Is it safe for a foreigner to marry a Thai?

[beautifulthailand99]

Over the years attitudes towards relationships have changed dramatically in Thailand.

I have been with my Thai wife over 30 years; both in our 50s now and the ways of thinking were completely different in the days when we first met.

These days I just don`t feel that Thai women make good wife/girlfriend partners anymore and best not to become too deeply involved with them.

Down my way there is a Thai family. The guy has a very attractive daughter in her late 30s. She is not and has never been a bar girl but has her own business as an exporter of antique goods. All sounds good and would appear as an ideal catch for any discerning farang. But this woman is something like the black widow spider. Over the years she has had a string of profiles on dating websites. She always aims for farang guys in they’re 50s and early 60s because she believes that guys in this age group are more likely to have money and be more desperate for a younger female companion. After the first couple of dates she invites the farangs to meet her family, than the process for extracting these men of a lot of money begins, with stories that she requires money for her ailing business, the father needs a stomach operation and so on. Within the last 2 years the parents have had a new home built, new vehicles purchased and so on with the monies obtained by scamming these farangs. It is well known by the locals how this family have acquired their newfound wealth. There was one particular German man that we know gave this woman almost 1.5 million baht before she dumped him. My wife and I have said; one day this woman is going to choose the wrong victim and end up dead.

Many of the Thai women can now be compared with their counterparts in the West, where basically all they want is a child and to accumulate wealth for a comfortable life later on without a male partner. I am not in anyway intentionally denigrating Thai women, my point is that it`s a sign of the times and whatever you do, has to be done at your own risk and discretion, or in other words, tread carefully out there, it can be dangerous world where you stand to lose everything, even your life in some cases.

Bitterest man I ever met in Thailand was a 60 year old 'decent' Englishman who had fallen for a 30 something cashier at 7-11 who was perfect to begin with - quickly had a baby and then she turned. He looks after her as he has principles but is estranged from his previous children (their inheritance is going to oil the wheels of the Thai economy) and divorced wife in the UK .His advice to me (which wasn't wanted or needed) was you need a sim card just for Thailand and chuck it into the Chao Praya on the way back home.

[beautifulthailand99]

Article shouldn't have even been posted. The writer at meebal always tries to stir up controversy when there isn't any. He digs for dirt. Takes cheap shots at issues that aren't. There good reporting and bad reporting. He's in the bad category. And yes I've written to the writer telling him so and others should tell him so too.

Well if it's trolling then we are all feeding it including your good self.

[SeabagsFull]

Murder by spouse may be more prevalent in Thailand than elsewhere, given the huge cultural differences between Thai women & farang.

Remember the old teenage adage, "love is blind?" Young people everywhere, especially in the U.S., marry for all the wrong reasons, thinking they know what love is. But as teenagers turn to twenty-somethings & twenty-somethings turn 30ish, they all end up realizing that their "love" was not real.

I've seen many young Thai girls marry a farang, believing that love was in the air. But when the enormous cultural differences become apparent (i.e., westerners are aggressive & independent & loud, while Thai are non-aggressive & family interdependent & soft-spoken), the Thai girl begins to feel trapped & isolated from her culture. She longs for family, for face, for a man who understands her upbringing & who can satisfy her Thai needs, for the gentle serenity that comes from a peaceful quiet. She doesn't know what to do.

IMO, it is understandable that an unhappy Thai girl would want to escape back to her innocent past. Unfortunately, Thai culture frowns on a woman acting on these type of feelings, which is why e.g., most amphoes require the husband's consent for a divorce. When a farang is the spouse, & the girl is of a poor background, it is possible -- if not probable -- that there are devious family members who'll offer to help the Thai girl "solve" her problem.

There are exceptions to every point. I believe it is possible for a farang to be gentle, tender, & understanding of a Thai girl's culture, which has a sort of karmic effect of the girl wanting to understand the farang husband's different take on things. A book that helped me to understand many of these differences is Thailand Fever by authors Chris Pirazzi (American) & Vitida Vasant (Thai).

A good Thai friend once said to me in the early days of my marriage. "If you trust her she will trust you." Nine years later now, & I'm more in love with my wife than I've ever been.

[Loptr]

"Is it safe for a foreigner to marry a Thai?"

www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBmAPYkPeYU

If you have to ask the question, the answer is probably.....

Much like the idiom, if you have to ask how much it is, you can't afford it...

