Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word.

[thequietman]

My wife has ignored me too many times. I try to give the best advice I know and it is still ignored. I feel I am just being tolerated up to a point.

I try to make plans for the future but it seems she can't think beyond tomorrow.

She has expectations but I am expected to fulfil them alone.

Her youngest will be ready for Uni in 7 years, I want to and have been wanting to plant paper trees for 2 years now. When they have matured there will be enough money to pay for his fees etc. We give the land for free to locals to plant corn on the precondition that they keep the land clear. 9 rai of land on the edge they wont clear. thay say its to keep chickens out ! This is the land I want to plant trees.

He is not MY son but I love him and want the best for him.

I ask and ask and ask and ask and ask and ask, when will the ground be cleared. My wife doesnt want the people who use our land to lose "face" so she won't ask them. the rainy season is upon us and still wont go to tell them to clear it. Its been 2 years now.

What am I to do ?

Guys I married this lady for better or worse and I have found it the norm to be ignored or simply tolerated when I express my opinion. If her brother speaks, it is done. When I speak, nothing is done or it takes forever asking to get it done.

I know you will say she doesnt respect me but its so blatant its like she doesnt really realise shes doing it. Is that possible ?

I love her but respect is everything for me. I feel its time to move on. A simple "I'm sorry" would suffice and we could go back to the normal fun life we have. Its 10 days now with just conversation when necessary and I feel it will be time to move out soon.

I am not being unreasonable. I am trying to prepare for the future. Her future and her kids future. I will be fine.

But rather than say "sorry" and move on with our lives, she chooses the "face" option.

Surely I'm am not alone............... am I ?

[LucidLucifer]

I'm sorry for your predicament.

I'm also sorry that the trolls will probably be out on this one.

Good luck for your future whatever you decide to do.

[MJCM]

I'm sorry to but why use a perfectly song title for this, or could this be a new trend ?? Using song titles as a thread title ?

Some other examples could be

You Were My Friend

I don't wanna die in an air disaster

I'm On My Way

Edited June 1, 2012 by MJCM

[BuddhistVirus]

I am sorry for you too, but you can say baby, baby can I hold you tonight?

[zzaa09]

Seemingly ignored, loh?

Well....try an old social trick.

Ignore them in kind....and see where that goes.

You'll be asked why, I'm sure.

Then point out the contradictions.

[MJCM]

I am sorry for you too, but you can say baby, baby can I hold you tonight?

Then I say B*tch Please ...

[thequietman]

I'm sorry to but why use a perfectly song title for this, or could this be a new trend ?? Using song titles as a thread title ?

Some other examples could be

You Were My Friend

I don't wanna die in an air disaster

I'm On My Way

Or that well known song " If you don't have anything useful to say, then shut the hell up"

Oasis, ...... I think.

[pipo1000]

If her brother speaks, it is done. When I speak, nothing is done or it takes forever asking to get it done.

I have read a book once called money number one,and the writer explained the order of respect used with Thai families.

It went something like mother-father,brother-sister,grandma-grandpa,uncles-aunts,nieces and nephwes,the neighbout,the garbage man,the beggar in the street,the family dog and the farang.

Edit : I forgot that the flees of the family came right after the dog.

[thequietman]

Seemingly ignored, loh?

Well....try an old social trick.

Ignore them in kind....and see where that goes.

You'll be asked why, I'm sure.

Then point out the contradictions.

Thanks, doing that at the moment and its 10 days now. clothes are ready for work, so is lunch.

Ok, its her way of sayin "sorry" .... maybe ! But nothin beats the words. And she isnt gonna say them. I know her. We are together 10 years now. I feel very strongly about moving on. Please realise, the things I am trying to do are for her benefit and that of 'our' son. I will be fine, no matter the outcome.

I go to work with Thai people and am ignored. I don't need to come home to it also. Thanks for your input anyway. Regards.

[thequietman]

If her brother speaks, it is done. When I speak, nothing is done or it takes forever asking to get it done.

I have read a book once called money number one,and the writer explained the order of respect used with Thai families.

It went something like mother-father,brother-sister,grandma-grandpa,uncles-aunts,nieces and nephwes,the neighbout,the garbage man,the beggar in the street,the family dog and the farang.

Edit : I forgot that the flees of the family came right after the dog.

you forgot the TURD and then the farang.

[cardholder]

Communication and trying to deal with a significantly different culture is not easy.

Thailand Fever is a good book that covers it very well.

I also agree that it is generally seems a one-sided effort at bringing the cultures together.

Also, we must remember that we are the foreigners/odd one out in this equation and there must therefore be a greater onus on us to meet THEIR expectations/standards/culture etc.

Good luck - understanding the issues is half-way to solving them.

[GuestHouse]

The truth is lots of guys have normal happy relationships with their Thai wife's. What you discribe seems to be neither normal or happy,

You feel its time to move on because.... Its time to move on.

