Quotes Of The Year 2002

[Kan Win]

Home affairs

"The Queen came through for me."

Paul Burrell, the former Royal butler, after Her Majesty's intervention in his trial for allegedly stealing property from the estate of Diana, Princess of Wales.

"I got burned to a crisp. Is it too simple for the spin doctors to make that obvious connection?"

Pam Warren, a Paddington rail disaster survivor, responding to the Government's attempts to find a political motive for her campaign to improve rail safety.

"I would advise you not to smoke."

The warning from Martin Broughton, the head of British American Tobacco, to his children.

"We have one great advantage throughout the season: we always have to play at home." LOL

Jeffrey Archer on the cricket team at North Sea Camp prison, Lincolnshire, where he was serving four years for perjury.

"We would have got away with it but for the fact that there were 140 police waiting for us."

One of the foiled Millennium Dome robbers jailed in February.

"I don't mind serious art criticism, but you can't attack me and my work by accusing me of being a publicity-seeker. That really winds me up."

The artist Tracey Emin, on hearing she was to receive £500,000 to make a film about herself.

"People have realised that though it could be you, it probably won't be."

Dianne Thompson, the chief executive of Camelot, the National Lottery operator.

"There's a very large inflatable hamburger on the line in the Newport area."

An explanation from Railtrack for the cause of delays on the London to South Wales route.

"Nobody invites me out any more."

Peter Mandelson on his lost social appeal since resigning as a Labour Cabinet minister.

Foreign affairs

"Too good to share."

The hastily withdrawn PR slogan used for Cadbury's chocolate in Kashmir, over which India and Pakistan are in dispute.

"What a load of old crap that was."

Jose Maria Aznar, the Spanish premier, unaware that his microphone was still on after his speech at an EU Summit.

"You will be killed just as you kill, and will be bombed just as you bomb. And expect more that will further distress you."

Osama bin Laden, reportedly via audiotape, released on November 13.

"War may sometimes be a necessary evil. But no matter how necessary, it is always evil."

The former US president Jimmy Carter after accepting the Nobel Peace Prize.

"My director said I should try it out. I should have notified the store and said I was going to come and shoplift. I'm sorry."

Winona Ryder, the actress who claimed she was researching for a movie part when she was caught stealing from a department store.

"In principle, I'm sorry we did not liquidate him."

Ariel Sharon on having spared Yasser Arafat during an Israeli siege of Beirut 20 years ago.

"We apologise to God for any deed that angered him in the past, which we might not have known of and is blamed on us, and on this basis we also apologise to you."

Saddam Hussein tries to say sorry to the Kuwaiti people for invading their country in 1990.

"Delighted."

Amrozi, the chief suspect in the Bali bombing, describes how he felt after seeing the explosion.

"I asked the barmaid for a quickie. The man next to me said, 'It's pronounced quiche'."

Luigi Amaduzzi, the Italian ambassador, on the perils of speaking a foreign language.

"After all, this is the guy who tried to kill my dad."

George W. Bush, the US President, on Saddam Hussein.

"I'm fine. I expect things like this to happen."

Hamid Karzai, the president of Afghanistan, on the failed attempt on his life.

"We have caught the sniper like a duck in a noose."

The final coded message used by police chief Charles Moose after the arrest of two men for the serial killings in Washington.

"It's not the right or responsibility of the British to decide on our elections. Why should they poke their pink noses in our business?"

Robert Mugabe, the president of Zimbabwe.

"It was like being back home."

Kelly Hartog, an Israeli who survived the hotel bomb in Kenya.

Religion

"The abuse that has caused this crisis is justly considered a crime. It is also an appalling sin in the eyes of God. There is no place in the priesthood for those who harm the young."

The Pope on sexual abuse by priests.

"An ability to sit on fences, sometimes for long periods in extreme discomfort, is desirable."

The crime writer P. D. James on the attributes necessary to be Archbishop of Canterbury.

Politics

"I am not Superwoman. I'm juggling a lot of balls in the air and sometimes some of the balls get dropped."

Cherie Blair appeals to the nation to forgive her over the Peter Foster flat-buying saga.

"I know I am a flawed man but I do not believe, in my heart, I am a bad man."

Peter Foster, the convicted fraudster who plunged the Blairs into "Cheriegate".

"The average EU cow currently receives more than $2 a day in support from EU governments. That is more than the income of half the world's population."

Julian Filochowski, the director of the Catholic Fund for Overseas Development.

"How would you be able to look Leo in the eye in 20 years' time if you are the leader who helped start the war?"

Jacques Chirac, the president of France, to Tony Blair, before an EU summit in Brussels.

"Do not underestimate the determination of a quiet man."

Iain Duncan Smith, the Tory leader at the party conference..

"My message is simple and stark: unite or die."

Mr Duncan Smith, four weeks later, after his party seemed not to believe him.

"I wish my flat was filled with one big man in his blue underpants."

Edwina Currie about John Major in her autobiography which revealed their four-year affair.

"It was the one event of my life of which I am most ashamed and I have long feared it would be made public."

Mr Major when the story was made public.

"At least it wasn't Ann Widdecombe."