Followed closely by, How much is the puppy in the window?

[ajarnpot]

its obvious why this is not a poll

[sfbandung]

Most of the blokes I know in Thailand would call the stat about 50% successful relationships. Farangs living overseas with their Thai/Filipina/Indo/Chinese wives I have seen I'd call it about 50% too.

It is purely anecdotal but when age gaps start getting into the high 20s and 30s the failure rate skyrockets.

[sendyourlove]

Interesting thing to discuss. Some observation is that, Thai entertainers are probably connected to gangsters and bad police that have been using them to do one black thing or another.

People that come from upcountry to work in Bangkok these days are tied to a number of interest groups ranging from labor related, underground activities related, drug related to normal work related and political related situations.

It all depends on who you know and how you know them. This is a popular saying tho!

Based on my experiences dealing with people and private investigation work background, I must suggest that:

1) Pick partners that are educated and work in normal day time corporate or public sector jobs. Entertainers are for entertaining and in most cases not for marrying as they are likely to be connected to the underworld, drug, debts, hidden fantasy husbands/partners.

2) If it's simplest to pick a partner who is an entertainer, spend time to get to know him/her thoroughly...starting from the family and background, place currently living, places he/she has lived, down to values and beliefs. Obvious remarks are the mentioning of the influential polices, bar managers, politicians, head of mafia or gangsters, etc.

3) Character is the most important lead to what you will face with in the partner. This goes both ways. Study each other carefully and visit each other's homes, show each other just about everything as time goes by, etc. Usually nothing will surface in less than a year or two...

Want to share about the girls in Ratchada area. I am a business manager and I too am from upcountry, that located here due to my company situating here too. I first rented a suite room here and walked to work before leaving the company and starting a dealership to save up to buy my own place.

I have lived here since 2003 so am familiar with many bar girls and treat them rather as friends and sisters around the neighborhood.These girls come from upcountry with various plans such as to further education, on mission after divorce to a quick fix, to find a simple job, to work in a corporate job, to become a business owner, etc.

Among more than 50-100 people that I knew here, all bar girls and entertainers as well as drug dealers known to me in 2003-2008 have gone away in one fashion or another except one who does not work full-time as entertainer but as a normal masseuse that may some times date a foreigner for money.

Classic cases have been scams such as the girl or guy got together with a rich foreigner after being involved with a scammer and together helped one another arrange scenes to scam the rich guy, usually involving a gambling scene, involved with police that may possibly behind these things (a stakeholder in the scam!), Thai girl playing dumb after pawning her Bt.450K car for double the sum of money from double sources, Thai girl asked the foreign manager to pay down payment on a car under her name and run away with the car, Thai girl using host bar for entertainment (for having sex with male prostitutes) when foreign husbands away on business or long leave from the Kingdom, Thai girls using cocaine and hold nuke parties with their police boyfriends buying drug with foreign men's money, Thai girls walk off on foreign men when the men become bankrupt.

These are severe cases, not counting milder cases of lies and frauds. The hard crimes are easy to see whereas those soft ones are all out for the rich men to lose a lot of what they have got, it seems.

Among people in this area, the relationships that still seem okay (I mean at least on the surface, appear as normal situation) are involved these situations and characters:

1) Personal come business relationship but this may not last because of so many hard variables.

2) Marriage with bar girl who (even though) is married to a Thai that lived back home, whereby the foreign man controls her interest by slowly giving her money and things. She took it because she had no choice, no desire to work, just sleep with him for money for as long as her kids and family can live on. He himself maybe an ex-con with limited options, coming here to green-wash himself and simply seek the place to bury his grave when time comes. For as long as he can retain his visa and have sex, he may not feel the bother about her Thai husband's existence or else he did not know... or he possibly has prostate cancer and may soon past away!

3) The men married Thai girls properly regardless of background and flew them to live with overseas. This off course, I do not hear much about them after they left so there is no way I will know most truths except that I perceive girls going overseas are happier and better deserved than girls that had to remain here perhaps.

4) Girls that are most broad-minded and do not care their husbands' behavior much whether it be butterflying, gambling, drinking, sporting, or whatever for as long as they are amply looked after or given the chance to grow their own careers and wealth.

5) Well educated couples and elites.

