Internet Dating In Thailand.......

[theblether]

I was sitting at home one night years ago flicking through the interactive services on Sky TV when I came across a dating site. Not having used one before I posted a message and waited to see what would happen. After a few minutes a reply came through and that was me hooked on the world of internet dating.

I made all of the mistakes that you would expect to make, and had some great fun along the way too, however I don't think any date surpassed my first one in terms of being memorable. I obviously was a rookie when it came to matters of internet dating, and I wasn't too clever with computers either, ( no change there ) and the site I was on was quite basic. I ended up in friendly banter with a certain lady, then I was delighted to see that she had sent me her telephone number.

After calling her I realized that she lived in Montrose, which is a fair distance from Glasgow, so I thought would be the end of it. However she was very engaging on the telephone and she had a wonderful laugh. So now I was starting to feel a bit smitten. After a few days of messages flying back and forward, and phone calls this lady suggested that she come visit me for the weekend. Wow, great!! Oh no.....she can't. Scotland were playing in a World Cup Qualifier against Holland and I had promised to take my son. ( yes, there are two of us, and he is just like his Dad, shame that huh? ).

No problem said the laughing lady, "you go to the game, and I'll go shopping, that will work out perfect for me". Me Too!! two nights of guaranteed jumping and a day at the football, man heaven!! It was around about November time when this all took place, laughing lady said she would be down on the Friday night, and by the time she turned up it was dark outside. I lived in a house overlooking a valley at the time and I waited at my doorway as she parked the car in the adjacent driveway. It was a gorgeous crystal clear night, near enough a Full Moon, and enough for me to see the silhouette of the car as she parked it. It looked like a customized Ford Fiesta type from a distance, quite low to the ground, but I couldn't see any spoilers or the like on it. She stepped out of the car and I was surprised to see the car raise by about 8 inches in the dark.

l got a little wave ( of fear ) and I saw her make her way to the boot of her car to get her bags and coat. I stood there fearfully as she made her way towards the door as I realized that laughing lady was massive. I should have gotten a photograph. She must have been about 5 foot 10 tall and was a size 28 dress size easy. 280 lbs of female coming down the path ( I could feel it vibrate ) and to make it worse, she was wearing a cloak ala Dracula. Yes the blood drained from my face as she eclipsed the Moon. I was in trouble.

You know that way some overweight people are good looking? Nope, not this one. I could see now why she had driven 150 miles for some action. Anyway, I'm a gentleman, so I treated laughing lady like I would any lady. I had the candles lit, the massive bay window overlooking the beautiful Scottish valley, the stars twinkling and the watery moon shining, it was so romantic. Totally the wrong atmosphere!! I was like a man staring at the gallows!! Though to be fair laughing lady did have a sweet personality so I came up with a new cunning plan, one that you would not believe in it's cunningness!! I decided I would go on a marathon of blethering then maybe she would fall asleep. Well, I blethered, blethered, and blethered again, the clock kept ticking until 4.00am, but it was no use. Laughing Lady wanted some action and that was it.

" Take me to bed " she said. There are times in my life that I have carried ladies to bed but I didn't have a six ton crane handy, so I suggested that she walk upstairs herself, and I would be up after I blew out the candles etc ( possibly even my brains ). After 10 minutes I worked up the courage, went up to my room, and there she was.

A vision in Pink, wearing a beautiful size 16 silk chemise. I didn't know you vacuum pack women.

I made my way gingerly into my bed, I didn't have much space to play with, and just as my head hot the pillow she grabbed me and kissed me. Well, I say kissed but it was more like having the air sucked out of my lungs. I was starting to go blue and go into the death throes just as she released me. I gasped like a goldfish out of water and she said " make love to me ".

Ahem, well it's my own stupid fault, I should have gotten a photo, I had a quick negotiation to myself as to what I was prepared to do, narrowed it down quickly to next to nothing, then I helped her prize the chemise off. It came off with a pop, and her substantial ( ok, let's be nice ) voluptuous body spread out all over the bed, and some of it collapsed over the side of the bed too. This was a unique problem for me, I didn't know where to start, or more to the point I couldn't find where to start.......

Right, it's a public forum, I'm telling you nothing else, some burdens in life should be carried alone, and trust me this burden was heavy, very heavy.

Anyway, on one of my trips to Thailand I arranged to meet a lady via a dating site, and she was stunningly, and I mean stunningly beautiful, she was the sexiest dancer I have ever seen in my life but she was wild, so after a few days she was shown the high road. I have a high tolerance for happiness and a low tolerance for nonsense. I then met a lovely lady in Chiang Mai via the internet, she was very attractive, good fun but I detected there was something just not quite right, maybe just a bit too slick?

