go so I passed them and waved them on, pointing out where to stop. Bang on cue, out came Father G and the full medical team. Within a couple of minutes, Aom was in the PCU and tucked up in the bed reserved for her. Father G ushered me away as the medics set about their tasks, no doubt checking whatever they check…....After about ten minutes or so, Georgina (a sixty-odd Canadian lady who has devoted her life to helping Father G along with her husband Paddy for the last couple of years). Georgina could see I was pretty stressed out; it had been one ###### of a day. We were just nattering away when all of a sudden a beaming smile consumed her face. She grabbed my right bicep with both hands and said: “Now just you look at that XXX, that is what we are all about!” I followed her gaze and saw Aom reclining (resting on a pile of pillows) in her bed surrounded by, five could have been six Thai girls. Most were staff, two were patients. One girl had her arm around Aom’s shoulder whilst both of Aom’s hands were being held by two others. They were softly talking but whilst I could not hear what was being said, it was clear that Aom was being welcomed into the Camillian Centre family. Georgina just watched with a motherly smile; it was special sight that is difficult to explain. The defining moment was when Aom happened to glance across and saw us looking. She just beamed and gave a small wave as if to say: “These people are great!”

.....He explained that he had been called away from the supper table as Aom was in distress. She was suffering from abdominal pains. .......As I mentioned on the phone earlier, Aom was given the Last Rights and is now in heaven according to Father G.

Well that’s my account Richard, ........ the funeral is all arranged for 4.00 pm on Thursday the 15th. Rest assured that it will be a full Thai Buddhist ceremony before the cremation with monks in attendance et al. No doubt Father G will also have words to say in his clerical capacity too."

Nuff said.

I think I will be paying the Camillian Centre and Father G a visit in November.

Richard

[chonabot]

Richardb , words are not enough , but your last post made me cry.

Take care of yourself and you will meet Aom again one day.

God Bless.

[britmaveric]

Aon was never alone this is the important part of the whole situation. I'm positive this helped her die w/peace and dignity.

[penzman]

My sincere condolences Richard.

[usatrader]

In deep respect to your lady and you!

the Buddha said:

“Make yourself a light. Rely upon yourself: do not depend on anyone else. Make my teachings your light… My disciples, my last moment has come, but do not forget that death is only the end of the physical body. The body was born from parents and was nourished by food; just as inevitable are sickness and death. But the true Buddha is not a human body: -it is Enlightenment. A human body must die, but the Wisdom of Enlightenment will exist forever in truth and in practice….

T HA T

IS

A LL!

[dvk1951]

Beyond the door there’s peace I’m sure

And I know there’ll be no more tears in heaven

E. Clapton

[Head Snake]

What a read on the human condition from richard and slim.

I wish I had something brilliant to say.

[mrbojangles]

Richardb , words are not enough , but your last post made me cry.

Take care of yourself and you will meet Aom again one day.

God Bless.

I think that about sums up my feelings also. God bless you both.

The team at the camillion centre seem truly kind and full of heart but more importantly, they sound as if they treat people with the "Dignity" that we all deserve. I will be sending my donation very soon but is there anything TV as a whole, could do? Maybe, every time there is a get together have a collection or something like that. I don't know, just a thought.

[gharknes]

Richardb , words are not enough , but your last post made me cry.

Take care of yourself and you will meet Aom again one day.

God Bless.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think that about sums up my feelings also. God bless you both.

The team at the camillion centre seem truly kind and full of heart but more importantly, they sound as if they treat people with the "Dignity" that we all deserve. I will be sending my donation very soon but is there anything TV as a whole, could do? Maybe, every time there is a get together have a collection or something like that. I don't know, just a thought.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Sounds like a great idea

I know I shouldn't say this but I just wonder if Aom had been taken to the right place first could she still be alive, its all just very sad an heart wrenching.

[richardb]

Postscript

Sadly it seems that I am not unique with other kind members recounting their experiences. But really HIV really does seem to be the virus that no one dares speak of. Just googling HIV Thailand gives the basic picture ( which I never knew before ) but not I think the harsh reality. People who are HIV are kicked out by their family and ostracized by their villages to live on the streets. Terrified and lacking the knowledge skills or money to access treatment. Did you know why Aom was cremated at 4pm? Its because the Authorities don’t allow the cremation of people who have died of Aids during school hours incase children breath the smoke......Medieval!