I perceive that girls that look for foreign partners may have high self-esteem, in many cases, excessively high, which lead them to jump fast into many conclusions and thoughts. They may previously ran into problems and hold high hopes for a big and quick fix. Watch out for them. The girls that have troubled me recently, for instances are the following types:

1) Pimpie's girl dealing drug trying to lure me into becoming a guarantor in her 1.2 million baht car loans. I found out later this girl is having multiple partners so she could gain high income each month. She works for some bad police in looking for potential victim(s), allowing her group to cause him/her stress and trick him/her in what may appears to be harmless ways to de-stress by using cocaine or spend money gambling, etc. The group of bad police is her tutor. Whoever is involved with this type of girls may ever lost all their assets as well as wallet and identity. They can invent all lies. They can do all bad things.

2) Experienced bar girl teaming up with a senior police pretending to request help from her ex foreigner husband and me on her debt cases...whereas her loss of assets were actually due to her own hidden agenda, cheap lavishly behavior and intentional drug abuse.

3) Mama san turned hairdresser, verbally abusive. This woman came from the Khmer border as a bar girl, then bar mama san and then human exporter. Her boss just married her and sent her on for sales in Europe for 3 months. This woman knows the ins and outs of the underworld, connected with all bad girls to round up their actions, and in a number of ways, is like a nuclear bomb to our society! Absolutely dangerous to everyone!

4) Prostitutes that asked for credit from shops and may never pay back, etc as they wish only to take advantage of people.

Education sometimes isn't what make us more of human unless our values and beliefs hold us true and noble. However, we all must live our lives step by step, not ten steps or through multiple zigzags at a time.

As for the big gossips on the men side, it is too long a story to tell for now so I might find time to share later. To find love and to be loved, often love does not happen two-way at the same times. That's why most of us are still lonely and heartbroken. All the best and thanks for reading through.

[Jubes]

I think most farangs should find a Thai lady roughly about their age, when is it that you hear of a farang picking up a Thai girl 10 years their senior? Lol. We all might have it backwards in the approach plus it might rule out a unforseen future headaches

Sent from my HTC Incredible S using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[boonchu]

I have been married for 28yrs to my Thai wife, we worked together in our business for 20 yrs, now I've retired and she runs the business working 7 days a week. We have had our disagreements but always figure them out. She tells me not to give money to her family but occasionally I help them and don't tell her.

[FiftyTwo]

I've seen many young Thai girls marry a farang, believing that love was in the air. But when the enormous cultural differences become apparent (i.e., westerners are aggressive & independent & loud, while Thai are non-aggressive & family interdependent & soft-spoken), the Thai girl begins to feel trapped & isolated from her culture. She longs for family, for face, for a man who understands her upbringing & who can satisfy her Thai needs, for the gentle serenity that comes from a peaceful quiet. She doesn't know what to do.

I see this repeated over and over by people have never been to Thailand.

Thais are a nation of people who are taught to repress their emotions in public.

The men and women can quickly become aggressive and violent, especially when in a more private location.

Essentially they are the same as everyone else in the world, something tourists don't realise.

[johnlandy]

Maybe the headline should read.

Is it Safe for a Foreigner to Marry a Thai Bargirl?

Many Farangs have married everyday Thai women are raising normal families and living normal lives. It is just my guess that many of the farangs that run foul with Thai women is that they have fallen in love with the 1st young girl that said "you very handsome man, you have wife?" They have actually fallen head over heels with the false smiles and words and don't realise that the moment they walked into that bar they were a scam target.

I think most of they Thai women are sincere. You don't go to a brothel back home in search of bride. Just look in the right places and away from the sleaze and you reduce your risks of suicide and being scammed dramatically.

Personally I think a Thai bargirl is in many cases a far more honest option.

Not all farang husbands have been ripped off by ex bargirls, but rather your average supposedly honest, sincere Thai lady.

I wasn't married to a ex bar girl but in the terms of the Oxford Dictionary and it's description of the word, she (my ex) "was still a hoe'

[ann89]

I am more than happy being married to my Falang wife most friends we know who are married to Thai woman are always moaning that they have no money most are my age 62 and have a Thai son/daughter below 6 years of age do I need say any more NO !!!!!!!!!!

I was just wondering if you still have sex?

Sorry to ask such a personal question, but I was married to an English lady for 30 years, and the last 20 years no sex.

Now I have a Thai lady much, much younger than me, and I have plenty of sex.

Yes, she's a little bit violent and possibly dangerous, but I'm living a full life again.