So it got me thinking, what has been your experience of internet dating in Thailand?

ps I forgot to mention, Laughing Lady broke my bed, it cost me £600 for a new one. Plus paying for counselling too......expensive date.

[Disander]

Awesome story. Thanks for sharing! =D

[David48]

Even though I have never watched it ... the movie, Shallow Hal comes to mind.

[tonititan]

She must have been about 5 foot 10 tall and was a size 28 dress size easy. 280 lbs of female coming down the path ( I could feel it vibrate ) and to make it worse, she was wearing a cloak ala Dracula.

Ok, now you're just making stuff up. A 5'10" tall woman weighing 280 pounds would NOT wear a size 28 dress.

[CharlieH]

Good laugh, dont care if it was made up, entertaining and funny, mine ...well, not so much

How about this, I met a woman via internet chat room many years ago, and as you can imagine over the course of a few nights the chats became more frequent and more detailed. Time progressed and after several weeks there was a lot of information passed back and for, we had spent a lot of time together chatting sometimes even all night. Bev (made up name) was based in Canada, I was in the UK, unlike Blether I had seem a picture even though it wasnt a full length shot it was quite nice and she did have a very pleasant personality and I had really enjoyed our talks. She was a Councillor for a women's group, had her own place etc and was self employed so she could manage her own time etc.

After several months I decided I would fly out to Canada to see her. Excited with anticipation I packed my bags and took the long haul to Canada's West coast.

She met me at the airport and I was quite pleased with what I saw and she was shall we say very affectionate when she saw me. We walked through to the car park and she had a gleaming red sports car, looked almost new and I remember thinking wow, great car ! and I commented as such to her and she said she hadnt had it long but was pleased with it. She then announced she had a surprise for me, she had booked various hotels around the area and we spent the next 7 days touring around that part Canada and generally had a great time, nice scenery, good laugh, great sex and we both thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Although there were the odd times that came back to mind on the long flight home, something wasnt right, something was nagging at me but I couldnt figure it out. I returned home went back to life as normal, continued chatting with her and arranged to go again, this time it was near christmas/New year. The idea being we'd share the festive season together.

I arrived at the airport, walked through to the car park but this time no gleaming sports car, a beaten up old volkswagon. I naturally enquired as to where the car was and she replied it was in the repair shop someone had hit it in the car park and it needed body work and the repair shop had loaned her this one. Ok, fair enough, then I said are we going to your house, no she said we are going to a friends house up country and I have also arranged time at the ski lodge. Ski lodge ? yes she said, our family own a lodge up the mountain and I thought we could spend some time up there. Wow this is great I think to myself. So we drive North, stopping here and there and also stopping at a Chemist shop occasionally too, which started to prod my curiosity and she simply said she had recently had a cold and was taking a course of antibiotics and needed to keep her prescription filled, seemed reasonable to me. We eventually arrived at her friends house, nice detached ranch style home, horse in the paddock very picturesque. Spent a nice few days with Michelle, (made up name) who was very surprised to see us made us very welcome and I must say was much more attractive, quite stunning really and was divorced.Michelle also ran her own business locally. All in all a great package!.

We had gone out one evening to a local Barn dance, and toward the end of the evening Michelle had asked me to dance and being the gentleman and she was our host I naturally agreed although I could see immediately that Bev was not happy, talk about if looks could kill. So, I kept a discrete distance between us as we danced and after about a minute or so into the dance Bev erupted, she was like a raving lunatic ! shouting and screaming obscenities at Michelle, saying she was trying to steal her fiancee !! Michelle couldnt believe what was happening and ran out, I was totally gobsmacked and calmed things down eventually but it was a terrible scene. Totally unnecessary and really over the top.

We left Michelle's the next day, very quiet and uncomfortable, thanked Michelle for putting us up etc and Bev remained silent.

We began a long drive south, after long periods of silence we began talking on the way about what had happened and how it was all wrong unacceptable etc and I told her to forget about the Ski lodge and when we got back to the city I was booking into a Hotel and thought it best we take a little time out before proceeding. At that point she slammed on the brakes, totally lost it and I ended up on the pavement with my bags in the middle of God knows where and off she drove into the night.

I walked for awhile and eventually found a Motel and settled down. Wondering what I was going to do etc. I decided that it would be best to contact the airline change my ticket and get back to the UK. Telephoned the airline but no luck, because of the holiday season etc and the cost involved to get back I might just as well stay the week or so that was left on the trip and fly back as scheduled. I settled down to sleep and after a few hours there was a loud banging on the door. I was quite startled and to be honest a little scared too. I approached the door and asked who was there, it was Bev, she asked to come in and talk, I said no, better leave it and we'd talk tomorrow. She asked again, I said no, you dumped me on the <deleted> street and now you want to talk, forget it, just go and we'll talk another time. Then there was silence for a while, seemed like ages, she said your going to dump me ? I said just go and we'll talk tomorrow, she said again, your going to dump me I said just go, leave it now and we'll talk later, let things cool off. Then there was a loud BANG ! I immediately fell to the floor and there were two more bangs and I was petrified. The crazy bitch had fired 3 shots through the Motel door !!! she shouted if she wasnt going to have me no one would. A short time after there was a screech of tyres and all was quiet for a few seconds and then the Manager turned up and eventually the Police. I had to explain everything make a statement etc. The story goes on and has an interesting twist too but I wont write a huge post here, if you want to know how it turned out , say so and I'll post the rest of it.

