Question Regarding Gold Necklace

[David48]

ugh. wish we had some now to sell; hubby's brother in a jam in korat, neither we nor they have the finances... we usually say no to the usual requests but this is a rather different (legal) jam... and definately, gold=money. (thai gold). as far as hubby is concerned, other gold is nice to wear but not useful.

Respect ...

Hope things work out for the rellies.

[doontp]

Just give them the money instead and buy everyone some cheap copy jewelry down at Big C for show.

Because when they need money they WILL porn it and if they didn't want you to know would spend 500 baht on exactly what i am talking about anyway.

I still find it strange that you have been told to buy jewelry by the parents.in my book you need to grow some balls and tell them NO!

Told to buy a gift for there daughter and themselves!!! <deleted>

There will be plenty of time for giving and showing your appreciation down the line ....and boy you are ripe for it

Another one bites the dust.

Your comprehension is a little off. The parents never told me to buy anything for them.

Them "telling" me to buy their daughter gold is their way of wanting me to show respect for their daughter and the culture. It's no different than my American father telling me to buy my gf an engagement ring for her.

Now lets go back to the usage of the word, "told." The parents "telling" me is more like "advising" me. No one can force me to do anything. Ultimately, it's my choice. Me using the word, "told", does not mean they demanded or placed a gun to my head.

[meatboy]

Just give them the money instead and buy everyone some cheap copy jewelry down at Big C for show.

Because when they need money they WILL porn it and if they didn't want you to know would spend 500 baht on exactly what i am talking about anyway.

I still find it strange that you have been told to buy jewelry by the parents.in my book you need to grow some balls and tell them NO!

Told to buy a gift for there daughter and themselves!!! <deleted>

There will be plenty of time for giving and showing your appreciation down the line ....and boy you are ripe for it

Another one bites the dust.

Your comprehension is a little off. The parents never told me to buy anything for them.

Them "telling" me to buy their daughter gold is their way of wanting me to show respect for their daughter and the culture. It's no different than my American father telling me to buy my gf an engagement ring for her.

Now lets go back to the usage of the word, "told." The parents "telling" me is more like "advising" me. No one can force me to do anything. Ultimately, it's my choice. Me using the word, "told", does not mean they demanded or placed a gun to my head.

i am wondering are you related to harry potter he can perform miracles

[glassdude007]

I do not believe..

that you told Two Thai elders (face to face)

that they have to wear the gold when ever you are around

and that they can not sell there gold if they wish to.....no way ???

as a joke maybe but not serious talking..

just wondering what the GF, sister and parents bought for you since you where so generous to there daughter??

cheers & good luck

[Tanaka]

My girlfriends parents told me to buy.....!!??

I have no problem showing appreciation.

How will you feel if they sell it. Just curious. ?

I will give the parents each a 1-baht necklace with specific instructions to never sell them. In addition, I'll require them to wear the necklace every time I visit as a form of respect. My disappointment will be displayed if my rules ever get violated. Furthermore, they will be out of my life. This also goes for my gf/future wife. I've already told them I'm not giving any money. I take care of the "needs." They are on their own with the "wants."

I talked to my wife and she says that is not Thai tradition. Especially not as you are not married or having a wedding. But in your first post you said you gave the gold to your gf and she bought different necklaces. Why? Why did you not buy a necklace fo rher yourself? And now, in this post, you say you WILL buy necklaces for the family! Which is it? If you are not a troll, then you are certainly in for a very bumpy ride in Thailand.

[Spoonman]

If my Thai inlaws told me to buy something for the missus I would tell them to sling it and mind their own business, also when the gold is sold off you will get a sob story about it getting snatched from their necks whilst on the scooter.

[rgs2001uk]

It hasnt been mentioned by the OP, but I would like to know what is he getting for his money.

What makes this girl so special, what is the girl bringing to the table?

What do the family have to offer?

Most Thai girls I know married to Thai guys basically become the property of the husband and live with the husband.

In these farang cases it appears the farang goes with the girl and her family, under their control, no Thai man I know would put up with shit like that.

They dont of course tell you this stuff on the internet so you cant just read up on it, its only by living here and seeing what takes on a daily basis you learn what goes on.

Cant remember where I read it or heard it, Thai saying, love is between two people, marriage is between two families.

