I'm Beginning To Really Resent My Life...

[Thaipwriter]

I had 60KGBP in the bank. i bought a house and a car. I'm 36

investments give me about 7500 per month to live on. which i can do easily if i HAVE to. Khon Kaen is cheap. very very cheap

Bloody he.ll, that's brave!

I always figured half a million US dollars minimum is the requirement to retire. Mind you, I do live in Phuket. More expensive than KK.

Brave or stupid!!! or both...its working out so far though and i have a lot less stress these days

[OlRedEyes]

I had 60KGBP in the bank. i bought a house and a car. I'm 36

investments give me about 7500 per month to live on. which i can do easily if i HAVE to. Khon Kaen is cheap. very very cheap

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Bloody he.ll, that's brave!

I always figured half a million US dollars minimum is the requirement to retire. Mind you, I do live in Phuket. More expensive than KK.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Brave or stupid!!! or both...its working out so far though and i have a lot less stress these days

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Coming here with 60K GBP is brave?

&lt;deleted&gt;.

[thaibebop]

The past 4/5 years have been personal/emotional turmoil for me and had I not been a tough cookie I'd either have slit my wrists by now or ended up in the loony bin. 

Because of my situation I ended up a compulsive impulse buyer where I would buy expensive cars / bikes and other material items to fill in the black hole in my life, but inevitably these things can only provide with so much temporary happiness.  Soon I would realise that maybe spending so much was not wise and the money would have been better spent elsewhere or investing for my future.

Work has more or less got to the point where I don't know what my future is and whether this is really what I want to be doing....I've been with my present employer for 8 years now, have a descent job and earn for a comfortable standard of living, but still not as happy as I would like (but when do we ever stop?)

It's come to the point where I am really begining to not like life...in fact I absolutely hate it sometimes.  I've had enough of this, can do without that and this whole rigmarole is just becoming repetitive and boring with no hope for the future.  I look around me and see different people going about their own business and just wonder "Am I the only one?".  Sure, everyone has their own story, everyone has their own problems.  But for me life has got to be worth living.  Surely you've just got to ride out the ups and the downs and hope there's always light at the end of the tunnel - you never know what tomorrow brings....right?

What's made it worse is my discovery of Thailand.  Especially over the past couple of months where I've made up my mind that it's where I want to be.  "Here's another one" I hear you say "They come on holiday, fall in love with what they see and want to live here".  Yes I know I know.  But my question is to you expats and others thinking of packing it all in and heading for the Bangkok skyline:

What drove you to make the move, what tipped you over the edge to think "fck this I'm outta here"?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Sit and think about what's wrong than find a way to change it, whether it's changing the problem itself or the way you look at it. Life is just too ###### short. I spent too many years hating life.

[Totster]

Well Zaz...

I can definately relate to what you are saying...

My ideal life would be to live and work in Thailand. I would be able to stay with my wife and live in paradise.

Reality is, that finding employment in Thailand is hard for me as the skills I have are not in demand, and I can make more money in the UK, which is better for me and the wife at the moment, as we can save money to build a house and set up a home, and get everything ready for when we want to slow down later in life. This is important to do when young and have the energy to work hard IMO

So what I do is work for six months in the UK and then spend 5-6 months with my wife in Thailand. I work everyday for that six months, and the money I make sustains me for the time I am in Thailand, with enough to save as well. It's hard sometimes being away from the one I love... but that's the way it is for now.

It's not ideal... but it's a good work around, maybe one day I'll get my break and be able to stay in Thailand long term, but I am not going to sit around waiting for it to happen, I have ideas and plans, if they don't work out, then i'll try something else.. in the meantime when the money gets low, it's back to the UK to earn some more.

I don't want stay in Thailand permanantly until I know I can definately sustain myself financially, my biggest fear would be having to return to the UK pennyless to look for work after failing in Thailand, it would be a big let down for me, and the low that would follow is worrying.

Good luck Zaz... I'm sure you will find your way..

totster

[Sir Burr]

I don't want stay in Thailand permanantly until I know I can definately sustain myself financially, my biggest fear would be having to return to the UK pennyless to look for work after failing in Thailand, it would be a big let down for me, and the low that would follow is worrying.

