Ten Things You Will Never Hear In Thailand.........

[thequietman]

Farang to neighbor who has no windows or doors on his house but a shithot stereo system and speakers : can you turn the volume down a little please, afterall, it's 2 o'clock in the morning ?

Thai neighbor : Ofcourse. Sorry.

[pauljones]

I realize I owe you money & I'll honer that verbal agreement.

[pauljones]

Look! My barbecue smoke is blowing directly into my neighbors window. That must be miserable inside there.

I'll move it.

[pauljones]

Policeman:

I can't accept that bribe. Everything is done strictly by the book here.

[pauljones]

Thai wife to Farang husband:

I put yesterdays stew in the fridge.

[thequietman]

I realize I owe you money & I'll honer that verbal agreement.

I really am trying to get the money together for you. I havent been out socialising everynite and getting pissed on thai whiskey. I promise, I havent been laughing and smirking when you walk by, telling my drinking buddies that you are a fool.

[thequietman]

Thai wife to Farang husband:

I put yesterdays stew in the fridge.

Ofcourse you can have yesterdays stew for lunch. But wait, I need to warm it up properly so you don't get food poisoning.

[pauljones]

Thai:

You know, those cheap fluorescent lights bolted to the ceiling of our expensive home don't look very nice.

[pauljones]

Thai:

I don't need the genuine article when I can get an exact copy for 1 tenth the price.

[canuckamuck]

Store clerk:

You don't have to justify why you are returning this product, if you are unhappy with it for any reason we will take it back and you can purchase something else or just have your money back. The customer is always right, right?

[Sing_Sling]

Thai eating;

This smells rank.

Top Ten

[Payboy]

It's raining now, so I think I should stop welding outdoors.

[maxme]

South Thai: It is really disgusting to take out a fruit or a veggie and then put it back at the salad bar

[ShanePashen]

Bargirl: Darling you really should put your wallet in the room safe as soon as we enter the room, some unscrupulous person might have slipped Rohypnol into one of your many beers tonight.

[ShanePashen]

TGF: Today I will smother myself in coconut oil and lie inthe sun for 8 hours to see just how dark I can get!

[ShanePashen]

I wonder which cheeses will go best for lunch, the stinking blue roquefort or the washed rind. Hell lets just get a whole selection of different cheeses!

[pauljones]

Thai staff:

Have.

[pauljones]

Thai staff:

Can do.

[maidu]

Thai person of influence: We really need to have a look at the Thai alphabet and knock out all those redundant sounds.

Good one. I've been saying similar things for years. Unfortunately, alphabets, like weird cultural habits, get adjusted very slowly. Not only are there loads of redundancy letters (8 letters just for the 'p' sound alone), but there are at least 5 letters which are not used, except in very rare and old text.

Thai wife of Farang: "My husband explained to me that unplugging the fan doesn't save electricity so I will leave it plugged in as not to annoy him."

Thai wife: "I won't leave the fan on for hours while we're away, as I realize it doesn't cool the room, but rather just sucks electricity."

Thai wife: "I will wait until my husband leaves the room - before I sweep the floor, particularly if he's eating a meal. The swirling dust probably aggravates his sinuses."

Thai parents: "Kids, You're allowed 1 hour of TV in the evening if you've already done your homework. And when you're watching TV, turn off the sound for the advertisements."

Thai parents: "I realize grown men dressing like women and shrieking on TV shows can be funny sometimes, but I won't allow it any more in this house. It gets overdone. Instead, you're allowed to watch a nature or science show on one of the farang stations, or nothing. Take your choice."

[maidu]

Thai chef: "I wonder if there's a way to make rice more interesting than just white and essentially flavorless? I've heard that Muslims know how to make a type of yellow rice which has a lovely subtle flavor. But just as dogs were made to bark, and there's nothing us Thais can do about that, so too; Thai rice was made to be plain and white and devoid of flavor."

Thai chef: "I wonder if I can cook and serve an egg without gobs of oil and adding heaps of flavor enhancement and MSG to it. Indeed, I wonder if any Thai knows what a cooked egg tastes like by itself."

Thai chef: "Why do farang like raw vegetables in salad? I was brought up to believe that vegetables are rarely eaten raw (and only in tiny amounts), but must always be overcooked, over-spiced, and smothered in sauces. Isn't that the only way to prepare vegetables?"

[ExpatOilWorker]

German first time tourist: I am in a new and foreign country so for the first time in my live I will not wear socks and walk bare footed in my flip flops.

[ShanePashen]

Russian Tourist: When some random stranger approachs me and smiles, I will smile back, because even though we don't speak a common language, it's a sign of goodwill and respect. I may even slightly nod my head as a sign of acknowledgment.

No more will I stare blankly at strangers in a lift, looking through them as if they don't exist.

[ShanePashen]

GOD there is some funny posts on here.

I'm getting addicted to this, so this will be my last one.

TGF: I swear I will not use the words "UP TO YOU" ever again

Then complain and sulk afterwards because< I didn't get my way, over restaurant, food, what we were doing that day, or a million other things!!

OK I'm done now.

[msg362]

Speaking of things you never hear - a bar lady told me once that the girls at the bar referred to short time with a japanese men as 333.

3 inches

3 minutes

3,000 baht.

True story - I laughed my head off.

P.S. Apologies if any japanese members were offended.

Is it the three inch member you are referring to?

[Thaddeus]

No, after you.

[StreetCowboy]

Speaking of things you never hear - a bar lady told me once that the girls at the bar referred to short time with a japanese men as 333.

3 inches

3 minutes

3,000 baht.

True story - I laughed my head off.

P.S. Apologies if any japanese members were offended.

Is it the three inch member you are referring to?

We all like to boast...

[pauljones]

Abhasit:

I would have investigated the "Thaksin Drug War Deaths" but the people that put me in power suggested I quietly forget about it.

Something about things being complicated and better left unsaid..........

[pauljones]

Ferrari owner:

I paid the proper import duty.

[pauljones]

Yellow Shirt:

All people are created equal.

[pauljones]

Army:

Let's respect the vote of the majority.