[pipo1000]

If her brother speaks, it is done. When I speak, nothing is done or it takes forever asking to get it done.

I have read a book once called money number one,and the writer explained the order of respect used with Thai families.

It went something like mother-father,brother-sister,grandma-grandpa,uncles-aunts,nieces and nephwes,the neighbout,the garbage man,the beggar in the street,the family dog and the farang.

Edit : I forgot that the flees of the family came right after the dog.

you forgot the TURD and then the farang.

As it seems that you are well aware of it,I'm a bit confused what the reason is of your post.

As you say yourself you feel it's time to move on,what are you waiting for?You hope some posters come on here and talk you out of it,only to have a similar experience in another 6 months?

[NanLaew]

Her brother?

[edwinclapham]

Quietman, I am extremely sad to hear this, and feel your anguish!

May I ask who would take care of your wife and son in your absence? Has she any idea of your input into the family life, or is it taken for granted?

[trainman34014]

Is it not possible to sit her down one last time and explain that if you continue to be ignored at the expense of all others 'face', your relationship is going to crumble and there will be some sad goodbyes? Surely; if she values your care and support for her and her Son she will at least try to support you in the same way instead of every other Tom, Dick and Harry.

[aneliane]

If her brother speaks, it is done. When I speak, nothing is done or it takes forever asking to get it done.

I have read a book once called money number one,and the writer explained the order of respect used with Thai families.

It went something like mother-father,brother-sister,grandma-grandpa,uncles-aunts,nieces and nephwes,the neighbout,the garbage man,the beggar in the street,the family dog and the farang.

Edit : I forgot that the flees of the family came right after the dog.

you forgot the TURD and then the farang.

You seem to be rightly frustrated

It's like she doesn't consider you as fully part of this family.

It is also strange that a mum chooses face over her children's future, or may be she hopes you have some other stash of cash somewhere, that she could use for Uni ...

[villagefarang]

It seems like a rather petty power struggle over which to end a 10 year relationship. It is a simple assessment. Is your life better with her or without her? Is winning really that important to you? It is her land after all so why not let her do with it as she wishes?

[robblok]

If i was in a relationship like that id bail out. But that is my opinion i could never accept the things you are describing.

[travelmann]

If her brother speaks, it is done. When I speak, nothing is done or it takes forever asking to get it done.

I have read a book once called money number one,and the writer explained the order of respect used with Thai families.

It went something like mother-father,brother-sister,grandma-grandpa,uncles-aunts,nieces and nephwes,the neighbout,the garbage man,the beggar in the street,the family dog and the farang.

Edit : I forgot that the flees of the family came right after the dog.

Yeah I think youll find thats the lower end of the Thai social spectrum woman you are referring to though eh??

[villagefarang]

Lets not forget we are only getting one side of the story here. There is no way for us to know what is really going on. The OP probably already knows what he is going to do and simply wants backup and support, which he seems to be getting.

[thequietman]

Quietman, I am extremely sad to hear this, and feel your anguish!

May I ask who would take care of your wife and son in your absence? Has she any idea of your input into the family life, or is it taken for granted?

I think very much for granted. Its like the same old thing you hear on here, provide the money and shut the f@@k up. never thought it would happen to me. but its more times now. i dont want to use the comparison here but......... if I was a thai husband, I am pretty sure everything that was said would be taken into consideration.

I am not saying..."LISTEN to me, I am Farrang, I know more than you" I am just looking for a bit of consideration. Somethings My life lessons have taught me well in. when I know what I'm talking about, it is extremely difficult to be ignored.

As I said before, I am trying to make plans for her son. I am not being selfish. I worry for him.

But still........... I am ignored.

[transam]

Your OP post is something all must read if they are thinking of setting up ''shop'' in LOS. Remember the old topic ''Where do you come in the pecking order'' ?. Great topic that revealed all, and a lesson to all.

[thequietman]

It seems like a rather petty power struggle over which to end a 10 year relationship. It is a simple assessment. Is your life better with her or without her? Is winning really that important to you? It is her land after all so why not let her do with it as she wishes?

I have 2 jobs here at the moment. Hopefully a third will come. My life would be so much easier on my own but I would miss her and her son. Its not about winning village farrang. I have seen this scenario with the farangs I know. They accept and I see the direction their life is going. Deceit, lies, savings hidden from them, land purchased in their wifes name unknown to him and so much more.

I chose not to WIN but to come to a middle ground together. At the moment, she chooses "face."

[thequietman]

Lets not forget we are only getting one side of the story here. There is no way for us to know what is really going on. The OP probably already knows what he is going to do and simply wants backup and support, which he seems to be getting.

I have no demands. I never make them. Consideration is what I ask, just a little.

I dont have a mia noi, I work hard. I pay the mortgage,phone bill, internet, pickup, electric, school bus, water bill and school bus. If the house needs something I do it myself. I look after the garden, paint the fence and whatever else.

In return, a little consideration............... maybe ?

