Do you live in LOS? Does your family back home judge you....

[rosst]

I am certain that there are a whole raft of people who judge and make remarks about me and my lifestyle and I do not give a sh*t.

I have made a decision to share my time between Australia and my family and my family in Thailand. My health has improved out of sight due to the beautiful healthy home cooked Thai food and rural living in my own little part of Isaan heaven. I do ride a motorbike which is dangerous in Thailand but I would not ride a motorbike in Australia because it is deadly.

I will continue with this dual life until I need to stay in Australia due to health or mobility issues or death, hopefully beneath my chosen one at the time.

[Expat7]

Just say "its great to be back and see so many fat assess"

[rcalsop]

Much of the problem you describe happens when you move away from home , it is that you have moved out of the family's /and friends known small world and therefore comfort Zone , it happens when you become expat anywhere to some extent . If you start working abroad your first few visits back home and an innocent normal visit to your local bar to talk to the mates will very quickly get a glazed eye look after answering the first questions and the fact that you are now viewed to have an "exotic life style with travel and exciting places , things that you think are normal and every day things when recounted to the guys at home who never or rarely travel or indeed change or grow with new experiences , start to put you into the bragging and Wa***ker category very quickly . You cannot win, answer questions truthfully and you are branded as stated before , say nothing and you have become arrogant and "to good to talk to them .. Now add that to marriage and new life in one of the countries with a sexpat reputation and the problem is magnified , you will stand a big chance of loosing family and friends because of ignorance , jealousy or just naturally growing with experience .. just par for the course they will judge you either to your face or behind your back its just a fact of life .

Ref the issue with Mums , luckily my Mum always visited when physically capable and holidayed with my self and thai wife all over Asia an spent time in Thailand over many years of holidays and trips , She is fully supportive and she is the bore back at home talking about my wife and family and life in Asia ..

basically no cure !!! its going to happen the only variable is by who and how much and how much judgement is direct or hidden . It hurts but just accept it you have grown and moved on .

Only other expats seem to understand ..and are safe to open up to . well most !!!............................................. okay some !!

[johnlandy]

The women back home seem to believe that you are a sex crazed deviate interested in only one thing (and that's not visiting temples) and the men are as envious as all get out.

They would give their left testicle to trade places with you

[pgrahmm]

Could care less what they think - I spent 50+ years raising two sets of families....now it's MY time. My friends that have traveled understand there are better places than the USA. The (Flat Earth Society - GREAT name) will never understand - whether related or not....My Filipina wife and I enjoy Thailand & I much rather visit family in the Phils than head back toward the US and crank up the RV.....In speaking to others young and old it seems to be the same - 2 weeks back there and they can't wait on the plane to get back here.

The people that cannot understand it need to examine themselves more than slight other things that they cannot comphrehend.

It really is a small world - but some minds just never grasp there are other worthwhile places.....I'm happy that they are happy - I'm also happy to be me.....

[chrisinth]

I couldn't care less what people think back home. Most of them sit around moaning about the same things year on year, and saying how lucky you are to be out workin in a place like Thailand .the majority haven't got the <deleted> to get out of the comfort zone, and those that want to nudge and wink aren't part of my social network anyhow. My family are very supportive of me working here, and my friends often visit. There will always be detractors but you must do things for yourself. Good luck.

"Most of them sit around moaning about the same things year on year..."

For a moment there I thought you were talking about the ThaiVisa regulars.

Most people I know at "home" (actually here is home to me) act envious, especially during the winter months, and hint at how nice it would be for them to come and visit. If they have other thoughts about my life here they keep it to themselves because of their deep and abiding respect for me (sarcasm alert) and because they know I'd give them step-by-step instructions on where to shove it if they were harboring any doubts on the suitability of my chosen retirement home.

Few things better than phoning home in December and mentioning how the temperature dropped to 20⁰C and how cold it is here..........

[mjef]

Could care less what they think - I spent 50+ years raising two sets of families....now it's MY time. My friends that have traveled understand there are better places than the USA. The (Flat Earth Society - GREAT name) will never understand - whether related or not....My Filipina wife and I enjoy Thailand & I much rather visit family in the Phils than head back toward the US and crank up the RV.....In speaking to others young and old it seems to be the same - 2 weeks back there and they can't wait on the plane to get back here.

The people that cannot understand it need to examine themselves more than slight other things that they cannot comphrehend.

It really is a small world - but some minds just never grasp there are other worthwhile places.....I'm happy that they are happy - I'm also happy to be me.....

