Love on the farm part V11...............................

So ...am laying on a somewhat dilapidated and didintegrrating bamboo lounger at approx 7.13 am.

DEEEah!

What!?

No water..pump not work what happened??

<deleted>... I filled last night from well but the f..g tank is leaking...wait I will swtch on well pump...

Mamma and my sister have rain sister cannot cut rubber!

...hugh?

You want breakfast?

Maybe...

I cook rice soup and pork and rotten fish...you want

Okay. You fry dried fish?

Mamma asks how you do....?

????

Okay deeah, think we go buy new tank today...!

My daughter come from .......today we pick her up?

????

Where my boxers. you wash or not?

Finished already. in your drawer...

Ok

DEEAh need new SIM card..

What?

You come to eat?

OK

You fix water..cannot wash dishes..cannot flush toilet...

DEEEah, tell you already..filled the frickin tank last night..the frickin thing is leaking like Niagra.......it's split.

What Niagra....?

Never mind ..you shower already we go soon!??

Too cold..clean my teeth and wash my bits..when come back shower with hot water...

On the road ..looking for a hardware store with blue tanks outside.....

You see anything deeah?

Mai.....very hungry deeah ..want to ea noodle soup...

Okay will stop in market....

Deeeah it rain too much..!!

??????

Sooo ......arrive at hardware store..

\

Staffed by at least six prepubescent girls bar one ..which is in IA parlance GRAVID. all girls stroking her belly and cooing....

Deaaah ask if they have water tanks and how much!

They have....

HOW MUCH WHAT SIZE???

They order but not come yet..........

<deleted> lets go....

Why you yelling???

..one hour on the road to yet another hardware store...

deeah ask if they have water tanks...

they have...

what size how much?

Have 1000litre , 1500 litre, 2000 litre........

How much?

How much...

No have 2000 litre..

How much 1500 litre...

Deeah very hungry want to eat noodle soup....

okay later ..how much 1500 litre.

No have.... only 1300 litre....

How much

11000 baht...

WHAT..

Okay one minute..

Okay 5480 bt...

Okay...

Is it plastic or....

Only have 11000 litre.

What is it made of...

Also have 2000 litre...

Deeah what is it made of..

One moment I ask....

Deeah!!!

One moment they don't know.....

Deeeah!!

It is not same colour brochure...

Give me brochure...

One moment she busy....

Okay so brochure says polyester.....how much?

One moment she busy...

....YT Steps outside to smoke 19.5 cigarettes.....

Deeah.... how much for 2000 litre?

No have dear very busy.....

Okay buy the 110 litre yes??

Okay..

Drive to yard 2km away......

7 teenagers playing internet games and drinking.....

DEEAH give them bin..

Okay one moment they busy...

Sweet little waif..talks to wife....No HAVE..only 1500 litre.

No have deeah.........................I very hungry!

Tell 'em to phone shop, how much?

Only have 1500 litre deeeah!

Okay tell 'em to phone shop..

Have 700 litre deeah..!

Okay tell 'em to phone shop and ask how much..

One moment they very busy deeeah ......one moment.. I very hungry deeah...!!

I very hungry deeah ....want to eat noodle soup....you hungry deeah..?? you not drink beer and nearly 2 o'clock???? You get mad me???

Finally waif phones...

11,000 baht... but cannot discount.

<deleted>!!!!!?????

.okay we go back to shop...

In shop..

Deeeah one moment they eat lunch....

DEEAH I very hungry!!

20 minutes later.....

how much for 1500 litre ..what discount ....they no have 1300 litre?

One moment she look computer...

Okay they have qty 20 1300 litre in stock.....

So why we cannot buy...?

How I know deeah??................. not my shop!!!???

One moment deeah!! .... no have....I very hungry deeah ..nearly die!!

You want drink water ...sit ...???

OKAY DEEAH ....SHE GIVE MONEY BACK....

WHAT!!!????

Deeeah NO HAVE How to do???

F>>>>>>>>>>>>>K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!G....... HELL !!!..................................deeah I go to buy cigarettes....

Okay deeeah I go to find noodles......very hungry deeeah.....nearly die already......

Took money back and headed for next town ..... try to find a fricking water tank...

Stopped in Tesco to buy 5 cases of Archer just under 2pm deadline.....and a packet of feminine stuff.......happy fricking Xmas week!!!!

TO BE CONTINUED WHEN SOBER IN 2013 MAYBE.................................

HAPPY XMAS MY FARMING FRIENDS....LOL

The sequel

TO BE CONTINUED WHEN SOBER IN 2013 MAYBE.....

If this is your life, do you think that it is likely that there will be a window of sobriety in 2013

Thanks for giving us a giggle.

Hope that you and of course all the other farmers here have a happy Xmas and if not a prosperous, at least an interesting and fullfilling New Year

...

PS.

How do you get drunk on Archer?

PS.

How do you get drunk on Archer?

rhetorical?.....geesh ...pour it cornflakes marinated in scotch.........thought everybody knoo that???

I have managed to get past most of that after 12 years of marriage and 8 years in the same house.

Now when I tell SWMBO what I want I also add, not do Thai way.

Farang way paeng, Thai way took

My answer is that yes the Thai way is cheap but after replacing the Thai way 3 times we only do the farang way once.

Why do you ask what I think if you want to do your way? OK do your way then.

Now you are starting to learn dear.

Thanks for the laugh Dave.

I can relate to your dilema with the back and forth conversations.

.....it is another reason to try and learn Thai as quickly as possible, but I'm afraid that we will still come across the same logic that you have experienced, only to find it even more frustrating once we can understand the language......more reason to have another beer me thinks.

All the best for the silly season and have a great New Year to all.

Cheers.