Edited March 28, 2012 by CharlieH

[bangkockney]

^^ more please, great story so far!

Edit: don't tell me, you ended up marrying or something haha

Edited March 28, 2012 by bangkockney

[nocturn]

post the rest <deleted>

[nong38]

So when are the novels due out chaps? Jolly good reads.

[edwinclapham]

I hope to god you havent gone to bed Charlie!! Sitting here waiting for the next installment

Enjoying this thread!

Edited March 28, 2012 by edwinclapham

[Disander]

Please post the rest Charlie!

[IanForbes]

I thought internet dating was what we do every day on the General forum of thaivisa.

I mean that blethering guy is kinda cute with that tartan skirt he keeps showing off.

[CharlieH]

Ok, here's the rest.............

After all the commotion of the night before and form filling it became apparent that I really didnt now that much about Bev, I knew her name but not her last name but didnt know where she lived only the city and what she did for a living. The Police were a little surprised but the more I thought about it the more it became apparent that we hadnt actually ever visited her house, we were always on the move. It didnt dawn on me until this happened and the more I thought about it the more things started to surface as I started to think about different events and now looking at them from a different angle.

Anyway, I sat and thought, well what now, and the only person I knew there was Michelle, so I telephoned her, explained what had happened and she immediately said you can come here. I hired a car and proceeded to drive North again to Michelle's place. I arrived at Michelle's and she said you had better sit down, there's more happened. The Police had been on the phone to Michelle, asked if I was there and that they needed to speak to me and as soon as I arrived Michelle was to phone them. Bev had reported to the Police that it was ME who fired the gun, I had stolen $10,000 from her and was armed and dangerous !!

If I wasnt so scared at the time it would have been funny !, so Michelle phones the Police and tell's them I was there and within a few minutes it was like a scene out of a dam_n movie, Police cars flashing lights and "come out with your hands up " etc ,Michelle went out and talked and next a very tall Policeman came into the house, quickly followed by two more. We sat at the kitchen table while I detailed everything that had gone on. They asked to search my bags etc for the 10k and having nothing to hide I told then they could do whatever they needed and it was all nonsense. They taped the interview right there and checked my bags etc and luckily I had an ATM receipt for money I had drawn from an ATM on the way to Michelles. I explained why would I need to draw money if I had taken 10k ? which seemed reasonable to them and after awhile they told me I wasnt under arrest but must remain at Michelles for the time being until they contacted the other state Police.

Michelle and I then began talking about everything that had happened, it turned out, Michelle hadnt seen Bev for years before we arrived that time. It was Michelles family that had the ski lodge etc and Bev had never even asked about using it. Everything that Bev had described during our "relationship" was a load of nonsense and in fact it was Michelle's life she had described.

Bev was also married but separated,not divorced from some ex-con. She was never a councillor in a womens group she was a patient in a womens group and the trips to the chemist I mentioned before was for her medication to keep her stable. The red sports car in the beginning was stolen ! the beaten up volkswagon was hers, this was detailed to me by the Police. They had done some digging and she had a record as long as your arm and the local Police said they had merely reacted to the paperwork sent from the other state but upon investigation after our talk the true details about Bev began to emerge and they asked me if I wanted to press charges against her, which I said no I just want to go home and forget it, not be dragged back for court cases etc.

So, that aspect of it was over.

Michelle and I spent a few more days together and although she was beautiful and we got along great I really wasnt about to start anything else I just wanted out. We talked more and Bev had told her we were getting married etc and spun some incredible stories , all of which proved to be pure fiction and some fantasy of hers. Most of what she had described was Michelle, she was obviously deeply jealous of Michelle and used her as the template for the whole saga.

Just goes to show, when you talk on the net, you never really know who you are dealing with, even having met in person things seemed Ok and very plausible until you scratch the surface and it all starts to unravel. Never been back to Canada since and when I eventually returned home I ditched the PC and never went online again for over a year.

[edwinclapham]

Geesh Charlie, thats some story you went through! An arranged marriage for me, me thinks!

Thanks for sharing! some good "thinking fodder" there for sure.

[GreenSnapper]

Hahaha... very funny!