That's the whole point! Be yourself, enjoy your life, don't care about what others say. At least at the end of the day you won't regret listening to others, living their boring lives, and being too scared to move on!

It really is a small world!

[xen]

when i go back to Australia (the land where there is no racism heh) i get so many looks while walking anywhere, the ladies look at my wife and i know what they are thinking by their looks. "she is only after his money"and the men thin "i am only after a sex slave " i just smile more and hold my wife closer ... stuff them all ... i am so happy , that is Aussies in general love to talk about people who are happy in life .

You are spot on there mate but it is changing . Jealousy is one of the causes .

It is not so much family but associates and yobos in the street that would have a go at you especially when i first married my first thai wife over 30 years ago.

Now , In my place of work in Sydney , out of about 80 employees there are five of us with Thai partners, 1 with a Japanese wife, one with a Phillo gf , about 4 Chinese wives and one with a Korean gf. Plus a couple of South American wives too .And now nobody has the balls to pass derogratory comments and besides i think it is now accepted much more anyway. Call it PC if you like but i would also use the terms of educated, tolerant and adult should also be used as well as PC. This is multiculturalism at its best and it is only the retarded inbred hillbillies that resist the change .

[uptheos]

Probably some jealousy.

I'm enjoying my life here and I don't have to worry about the 9 to 5 crap anymore. I'm sure they know about my sex life by now. Who cares.

What does sex have to do with living in Thailand? ................................................

[Lancelot]

I stopped living my life to please others. My relatives do not seek my approval on their life's choices, so I return the favor. They will get over it- or they won't.

Up to them

[somtampet]

I dont give 2 hootswhat anybody thinks about me

Luckily i dont get much grief off them regarding me living in Tailand for 10 years.They always comment on how well i look and like my gf very much

[connda]

I've lived here over five years. What I have found is that family slowly disappears. If I don't initiate contact, they eventually stop contact. On the flip side, I've found that some of my friends back home have turned into surrogate family members, and I've made many other friends both in Thailand and from other countries around the world. I've just redefined family: Family are the folks that care about me - at this moment - and vice-versa. Simply sharing a common genetic link is inconsequential, and as far as I'm concern, irrelevant. When family stops responding to letters, emails, and phone calls, I've just let them go. Indirectly, that might have something to do with being a "military brat" (see: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Military_brat_%28U.S._subculture%29). I like Wikipedia where we're referenced as a "modern nomadic subculture".
You develop some interesting coping mechanism after you have been yanked up by your roots every three years and follow you parent to new military bases. New school, new friends, new environment -- you learn very early in life to let go of relationships, and to pretty easily develop new ones. But you also find that you enjoy moving now and again. Life gets stale -- move! So here I am in Thailand.

By the way, you're at the two year mark. I've seen a lot of people get homesick after a couple of years away from the "Motherland". It's a phase. You either come out the other side and find yourself still living here, or you go home.

[xen]

glad the OP has opened this thread... to be honest I thought I was the only one with an unsupportive family. all the farang I have met here have had nothing but support from there family...

I didnt speak to mother dearest for 10 years after I married wifee... right from the start she made it clear that she didnt want to know about it (the relationship)... anyway, so I decided then that if thats how you feel about it, I`ll not let you know. but i`m buggered if i`m stopping for you. your not controlling MY life lady..

BUT, evntually our child was born and I was going off to work in the middle east so I told the old dear she had a grand daughter. she hung up the phone... we didnt speak for 10 years...

... eventually I tried to patch things up with the old bag through feelings of guilt and for the sake of her grand kids but she couldn`t handle it... 'how can I tell my friends my son married a thai...' .. OMG!...

oh <deleted> off you nauseating old hag!... I did visit the women in the summers of 2011 & 2012... first time I thought she had come around to the idea but 2nd time we were just back to square one again... I got up and walked out and told her as I left that she would never see me again... and thats the end of it....

all I feel now is relief....

That is really sad . More so for her that she denies herself the pleasure of knowing her grand children and the fact she is letting her friends dictate her relationships if she is so ashamed that her son married a Thai. So really sad . Not to be flippant but how would she have reacted if you told her you were gay instead? Would it be the same scenario ?

[johnnyj]

I travel to the house in los once or twice a year, I get friendly ribbing from mates at work suggesting I have a thing for ladyboys - but in good fun. I'm probably a younger poster my family are all good about it, but then they all travel a lot as well.

