Fiancee Wants Salary

[whybother]

Realistically, no relationship will last forever. She wants some savings money for when things go south (which they inevitably will).

There are a number of reasons to give her some savings money:

1) If the relationship (or marriage, if it gets that far) does go bad, it will be less paid for you knowing she has money to move on.

2) There will be less stress on the relationship because she is comfortable with her future, with or without you.

3) If the relationship continues "for ever", you will be happy knowing that you have left her with sufficient money for the rest of her life when you "pass on".

[heatherm]

Getting a little pocket money from you when you feel like she deserves it and you approve of what she wants to buy is different from a specfic amount each month that she can use as she wants. You may be paying her expenses and keeping a tally in your head, but you need to remember she wouldn't be eating at the same level of restaurants without you. While she might enjoy travel, it's not a "need" for her so having her there is more for you than her. I would also question my future if my husband told me I couldn't work and I needed to ask permission to have the money to buy maxi pads each month. Some ladies are a bit shy about that. She might only make peanuts at her job, but they are her peanuts.

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[GarryP]

I think you need to get yourself a dog, not a girlfriend/fiancee.

With the added information the OP has provided, I would like to rephrase my previous post.

"You would be better off with a dog"

Seriously, if the pocket money is commensurate with her former income, then she should not need any more if you are paying for everything. On ther other hand, if it is less then perhaps you should increase the pocket money to the same level. I do not see any problem with her having her own bank account. Perhaps insecurity on both sides of the relationship, methinks.

[marstons]

If she is not working and relying solely on you and taking care of you and the house, cant see why not give her some money. she does need some independence. Cant be nice having to ask every time she wants something. 2-3000 per month seems a good deal for you.

[mikemellow]

To expand on my post -- I showed the post to her and she said " NO NO I want 10,000 Baht into my (her) bank from your (my) bank each month". I had thought she wanted 3000. And also to respond to all the replies about pocket money -- I keep her purse full of spending money and she does not have to beg to buy her girl needs. And to the posters yes I agree that giving her travel is for my benefit but do you not agree that a Thai lady will also benefit from travel and learning about other cultures? Mike

[Naam]

To expand on my post -- I showed the post to her and she said " NO NO I want 10,000 Baht into my (her) bank from your (my) bank each month". I had thought she wanted 3000. And also to respond to all the replies about pocket money -- I keep her purse full of spending money and she does not have to beg to buy her girl needs. And to the posters yes I agree that giving her travel is for my benefit but do you not agree that a Thai lady will also benefit from travel and learning about other cultures? Mike

Mike,

i agree that 10k on top of a reasonable amount of pocket money seems an "odd" demand. but you are dodging the question "how much pocket money?"

[transam]

Sounds like she wants you to buy HER.

[TommoPhysicist]

To expand on my post -- I showed the post to her and she said " NO NO I want 10,000 Baht into my (her) bank from your (my) bank each month". I had thought she wanted 3000. And also to respond to all the replies about pocket money -- I keep her purse full of spending money and she does not have to beg to buy her girl needs. And to the posters yes I agree that giving her travel is for my benefit but do you not agree that a Thai lady will also benefit from travel and learning about other cultures? Mike

There are many posters who think it is a good idea to pay a woman to live with them, I am not one of those posters.

Find someone new with their own house, transport and income. You don't need to provide everything for a Thai woman, there are many that would be happy to just live with you for the enhanced lifestyle you would provide.

[harrry]

I think it is definitely time to call it quits qith this relationship. It has turned into a kind of auction.

Next time if you expect someone to give up work it may be a good idea to negotiate an amount (Probaby about half f her former salary is fair all round) si that she can meet all her commitment and be with you full time. At the same time stress that this covers all demands for family and friends and her basic clothing and ordinary costs. You pay for all food and accomodation.

[Naam]

Farang in Thailand = enhanced lifestyle for Thai partner.

[IrishIvan]

Im surprised at all the posters here who have a good Thai girlfriend that doesnt get a salary or doesnt get any money from their fellas.

I'll hazard a guess and throw it out there. These guys are probably the same people that bought a house for an ex wife in their native land. Gave the wife the gold AMEX. Also paid Child support for longer than the relationship lasted for and got sex once a month. But hear they are in Lievisa forum stating its preposterous that someone gives their spouse a few hundred dollars a month. To the OP splash out on your partner if she makes you happy, dont hold back, don't listen to the bitter old men that have been burnt before.

[transam]

Im surprised at all the posters here who have a good Thai girlfriend that doesnt get a salary or doesnt get any money from their fellas.

I'll hazard a guess and throw it out there. These guys are probably the same people that bought a house for an ex wife in their native land. Gave the wife the gold AMEX. Also paid Child support for longer than the relationship lasted for and got sex once a month. But hear they are in Lievisa forum stating its preposterous that someone gives their spouse a few hundred dollars a month. To the OP splash out on your partner if she makes you happy, dont hold back, don't listen to the bitter old men that have been burnt before.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm, Don't think you have any idea what goes on here.