[bkk_mike]

My wife bought me a 5bt gold chain. I've suggested selling it and she wouldn't hear of it. (something about it being a gift to buddha - it's got some amulet on it...)

Personally, I would not have been seen dead with a gold chain around my neck until she gave it to me on my birthday a few years ago.

[bangkokburning]

pretty crass really, asking for gold is simply a more polite way of asking for money.

[bangkokburning]

Just give them the money instead and buy everyone some cheap copy jewelry down at Big C for show.

Because when they need money they WILL porn it and if they didn't want you to know would spend 500 baht on exactly what i am talking about anyway.

I still find it strange that you have been told to buy jewelry by the parents.in my book you need to grow some balls and tell them NO!

Told to buy a gift for there daughter and themselves!!! <deleted>

There will be plenty of time for giving and showing your appreciation down the line ....and boy you are ripe for it

Another one bites the dust.

Your comprehension is a little off. The parents never told me to buy anything for them.

Them "telling" me to buy their daughter gold is their way of wanting me to show respect for their daughter and the culture. It's no different than my American father telling me to buy my gf an engagement ring for her.

Now lets go back to the usage of the word, "told." The parents "telling" me is more like "advising" me. No one can force me to do anything. Ultimately, it's my choice. Me using the word, "told", does not mean they demanded or placed a gun to my head.

Yeah, I had zero discussion with parents about sin sot. All went thru the wife and was all my terms. At any point if I was not good with what they (mum) proposed, the relationship would obviously be finished. It was agreed that 100k of my wifes money would be shown at the wedding. Period. Later, as they are poor folk I agreed to split 50/50 a gift of 30k to them. Parents, gracious ever asked for nothing. Of course, I paid the wedding. This gift bs annoys me to no end. I felt totally stupid eith the money laid out despite knowing it wascoming back and...it wasnt evenmine. Yeah, when guys lay out this cash used to be they are buying the cow. Less so today and double so if farang. You have your whole life to help her parents inmeaningful ways. If she or family insist on sin sot - RUN.

[doontp]

Ah, you will have angry wife if you don't buy gold necklace, wont you?

No, I don't think she'd be angry.......only disappointed. I take such good care of her in more ways than one and she really appreciates that. I couldn't run this girl off even if I tried.

I want to buy the gold because that is what is respected over here. Imagine, in the USA, wanting to marry a beautiful lady and not wanting to buy her an engagement and wedding ring.

[doontp]

Just give them the money instead and buy everyone some cheap copy jewelry down at Big C for show.

Because when they need money they WILL porn it and if they didn't want you to know would spend 500 baht on exactly what i am talking about anyway.

I still find it strange that you have been told to buy jewelry by the parents.in my book you need to grow some balls and tell them NO!

Told to buy a gift for there daughter and themselves!!! <deleted>

There will be plenty of time for giving and showing your appreciation down the line ....and boy you are ripe for it

Another one bites the dust.

"You find it strange"......this family definitly wants their daughter and Thai tradition to be respected. As far as pawning jewelry.....this particulary family is much better than probably most. They will not pawn anything. They are farmers on a very large scale. Each kid ownes 50 rai of land. Father ownes an obscene amount of land. Not bragging and I'll leave it at that.

"I'm ripe for it" .................I have said "no" more than once and successfully lived to see another day.

[doontp]

I do not believe..

that you told Two Thai elders (face to face)

that they have to wear the gold when ever you are around

and that they can not sell there gold if they wish to.....no way ???

as a joke maybe but not serious talking..

just wondering what the GF, sister and parents bought for you since you where so generous to there daughter??

cheers & good luck

Read my post again. I did not say I did......I said "I will"......future tense..... ...........If I'm mistaken, then please accept my apology.......I will tell then not to ever sell......I will be dimplomatic about it........they will be in position to disappoint me. ......but I don't think they will. I have a way of talking with people. It's how I made my living in the US and I think I can be just as effective with 3rd world people. Wish me luck on this.