But you made some mistakes:

First you should check the chick and know what to expect. Why you didn't ask her size and weight? Why you didn't get a full body photo? If she refuses to send some, then you know the reasons already.

Second, we are all for women's equality, aren't we?

So imagine the situation, where a stunning girl receives a fat, bold man she feels instantly disgusted to.

Do you think he would get some "action"? Do you think she would light the candles?

So why not treat the women equally as they would treat a man in a similar situation?

"Get out of here!" would be the correct reaction!

[bonobo]

Not Thai-related, but there seems to be interest, so I am moving this thread to Farang Pub as that might be the best home for it.

[nong38]

Charlie, what an adventure, you dont usually meet this sort of people on railway stations, keep an anorak in the wardrobe just in case!

[theblether]

Right.........we're in the pub now so I can tell you the rest of the story......I swear to God this story is true, I will never ger over it. It was a lesson to me.........

So as you know we are in that state of undress in the bedroom, I thought there was some weird kind of glow in the room, it was a reflection from her skin. She hadn't dis-robed in the sun for about 20 years and her skin was this weird florescent colour. Now that combined with the fact that there was so much of it gave away this weird hue. I was looking at these various folds of blue tinged rolls of womanhood and wondering where to start.

Now we guys normally have a list of do's and don't do's That's based upon normal circumstances. I'm now faced with a double conundrum, nothing is in the correct place, well it doesn't seem to be in the correct place, and I have the double whammy of potential suffocation or crush death to deal with. So my do's and don't list was replaced with a no way and no farking way list.

After a bit of manoeuvring, investigating, exploring, deducing?? starting again, no I don't want to make love to the roll of fat on your back.......I eventually realised that I would need to use all my strength and get her legs into a certain position. After much manoeuvring, and I mean a lot, I had one of her legs pointing to Texas and the other pointing to Rome. Now this ain't natural, especially with someone of her size so I was a bit concerned in case she dislocated a hip or something. I had visions of the ambulance coming and of us having to take my bedroom window out and hoisting her outside. There was NO WAY anyone could have carried her down the stairs. I also had the additional problem of worrying that she may roll over and injure me and I wasn't having that.

Eventually I ahem, hit the bullseye, I will not go into details, but I will say that after a very short space of time she starting yelling like a banshee

about it being too sore. So I stopped, balanced myself, and said, " I can't help it, I have to put your legs in that position so I can get in ". well she said, it's not that, " Your too big for me ". It's not often theblether hears that so being very proud of himself he fired in with much gusto for about 30 seconds before he collapsed under the strain of trying to hold the legs up.

Anyway, you know that moment in French movies when they light a cigarette and enjoy the post coital sensations? Well, not me, already I was starting to feel scarred by this event, and the laughing lady next to me was starting to adopt that Rabbit Boiling mentality. I was now on the menu for her lust, and trust me, this is one meal I didn't want to be involved in. The attempts at tenderness by her were met by my saying I was exhausted by the effort and we would make love again in the morning. I squeezed into my allocated 14 inches at the side of the bed and fell asleep, a fitful nightmare-ish sleep.

I woke in the morning, jumped out of the bed like a gazelle, ran downstairs and put on breakfast. After a while she came down wearing a sleeveless top that showed off the full glory of her Bingo Wings. That put me off breakfast. As soon as I could I excused myself by telling her I had to go get my Son for the football match. she said " Your very early, it's only 9.30 ". I told her we had a tradition of going early to the matches and watching the entertainment etc. I got out the door, in my car, and drove round the corner. I sat there for a while trying to blank out the memories and get myself into Good Daddy mode. It was a real effort.

Eventually I went down and got my son and sister, ( nephew too for the purpose of accuracy ) and off we went to the game at 12.00. The game was very good, Scotland went up 1-0 in the first half, the atmosphere was superb!! but I was subdued. My sister kept asking me why, I couldn't tell her the truth, I couldn't tell her what was ion the house waiting for me.

After the match I went the the gym, had a swim, a jacuzzi, I did everything I could to hang out time before I went home. eventually I had no choice, I had to go face the reality of what I had done ( in both senses ) and when I walked in the door I got a big chocolately face smile. That's a cute look on a baby, not so on a baby rhino. After the pleasantries about the game, how was your day etc I returned to my gentlemanly mode. I told the laughing lady that we had no future together, and that night she was free to sleep in any one of the three bedrooms upstairs. To be fair to her she took it quite well for an apprentice bunny boiler and the rest of the evening passed pleasantly enough. At bed time she went upstairs and I followed later, and I was extremely disappointed to find her in my bed.

I'm telling you nothing else!! and I swear to God that is a true story. May I point out to the earlier poster that I am from the UK, it's a UK size 28 so the sizing is correct, though I id exaggerate the weight a little bit, she was 274 lbs.