[transam]

It seems like a rather petty power struggle over which to end a 10 year relationship. It is a simple assessment. Is your life better with her or without her? Is winning really that important to you? It is her land after all so why not let her do with it as she wishes?

I have 2 jobs here at the moment. Hopefully a third will come. My life would be so much easier on my own but I would miss her and her son. Its not about winning village farrang. I have seen this scenario with the farangs I know. They accept and I see the direction their life is going. Deceit, lies, savings hidden from them, land purchased in their wifes name unknown to him and so much more.

I chose not to WIN but to come to a middle ground together. At the moment, she chooses "face."

Seems your on a loser, but must confess l have witnessed this stuff cos the lady thinks YOU will always be there. YOU must get some balls and put your foot down. If she loses face, so what. Go for it or you will be stuffed.

[pipo1000]

I'm here for almost 2 decades and had 3 serious relationships,which all ended the way the OP describes his situation.I have still friendly contacts with all 3 lady's untill today,but I can assure you that there will not be a 4th relationship ever as I have learned the lesson.My last relationship lasted 6 years but ended 4 years ago.

For the past 3 years I have taken care for the son of my last partner, from which I'm officially not the father, but who was born during our relationship.

The boy who is now 8 years old,lived with me for the past 3 years and I paid a decent school for him as I love him to death and I wish he can have a good future.

Unfortunately the boy has some mental issues, which of course are not recognised by the mother.I have recently build a new house with the only purpose to give the boy a nice living environment.

Now here comes the Thai mentality back in play.As soon as the house was finished,the mother decided that she could take care of him better than me.You have to know that she stays 2 weeks a month abroad and that in the 2 weeks she's here she goes out till early morning at least 3 days a week.

So in fact she has probably the time to take care of her son for let's say 6 days a month.I know for a fact that she hasn't seen his current school once yet however he was enrolled 3 weeks ago.

What is the moral of this story, and of the OP's one also I guess, as long as you pay you are " accepted ",but when they feel that they can get something more out of you, in my case I spent a lot of money to make a good living for the boy who I love as my son but are now staying like a loner in that big house, they will make things difficult for you.

They know how to play your feelings as nobody else.

[KeyserSoze01]

Seemingly ignored, loh?

Well....try an old social trick.

Ignore them in kind....and see where that goes.

You'll be asked why, I'm sure.

Then point out the contradictions.

Thanks, doing that at the moment and its 10 days now. clothes are ready for work, so is lunch.

Ok, its her way of sayin "sorry" .... maybe ! But nothin beats the words. And she isnt gonna say them. I know her. We are together 10 years now. I feel very strongly about moving on. Please realise, the things I am trying to do are for her benefit and that of 'our' son. I will be fine, no matter the outcome.

I go to work with Thai people and am ignored. I don't need to come home to it also. Thanks for your input anyway. Regards.

In all the time I've spent in Thailand, I have never had anyone say "Thank You" or "Sorry" to me in any circumstance. So I can empathize with your situation.

It appears your wife has very little respect for you, which in my book is a deal breaker. Life is too short to tolerate such behavior and it only gets worse over time.

Nothing is forever, so perhaps it's time to move on and find happiness however you can.

[arthurwait]

I'm here for almost 2 decades and had 3 serious relationships,which all ended the way the OP describes his situation.I have still friendly contacts with all 3 lady's untill today,but I can assure you that there will not be a 4th relationship ever as I have learned the lesson.My last relationship lasted 6 years but ended 4 years ago.

For the past 3 years I have taken care for the son of my last partner, from which I'm officially not the father, but who was born during our relationship.

The boy who is now 8 years old,lived with me for the past 3 years and I paid a decent school for him as I love him to death and I wish he can have a good future.

Unfortunately the boy has some mental issues, which of course are not recognised by the mother.I have recently build a new house with the only purpose to give the boy a nice living environment.

Now here comes the Thai mentality back in play.As soon as the house was finished,the mother decided that she could take care of him better than me.You have to know that she stays 2 weeks a month abroad and that in the 2 weeks she's here she goes out till early morning at least 3 days a week.

So in fact she has probably the time to take care of her son for let's say 6 days a month.I know for a fact that she hasn't seen his current school once yet however he was enrolled 3 weeks ago.

What is the moral of this story, and of the OP's one also I guess, as long as you pay you are " accepted ",but when they feel that they can get something more out of you, in my case I spent a lot of money to make a good living for the boy who I love as my son but are now staying like a loner in that big house, they will make things difficult for you.

They know how to play your feelings as nobody else.

Thai mentality or gold digger mentality ?

Edited June 1, 2012 by arthurwait

[TheWalkingMan]

Sad situation.

Working hard to pay the mortgage,phone bill, internet, pickup, electric, school bus, water bill and school bus has never been a reason for some spouses to respect or communicate with their partner.

Maybe it is time to wash your hands and let someone else take care of things.

Edited June 1, 2012 by TheWalkingMan