Sent from my Galaxy Note II using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[robblok]

Maybe some people fit the stereotype and get more flack as others who don't. Maybe some age groups / countries are more worried about this then others. All I get is envy in general. Never a bad word, might be different if I fitted the stereotype.

In the end you should do what makes you the happiest don't live your life for others.

[1020]

Do you live in LOS?

Yes.

Does your family back home judge you

No.

[mickjn]

I will be 65 in a few months.At the moment I live in LOS for 5 months go back home then come back for another 5 months.This will keep happening I have no intention to live in LOS full time.No one has asked me why I do this.And if they did I would just tell them to have a shit and fall back into it

[siameezi]

I couldn't care less what people think back home. Most of them sit around moaning about the same things year on year, and saying how lucky you are to be out workin in a place like Thailand .the majority haven't got the <deleted> to get out of the comfort zone, and those that want to nudge and wink aren't part of my social network anyhow. My family are very supportive of me working here, and my friends often visit. There will always be detractors but you must do things for yourself. Good luck.

Spot on!! Those who say anything derogatory or judgemental are stuck in what they do and how they see things.. and always will be!!... I'm certainly not going back to that!!!

[oldsailor35]

My daughter visits me and loves it here. My son reckons i live in TOYLAND and won't have anything to do with me. I would'nt live anywhere else, love it here.

[khaowong1]

mate, I dont care what anyone else thinks, if we live our own lives based on what others think it would be pretty piss poor. I am here because I love the country and love my wife, screw what anyone else think. I havent associated with my brothers and sisters for years, they are not apart of my life, as they say, you can pick your relations but cant pick your family. Sure they will always be a part of my life but they are not in anyway a part of what I choose to do with my life, that concerns me and my immediate family only.

Actually what they say is, you can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your family.

[bigbamboo]

I've had most of my extended family, mother, sister, brother in law, neice, nephew, and their assorted friends etc. staying over in the past year and they all love Thailand and my family here too. Same goes for most of my friends.

Of course that's because I've been settled here for over a decade now. If I had just recently moved over here on my own things might be different.

[GooEng]

Without reading any other replies - yes my family do judge me for living here.

They judge me in a negative way and I don't blame them.

[overherebc]

I haven't read all the way through the thread so if I'm repeating someone else I'm sorry.

Stop thinking about it.

If you keep worrying about what people back home think about you wait until you find out how other ex-pats think about you when you're here full time.

I've been here since 19 canteen and only in the last couple of years have I met 4 guys that can sit down together and talk about anything without any one of the group giving anyone else a hard time.

I'm the first member of my family to leave UK and live overseas and no-one in the family could get their head around it.

As far as they were concern it was like I was trying to cut myself off from them, but in reality they were cutting themselves off from me.

When I pointed out that I was the one who instigated all the contact,e-mail, telephone calls etc, they were the ones who took the hump.

It really, in my opinion, hinges on their jealousy. You have the guts to make the move and control your own life, they haven't.

[poanoi]

I didnt get judged....until i sent some pics of naked girls in my loom

[MickGC]

Most of my family and friends are well traveled and don't give a flying xxxx where I live. Guess it has a lot to do with how "worldly" your family/friends are. Been married to a Thai lassie since the Hubble Space Telescope was launched.

Edited July 3, 2013 by metisdead

[NovaBlue05]

Typical discussion in the US of A...

They: So, where did you go for vacation?

Me: Thailand

They: Really... I met someone from Taiwan once !

Those that are aware of the actual country of Thailand usually have their opinions jaded by the media who rarely report anything about Thailand unless it's the predictable expose on TV which is always about either the tourist sex industry or child sex trafficking

[YeahSiam]

Maybe some people fit the stereotype and get more flack as others who don't. Maybe some age groups / countries are more worried about this then others. All I get is envy in general. Never a bad word, might be different if I fitted the stereotype.

In the end you should do what makes you the happiest don't live your life for others.

Spot on.

My friends and relatives knew I'd never be seen dead in a strip joint in England so they knew I wouldn't be visiting them here.

Most of the comments I get are in admiration for having left the UK when I did (the credit crunch and the recession), for not losing the plot like a lot of my countrymen out here do and for flipping the bird to convention (middle management career, wage and mortgage slavery, marriage, kids, social climbing).

[MrHammer]

Here's my story:

I have a relatively conservative family. I have a full-time engineering job, a flat of myself, and almost everything I wanted once. Visited Thailand 3 times during the last year and it changed everything I thought about the meaning of life and happiness and these stuff. In my home country, Iran, most of the people think of Thailand as a big sex tourism center! Poor people! They don't know nothing about LOS.