[TommoPhysicist]

Im surprised at all the posters here who have a good Thai girlfriend that doesnt get a salary or doesnt get any money from their fellas.

I'll hazard a guess and throw it out there. These guys are probably the same people that bought a house for an ex wife in their native land. Gave the wife the gold AMEX. Also paid Child support for longer than the relationship lasted for and got sex once a month. But hear they are in Lievisa forum stating its preposterous that someone gives their spouse a few hundred dollars a month. To the OP splash out on your partner if she makes you happy, dont hold back, don't listen to the bitter old men that have been burnt before.

Only the very lucky avoided making the mistakes you listed.

Some of us can learn from our mistakes.

Others are doomed to repeat them.

[IrishIvan]

Im surprised at all the posters here who have a good Thai girlfriend that doesnt get a salary or doesnt get any money from their fellas.

I'll hazard a guess and throw it out there. These guys are probably the same people that bought a house for an ex wife in their native land. Gave the wife the gold AMEX. Also paid Child support for longer than the relationship lasted for and got sex once a month. But hear they are in Lievisa forum stating its preposterous that someone gives their spouse a few hundred dollars a month. To the OP splash out on your partner if she makes you happy, dont hold back, don't listen to the bitter old men that have been burnt before.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm, Don't think you have any idea what goes on here.

Yes you are correct, Ill retract what I said straight away. To the OP, don't give her anything she doesn't deserve it. Make her mop the floors or get a real job. If she doesnt like it then get yourself a western woman that are fare more attractive and cheaper in the long run

[IrishIvan]

Im surprised at all the posters here who have a good Thai girlfriend that doesnt get a salary or doesnt get any money from their fellas.

I'll hazard a guess and throw it out there. These guys are probably the same people that bought a house for an ex wife in their native land. Gave the wife the gold AMEX. Also paid Child support for longer than the relationship lasted for and got sex once a month. But hear they are in Lievisa forum stating its preposterous that someone gives their spouse a few hundred dollars a month. To the OP splash out on your partner if she makes you happy, dont hold back, don't listen to the bitter old men that have been burnt before.

Only the very lucky avoided making the mistakes you listed.

Some of us can learn from our mistakes.

Others are doomed to repeat them.

Call me lucky then

[StefanBBK]

I dont know what the complete circumstances are, so will not comment on OP.

My wife needs to work and get her own income to feel good, be confident and feel not just to be a burdon, to have her independance. I dont think there is anything wrong with that.

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[impulse]

Two things wrong with a spouse that doesn't have a job:

1) Bringing in no money

2) Too much time on their hands to spend it.

But anyone taking relationship advice from me is a fool...

As for matching the money she used to make, I have found that hanging out with wealthier people costs a lot more than hanging out with poorer people. I suspect she spends a lot more to hang out with a foreigner than she used to spend prior to said foreigner.

If you don't want her to go back to work and take the time away from you, how will she afford to hang out with you (pocket money) and make any additional financial arrangements for activities that don't involve you, (plus her future)?

Mind you, what those activities are is a whole different topic. May just be familial obligations and may be deeper than that...

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

I'm troubled by the notion held by some, perhaps too many, Thai women here that they ought to be entitled, by virtue of being with a farang, to a life where they don't have or need to work. And let me start by saying, work can mean a regular job, or it can mean taking care of a family with children, which is a job of its own kind, and anything comparable like that.

But for a one guy/one woman couple with no kids, why shouldn't the woman work, just the same as I work? In my view, being a couple means you both contribute to your future together... not one person contributing and the other simply along for the ride. Yet I hear and see of many couples, perhaps where the woman has come out of the bar world, where they think they ought to be entitled to a salary just for staying with some guy.

I don't buy into that world. In the past, if any woman I met had that expectation, she wasn't going to be a couple with me, so time to look elsewhere. Rather, my general approach to this has been, I pay for everything we do together, including our home and daily living/transport/entertainment etc expenses. Then, whatever the wife earns from her work, she's free to keep, save and use to give to help her parents, as she sees fit. It's an approach that works for me, and it works for her too.

From a relationship perspective, again, in a relationship without children, I think it's good for the man and woman to have time apart that is our work hours time. Then when we're back together at night and on the weekends, it really makes us appreciate being together more. I also think there's value in what one poster above wrote about the self-esteem, value and confidence a woman (or man) gains by working, earning their salary, interacting with others, etc etc.

If the OP's woman doesn't want to work and just sit around all day watching lakorns on TV, that's one big problem all by itself.

If the OP asked his woman to stop working because he thought she was working too many hours for too little pay, then perhaps they could look to find a more appropriate job for her.

Or, unlike me, if he simply wants her to not work and instead hang around the house or outside all day with him, then I guess he ought to expect to pay for that.