[doontp]

I do not believe..

that you told Two Thai elders (face to face)

that they have to wear the gold when ever you are around

and that they can not sell there gold if they wish to.....no way ???

as a joke maybe but not serious talking..

just wondering what the GF, sister and parents bought for you since you where so generous to there daughter??

cheers & good luck

I do not believe..

that you told Two Thai elders (face to face)

that they have to wear the gold when ever you are around

and that they can not sell there gold if they wish to.....no way ???

as a joke maybe but not serious talking..

just wondering what the GF, sister and parents bought for you since you where so generous to there daughter??

cheers & good luck

They have bought/gotten me several little things. .....clothing, food. ridiculously sized sacks of rice!!!! and a huge live pig......seriously....the father wanted me to have this. they already had it loaded into the back of my pickup truck. I convinced them that I had absolutely no place to keep it. no face was lost.

[doontp]

I tried to reply to as many posts as possible, but TV has informed me that I've reached my limit on replies to quotes.

Update: The father is still hell-bent on getting 600,000 baht from me. My girlfriend is under a lot of pressure. To refresh, the father initially said $50,000. I said NO. He then said 1 million baht and got him down to 600,000 baht. I agreed because so many villagers were watching. I just wanted to get out of there. The entire village keeps asking about the wedding and the parents are under pressure. Face is a major thing in Korat.

I told them I will not give sin sot and the father is pissed off. My gf has no problem with it, but she is afraid of her father. Even her mom is afraid of the father. The gf and me have decided to get married with or without the father's support. Next weekend, I'll meet with the father one on one and tell him how things will be. He'll be given an opportunity to be with or against us. Worst case scenario is that he'll be pissed off for about 2-3 years and he'll eventually get over it.

I have given my gf the opportunity to walk away from me with no ill feelings and she's said absolutely no way that will happen. I hate to see her under any pressure.

[doontp]

It hasnt been mentioned by the OP, but I would like to know what is he getting for his money.

What makes this girl so special, what is the girl bringing to the table?

What do the family have to offer?

Most Thai girls I know married to Thai guys basically become the property of the husband and live with the husband.

In these farang cases it appears the farang goes with the girl and her family, under their control, no Thai man I know would put up with shit like that.

They dont of course tell you this stuff on the internet so you cant just read up on it, its only by living here and seeing what takes on a daily basis you learn what goes on.

Cant remember where I read it or heard it, Thai saying, love is between two people, marriage is between two families.

What makes this girl special is that I truly think she'll be a good mother to my future children. I can tell that she's a good caretaker/giver. Many Thai women have cold hearts. They have no problem having children and then sending them to the parents in Isaan while they continue their lives elsewhere.

[Isee]

What makes this girl special is that I truly think she'll be a good mother to my future children. I can tell that she's a good caretaker/giver. Many Thai women have cold hearts. They have no problem having children and then sending them to the parents in Isaan while they continue their lives elsewhere.

You are all over the place with your position, one minute you are proclaiming that you are bound by tradition and the next you are saying "No sinsot". You claim the family is rich - OK, what is your rich future father in law giving you and daughter, 1.2+ mil worth of land or just a couple more pigs and some extra bags of rice??

You come across as very very naive or alternatively, just making this stuff up as you go along. By the way, last time I checked, Korat was part of "Isaan". Having kids raised by grandparents is more the case of necessity then choice for most and the case of having kids raised by others is not limited to Isan. Here's an eye opener for you, unless the girl is a known celebrity in Thailand, no matter how rich the girl or her family is, the little Isan girl will be viewed by others as a bargirl when seen in your company outside of her moobaan. When you have a baby and she is in public (with or without you), they will presume that she is the nanny and might ask who the mother is if they bother to engage in conversation.

I liked bangkokburning reply about cash being laid out to buy a cow. Can remember a couple of years ago buying a cow and we just wanted to hand over the cash and go but the guy insisted on putting the mat down, having someone run down the store for a couple of bottles of drink and then having the cash laid out on the mat before he would receive the money.

[bangkokburning]

Ah, you will have angry wife if you don't buy gold necklace, wont you?

No, I don't think she'd be angry.......only disappointed. I take such good care of her in more ways than one and she really appreciates that. I couldn't run this girl off even if I tried.

I want to buy the gold because that is what is respected over here. Imagine, in the USA, wanting to marry a beautiful lady and not wanting to buy her an engagement and wedding ring.

I think you are a troll

Thete is nothing similar to buying an engagement ring and buying a necklace:

1 it is a shared tradition

2 gift is to fiance not parents of fiance

3 parents of giance DONT ASK FOR THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS

4 Many women, esp these days ate saving the money on the E ring, buying a simple band and using the money to further their future.