I was happy to exchange my personal security for a fulfilling sex life.

The other possibility is that at age 62 you no longer want sex, I know many men lose their sex drive at that age.

Wow..maybe thats all you want in youre life..sex..i wonder why do men like to have sex..the real love is not only compose of sex..maybe she came from a bar who used to have sex..normal girl..not so nymphomanic..

Edited September 13, 2013 by ann89

[FiftyTwo]

I am more than happy being married to my Falang wife most friends we know who are married to Thai woman are always moaning that they have no money most are my age 62 and have a Thai son/daughter below 6 years of age do I need say any more NO !!!!!!!!!!

I was just wondering if you still have sex?

Sorry to ask such a personal question, but I was married to an English lady for 30 years, and the last 20 years no sex.

Now I have a Thai lady much, much younger than me, and I have plenty of sex.

Yes, she's a little bit violent and possibly dangerous, but I'm living a full life again.

I was happy to exchange my personal security for a fulfilling sex life.

The other possibility is that at age 62 you no longer want sex, I know many men lose their sex drive at that age.

Wow..maybe thats all you want in youre life..sex..i wonder why do men like to have sex..the real love is not only compose of sex..maybe she came from a bar who used to have sex..normal girl..not so nymphomanic..

I agree, real love is not only sex, but it can't exist without sex.

Once sex is gone, love is gone.

Not many men will be happy in a relationship without sex for 20 years.

[rosst]

Married to an Aussie, Thai GF in Isaan (widow with two adult children minimal age difference) who knows everything, no point lying. Bought a house for her to live in and renovated it nicely with all new appliances so I am comfortable when I am here, her family know all the history and accept the status Quo. The house is 100% in the name of one of my best friends sister in law. He is Aussie she is Thai and introduced me in the first instance. I am not at risk, I go so does the monthly gravy train? Could lose the house?? Possible but anybody who brings a dollar into Thailand and seriously expects to leave with it are stupid or slightly crazy. There is an outside chance I may see the money again but it will not be the end of the world if I do not.

I love this place and have made many friends some of them family, the happier I am the longer I will be here, and at the moment I am very happy.

I do read and know personally of instances where relationships have ended with the Falang man a lot poorer but given all the information available, obviously had eyes wide shut. Am I lucky? I think so, my GF from respectable society and supportive family. Mutual respect and mutually rewarding relationship, not a one way street.

[mikemac]

If you read all of what I wrote, only the last bit is about sex. Now, please read the first two paragraphs again. Relationships are complex, not simplistic.

Obviously too "complex" for some.

Luckily Thai bargirls are soooooo simplistic, not complex at all. Good luck !

[chooka]

I am more than happy being married to my Falang wife most friends we know who are married to Thai woman are always moaning that they have no money most are my age 62 and have a Thai son/daughter below 6 years of age do I need say any more NO !!!!!!!!!!

I was just wondering if you still have sex?

Sorry to ask such a personal question, but I was married to an English lady for 30 years, and the last 20 years no sex.

Now I have a Thai lady much, much younger than me, and I have plenty of sex.

Yes, she's a little bit violent and possibly dangerous, but I'm living a full life again.

I was happy to exchange my personal security for a fulfilling sex life.

The other possibility is that at age 62 you no longer want sex, I know many men lose their sex drive at that age.

Wow..maybe thats all you want in youre life..sex..i wonder why do men like to have sex..the real love is not only compose of sex..maybe she came from a bar who used to have sex..normal girl..not so nymphomanic..

I agree, real love is not only sex, but it can't exist without sex.

Once sex is gone, love is gone.

Not many men will be happy in a relationship without sex for 20 years.

That's your view and may very well be so for you. You are probably talking about superficial love and not true love. Sex with my missus dried up after the birth of our son 6 yrs ago and we are still very much happily married and I still love her very much unconditionally. I may have ringbarked a few trees around the area and have callouses but never strayed. My wife and I are around the same age and share the same interests and enjoy each others company pretty much 24/7.

I guess to understand what I really mean you will have to experience true love 1st. Sex and Love are two entirely different things and shouldn't be confused with each other.