[theblether]

@ nocturn.......fantastic!!! You said it all

@Charlie........I feel your pain

[David48]

[theblether]

Have you met her too????

[Trembly]

I had a lot of fun as a teenage lad meeting teenage girls that I made contact with online, but when I passed the age of 20 or so I found that my success rate with the girls I met in real life increased dramatically and the success rate with the from online dating sites dropped to insignificance.

I'm not sure why that is and I'm not even sure if that is a blessing or a curse. It is kind of annoying really because the whole online thing can be so convenient.

Edited March 28, 2012 by Trembly

[theblether]

I had a lot of fun as a teenage lad meeting teenage girls that I made contact with online, but when I passed the age of 20 or so I found that my success rate with the girls I met in real life increased dramatically and the success rate with the from online dating sites dropped to insignificance.

I'm not sure why that is and I'm not even sure if that is a blessing or a curse. It is kind of annoying really because the whole online thing can be so convenient.

Too convenient........far too convenient

[BookMan]

Right.........we're in the pub now so I can tell you the rest of the story......I swear to God this story is true, I will never ger over it. It was a lesson to me.........

So as you know we are in that state of undress in the bedroom, I thought there was some weird kind of glow in the room, it was a reflection from her skin. She hadn't dis-robed in the sun for about 20 years and her skin was this weird florescent colour. Now that combined with the fact that there was so much of it gave away this weird hue. I was looking at these various folds of blue tinged rolls of womanhood and wondering where to start.

Now we guys normally have a list of do's and don't do's That's based upon normal circumstances. I'm now faced with a double conundrum, nothing is in the correct place, well it doesn't seem to be in the correct place, and I have the double whammy of potential suffocation or crush death to deal with. So my do's and don't list was replaced with a no way and no farking way list.

After a bit of manoeuvring, investigating, exploring, deducing?? starting again, no I don't want to make love to the roll of fat on your back.......I eventually realised that I would need to use all my strength and get her legs into a certain position. After much manoeuvring, and I mean a lot, I had one of her legs pointing to Texas and the other pointing to Rome. Now this ain't natural, especially with someone of her size so I was a bit concerned in case she dislocated a hip or something. I had visions of the ambulance coming and of us having to take my bedroom window out and hoisting her outside. There was NO WAY anyone could have carried her down the stairs. I also had the additional problem of worrying that she may roll over and injure me and I wasn't having that.

Eventually I ahem, hit the bullseye, I will not go into details, but I will say that after a very short space of time she starting yelling like a banshee

about it being too sore. So I stopped, balanced myself, and said, " I can't help it, I have to put your legs in that position so I can get in ". well she said, it's not that, " Your too big for me ". It's not often theblether hears that so being very proud of himself he fired in with much gusto for about 30 seconds before he collapsed under the strain of trying to hold the legs up.

Anyway, you know that moment in French movies when they light a cigarette and enjoy the post coital sensations? Well, not me, already I was starting to feel scarred by this event, and the laughing lady next to me was starting to adopt that Rabbit Boiling mentality. I was now on the menu for her lust, and trust me, this is one meal I didn't want to be involved in. The attempts at tenderness by her were met by my saying I was exhausted by the effort and we would make love again in the morning. I squeezed into my allocated 14 inches at the side of the bed and fell asleep, a fitful nightmare-ish sleep.

I woke in the morning, jumped out of the bed like a gazelle, ran downstairs and put on breakfast. After a while she came down wearing a sleeveless top that showed off the full glory of her Bingo Wings. That put me off breakfast. As soon as I could I excused myself by telling her I had to go get my Son for the football match. she said " Your very early, it's only 9.30 ". I told her we had a tradition of going early to the matches and watching the entertainment etc. I got out the door, in my car, and drove round the corner. I sat there for a while trying to blank out the memories and get myself into Good Daddy mode. It was a real effort.

Eventually I went down and got my son and sister, ( nephew too for the purpose of accuracy ) and off we went to the game at 12.00. The game was very good, Scotland went up 1-0 in the first half, the atmosphere was superb!! but I was subdued. My sister kept asking me why, I couldn't tell her the truth, I couldn't tell her what was ion the house waiting for me.

After the match I went the the gym, had a swim, a jacuzzi, I did everything I could to hang out time before I went home. eventually I had no choice, I had to go face the reality of what I had done ( in both senses ) and when I walked in the door I got a big chocolately face smile. That's a cute look on a baby, not so on a baby rhino. After the pleasantries about the game, how was your day etc I returned to my gentlemanly mode. I told the laughing lady that we had no future together, and that night she was free to sleep in any one of the three bedrooms upstairs. To be fair to her she took it quite well for an apprentice bunny boiler and the rest of the evening passed pleasantly enough. At bed time she went upstairs and I followed later, and I was extremely disappointed to find her in my bed.