Which is why I think Thaipwriter is brave.

Me? I'm a risk averse kinda guy.

[thaibebop]

Well Zaz...

I can definately relate to what you are saying...

My ideal life would be to live and work in Thailand.  I would be able to stay with my wife and live in paradise.

Reality is, that finding employment in Thailand is hard for me as the skills I have are not in demand, and I can make more money in the UK, which is better for me and the wife at the moment, as we can save money to build a house and set up a home, and get everything ready for when we want to slow down later in life.  This is important to do when young and have the energy to work hard IMO 

So what I do is work for six months in the UK and then spend 5-6 months with my wife in Thailand.  I work everyday for that six months, and the money I make sustains me for the time I am in Thailand, with enough to save as well.  It's hard sometimes being away from the one I love... but that's the way it is for now.

It's not ideal... but it's a good work around, maybe one day I'll get my break and be able to stay in Thailand long term, but I am not going to sit around waiting for it to happen, I have ideas and plans, if they don't work out, then i'll try something else.. in the meantime when the money gets low, it's back to the UK to earn some more.

I don't want stay in Thailand permanantly until I know I can definately sustain myself financially, my biggest fear would be having to return to the UK pennyless to look for work after failing in Thailand, it would be a big let down for me, and the low that would follow is worrying.

Good luck Zaz... I'm sure you will find your way.. 

totster 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

My god Tot, I think that's the most I have ever seen you write!

[Guest endure]

investments give me about 7500 per month to live on. which i can do easily if i HAVE to. Khon Kaen is cheap. very very cheap

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

7500 what?

[Guest endure]

Out of interest, how old are you?

I'm 34.

My background/upbringing when I was a young lad denied me of a lot of the things I would have done had I had the freedom to do so and in a way I feel I've missed out on a lot. Then education was a very high priority to my Dad and I went on for further education and then onto university for 4 years and then managed to get a job some time later. Looking back I appreciate everything I was cornered into doing because I would have ended up a low down bum right now. On the other hand a lot of what I've done has been to please other people at the expense of my own happiness and this is where it's all just built up and come to this point.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Zaz

You've done right by your family. You've worked hard, got the qualifications, made them proud. It's time you did right by yourself for a while. Pack & go!

[Thaipwriter]

investments give me about 7500 per month to live on. which i can do easily if i HAVE to. Khon Kaen is cheap. very very cheap

7500 what?

Baht

[khall64au]

Out of interest, how old are you?

I'm 34.

My background/upbringing when I was a young lad denied me of a lot of the things I would have done had I had the freedom to do so and in a way I feel I've missed out on a lot. Then education was a very high priority to my Dad and I went on for further education and then onto university for 4 years and then managed to get a job some time later. Looking back I appreciate everything I was cornered into doing because I would have ended up a low down bum right now. On the other hand a lot of what I've done has been to please other people at the expense of my own happiness and this is where it's all just built up and come to this point.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Zaz

You've done right by your family. You've worked hard, got the qualifications, made them proud. It's time you did right by yourself for a while. Pack & go!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Too right Zaz!! I did it the other way around; pleased myself for years and then decided to get responsible (for a while). I went to uni to gain professional status at exactly the age you are now at. My parents were over the moon on my graduation.

Now I please myself again.

What's the moral of my story? Just Do It! (oops, is that a breach of copyright?)

[Guest endure]

investments give me about 7500 per month to live on. which i can do easily if i HAVE to. Khon Kaen is cheap. very very cheap

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

7500 what?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Baht

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Blimey!

[DrBooze]

Chasing happiness can be like trying to find the end of a rainbow.

But why not try it? Take a year out. You can always go back, right?

[DrBooze]

It's not ideal... but it's a good work around, maybe one day I'll get my break and be able to stay in Thailand long term, but I am not going to sit around waiting for it to happen, I have ideas and plans, if they don't work out, then i'll try something else.. in the meantime when the money gets low, it's back to the UK to earn some more.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Life's not ideal. But I bet it's all worth it every time you step off that plane at Don Muang and meet your wife!