I spoke to father Giovanni and he thought that Aom would have known about her condition for a long time but because of lack of knowledge, awareness and social support they do not have the courage to face they situation and get access to the

right care. It is difficult to overcome stigma when you cannot hear and talk! In his words it takes a lot of work to get some people to understand that " that HIV is not a devil and does not have to scare who live with it " I initially rejected the idea that Aom knew but on reflection I think Father G was right. I described Aom as my former girlfriend. This post is not going to turn into an account of our relationship but suffice to say a while back she changed on one hand clinging to me tightly demanding affirmation that I would always look after her but then drinking, getting violent, and self harming. She wanted me as her "husband" but as a brother too. Was she trying to protect me from catching the virus from her. If so I can see how it was driving her crazy ( and me crazy too ) to keep me close but not to infect me. I will never know for sure but reading her last email to me I am now pretty sure thats what was really going on .

I am however sure that the Banglamung who discharged her telling my English friends she was OK knew she had Aids and the Thai girls who phoned me saying she was dying ( hence the title of my initial post ) must have known. I mentioned earlier that a few weeks ago that she had said she was sick and needed money for tests which I sent but I did not mention that she was coughing and her mates said she was skinny. ( now its obvious that was the TB kicking in ). To say I did not think twice about this at the time is an understatement I did not think once about it. Aom was often sick with something but nothing that a habfull of colours pills or a visit to the Wat could not cure ). This I think sums up the Thai attitude. Don’t mention the words HIV or Aids. She has TB ok. A fever fine. She has lost weight sure. But don’t say its that unmentionable thing. The tragedy of course is that if I knew earlier maybe...

My poor Aom must have been terrified. Yesterday Saturday I went to get myself tested. Despite living in a country that has a National Health Service and having the skills to access those services I can tell readers that I was scared shitless when the nurse said the doctor had my results. I am HIV negative. So my darling if your plan was to keep me safe you did it.

I cannot say much about my feelings of loss, grief, regret, anger. All those emotions are there. Our story ended prematurely. But they are a private matter and not for this post.

When Aom died she had my ring so she had kept faith in me and I never let her down. As she had no family in Thailand I asked that all her things save her personal effects went to the Camillian Centre.

And it is to the Camillian centre that I wish this post to return.

Aoms funeral took place on Thursday at 4pm. One friend took some photos and another sent me a short account. Some of is intensely personal to me, the writer and Aom and I do not post it here but some I think I can share I would like to.

"Richard,

I've just got back from Rayong so I thought I'd e-mail you and give you a rundown. ........

I went to the Camilla Centre in a mini-bus with a half a dozen or so others...........and there I met Father Giovanni. That place is truly amazing. The web-site could not possibly do the Camilla Centre justice. You must have a trip there and see it for yourself. You can rest assured there is no question that Aom got all the love and attention in her last hours there. When we drove in through the gate and I instantly felt the place. Father G came out and we had a nice chat. He then showed us around some parts of the centre. He is justifiably proud of what he has built there but I wondered where he got his energy and motivation from, above? And then the kids there were just finishing their schooling for the day and came out of class and I knew straight away what he's running on...the love from those kids. I talked to some of them, or should I say they talked to me. They had after all just been learning English. They absolutely adore him. Smart judges are kids.......

We took Aom out of the small Chapel of Repose.........while I held her had and said my goodbye to her. I hope you don't mind but I said a goodbye then for you too. I know you would have been with her in your thoughts at that time. .......................she looked serene and peaceful, just like she was asleep. Father G then said prayers for Aom, standing over the open coffin while the monks looked on. It was a simple service and very nice. He then sat down and the monks started chanting the traditional chants. While they were chanting, Aom started on her last little journey................"

I understand that there is to be a fundraiser for the Camillian Centre in November. A " Drunkathon" organized by http://www.bahtbus.com/ ( see their message board for details ) Their Jai Dee appeal has already raised over a Million Baht.

Some of their members have been very kind to me and I am going to go to this fundraiser. If any of you are in town at the same time I would love to raise a glass and toast kind strangers, Aom and all those like her good hearts who never had a proper chance in this life and lastly Father G and the Camillian Centre.

Take care everyone

Richard

Edited September 18, 2005 by richardb

[thaiflyer1]

Richard i've got no appropriate words mate.............my heart goes out to you.

Take care yourself......

[snoophound]

Sincerest Condolences.

A tragic tale.

Cammillian Center is an awesome place.

Please support them,with a few spare baht if you can.

http://www.camillianrayong.8k.com/

As an worriesome aside,I once asked the girls in my old bar how many guys ask for no condom.

More than two thirds was the answer......go figure

Richard  i've  got  no  appropriate  words  mate.............my  heart  goes  out  to  you.

Take  care  yourself......

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[chuckd]

When some of you are thinking about posting about all the so-called expat slugs that live in Pattaya, also think about this.

The Canadian Jackalope golf tournament was held the first week in September. It is always run by local expats from the Pattaya area and is supported by local expats from the Pattaya area.

This year it raised 300,000 baht for the Camillian Center.