If you are not a troll, you sure are dumb. Go ahead and buy it you seem to keen on doing so despite utter lack of support here.

Also sin sot is given AT the wedding, you make it sound like this is a gift.

[doontp]

What makes this girl special is that I truly think she'll be a good mother to my future children. I can tell that she's a good caretaker/giver. Many Thai women have cold hearts. They have no problem having children and then sending them to the parents in Isaan while they continue their lives elsewhere.

You are all over the place with your position, one minute you are proclaiming that you are bound by tradition and the next you are saying "No sinsot". You claim the family is rich - OK, what is your rich future father in law giving you and daughter, 1.2+ mil worth of land or just a couple more pigs and some extra bags of rice??

You come across as very very naive or alternatively, just making this stuff up as you go along. By the way, last time I checked, Korat was part of "Isaan". Having kids raised by grandparents is more the case of necessity then choice for most and the case of having kids raised by others is not limited to Isan. Here's an eye opener for you, unless the girl is a known celebrity in Thailand, no matter how rich the girl or her family is, the little Isan girl will be viewed by others as a bargirl when seen in your company outside of her moobaan. When you have a baby and she is in public (with or without you), they will presume that she is the nanny and might ask who the mother is if they bother to engage in conversation.

I liked bangkokburning reply about cash being laid out to buy a cow. Can remember a couple of years ago buying a cow and we just wanted to hand over the cash and go but the guy insisted on putting the mat down, having someone run down the store for a couple of bottles of drink and then having the cash laid out on the mat before he would receive the money.

You are all over the place with your comprehension and interpretations.

I never said they're rich. The point I was trying to make is that

they're not poor, therefore I don't think they will pawn the gold.

I never proclaimed to be bound by tradition. I want to be as respectful

as possible. I respect giving gold, but I don't respect giving sin sod.

I'm only respecting the traditions I agree with. All cultures have

traditions which we agree or don't agree with. It's our right to choose

what we agree with.

I find it very disappointing that anyone would think I'm making this stuff

up as I go along. I have much better things to do than to come on a website

and type lies. I don't see any purpose in that.

Korat is a part of Isaan. I never said anything to imply it isn't.

As far as kids being raised by grandparents......of course there are

cases of necessity. I'm referring to women who want absolutely nothing

to do with the children they create. They don't want the responcibility.

I've seen a lot of this.

[rgs2001uk]

It hasnt been mentioned by the OP, but I would like to know what is he getting for his money.

What makes this girl so special, what is the girl bringing to the table?

What do the family have to offer?

Most Thai girls I know married to Thai guys basically become the property of the husband and live with the husband.

In these farang cases it appears the farang goes with the girl and her family, under their control, no Thai man I know would put up with shit like that.

They dont of course tell you this stuff on the internet so you cant just read up on it, its only by living here and seeing what takes on a daily basis you learn what goes on.

Cant remember where I read it or heard it, Thai saying, love is between two people, marriage is between two families.

What makes this girl special is that I truly think she'll be a good mother to my future children. I can tell that she's a good caretaker/giver. Many Thai women have cold hearts. They have no problem having children and then sending them to the parents in Isaan while they continue their lives elsewhere.

What I meant by asking what is the girl bringing to the table is,

will you lose face by marrying her, where was she educated, to what level, where does she work and how much does she earn?

Are both of you compatible?

There are 1,000s of girls in Issan, heck the whole of Thailand who make good mothers, if you want a stay at home wife who neither works nor contributes to your life together fine by me.

Most give the children to their mothers to look after because they have to work elsewhere due to limited choices upcountry.

As for the land they own, have you actually seen the chanot, or is it gov't land?

What is actually grown on the land, 50 rai is basically worthless if it grows rice producing 2000 baht per rai per year.

For your sin sot discussions,

" I agreed because so many villagers were watching. I just wanted to get out of there."

Why were so many villagers watching?

This is a private matter not to be discussed as if its the local market.

Who gives a shit what the local drunks and fishwife gossips think, its your life.

Is the father still going to be running your life after the marriage?

[MiG16]

The op mentioned early on, and repeated that he's already got the answer he needed.

That in mind, I'm now closing this thread.

Cheers