Keep doing what u gotta do!

[AmeriThai]

Zaz,

Sounds like you've got a case of the blues. I don't think there's a person on the planet that hasn't felt like the earth fell out from under their feet at one time or another. More often than not, it's not just one big thing that suddenly crashes down, although it may seem like it. It's often a lot little things that have gradually piled up over a period of time until it reaches the point like the final straw that breaks the camel's back.

Tryng to just focus on problems doesn't always resolve them. It can lead to tunnel vision that just magnifies a problem and makes things look worse than they really are. But there is another way to get a handle on things, whether it's personal decisions, health, financial, relationships, business matters or whatever. Writing things down on paper can help better visualize problems rather than just trying to imagine them.

- Write a list of ALL the problems you feel you might have.

- Now list them in the order of the greatest problem down to the least.

- Now write down different ways on how such problems can be resolved. It doesn't matter how silly or difficult the solutions may seem. Each way shows that something can indeed be done.

- Lastly, start putting the solutions to action. If one thing doesn't work, try another. Keep trying until you've hit on whatever it is that works for you.

Think about other people who have problems. Try to do something that can make a difference to someone, even if that difference seems microscopically small or insignificant. Just talking to others can help.

- The earthquake victims in Pakistan.

- People who lost their homes from the hurricanes.

- People who suffered from the tsunami.

- Kids with little or no opportunity for an education or a real future.

- People you see that are crippled begging for spare change on footbridges just to survive.

- Old people who have no one to spend time with.

- People with severe disabilities.

- People who are starving to death.

The point is that few things ever resolve themselves without the desire and willingness to take action to change things and make it better. You CAN improve things for yourself. And it's good to have friends who are willing to encourage and support you. Looks like you've found quite a few right here.

Best wishes,

- AmeriThai

[Mighty Mouse]

- Write a list of ALL the problems you feel you might have.

- Now list them in the order of the greatest problem down to the least.

- Now write down different ways on how such problems can be resolved. It doesn't matter how silly or difficult the solutions may seem. Each way shows that something can indeed be done.

- Lastly, start putting the solutions to action. If one thing doesn't work, try another. Keep trying until you've hit on whatever it is that works for you.

An excellent, logical solution.

I would take it one step further. Write another list of all the things that you love about your lifestyle.

As stated in the quote about, you need to try and turn the negatives in your life into positives. In time you should only have a list of the things that you love about your life. The problem list will no longer exist.

The most important part of this self analysis, is deciding whether a permanent move to Thailand will solve all of your problems.

Will you be leaving all of your woes behind, or will you be taking most of them with you?

Only you know this answer. I wish you well.

[SiamOne]

You have received a lot of interesting solutions and commiserations

now you have to decide on your course of action

do you jump, or do you walk?

maybe take a year off first, travel around, relax and see if you can be a more happy person. Your problems may solve themselves, they may follow you remorslessly....you will find out.

there are a lot of people in your position in your homeland who are in your position and are happy, so don't blame your circumstances

as many people have advised, look into yourself.

A year off may help that process

good luck

[Jai Dee]

To zaz, the OP, isn't it great to see the ThaiVisa community rallying around you to help?

I must admit, I admire your courage to post such a topic on the Forum, and I sympathise with your situation.

I'd like you to consider however, that your situation is only in your own mind... and you can change it... if you have the resolve.

On the wall in my office I have posted my reolutions... I copied them originally from some Seth material, and I re-read them every day.

I'd like to share them with you (and the rest of the Forum)... I hope that they can help you help yourself as much as they've helped me help myself.

Resolutions:

One: I will approve of myself, my characteristics, my abilities, my likes and dislikes, my inclinations and disinclinations, realizing that these form my unique individuality. They are given me for a reason.

Two: I will approve of and rejoice in my accomplishments, and I will be as vigorous in listing these -- as rigorous in remembering them -- as I have ever been in remembering and enumerating my failures or lacks of accomplishment.

Three: I will remember the creative framework of existence, in which I have my being. Therefore the possibilities, potentials, seeming miracles, and joyful spontaneity of Framework 2 will be in my mind, so that the doors to creative living are open.