Mr Major's sister, Pat Dessoy.

"You know what people call us? The nasty party."

Theresa May, the Conservatives' chairman, at the party conference.

"I'm sure that there are lots of things that I could own up to, but I slightly take the view that they are for me to know and for you lot to find out."

Tony Blair to political lobby journalists.

"Princess Margaret is being buried on that day. I will absolutely not allow anything else to be."

The reported response of Martin Sixsmith, then communications director of the Transport Department, to spin doctor Jo Moore who allegedly suggested that unfavourable railway statistics should be released that day.

"The people that know me best know that I am not a liar."

Steven Byers, resigning as a government minister after a spectacular public clash between Mr Sixsmith and Ms Moore.

Health

"You have cancer, I have asthma; we all have to die some time."

Mohannad Al-Fallouji, the surgeon struck off for his insensitive bedside manner.

Sport

"I ****ing hit him hard. The ball was there (I think). Take that, you ****.'

Roy Keane, the Manchester United captain, describing his brutal tackle on Manchester City's Alfe Inge Haaland which provoked a £6 million law suit.

"The last positive thing England did for cricket was invent it."LOL

Ian Chappell, the former Australian Test captain.

"The only thing I had on my mind was tennis, and sometimes girls."

Boris Becker, three-time Wimbledon champion, in court in Munich on why he owes $3 million in taxes from 1991-93.

"Nothing can compare with the arrival of your first child. Not even winning Wimbledon."

Tim Henman, who has never made it past the Wimbledon semi-finals.

"You worked ****ing hard out there. You did a ****ing good job. Not your fault he fluked the ****er in, is it. Eh? Eh?"

David Beckham, the team captain, consoles David Seaman, the goalkeeper, after the blunder that cost England the game against Brazil in the World Cup.

"Rugby is a secret the men kept for years and years and years, and now we've cracked it."

Paula George, the captain of England's women's rugby team.

"What's it like to be in a coma?"

A Sports Illustrated reporter speaking to Evil Knievel.

"How the **** do I know? I was in a coma."

The stuntman's reply.

"I'm giving the asylum back to the lunatics."

Keith Harris quitting as chairman of the Football League after the ITV Digital fiasco.

"I was in for 10 hours and had 40 pints - beating my previous record by 20 minutes."

George Best on the blood transfusion for his liver transplant.

"If you count your chickens before they're hatched, they won't lay an egg."

Bobby Robson (now Sir), Newcastle United's manager.

"I haven't got big ears. I've got a very small head."

Gary Lineker, the footballer-turned-television presenter.

"Over here a dog is for Christmas, over there it could be for breakfast, lunch or dinner."

A joke on a Radio 5 World Cup website, for which the BBC apologised to South Korea.

"I'm not Mother Teresa. I'm not Charles Manson either. Just treat me equal."

Mike Tyson at the Nevada Athletic Commission's hearing over his boxing licence.

Business

"I do not know what excess profits means."

Matthew Barrett, the chief executive of Barclays Bank, at a Treasury select committee hearing during which MPs accused the big four banks of making too much money.

"We are very sorry, but we put a digit in the wrong place."

A spokesman for the Halifax bank which accidentally encouraged ISA customers to ring a gay dating service.

"Just because you're at the scene of an accident doesn't mean you caused it."

John Ormerod, of Anderson UK, the auditors to the collapsed energy giant Enron.

"Why will British people buy a courgette without a wrapper, but a cucumber has to be in this wretched plastic?"

Carlos Criado-Perez, Safeway's chief executive, before the supermarket group's disappointing sales for 2002.

"Milkmen have floats."

Philip Green, the owner of BhS, on being asked if he planned to float the group.

Royal Family

"It will be an awful lot for any man to take on: public scrutiny, a mad family - the Fergusons, not the others - and two granddaughters of the Queen."

The Duchess of York does not rule out marrying again.

"Oh, yes, I can smell the lavender from here."

David Blunkett in Highgrove's gardens with the Prince of Wales.

"I am sorry, Home Secretary, but I think that's my aftershave."

Prince Charles's response.

"Do you still throw spears at each other?"

Prince Philip on meeting Aborigines in Queensland.

"I had dreaded this moment. . . she seemed gloriously unstoppable."

The Prince of Wales on the death of the Queen Mother.

Show business

"Je ne regrette rien."

Ulrika Jonsson on the publication of her memoirs.

"I made a terrible mistake. I got caught up in the excitement of the moment."

Michael Jackson, the singer, explaining why he dangled his baby over a balcony in Berlin.

"They've put me in the Alice in Wonderland ward because they think I'm crazy."

Adam Ant, the 1980s pop star, sectioned after a pub incident.

"I wish I'd never said anything about being a virgin now."

Britney Spears on being asked if she would stick to her pledge of not having sex before marriage.

"They weren't really weddings, just long costume parties."

The late Peggy Lee, the jazz legend, on her four marriages.

"Not in my garden."

The Queen, when Paul McCartney asked if there could be another Royal jubilee concert.

"When one door closes another one falls on top of you."

Angus Deayton, the disgraced television presenter.