I'm telling you nothing else!! and I swear to God that is a true story. May I point out to the earlier poster that I am from the UK, it's a UK size 28 so the sizing is correct, though I id exaggerate the weight a little bit, she was 274 lbs.

I like reading your posts Blether...but some are very long..

Any chance of some crib notes in future?

[edwinclapham]

Great post Blether. Pmsl here

[theblether]

Right.........we're in the pub now so I can tell you the rest of the story......I swear to God this story is true, I will never ger over it. It was a lesson to me.........

So as you know we are in that state of undress in the bedroom, I thought there was some weird kind of glow in the room, it was a reflection from her skin. She hadn't dis-robed in the sun for about 20 years and her skin was this weird florescent colour. Now that combined with the fact that there was so much of it gave away this weird hue. I was looking at these various folds of blue tinged rolls of womanhood and wondering where to start.

Now we guys normally have a list of do's and don't do's That's based upon normal circumstances. I'm now faced with a double conundrum, nothing is in the correct place, well it doesn't seem to be in the correct place, and I have the double whammy of potential suffocation or crush death to deal with. So my do's and don't list was replaced with a no way and no farking way list.

After a bit of manoeuvring, investigating, exploring, deducing?? starting again, no I don't want to make love to the roll of fat on your back.......I eventually realised that I would need to use all my strength and get her legs into a certain position. After much manoeuvring, and I mean a lot, I had one of her legs pointing to Texas and the other pointing to Rome. Now this ain't natural, especially with someone of her size so I was a bit concerned in case she dislocated a hip or something. I had visions of the ambulance coming and of us having to take my bedroom window out and hoisting her outside. There was NO WAY anyone could have carried her down the stairs. I also had the additional problem of worrying that she may roll over and injure me and I wasn't having that.

Eventually I ahem, hit the bullseye, I will not go into details, but I will say that after a very short space of time she starting yelling like a banshee

about it being too sore. So I stopped, balanced myself, and said, " I can't help it, I have to put your legs in that position so I can get in ". well she said, it's not that, " Your too big for me ". It's not often theblether hears that so being very proud of himself he fired in with much gusto for about 30 seconds before he collapsed under the strain of trying to hold the legs up.

Anyway, you know that moment in French movies when they light a cigarette and enjoy the post coital sensations? Well, not me, already I was starting to feel scarred by this event, and the laughing lady next to me was starting to adopt that Rabbit Boiling mentality. I was now on the menu for her lust, and trust me, this is one meal I didn't want to be involved in. The attempts at tenderness by her were met by my saying I was exhausted by the effort and we would make love again in the morning. I squeezed into my allocated 14 inches at the side of the bed and fell asleep, a fitful nightmare-ish sleep.

I woke in the morning, jumped out of the bed like a gazelle, ran downstairs and put on breakfast. After a while she came down wearing a sleeveless top that showed off the full glory of her Bingo Wings. That put me off breakfast. As soon as I could I excused myself by telling her I had to go get my Son for the football match. she said " Your very early, it's only 9.30 ". I told her we had a tradition of going early to the matches and watching the entertainment etc. I got out the door, in my car, and drove round the corner. I sat there for a while trying to blank out the memories and get myself into Good Daddy mode. It was a real effort.

Eventually I went down and got my son and sister, ( nephew too for the purpose of accuracy ) and off we went to the game at 12.00. The game was very good, Scotland went up 1-0 in the first half, the atmosphere was superb!! but I was subdued. My sister kept asking me why, I couldn't tell her the truth, I couldn't tell her what was ion the house waiting for me.

After the match I went the the gym, had a swim, a jacuzzi, I did everything I could to hang out time before I went home. eventually I had no choice, I had to go face the reality of what I had done ( in both senses ) and when I walked in the door I got a big chocolately face smile. That's a cute look on a baby, not so on a baby rhino. After the pleasantries about the game, how was your day etc I returned to my gentlemanly mode. I told the laughing lady that we had no future together, and that night she was free to sleep in any one of the three bedrooms upstairs. To be fair to her she took it quite well for an apprentice bunny boiler and the rest of the evening passed pleasantly enough. At bed time she went upstairs and I followed later, and I was extremely disappointed to find her in my bed.

I'm telling you nothing else!! and I swear to God that is a true story. May I point out to the earlier poster that I am from the UK, it's a UK size 28 so the sizing is correct, though I id exaggerate the weight a little bit, she was 274 lbs.

I like reading your posts Blether...but some are very long..

Any chance of some crib notes in future?

I'll do one especially for you

I was on the internet, dug up this massive fat burd, sh*gged and never got over it

@edwinclapham ....... thanks very much.

Edited March 28, 2012 by theblether

[BookMan]

Perfect Blether. Thanks!