[TommoPhysicist]

There are very few 'employee' unskilled jobs in Thailand that aren't 12 hrs/day, 6 days/ week (or more).

Bank and government jobs are different but you need qualifications, and they are harder to get.

Not much fun being with a girl only 1 day a week (unless you have 5 or 6 girls with different days off).

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

Gee, ordinary Thai men and woman seem to manage their working lives and relationships together with those kinds of schedules...

And, how much "skills" does it take for a Thai woman to work as a cashier, or hotel maid, or waitress etc., where part-time employment is certainly possible.

But I guess if the man is looking for a full-time domestic bar-girl, then he should expect to pay accordingly.

I lived most of my life prior to coming to Thailand working 12 hour days in a very demanding profession. And I wasn't the only one. Somehow, couples managed to make good lives out of it.

Here, of course, finding a mate who isn't "unskilled" and instead has some skills and employment prospects is probably something to consider when looking.

[TommoPhysicist]

Gee, ordinary Thai men and woman seem to manage their working lives and relationships together with those kinds of schedules...

I'm too old to have a 1 day a week relationship ......... not much time left to waste.

[Seizhin]

I am wondering if it is normal for a Thai lady to require a salary to be engaged and also after marriage. My fiancée does not seem to appreciate that I pay for all her needs and also pay for travel that she would never experience without me or another boyfriend paying. She keeps telling me she is very concerned about her future and putting money into her bank. She is not asking for a lot maybe just 2,000 or 3,000 baht a month but I am concerned that this is opening the door to other future problems. She is threatening to go back to work which would take up most of her time as when she works she makes a very small salary that ends up taking up most of her time. Has anybody here had any similar experiences? I really do not know how to handle this problem that we have and when she starts in on me it is non stop nagging which drives me crazy. I could really use some help.

Sucks to be you..

The moment you go broke I think that'll be the moment this girl will leave you for another man.

It's just my opinion, I prefer my girl working, and we can manage our time together.

Thai girls like saving up for their family. They rip you off and send those money back to their relatives and families. (Not all, some.. )

[Naam]

Two things wrong with a spouse that doesn't have a job:

one thing wrong with a husband who let's his wife work for others instead of taking care of her husband

it's of course a different situation if the wife's income is required to make a reasonably comfortable living.

edit:

when i made a similar statement in Thaivisa (Ladies' Forum) several years ago this was one of the react reactions:

[fakename]

If she worries about her future, then she is not talking about pocket money. She may also have a gambling problem, or old debts, that you know nothing about, and the debt will keep growing, until its paid off. Im sure if she sends money to family, you already know about that, but if its for other reasons, be careful.

[Dancealot]

I am wondering if it is normal for a Thai lady to require a salary to be engaged and also after marriage. My fiancée does not seem to appreciate that I pay for all her needs and also pay for travel that she would never experience without me or another boyfriend paying. She keeps telling me she is very concerned about her future and putting money into her bank. She is not asking for a lot maybe just 2,000 or 3,000 baht a month but I am concerned that this is opening the door to other future problems. She is threatening to go back to work which would take up most of her time as when she works she makes a very small salary that ends up taking up most of her time. Has anybody here had any similar experiences? I really do not know how to handle this problem that we have and when she starts in on me it is non stop nagging which drives me crazy. I could really use some help./endquote

Listen to your heart and more importantly listen to your own judgment. It is not too late to loose them pink shades my friend

[Dancealot]

Two things wrong with a spouse that doesn't have a job:

one thing wrong with a husband who let's his wife work for others instead of taking care of her husband

it's of course a different situation if the wife's income is required to make a reasonably comfortable living.

edit:

when i made a similar statement in Thaivisa (Ladies' Forum) several years ago this was one of the react reactions:

And Sir Naam really is

[Naam]

And Sir Naam really is

that's what my [then] fiancée thought 36 years ago. now, after >33 years of marriage, i'm not so sure what she thinks.

[jambco984]

Salary hahaha. Its my 2nd wedding anniversary tommorow never thought we would get here but we did.

If the missus wants something then she spends her own money or I help out and I am quickly paid back not that Im fussed.

If she asked me for a salary I would say thanks for the memories, on your bike unless I had my own business and she was working for the company.

Paying a salary hmmm.

Oh well each to his or her own. Best of luck.

jambco984

[Dancealot]

And Sir Naam really is

that's what my [then] fiancée thought 36 years ago. now, after >33 years of marriage, i'm not so sure what she thinks.

I reckon it is normal during marriage her perception of the former 'knight on the horse' gradually morphs into this:

But she still loves you

[impulse]

Two things wrong with a spouse that doesn't have a job:

one thing wrong with a husband who let's his wife work for others instead of taking care of her husband

it's of course a different situation if the wife's income is required to make a reasonably comfortable living.

I already had one Mommy, and I don't really want (or need) another one to take care of me.

I'm all growed up now and can wipe my own nose and clean my own clothes, even working 80 hours a week.

It would be different with kids...