Edited September 13, 2013 by chooka

[chooka]

Married to an Aussie, Thai GF in Isaan (widow with two adult children minimal age difference) who knows everything, no point lying. Bought a house for her to live in and renovated it nicely with all new appliances so I am comfortable when I am here, her family know all the history and accept the status Quo. The house is 100% in the name of one of my best friends sister in law. He is Aussie she is Thai and introduced me in the first instance. I am not at risk, I go so does the monthly gravy train? Could lose the house?? Possible but anybody who brings a dollar into Thailand and seriously expects to leave with it are stupid or slightly crazy. There is an outside chance I may see the money again but it will not be the end of the world if I do not.

I love this place and have made many friends some of them family, the happier I am the longer I will be here, and at the moment I am very happy.

I do read and know personally of instances where relationships have ended with the Falang man a lot poorer but given all the information available, obviously had eyes wide shut. Am I lucky? I think so, my GF from respectable society and supportive family. Mutual respect and mutually rewarding relationship, not a one way street.

So you are married to an Aussie and you maintain a thai Girlfriend in Isaan is that right? So you are basically saying that you divide your life between the wife in Australia and the Girlfriend in Thailand. I may have read wrong and my apologies.

[elektrified]

<snip>"...The girls that have troubled me recently, for instances are the following types:..."

What a pathetic post and what a sad life you have (if true). I've been visiting the Kingdom regularly for more than 25 years and have lived here for about 7 now. I've never gone out with or been involved with drug users, prostitutes, scammers, mama-san hairdressers, bar girls who are "teamed up with police", women with secret Thai husbands, women controlled by the mafia, or any of the other things you talk about.

Where on earth, or better yet, under what rock did you manage to find a selection of individuals like that? Talk about looking for love in all the wrong places!

[GAZZPA]

Maybe the headline should read.

Is it Safe for a Foreigner to Marry a Thai Bargirl?

Many Farangs have married everyday Thai women are raising normal families and living normal lives. It is just my guess that many of the farangs that run foul with Thai women is that they have fallen in love with the 1st young girl that said "you very handsome man, you have wife?" They have actually fallen head over heels with the false smiles and words and don't realise that the moment they walked into that bar they were a scam target.

I think most of they Thai women are sincere. You don't go to a brothel back home in search of bride. Just look in the right places and away from the sleaze and you reduce your risks of suicide and being scammed dramatically.

Personally I think a Thai bargirl is in many cases a far more honest option.

Not all farang husbands have been ripped off by ex bargirls, but rather your average supposedly honest, sincere Thai lady.

I wasn't married to a ex bar girl but in the terms of the Oxford Dictionary and it's description of the word, she (my ex) "was still a hoe'

How can a bargirl be a more honest option? She makes a living by selling herself to you and the only thing she is thinking about is her own best interests. The fact that you know this (unless you are stupid and really believe that its love at first sight) does not mean that you are avoiding the perils of what might, and probably will eventually happen. It just means you are walking into it knowing that this is a probable outcome. So, how is it safer?

[elektrified]

I've seen many young Thai girls marry a farang, believing that love was in the air. But when the enormous cultural differences become apparent (i.e., westerners are aggressive & independent & loud, while Thai are non-aggressive & family interdependent & soft-spoken), the Thai girl begins to feel trapped & isolated from her culture. She longs for family, for face, for a man who understands her upbringing & who can satisfy her Thai needs, for the gentle serenity that comes from a peaceful quiet. She doesn't know what to do.

I see this repeated over and over by people have never been to Thailand.

Thais are a nation of people who are taught to repress their emotions in public.

The men and women can quickly become aggressive and violent, especially when in a more private location.

Essentially they are the same as everyone else in the world, something tourists don't realise.

I agree 100%.

[mauGR1]

<snip>"...The girls that have troubled me recently, for instances are the following types:..."

What a pathetic post and what a sad life you have (if true). I've been visiting the Kingdom regularly for more than 25 years and have lived here for about 7 now. I've never gone out with or been involved with drug users, prostitutes, scammers, mama-san hairdressers, bar girls who are "teamed up with police", women with secret Thai husbands, women controlled by the mafia, or any of the other things you talk about.

Where on earth, or better yet, under what rock did you manage to find a selection of individuals like that? Talk about looking for love in all the wrong places!

Well, one may totally agree about not getting involved with criminal types, nonetheless i find the quoted post very interesting... Although too long and a bit confused.

IMHO that long post is a window on what i call a " medieval " society, whose dynamics are still quite mysterious to me, and completely obscure to the eyes of tourists... ( and some expat too )

Also i am not sure the poster was looking for love, perhaps he was just curious.