I did have a read through anyway. Great stuff

[edwinclapham]

Right.........we're in the pub now so I can tell you the rest of the story......I swear to God this story is true, I will never ger over it. It was a lesson to me.........

So as you know we are in that state of undress in the bedroom, I thought there was some weird kind of glow in the room, it was a reflection from her skin. She hadn't dis-robed in the sun for about 20 years and her skin was this weird florescent colour. Now that combined with the fact that there was so much of it gave away this weird hue. I was looking at these various folds of blue tinged rolls of womanhood and wondering where to start.

Now we guys normally have a list of do's and don't do's That's based upon normal circumstances. I'm now faced with a double conundrum, nothing is in the correct place, well it doesn't seem to be in the correct place, and I have the double whammy of potential suffocation or crush death to deal with. So my do's and don't list was replaced with a no way and no farking way list.

After a bit of manoeuvring, investigating, exploring, deducing?? starting again, no I don't want to make love to the roll of fat on your back.......I eventually realised that I would need to use all my strength and get her legs into a certain position. After much manoeuvring, and I mean a lot, I had one of her legs pointing to Texas and the other pointing to Rome. Now this ain't natural, especially with someone of her size so I was a bit concerned in case she dislocated a hip or something. I had visions of the ambulance coming and of us having to take my bedroom window out and hoisting her outside. There was NO WAY anyone could have carried her down the stairs. I also had the additional problem of worrying that she may roll over and injure me and I wasn't having that.

Eventually I ahem, hit the bullseye, I will not go into details, but I will say that after a very short space of time she starting yelling like a banshee

about it being too sore. So I stopped, balanced myself, and said, " I can't help it, I have to put your legs in that position so I can get in ". well she said, it's not that, " Your too big for me ". It's not often theblether hears that so being very proud of himself he fired in with much gusto for about 30 seconds before he collapsed under the strain of trying to hold the legs up.

Anyway, you know that moment in French movies when they light a cigarette and enjoy the post coital sensations? Well, not me, already I was starting to feel scarred by this event, and the laughing lady next to me was starting to adopt that Rabbit Boiling mentality. I was now on the menu for her lust, and trust me, this is one meal I didn't want to be involved in. The attempts at tenderness by her were met by my saying I was exhausted by the effort and we would make love again in the morning. I squeezed into my allocated 14 inches at the side of the bed and fell asleep, a fitful nightmare-ish sleep.

I woke in the morning, jumped out of the bed like a gazelle, ran downstairs and put on breakfast. After a while she came down wearing a sleeveless top that showed off the full glory of her Bingo Wings. That put me off breakfast. As soon as I could I excused myself by telling her I had to go get my Son for the football match. she said " Your very early, it's only 9.30 ". I told her we had a tradition of going early to the matches and watching the entertainment etc. I got out the door, in my car, and drove round the corner. I sat there for a while trying to blank out the memories and get myself into Good Daddy mode. It was a real effort.

Eventually I went down and got my son and sister, ( nephew too for the purpose of accuracy ) and off we went to the game at 12.00. The game was very good, Scotland went up 1-0 in the first half, the atmosphere was superb!! but I was subdued. My sister kept asking me why, I couldn't tell her the truth, I couldn't tell her what was ion the house waiting for me.

After the match I went the the gym, had a swim, a jacuzzi, I did everything I could to hang out time before I went home. eventually I had no choice, I had to go face the reality of what I had done ( in both senses ) and when I walked in the door I got a big chocolately face smile. That's a cute look on a baby, not so on a baby rhino. After the pleasantries about the game, how was your day etc I returned to my gentlemanly mode. I told the laughing lady that we had no future together, and that night she was free to sleep in any one of the three bedrooms upstairs. To be fair to her she took it quite well for an apprentice bunny boiler and the rest of the evening passed pleasantly enough. At bed time she went upstairs and I followed later, and I was extremely disappointed to find her in my bed.

I'm telling you nothing else!! and I swear to God that is a true story. May I point out to the earlier poster that I am from the UK, it's a UK size 28 so the sizing is correct, though I id exaggerate the weight a little bit, she was 274 lbs.

I like reading your posts Blether...but some are very long..

Any chance of some crib notes in future?

I'll do one especially for you

I was on the internet, dug up this massive fat burd, sh*gged and never got over it

@edwinclapham ....... thanks very much.

Everyone needs loving Blether, and I hope she has met her soul mate in life.

[theblether]

Right.........we're in the pub now so I can tell you the rest of the story......I swear to God this story is true, I will never ger over it. It was a lesson to me.........

So as you know we are in that state of undress in the bedroom, I thought there was some weird kind of glow in the room, it was a reflection from her skin. She hadn't dis-robed in the sun for about 20 years and her skin was this weird florescent colour. Now that combined with the fact that there was so much of it gave away this weird hue. I was looking at these various folds of blue tinged rolls of womanhood and wondering where to start.