[threelegcowboy]

Richard and All the folks out there,

Aom was a special person that I did know along with Richard and the No Name guy that took her to the Camillian Center. My heart has always gone out to this couple.

What Richard has said is SPOT ON. "When the gal is trying to get you to use a rubber she MAY NOT be trying to protect herself , she may be trying to protect YOU from what she has."

If you guys find yourself in Pattaya and want to contribute to the Camillian Center....they did have it set up at QUEEN VICS for donations. Queen Vics is located on Soi 6 about half way down on the left.

I must say Aom and Richard have been on my mind constantly for days. I do understand that more info will be forthcomming on ways to contribute to the Camillian Center.

Rest in Peace Aom,

LLL

Edited September 19, 2005 by threelegcowboy

[rio666uk]

Richard - Ive followed this thread from the beginning to its conclusion, as most of us have, I didnt want to post as I couldnt find any words to help...

My thoughts are with you

[richardb]

The team at the camillion centre seem truly kind and full of heart but more importantly, they sound as if they treat people with the "Dignity" that we all deserve. I will be sending my donation very soon but is there anything TV as a whole, could do? Maybe, every time there is a get together have a collection or something like that. I don't know, just a thought.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Over a week has gone by already. Yesterday I was on the web when I came across an article on a UN site I will quote a few bits " Annop Lekhakul’s early steps into the world of medicine have led him to a role that comes close to playing God. After all, he holds the power over longer life or quicker death for people with AIDS-related diseases at the government hospital in Thailand.

Tuesdays leave the young doctor drained. That is the day, 60 people living with HIV call at the hospital in Non Jok, some 40 kilometres east of the Thai capital Bangkok, for their weekly course in counselling and treatment.

Only nineteen, out the 60 HIV-positive persons, have access to anti-retroviral (ARV) treatment. The decision about who receives the ARV drug cocktail, which slows down the spread of HIV in the body, rests with 26-year-old Annop. However, the fact that 41 other HIV-positive people have no access to the anti-AIDS drugs, does not sit lightly with the doctor.

“It is a troubling decision to make about who will get the drugs and who won’t,’’ Annop said on a recent morning, in the lime-green painted room the hospital uses for its Tuesday afternoon sessions with HIV-positive people. “We base it on a combination of factors - who needs it most, good compliance to the ARV treatment and who came first.”.........." A shortage of funds is a key reason for the paucity of ARV cocktail.""

A short while ago my friend was discharged from the Banlamung and I put her in the Bangkok Pattaya. My friend was not a bigwig business woman with a BMW nor did she have Bahts of gold from generous patrons. She was a poor girl from Burma who had a good heart. If it was not for my mastercard she would have not even made it to the the Bangkok Pattaya. Next through the efforts of a forum member she went to the Camillian centre.

http://www.camillianrayong.8k.com/ I am impressed that they even publish their accounts on the site.

Previously I quoted one of my friends " Aom happened to glance across and saw us looking. She just beamed and gave a small wave as if to say: “These people are great!”and "That place is truly amazing. You must have a trip there and see it for yourself. You can rest assured there is no question that Aom got all the love and attention in her last hours there. When we drove in through the gate and I instantly felt the place." ( please take a look again at what they said )

The doctors fought for her and she was in the best place with the best people and medications. Aoms fate 72 hours earlier when released from the Banglamung was to die in pain, confused, scared and alone in a room off Pattaya Klang. Though she did not make it she died cared for, valued and loved.

We come to Pattaya for many reasons to live or holiday and we are truly privileged to be able to do so. I cannt remake the world and neither can you but we can affect little bits and the Camillian Centre seems to be truly good bit of the world which should be helped.

Some guys on the http://bahtbus.com/ are organising a "Drunkatholon" in Aoms memory (and she liked a Heineken). The website carries the details. What’s that? Well I am told the name says it all. A golfing event, a pool/snooker event, a tenpin bowling event and a darts event. Of course interspersed amongst all of this will be a very major drinking event.

I understand that the winners get the glory but The Camillian Centre gets the cash (a great idea). Donations and pledges can be made on that site also. The date is yet to be set but it’s likely for mid November.

I am going to travel out then and though my world has changed it I want to do something for the organisation that helped my girl and more to the point the place that helps the children and orphans and adults that no one else helps. That allows them to live with the dignity every human deserves. That provides practical help a future. That changes lives. That gives people hope when they have none. A place that gives people love and asks for not a baht in return. That surely is worth doing.

I would also like to meet some forum members. Forge new friendships and have a chat and a laugh. I think in common with all of you Thailand is under my skin now and I am going to be around for a long time to come. Thailand and its people will give me pleasure and peace in the future. On this trip I want to give just a little bit back.

See you all in November.