[MK1]

There is the good, bad and the downright ugly relationship in every country. What usually goes wrong is when the hidden secrets are revealed after the marriag such as previous occupation was bar girl at some stage. If you can also eliminate the influences of mother in law, sisters, brothers and relatives it helps with ensuring the Thai marriage remains focused and stays on track one on one. Otherwise the risk is you may be profiled by others, not the fault of your wife, as being an ATM machine.

[robertson468]

Have been very happily married to "My Thai Gal" for seven years and no evidence of mushrooms, axes, snakes anywhere around. Might be that I have several sizeable pensions incomes and if I am not around, they cease. Is that the answer? No only joking, although she has suggested a couple of times that she would very much like to strangle me...................boys will be boys and I do like to tease her. My experience (and here I am opening up a BIG bag of worms) is that Thai Ladies to me (and note I said to me, not necessarily you) are more feminine and very caring and seem to be more gentle in nature. But at the end of the day, each to their own.

Edited September 13, 2013 by robertson468

[ann89]

I am more than happy being married to my Falang wife most friends we know who are married to Thai woman are always moaning that they have no money most are my age 62 and have a Thai son/daughter below 6 years of age do I need say any more NO !!!!!!!!!!

I was just wondering if you still have sex?

Sorry to ask such a personal question, but I was married to an English lady for 30 years, and the last 20 years no sex.

Now I have a Thai lady much, much younger than me, and I have plenty of sex.

Yes, she's a little bit violent and possibly dangerous, but I'm living a full life again.

I was happy to exchange my personal security for a fulfilling sex life.

The other possibility is that at age 62 you no longer want sex, I know many men lose their sex drive at that age.

Wow..maybe thats all you want in youre life..sex..i wonder why do men like to have sex..the real love is not only compose of sex..maybe she came from a bar who used to have sex..normal girl..not so nymphomanic..

I agree, real love is not only sex, but it can't exist without sex.

Once sex is gone, love is gone.

Not many men will be happy in a relationship without sex for 20 years.

That's your view and may very well be so for you. You are probably talking about superficial love and not true love. Sex with my missus dried up after the birth of our son 6 yrs ago and we are still very much happily married and I still love her very much unconditionally. I may have ringbarked a few trees around the area and have callouses but never strayed. My wife and I are around the same age and share the same interests and enjoy each others company pretty much 24/7.

I guess to understand what I really mean you will have to experience true love 1st. Sex and Love are two entirely different things and shouldn't be confused with each other.

Correct me if im wrong you said that you gonna exchange youre personal security for a fulfilling sex.. so.. its a matter of sex because you gonna give to her if she gonna fulfill what you want in sex yeah?and now youre telling about love first..and you enjoy each other..cmon the highlights of youre story was a fulfilling sex hahaha not because youre inlove hahaha..you compare youre ex wife and youre thai wife and thai gives you what you want..and youre ex wife just only 10years..now if youre thai wife didnt give best sex, like what you said I think you will not give her everything..hahah unless she fulfill youre needs and yet she do..so youre willing..

are you sure you have same age hahaha cmon youre no one have a baby at more than 50 there are a lot of women cant make a baby when they reached 40's..

Peace..!!!!

[kimamey]

Murder by spouse may be more prevalent in Thailand than elsewhere, given the huge cultural differences between Thai women & farang.

Remember the old teenage adage, "love is blind?" Young people everywhere, especially in the U.S., marry for all the wrong reasons, thinking they know what love is. But as teenagers turn to twenty-somethings & twenty-somethings turn 30ish, they all end up realizing that their "love" was not real.

I've seen many young Thai girls marry a farang, believing that love was in the air. But when the enormous cultural differences become apparent (i.e., westerners are aggressive & independent & loud, while Thai are non-aggressive & family interdependent & soft-spoken), the Thai girl begins to feel trapped & isolated from her culture. She longs for family, for face, for a man who understands her upbringing & who can satisfy her Thai needs, for the gentle serenity that comes from a peaceful quiet. She doesn't know what to do.

IMO, it is understandable that an unhappy Thai girl would want to escape back to her innocent past. Unfortunately, Thai culture frowns on a woman acting on these type of feelings, which is why e.g., most amphoes require the husband's consent for a divorce. When a farang is the spouse, & the girl is of a poor background, it is possible -- if not probable -- that there are devious family members who'll offer to help the Thai girl "solve" her problem.