And now here I am moving to Thailand in two months from now on a student visa to learn the smile language and live in Thailand. I'm giving up everything I built up here for Thailand. I believe although I have everything many of my friends wish for, I'm not really happy here. I live in a different world than their world! Anyways other than a couple of open-minded friends everyone else gave me thumbs down for this move! The interesting thing is that most of them don't even live a happy life!

So I thought nevermind, I'll do it. I just hope that I find a job in Thailand soon... I don't wanna end up just eating from my pocket for a long time!

Such a shame about the veils and such in Iran. Persian women are some of the most beautiful in the world. I've met quite a few in Sweden where they're not covering up. Actually, I quite like Iranians/persians in general, at least those who've I've met in Europe. Smart people mostly and not trying to force their way of life on anyone.

[mjef]

Here's my story:

I have a relatively conservative family. I have a full-time engineering job, a flat of myself, and almost everything I wanted once. Visited Thailand 3 times during the last year and it changed everything I thought about the meaning of life and happiness and these stuff. In my home country, Iran, most of the people think of Thailand as a big sex tourism center! Poor people! They don't know nothing about LOS.

And now here I am moving to Thailand in two months from now on a student visa to learn the smile language and live in Thailand. I'm giving up everything I built up here for Thailand. I believe although I have everything many of my friends wish for, I'm not really happy here. I live in a different world than their world! Anyways other than a couple of open-minded friends everyone else gave me thumbs down for this move! The interesting thing is that most of them don't even live a happy life!

So I thought nevermind, I'll do it. I just hope that I find a job in Thailand soon... I don't wanna end up just eating from my pocket for a long time!

Such a shame about the veils and such in Iran. Persian women are some of the most beautiful in the world. I've met quite a few in Sweden where they're not covering up. Actually, I quite like Iranians/persians in general, at least those who've I've met in Europe. Smart people mostly and not trying to force their way of life on anyone.

Thanks MrHammer!

It's really good to hear you came across Iranians in Sweden (I have lots of friends who moved to Sweden) and saw that we are normal people like others. Unfortunately you're right about the situations in Iran. That is the government, people are something else!

Actually one of the reasons I'm moving to Thailand is social freedom. IMO LOS is one of the best countries in Asia in this context. I hope I can make lots of friends there, not only Thais but also farangs! I hope I can show the true face of Iranians to my friends, not all sort of horrible things that news propaganda make of us! We speak English, we drink beer, we dance, we watch movies, we work, we travel, we have gays and lesbians, we use internet (a lot actually), ...

[MrHammer]

Here's my story:

I have a relatively conservative family. I have a full-time engineering job, a flat of myself, and almost everything I wanted once. Visited Thailand 3 times during the last year and it changed everything I thought about the meaning of life and happiness and these stuff. In my home country, Iran, most of the people think of Thailand as a big sex tourism center! Poor people! They don't know nothing about LOS.

And now here I am moving to Thailand in two months from now on a student visa to learn the smile language and live in Thailand. I'm giving up everything I built up here for Thailand. I believe although I have everything many of my friends wish for, I'm not really happy here. I live in a different world than their world! Anyways other than a couple of open-minded friends everyone else gave me thumbs down for this move! The interesting thing is that most of them don't even live a happy life!

So I thought nevermind, I'll do it. I just hope that I find a job in Thailand soon... I don't wanna end up just eating from my pocket for a long time!

Such a shame about the veils and such in Iran. Persian women are some of the most beautiful in the world. I've met quite a few in Sweden where they're not covering up. Actually, I quite like Iranians/persians in general, at least those who've I've met in Europe. Smart people mostly and not trying to force their way of life on anyone.

Thanks MrHammer!

It's really good to hear you came across Iranians in Sweden (I have lots of friends who moved to Sweden) and saw that we are normal people like others. Unfortunately you're right about the situations in Iran. That is the government, people are something else!

Actually one of the reasons I'm moving to Thailand is social freedom. IMO LOS is one of the best countries in Asia in this context. I hope I can make lots of friends there, not only Thais but also farangs! I hope I can show the true face of Iranians to my friends, not all sort of horrible things that news propaganda make of us! We speak English, we drink beer, we dance, we watch movies, we work, we travel, we have gays and lesbians, we use internet (a lot actually), ...

Good luck with your adventure. Now don't think badly of westerners if you meet a couple of bad apples as well