Richard

Edited September 21, 2005 by richardb

[Phil Clark]

This was how the kids at the Camillian Centre said thanks to the people at Bahtbus.com when they hit their million baht target for their Jaidee Appeal which raises money for the Camillian Centre.

The Drunkatholon thread can be found on their Message Board by clicking on: 2005 JAIDEE APPEAL JW DRUNKATHOLON: IN MEMORY OF AOM

You have to be a member to get in, but it is free and only takes a minute or two to get an e-mail back with your password.

They also have a credit card link set up so you can make donations online directly to Father G.

As you will see, they set the appeal up specifically for the kids who were orphaned and/or born HIV positive, but the funds they raise are also used to help unfortunates such as Aom.

They obviously have a close connection with Father G as that was how it was possible to get Aom admitted.

Such a tragedy that it turned out to be too late for Aom, but at least her memory will help raise funds to help others who find themselves in a similar situation.

To quote from the thread concerning Aom's passing: "This is also a chilling reminder to all about the harsh realities of the times in which we live."

It never ceases to amaze me how even today some people do not take the reality of HIV/AIDS seriously, typically because: "I've never known of anyone who got it..."

Well now we all do.

RIP Aom.

[Chopper]

The team at the camillion centre seem truly kind and full of heart but more importantly, they sound as if they treat people with the "Dignity" that we all deserve. I will be sending my donation very soon but is there anything TV as a whole, could do? Maybe, every time there is a get together have a collection or something like that. I don't know, just a thought.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

We come to Pattaya for many reasons to live or holiday and we are truly privileged to be able to do so. I cannt remake the world and neither can you but we can affect little bits and the Camillian Centre seems to be truly good bit of the world which should be helped.

Some guys on the http://bahtbus.com/ are organising a "Drunkatholon" in Aoms memory (and she liked a Heineken). The website carries the details. What’s that? Well I am told the name says it all. A golfing event, a pool/snooker event, a tenpin bowling event and a darts event. Of course interspersed amongst all of this will be a very major drinking event.

I understand that the winners get the glory but The Camillian Centre gets the cash (a great idea). Donations and pledges can be made on that site also. The date is yet to be set but it’s likely for mid November.

I am going to travel out then and though my world has changed it I want to do something for the organisation that helped my girl and more to the point the place that helps the children and orphans and adults that no one else helps. That allows them to live with the dignity every human deserves. That provides practical help a future. That changes lives. That gives people hope when they have none. A place that gives people love and asks for not a baht in return. That surely is worth doing.

I would also like to meet some forum members. Forge new friendships and have a chat and a laugh. I think in common with all of you Thailand is under my skin now and I am going to be around for a long time to come. Thailand and its people will give me pleasure and peace in the future. On this trip I want to give just a little bit back.

See you all in November.

Richard

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Mate, my condolences to you on such a tragic story. I read this entire thread in one go also. It is good to read that some benefit may come from such a tragedy. I have looked at both websites you mentioned and will be glad to make a donation, though I do not know if I will be able to make a visit to Thailand this November.

[yarpy]

Richard,

I could tell a story that would get me banned and this website sued even though its all true and documented. PM me if you wish.

Let us just say that as BPH will know that a farang is paying check all bills very carefully.

All the best for the girl.

Nuff said...

[richardb]

Yarpy the Bill were going through the roof the bill and had hit 4 figures on day two and was climbing to the extent that it was increasing by the minute. The Bill when my mate phoned me for authorisation that I would pay the final bill had already increased by the time he went to the cash desk with the cash. I think the final bill was short of 2k GBP.

Given Aoms condition and given that she had been discharged from the Banglamung, an English friend having been told that she was fine and getting better ie released to die, I had absolutly no choice. Aom as you know did not make it but I can tell you I would gladly give ten times that figure and more if I had it to have her back and well.

I was lucky in that the guys from the Camillian Centre weighed in and they knew their stuff. I think one of the guys will not mind me quoting him in describing the confrontation he had with one doctor who was being obstructive to Aoms moving to the Camillian Centre. He ripped the doctor a new ###### ( with good reason ).

The Camillian Centre are top specialists in their field ( look at the website to see the drugs they use ) and no one is charged even one Baht for their treatment. I was lucky that people who know their stuff weighed in to the extent that they were able to even negotiate for the private ambulance to take Aom from the BPH.

At the Camillian Centre Aom was not just a number a revenue generator. I have no reason to believe that Aoms treatment at the BPH was anything other than proffessional I simply say that at the Camillian Centre she was treated with love and affection as well as modern ati retrovirals.

I have no date yet for the drunkatholon but would still urge people who may want to help to either look at the Bahtbus.com forum or here

http://thailand-uk.com/groupee/forums/a/tp...05767#922105767

I have pmd you I am of course interested to hear your account.

Richard