Playing a round

Further to your advice to KL of Yorkshire (Style, April 29) that she should take up golf, I would add that I find that, at my age, I can get much further with a whippy shaft. Also, it is always a good idea to make some identifying mark on the balls with a marker pen (waterproof, obviously) as there are all kinds of penalties involved for you and your partner if the ones you finish with are not the same as you started playing a round with.

RdW, Holland

Thank you for these useful points. I would also add that Mr Mills finds it useful to have a towel with him to keep his equipment dry at all times. This followed a traumatic episode before he met me when his wet hands slipped off the shaft as he followed through and his partner at the time ended up in hospital for a week. Remember, however, neither you nor your partner can polish your balls once they are in play, unless you are on the green — then you should always keep them clean, as the last thing you want is any unexpected deviancy as you try to sink it in the hole.

Nothing about slicing it in the rough?

Or ways to get out of a bunker?

Pulling it out of bounds?

Employing a driver in lieu of an iron?

I don't play the bloody game, so I'll stop here, see you at the 19th hole.

Dear Mrs Mills

My wife has recently taken up photography so I purchased an antique camera for her as a gift but I'm having a few problems.I've spent many a hot afternoon with my face under her hood, flicking away at that button, trying to make those leathery old flaps open up.

With thanks to Viz magazine.

Nothing about slicing it in the rough?

Or ways to get out of a bunker?

Pulling it out of bounds?

Employing a driver in lieu of an iron?

I don't play the bloody game, so I'll stop here, see you at the 19th hole.

It's a weekly advice column in the Sunday Times magazine. There's plenty more where that came from.

Kitchen mayhem

I have a friend who insists on bringing “a course” when my husband and I have a social gathering.

I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but she arrives with the constituents of “a course” that she chucks down, then swans off to quaff champagne and mingle.

This throws my food itinerary to pot, and I’m a stickler for timing.

It came to a head at one Christmas soirée: she promised to bring a raspberry pavlova, only to arrive 15 minutes late with supermarket meringue nests, a punnet of strawberries and unwhipped whipping cream. Chaos in the kitchen ensued. I got into such a state, my flan dried up and my husband’s roulade sagged. Any suggestions?

AL, Durham

There’s no end of ways you can moisten your flan, although some people prefer them like that, rather than dripping with juices. Your husband’s sagging roulade is more problematic, but, again, making sure everything is properly moist can be a help, particularly as it might otherwise break when you roll it with your hands. More important, once you get going, don’t stop: it rarely matters what state it’s in as long, as it’s oozing cream. (As for your neighbour, I’d tip her contribution in the bin and stop inviting her.)

Feeling tutti frutti

With summer (we hope) around the corner, I would appreciate your advice on the best way to tackle an ice-cream cone. Should one start with little licks around the tip, or go straight for a full tongue engagement from bottom to top? And when you reach the cone, is it best to gently nibble round the edges, increasing the exposure, or delve as deeply as possible with the tongue while sucking? And if there are any dribbles, should these be dealt with as they occur wherever they finish up or left until later? CB, Chesham

I don’t think one can be really prescriptive about this: just go with what works best for you. Most of us have our own individual technique derived from years of practice. Mr Mills likes to bite the bottom and then suck like mad, which makes him very red in the face and gives him a crick in the neck (as he has to get directly underneath, otherwise it slips straight off the side). If I start laughing, he gets very cross and blows instead, just to make a noise and annoy me. If it’s really hot, you can’t afford to take your time. Instead, you have to get on with it as quickly as possible, as the last thing you want is a sticky mess all over your fingers, though having a good supply of tissues to hand is always a sensible precaution.

Challenging strokeplay

Having recently taken early retirement, my wife and I have renewed our interest in golf. My wife is an enthusiastic player of the front holes, but she is reluctant to attempt the back, which she says are too demanding.

Yet I believe that these days most couples are happy to go all the way round. I am always left feeling frustrated as she will only go halfway. Any suggestions?

EG, Nottingham

When you haven’t done it for a while, it can be very tiring. However, your wife should remember that you don’t have to go all the way immediately. Build up to it by going a bit further each time you go out. Before you know it, you’ll have done the lot and your wife will be so used to it that she won’t have found it a stretch at all.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mrs_Mills

I'd post a Youtube of her here (in generous contribution to the thread), but there are already so many Youtube clips in the Asylum that if you laid them end to end, you could sing and dance yourself all the way to the Moon and back...