Season's Greetings

[Jai Dee]

I wanted to send out some sort of holiday greeting to all my friends on ThaiVisa, but it is so difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So I met with my solicitor yesterday, and on his advice (and after AUD$ 500 in solicitors fees) I wish to say the following:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, nonaddictive, gender neutral, celebration of the solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make Australia great (not to imply that Australia is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "country" in the western or eastern world), and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal.

It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting.

It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.

This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher...

Disclaimer:

No trees were harmed in the sending of this message, however, a significant number of electrons were inconvenienced.

[stumonster]

in the interests of offending everyone..

fack off , you lesbian , treehugging , godbothering , moronic , handicapped , minority , holiday celebrating , do gooding , old , square dancing , um , um , dwarf

well I tried to be all encompassing .....

[peter991]

Thanks for the Season's Greetings Jai Dee.

However : I’ll check with my legal advisers, my accountant, my financial planner, my actuaries, my back-up financial planner, Centrelink, my bank, my several insurers including but not limited to those who may or may not hold me protected against malicious intent by 3rd parties and public risk, ASIC, ASIO, the Environmental Protection Agency, CASA and my local priest (although I haven’t seen him since I left school about 35 years ago), the ASX and my GP to see if I can accept this greeting without compromising the integrity of the thought police, the local City Council, the State Gov’t. the ATO or anyone else who may or may not be trying to control my life. Caution, please do not read this if you have any concerns for your personal safety or your mental capacity to tolerate life in 2006 or any other year you may access in the future. This caution is intentionally left at the end of the message so that you can make an informed decision as to whether or not to heed it’s message of advice.

Might I also respectfully suggest that you use your advisers of choice, before deciding whether or not, in the interests of your personal well being, to accept my aforementioned thanks.

You have a good New year as well.

Cheers

Peter