There are exceptions to every point. I believe it is possible for a farang to be gentle, tender, & understanding of a Thai girl's culture, which has a sort of karmic effect of the girl wanting to understand the farang husband's different take on things. A book that helped me to understand many of these differences is Thailand Fever by authors Chris Pirazzi (American) & Vitida Vasant (Thai).

A good Thai friend once said to me in the early days of my marriage. "If you trust her she will trust you." Nine years later now, & I'm more in love with my wife than I've ever been.

westerners are aggressive & independent & loud

You speak for yourself. I don't think it applies to me.

You are right about the cultural differences but but there are two sides and a lot of different situations. A westerner will have similar problems and not everyone is the same. Even in different areas things will be different. In Bangkok, Pattaya and Phuket they will be much more in tune with farang ways than in Isaan. Even then there are differences between a city and a rural area and a city. I see you lived in Udon Thani but I don't know if it was in the city or not but I would guess you'll have seen these differences for yourself.

In families as well well you can find different types of people. Although we live out of the city with a rice field my wife usually gets her brother to deal with the rice and pays for help. She has 2 sisters one of whom works in a government office like herself and the other works in the fields or building sites.

There is also the issue of guys in their late 50s and into their 60s who get involved with a girl half their age. It can work but there needs to be some realism as well.

It's a very complex issue and one that has all sorts of pitfalls. I only married this year but I think I made the right decision. Glad to see you're doing OK and congratulations on your daughter. I'm 59 and my wife is 44. I would love to have a child with her but we both think it would not be right for us in our position but it's good to see someone who is managing it.

[MK1]

Interesting thing to discuss. Some observation is that, Thai entertainers are probably connected to gangsters and bad police that have been using them to do one black thing or another.

People that come from upcountry to work in Bangkok these days are tied to a number of interest groups ranging from labor related, underground activities related, drug related to normal work related and political related situations.

It all depends on who you know and how you know them. This is a popular saying tho!

Based on my experiences dealing with people and private investigation work background, I must suggest that:

1) Pick partners that are educated and work in normal day time corporate or public sector jobs. Entertainers are for entertaining and in most cases not for marrying as they are likely to be connected to the underworld, drug, debts, hidden fantasy husbands/partners.

2) If it's simplest to pick a partner who is an entertainer, spend time to get to know him/her thoroughly...starting from the family and background, place currently living, places he/she has lived, down to values and beliefs. Obvious remarks are the mentioning of the influential polices, bar managers, politicians, head of mafia or gangsters, etc.

3) Character is the most important lead to what you will face with in the partner. This goes both ways. Study each other carefully and visit each other's homes, show each other just about everything as time goes by, etc. Usually nothing will surface in less than a year or two...

Want to share about the girls in Ratchada area. I am a business manager and I too am from upcountry, that located here due to my company situating here too. I first rented a suite room here and walked to work before leaving the company and starting a dealership to save up to buy my own place.

I have lived here since 2003 so am familiar with many bar girls and treat them rather as friends and sisters around the neighborhood.These girls come from upcountry with various plans such as to further education, on mission after divorce to a quick fix, to find a simple job, to work in a corporate job, to become a business owner, etc.

Among more than 50-100 people that I knew here, all bar girls and entertainers as well as drug dealers known to me in 2003-2008 have gone away in one fashion or another except one who does not work full-time as entertainer but as a normal masseuse that may some times date a foreigner for money.

Classic cases have been scams such as the girl or guy got together with a rich foreigner after being involved with a scammer and together helped one another arrange scenes to scam the rich guy, usually involving a gambling scene, involved with police that may possibly behind these things (a stakeholder in the scam!), Thai girl playing dumb after pawning her Bt.450K car for double the sum of money from double sources, Thai girl asked the foreign manager to pay down payment on a car under her name and run away with the car, Thai girl using host bar for entertainment (for having sex with male prostitutes) when foreign husbands away on business or long leave from the Kingdom, Thai girls using cocaine and hold nuke parties with their police boyfriends buying drug with foreign men's money, Thai girls walk off on foreign men when the men become bankrupt.

These are severe cases, not counting milder cases of lies and frauds. The hard crimes are easy to see whereas those soft ones are all out for the rich men to lose a lot of what they have got, it seems.

Among people in this area, the relationships that still seem okay (I mean at least on the surface, appear as normal situation) are involved these situations and characters:

1) Personal come business relationship but this may not last because of so many hard variables.

