thequietman Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Farang to neighbor who has no windows or doors on his house but a shithot stereo system and speakers : can you turn the volume down a little please, afterall, it's 2 o'clock in the morning ? Thai neighbor : Ofcourse. Sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pauljones Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 I realize I owe you money & I'll honer that verbal agreement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pauljones Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Look! My barbecue smoke is blowing directly into my neighbors window. That must be miserable inside there. I'll move it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pauljones Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Policeman: I can't accept that bribe. Everything is done strictly by the book here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pauljones Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Thai wife to Farang husband: I put yesterdays stew in the fridge. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thequietman Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 I realize I owe you money & I'll honer that verbal agreement. I really am trying to get the money together for you. I havent been out socialising everynite and getting pissed on thai whiskey. I promise, I havent been laughing and smirking when you walk by, telling my drinking buddies that you are a fool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thequietman Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Thai wife to Farang husband: I put yesterdays stew in the fridge. Ofcourse you can have yesterdays stew for lunch. But wait, I need to warm it up properly so you don't get food poisoning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pauljones Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Thai: You know, those cheap fluorescent lights bolted to the ceiling of our expensive home don't look very nice. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pauljones Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Thai: I don't need the genuine article when I can get an exact copy for 1 tenth the price. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canuckamuck Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 (edited) Store clerk: You don't have to justify why you are returning this product, if you are unhappy with it for any reason we will take it back and you can purchase something else or just have your money back. The customer is always right, right? Edited April 7, 2012 by canuckamuck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sing_Sling Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Thai eating; This smells rank. Top Ten Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Payboy Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 It's raining now, so I think I should stop welding outdoors. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maxme Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 South Thai: It is really disgusting to take out a fruit or a veggie and then put it back at the salad bar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShanePashen Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Bargirl: Darling you really should put your wallet in the room safe as soon as we enter the room, some unscrupulous person might have slipped Rohypnol into one of your many beers tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShanePashen Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 TGF: Today I will smother myself in coconut oil and lie inthe sun for 8 hours to see just how dark I can get! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShanePashen Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 I wonder which cheeses will go best for lunch, the stinking blue roquefort or the washed rind. Hell lets just get a whole selection of different cheeses! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pauljones Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Thai staff: Have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pauljones Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Thai staff: Can do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maidu Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Thai person of influence: We really need to have a look at the Thai alphabet and knock out all those redundant sounds. Good one. I've been saying similar things for years. Unfortunately, alphabets, like weird cultural habits, get adjusted very slowly. Not only are there loads of redundancy letters (8 letters just for the 'p' sound alone), but there are at least 5 letters which are not used, except in very rare and old text. Thai wife of Farang: "My husband explained to me that unplugging the fan doesn't save electricity so I will leave it plugged in as not to annoy him." Thai wife: "I won't leave the fan on for hours while we're away, as I realize it doesn't cool the room, but rather just sucks electricity." Thai wife: "I will wait until my husband leaves the room - before I sweep the floor, particularly if he's eating a meal. The swirling dust probably aggravates his sinuses." Thai parents: "Kids, You're allowed 1 hour of TV in the evening if you've already done your homework. And when you're watching TV, turn off the sound for the advertisements." Thai parents: "I realize grown men dressing like women and shrieking on TV shows can be funny sometimes, but I won't allow it any more in this house. It gets overdone. Instead, you're allowed to watch a nature or science show on one of the farang stations, or nothing. Take your choice." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maidu Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Thai chef: "I wonder if there's a way to make rice more interesting than just white and essentially flavorless? I've heard that Muslims know how to make a type of yellow rice which has a lovely subtle flavor. But just as dogs were made to bark, and there's nothing us Thais can do about that, so too; Thai rice was made to be plain and white and devoid of flavor." Thai chef: "I wonder if I can cook and serve an egg without gobs of oil and adding heaps of flavor enhancement and MSG to it. Indeed, I wonder if any Thai knows what a cooked egg tastes like by itself." Thai chef: "Why do farang like raw vegetables in salad? I was brought up to believe that vegetables are rarely eaten raw (and only in tiny amounts), but must always be overcooked, over-spiced, and smothered in sauces. Isn't that the only way to prepare vegetables?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExpatOilWorker Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 (edited) German first time tourist: I am in a new and foreign country so for the first time in my live I will not wear socks and walk bare footed in my flip flops. Edited April 7, 2012 by ExpatOilWorker 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShanePashen Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Russian Tourist: When some random stranger approachs me and smiles, I will smile back, because even though we don't speak a common language, it's a sign of goodwill and respect. I may even slightly nod my head as a sign of acknowledgment. No more will I stare blankly at strangers in a lift, looking through them as if they don't exist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShanePashen Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 GOD there is some funny posts on here. I'm getting addicted to this, so this will be my last one. TGF: I swear I will not use the words "UP TO YOU" ever again Then complain and sulk afterwards because< I didn't get my way, over restaurant, food, what we were doing that day, or a million other things!! OK I'm done now. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
msg362 Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Speaking of things you never hear - a bar lady told me once that the girls at the bar referred to short time with a japanese men as 333. 3 inches 3 minutes 3,000 baht. True story - I laughed my head off. P.S. Apologies if any japanese members were offended. Is it the three inch member you are referring to? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thaddeus Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 No, after you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StreetCowboy Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Speaking of things you never hear - a bar lady told me once that the girls at the bar referred to short time with a japanese men as 333. 3 inches 3 minutes 3,000 baht. True story - I laughed my head off. P.S. Apologies if any japanese members were offended. Is it the three inch member you are referring to? We all like to boast... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pauljones Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Abhasit: I would have investigated the "Thaksin Drug War Deaths" but the people that put me in power suggested I quietly forget about it. Something about things being complicated and better left unsaid.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pauljones Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Ferrari owner: I paid the proper import duty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pauljones Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Yellow Shirt: All people are created equal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pauljones Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Army: Let's respect the vote of the majority. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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