Four: I will realize that the future is probability. In terms of ordinary experience, nothing exists there yet. It is virgin territory, planted by my feelings and thoughts in the present. Therefore I will plant accomplishments and successes, and I will do this by remembering that nothing can exist in the future that I do not want to be there.

[andyfletch]

Zaz,

Good responses and good advice from all the members here......what TV isreally about.......a support network.

Don't be too disillusioned, cos no matter how far down you get, something will come along to get you back on your feet again.

A year ago today I nearly finished my life.......having had 2 years with only 7 months work ( 1 month of that in Thailand), a failing marriage, living out of my home country.....no money and no prospects. Pure luck would have it that I was too drunk to actually take the pills I had lined up ready.

The next day I woke up, got in my car and went driving for 4-5 hours, up into the hills........clear air, clear my mind, and realised how f@#king stupid I had been.

Got a short term job offer the day after that, in Thailand. Started January this year, and am now more relaxed and happier than I have been for a lllooooonnnngggg time, and fortunatley the work options are continuing

Don't get me wrong , it's not easy, and living here is in reality no different to anywhere else......same problems, same worries, but there is something special about the place. The people, the attitudes, and the sense of life that pervades the atmosphere.

If you are feeling as down as your post suggests, then maybe it is time to get off your backside, use the skills and experience you have and try something new.

If you have the financial security to do it, take a break, as others have said, sell your toys and come to Thailand for longer than a couple of weeks.

First impressions of Bangkok were its just a big grim dirty city, having come from KL, but now..........well, I actually love the vibrant atmosphere here, and not the seedier parts, but the city as a whole.

Just remember, only you really know if a move will help, but any decision is better than none at all........at least you then have some direction in your life. If it turns out to be a wrong decision, then so be it, you can change direction again, but don't sit on the fence......that gets you nowhere.

Good luck mate, hope to see you here soon.

As AmeriThai said there is so much suffering in the world, be thankful for what you have, and find a way to build on it.

Andyfletch

[Neeranam]

QUOTE(Totster @ 2005-10-13 00:33:46)

I don't want stay in Thailand permanantly until I know I can definately sustain myself financially, my biggest fear would be having to return to the UK pennyless to look for work after failing in Thailand, it would be a big let down for me, and the low that would follow is worrying.

*

Which is why I think Thaipwriter is brave.

Me? I'm a risk averse kinda guy.

Well, years ago I came to Thailand 1000 GBP which I blew in a couple of weeks, and things were very dodgy for a while, but bloody exciting! Now things are going great. I couldn't ask for anymore. I am happy. I can just scrape enough cash together to go home with my family for Xmas. Now should I be crying that I will be totally penniless after our trip or be thankful that I have a beautiful family and enough to fly us all there and more importantly back.

List all the things you are grateful for every night. If you can't think of anything, I could help you.

Remeber that half the planet are starving, with no shelter.

Do you know what it feels like to be hungry Zaz? I don't mean hungry as in, "is it lunch-time yet? I mean when you have no money and haven't eaten for 3 days.

Have you ever had to beg?

Have you ever had to sleep under the stars?

If no, then you have a he ll of a lot to be thankful for.

I had a high paying job, and I was miserable.

Now I have a very low paying job and love life.

A few years ago I had to change my life(total 180 degrees) or I was going to die or end up locked away for a long time. It has been far from easy, but now I know it was worth it. I still have to do daily stuff like Jai Dee does to maintain my happiness.

Life is a challenge - accept it and do the things you need to win.

What about reading some inspirational thoughts for the day - some guy started a thread in the Farang Pub.

It all depends on your attitude, CHANGE IT.

[Neeranam]

QUOTE(Thaipwriter @ 2005-10-12 22:50:17)

I had 60KGBP in the bank. i bought a house and a car. I'm 36

investments give me about 7500 per month to live on. which i can do easily if i HAVE to. Khon Kaen is cheap. very very cheap

*

The price of petrol is the same in Khon Kaen as anywhere in the country.

I spend 5,000 a month on that. You obviously don't go very far.