Now we guys normally have a list of do's and don't do's That's based upon normal circumstances. I'm now faced with a double conundrum, nothing is in the correct place, well it doesn't seem to be in the correct place, and I have the double whammy of potential suffocation or crush death to deal with. So my do's and don't list was replaced with a no way and no farking way list.

After a bit of manoeuvring, investigating, exploring, deducing?? starting again, no I don't want to make love to the roll of fat on your back.......I eventually realised that I would need to use all my strength and get her legs into a certain position. After much manoeuvring, and I mean a lot, I had one of her legs pointing to Texas and the other pointing to Rome. Now this ain't natural, especially with someone of her size so I was a bit concerned in case she dislocated a hip or something. I had visions of the ambulance coming and of us having to take my bedroom window out and hoisting her outside. There was NO WAY anyone could have carried her down the stairs. I also had the additional problem of worrying that she may roll over and injure me and I wasn't having that.

Eventually I ahem, hit the bullseye, I will not go into details, but I will say that after a very short space of time she starting yelling like a banshee

about it being too sore. So I stopped, balanced myself, and said, " I can't help it, I have to put your legs in that position so I can get in ". well she said, it's not that, " Your too big for me ". It's not often theblether hears that so being very proud of himself he fired in with much gusto for about 30 seconds before he collapsed under the strain of trying to hold the legs up.

Anyway, you know that moment in French movies when they light a cigarette and enjoy the post coital sensations? Well, not me, already I was starting to feel scarred by this event, and the laughing lady next to me was starting to adopt that Rabbit Boiling mentality. I was now on the menu for her lust, and trust me, this is one meal I didn't want to be involved in. The attempts at tenderness by her were met by my saying I was exhausted by the effort and we would make love again in the morning. I squeezed into my allocated 14 inches at the side of the bed and fell asleep, a fitful nightmare-ish sleep.

I woke in the morning, jumped out of the bed like a gazelle, ran downstairs and put on breakfast. After a while she came down wearing a sleeveless top that showed off the full glory of her Bingo Wings. That put me off breakfast. As soon as I could I excused myself by telling her I had to go get my Son for the football match. she said " Your very early, it's only 9.30 ". I told her we had a tradition of going early to the matches and watching the entertainment etc. I got out the door, in my car, and drove round the corner. I sat there for a while trying to blank out the memories and get myself into Good Daddy mode. It was a real effort.

Eventually I went down and got my son and sister, ( nephew too for the purpose of accuracy ) and off we went to the game at 12.00. The game was very good, Scotland went up 1-0 in the first half, the atmosphere was superb!! but I was subdued. My sister kept asking me why, I couldn't tell her the truth, I couldn't tell her what was ion the house waiting for me.

After the match I went the the gym, had a swim, a jacuzzi, I did everything I could to hang out time before I went home. eventually I had no choice, I had to go face the reality of what I had done ( in both senses ) and when I walked in the door I got a big chocolately face smile. That's a cute look on a baby, not so on a baby rhino. After the pleasantries about the game, how was your day etc I returned to my gentlemanly mode. I told the laughing lady that we had no future together, and that night she was free to sleep in any one of the three bedrooms upstairs. To be fair to her she took it quite well for an apprentice bunny boiler and the rest of the evening passed pleasantly enough. At bed time she went upstairs and I followed later, and I was extremely disappointed to find her in my bed.

I'm telling you nothing else!! and I swear to God that is a true story. May I point out to the earlier poster that I am from the UK, it's a UK size 28 so the sizing is correct, though I id exaggerate the weight a little bit, she was 274 lbs.

I like reading your posts Blether...but some are very long..

Any chance of some crib notes in future?

I'll do one especially for you

I was on the internet, dug up this massive fat burd, sh*gged and never got over it

@edwinclapham ....... thanks very much.

Everyone needs loving Blether, and I hope she has met her soul mate in life.

I am pleased to report she did...........and all kidding aside, she really was the Laughing Lady.

[theblether]

Perfect Blether. Thanks!

I did have a read through anyway. Great stuff

I actually had you in mind when I was doing it,

no!! no!!......I didn't mean that!!

What I meant was I had you in mind when I was writing it!!....not doing it!!.....that would be so wrong!!

[BookMan]

Perfect Blether. Thanks!

I did have a read through anyway. Great stuff

I actually had you in mind when I was doing it,

no!! no!!......I didn't mean that!!

What I meant was I had you in mind when I was writing it!!....not doing it!!.....that would be so wrong!!

That's good you were thinking of me, but you should know, my days of cross-dressing as a fat woman are finished with.

I have lost a weight over recent years.