2) Marriage with bar girl who (even though) is married to a Thai that lived back home, whereby the foreign man controls her interest by slowly giving her money and things. She took it because she had no choice, no desire to work, just sleep with him for money for as long as her kids and family can live on. He himself maybe an ex-con with limited options, coming here to green-wash himself and simply seek the place to bury his grave when time comes. For as long as he can retain his visa and have sex, he may not feel the bother about her Thai husband's existence or else he did not know... or he possibly has prostate cancer and may soon past away!

3) The men married Thai girls properly regardless of background and flew them to live with overseas. This off course, I do not hear much about them after they left so there is no way I will know most truths except that I perceive girls going overseas are happier and better deserved than girls that had to remain here perhaps.

4) Girls that are most broad-minded and do not care their husbands' behavior much whether it be butterflying, gambling, drinking, sporting, or whatever for as long as they are amply looked after or given the chance to grow their own careers and wealth.

5) Well educated couples and elites.

I perceive that girls that look for foreign partners may have high self-esteem, in many cases, excessively high, which lead them to jump fast into many conclusions and thoughts. They may previously ran into problems and hold high hopes for a big and quick fix. Watch out for them. The girls that have troubled me recently, for instances are the following types:

1) Pimpie's girl dealing drug trying to lure me into becoming a guarantor in her 1.2 million baht car loans. I found out later this girl is having multiple partners so she could gain high income each month. She works for some bad police in looking for potential victim(s), allowing her group to cause him/her stress and trick him/her in what may appears to be harmless ways to de-stress by using cocaine or spend money gambling, etc. The group of bad police is her tutor. Whoever is involved with this type of girls may ever lost all their assets as well as wallet and identity. They can invent all lies. They can do all bad things.

2) Experienced bar girl teaming up with a senior police pretending to request help from her ex foreigner husband and me on her debt cases...whereas her loss of assets were actually due to her own hidden agenda, cheap lavishly behavior and intentional drug abuse.

3) Mama san turned hairdresser, verbally abusive. This woman came from the Khmer border as a bar girl, then bar mama san and then human exporter. Her boss just married her and sent her on for sales in Europe for 3 months. This woman knows the ins and outs of the underworld, connected with all bad girls to round up their actions, and in a number of ways, is like a nuclear bomb to our society! Absolutely dangerous to everyone!

4) Prostitutes that asked for credit from shops and may never pay back, etc as they wish only to take advantage of people.

Education sometimes isn't what make us more of human unless our values and beliefs hold us true and noble. However, we all must live our lives step by step, not ten steps or through multiple zigzags at a time.

As for the big gossips on the men side, it is too long a story to tell for now so I might find time to share later. To find love and to be loved, often love does not happen two-way at the same times. That's why most of us are still lonely and heartbroken. All the best and thanks for reading through.

OMG...Too much information....

[Liss]

What I love most about these types of threads is that the Thai women never get a voice.

What would you like to hear from Thai women when the question is rather naive? ..."Is it safe for a Thai to marry a Farang"? Does it look silly for a Farang who married to a Thai lady with the age of his grand daughter? People do and make decision according to their experiences, knowledge and personal satisfaction!

How different lifestyles and education influence different ways of thinking? What do you think?

Edited September 13, 2013 by Liss

[mikemac]

Could it be that some men show up here and start looking desperately for a wife before even clearing immigration at swampy, then propose to the first woman who gets naked with them, despite the fact that their common language skills are so poor that they can't have a grownup conversation with each other?

Yes.

[senoremac]

This is has got to be one of the most ignorant questions that has ever graced this forum. Is it safe to marry any woman or man for that matter? Human nature whether good or bad depends on the person, not the race or nationality.

[newermonkey]

Don't get married to anyone of any nationality and don't make anyone a beneficiary for any life insurance or assurance.

Just don't do it, its unnecessary and possibly lethal.

Are you perchance a recruiting officer for a society of Trappist monks?

Life, when stripped all all the fripperies and discounting all the great works of man (and woman) is about the survival of your genes. Born, procreate, die.

No I am in favor of people just living together, and having as many babies as they want, why do people have to get married? it is not needed to have sex! and procreate! If people love each other (and the kids) they will stay together.

I am against marriage and I am against organized religion, and FYI I am in favour of legalizing Canabis. AND... no I am not an anarchist or a hippy.