Are you married? If you are only spending hat amount a month, I'd be watching what the wife thought of it. Her name on the house deed remember.

If you have a house in KK, and a family you can live for nothing, if you don't work.

Maybe 2000-5000 baht a month for extras like a newspaper, computer, telephone..

[Diablo Bob]

Zaz,

First off the responses on your thread have been excellent, no wise ass statements, I applaud all.

To the thread, around 20-25 years ago, I read a book called "Normal Neurotics", which had a section about getting into a rutt in your life and simple things to change this practice. Little things like taking a different route to work everyday, never the same route consecutively. Eating different types of food etc.

At the time, I found myself in a rutt (About the same age as you), and wasn't very happy about it...... I was working for a great employer, great permanent job in management etc. Well the suggestions in the book worked great, for a while...... then this routine became a rutt.

I then started traveling again during my vacation, I had been raised outside the USA, and traveling just seemed natural. Well, to make a long story short, I found that after returning home to work, I started feeling like an outsider, I was not comfortable anymore.

I left my position and took my act on the road, by only accepting employment (Civil engineer) on projects (Limited duration), afterwhich while waiting for the next project I would just be on vacation.

This was my modis operendi for the next 15+ years until I went to Thailand where I settled down and started a family. Today, I am still working the project to project scene (Elsewhere in Asia), but have settled in CM.

And now it seems, that after almost 25 years of searching for my roots, I will finally be accepting a permanent position in Thailand. The circle closes, in a different location.

My advise to you is that what you are experiencing is natural, exasberated by the fact that you are already a traveler. Put your feelers out..... there might be a position in your field in Dubai for example, or wherever. Before you decide on a location, you should really explore what the whole world has to offer! A total makeover on your career choices is ill-advised

Maybe you just need to look at the city next to you to get your motivation back........

Good luck.

[Judge]

to me, the most important thing in life is happy memories.  or rather, the pursuit of them. 

my greatest fear is being 10 minutes from death and not being able to think of a happy moment in my life.  ..I have seen people at their deathbed who cried realizing that they cannot remember a happy moment in their life.

Good point, and almost every happy memory I have is of living in Thailand or traveling around South East Asia with Thailand as home.

Not too many good memories of North America.

[Insight]

Some excellent responses on here, particually from Jai Dee and AmeriThai.

Zaz, How you're feeling right now will be completely different from how you're feeling a few months from now. For better or worse, well that one's down to you.

Plan where you want to be in the future, and think about the best steps you can take now to get there.

Also, don't hang around miserable sods dwelling on it - They'll only bring you down futher. Sometimes it's better to be alone and follow your instincts.

[malcolminthemiddle]

Fact is, life is a game, how you play it, is up to you.

[bendix]

The most important thing about zaz's situation is that he's young enough that whatever decision he takes, he's not going to screw up his life.

He's got a decent career and - by the sounds of it - half decent assets. In his shoes, I would be realising that I'm miserable where I am, and taking a year's sabbatical. If it all turns to custard, what's he lost? Nothing. He can probably go back and get another job easily.

My view. Just do it. You're going to miserable if you don't. We only get one chance on this planet and it's not long enough to spend time feeling like rubbish.

[TheAceFace]

Hi Zaz

I was very fortunate in coming here as it was work related and the perfect op for me to leave the UK and come the place I have wanted to be at for a long time.

I was also having the same feelings as you when I was in the UK and I know how depressing it can get....i really do. Like you said you are working and must be earning a good crust....good luck to you.

My advise would be to stop buying the luxeries and save that money to enable you to do a longer stint here if your work allows you that vacation time.

I have many friends who are still in the UK and have had the Thai bug for a very long time. Some had taken the plunge and came here on a whim and it did work out they are still here and happy.....on the other hand I have some mates where it has totally gone the opposite and now they are back home scraping a living..

As Totster said.....work 6 months and then come here for 6 and make the transition slowly.

Good luck in whatever you decide Zaz....and keep that head up.

[chonabot]

Hey Zaz , some great suggestions here , but only you can make the move or not.

My situation is a bit different to yours , but then not so different.

I lived in Thailand for a bit , came back with the wife 8 years ago. Have a decent house, lovely kids etc. About 3 years ago I started getting bored , probably wasted 40 grand or so on cars. You know the scenario , buy one for 15 grand , trade it in , lose 3 grand etc etc. As an end result I spent most of our savings.

The wife noticed this and was suitably unimpressed. I also dabbled with a few class A's along the way and got in a fairly bad way.

It hit the point where my wife was ready to go back to Thailand with our kids.

She gave me the option to choose.

I chose Family.

I have has the same car for 1 year now , a record! Haven't touched any powder.

When I go out , it's with the family.

Life is brilliant.

I turned 40 last week , and regret wasting a few years but I have plans for the future.

I'm sitting some exams for my 2nd degree next week , and hope to go for a Masters in the future.

I did the move to Thailand thing when I was about 29 , and don't regret it.

But for the moment I am earning good money here , as an IT contractor.

I aim to move back, when we are ready, but if we don't then I will still be happy.

My kids have given me a focus in life , I don't think about myself that much now.

So basically our situations are not similar , yet there are comparisons.

It sounds like you need to make few changes , what they are , who knows?

Whatever you do , take care of yourself , and don't end up wishing you had done this or that.

Chok Dee

Edited October 13, 2005 by chonabot

[zaz]

Thanks to each and every one of you, all your comments, advice and support will be taken on board to sort myself out.

My toys are up for sale but I will keep my main house and one other (investment) property to keep my foot in the UK. I intend to be there by March if all goes to plan. One of the careers I've always had in mind if I was ever to make a career move was teaching. Hence I've decided to have a go at TEFL in Bangkok. I'm sure I will be suited to the job and will enjoy it. It will also be quite a contrast to what I've been doing and earning over the past several years but I intend to scale down my life a little by doing this and get a bit more "back to basics" - too many of life's excesses can't be too good for you either as I have seen!

I value all of the comments highly and appreciate everyone's feedback greatly, the TV community, for me, has really shone brightly on this one and I congratulate everyone for being so supportive.

I've been thinking about what I need to do and agree that it's best to sort my self out and clear my head before I leave and that's what I intend to do. I know the Thai bug has been a significant influencing factor in how I feel. It's almost been a case of "I want a bite of that cherry too" syndrome and I've never been able to get it out of my head.

And why should I fight it? I may have sort of lived life to excess recently but I've also denied myself of what really counts - inner peace, happiness and THE most important of all - and I really really really miss this - love. There's a lot of it in my heart and I want to share it with someone before the fire goes out....

[meemiathai]

Dear Zaz,

Find yourself a woman you love. Love her with all your heart. You would see how meaningful life can be. You can ask Tukyleith about that I'm sure!

Also try to see things in a more "jai yen" way. Whenever you feel unhappy, stay calm and try to understand that happy things are coming ahead probably on the next minute.(you never know what's ahead)

Look at the some of the miserable lives in the world you will realize how lucky already you are.

BTW, we can be friends anytime you like. "You are not the only one"

[thedude]

(cursory nod to fellow tv counsellors )

zaz, by breaking out of your rut and making a journey here, you may find happiness for a while. such big changes can have a narcotic effect, you feel so very empowered and alive because you suddenly take full control of your life, and you cast yourself into the unknown, experiencing a new culture and environment.

its true that thailand and its people are nice, but its only a tranquiliser, true sustained peace and happiness comes from finding love, wherever you may be. ultimately, it all comes down to finding love.

i have struggled with depression since my 20's, i thought i'd be happier just being here. i found a job and moved over 2 years ago when i was 34. its true that the people and the culture make it so much more bearable, but after the first year, i started to again succumb to spells of depression. i start to have that same sense of futility, sitting in a pub with me mates all happy and shouting and i feel bored and empty inside. i go home early, i read long boring books. i start sleeping with people i hardly know, letting them touch me and feeling like an animal, hoping they will dissappear after the coffee in the morning. the fact is i am an emotional cripple, and its a problem i have to deal with and solve if i am ever to be able to find love and sustained happiness. i hope you are not f*cked up like me. if you are, then hear this, coming to thailand can't help you.