What does a Thai expect from marrying a farang?

[Chittychangchang]

My answer! What are your words of weekend wisdom of the question?

I spoke with Mrs CCC about this and she told me that for her and her friends the expectations are completely normal.

Of course Thai’s do believe that farangs are all rich and we are in terms of Thai earning potential. The only way to truly dispel this is once you get married and your new Thai spouse comes to your country. Make sure they are involved in the finances and bill paying and they will begin to see that while we farang make a lot of money it is also much more expensive to live in farangland.

The thing that opened Mrs CCC eyes the most was after she started working and interacting with working class farangs (vs the typical well off Thailand tourist). She came back from work one day and commented “Farangs aren’t all rich are they?” I replied that I had been trying to tell her that and she shook her head and said “yes”, but she hadn’t really understood before. She still gets surprised at the cost of some things here compared to Thailand although that doesn't curtail her spending.

That aside, Thai's know that farangs are more faithful in relationships, less abusive and more generous as a whole than their Thai counterparts.

So, they expect these things, but I believe that is the reality anyway. They also know that the standard of living in farangland is much higher than in Thailand. So, they are seeking a better standard of living and a husband that is faithful, generous and loving. Pretty realistic I’d say.

To me Thai's just want a reasonable married life with an appreciative spouse. Like you say, pretty realistic. If fidelity, kindness, and generosity are lacking in the average Thai man, then Thai women will find farang spouse to be much more satisfactory in this regard. Add to that our improved living standard, our mandated gender equality, the broad scope of opportunities for work and for education, then I think that the western world is very likely a step up for many Thai's.

CCC

Edited October 18, 2013 by Chittychangchang

[Dr Robert]

I think you answered your own question quite well

[HeijoshinCool]

What I've never understood, is how they can think we're all so rich, and so stupid at the same time?

[FiftyTwo]

And the more faithful one, only because it's harder to stray, and more expensive.

When it's cheap and easy, we all stray.

[CharlieH]

You forgot to throw in Internationall travel and state pension plus any other pension you might have thereby providing security later in life too and if you die money from the UK government to say nothing of the land and house that was provided almost immediately.(in many cases)

The other aspect, although wrong, is that many Thai women only see the " tourist" on which to base their opinion,, and like anyone on holiday has disposable income, parties drinks, restaurants, hotels attractions, tours etc all the things they have never witnessed let alone been able to share. None of which would be available from the village guy. Easy to see why the attraction though isnt it, just look at the comparison and alternative. (Generally)

Edited October 18, 2013 by CharlieH

[h90]

Thais expect this and that.

Farangs are this way.

Most important all Thais are clones and every Thai has the same mindset

All Farangs are also clones act equal and have equal funds.

That there are complete different Thais with complete different expectations and complete different Farangs (beside that there minor differences between South Italien and Novosibirsk Farangs).

[Gsxrnz]

CCC - I'm married and generally endorse your thoughts but you're going to get seriously bashed in this thread.

Far too many TV'ers only have a skewed and often ill-informed view of your subject topic. Perhaps everybody should state if they are (or have been) actually married to a Thai so we can consider their opinions subjectively.

Cheers

[cooked]

My wife, ex-(we think) marriage broker still gets telephone calls, gets stopped on the street asking her to 'get them a Farang'.

Meaning money.

I see these girls going to market on the train every day with stuff from their gardens or picked in the hedgerows/fields, and sometimes come back with all their produce unsold or ฿40.-. They all have a Thai husband, maybe a kid or two, sometimes it is he that pushes the lady to get a Farang, a lot have done Pattaya?Phuket/Bangkok and come back with diseases and/or babies. They like the idea of combining sex with money making, so marriage with an old guy isn't likely to last long, we have seen girls splitting up after 3 days of foreplay and no nitty gritty.

You want to find a good lady? Put 'big heart, small wallet' on your dating site profile, that's what I did after getting so much contact from 19 year old massage specialists.

[Dr Robert]

The other aspect, although wrong, is that many Thai women only see the " tourist" on which to base their opinion,, and like anyone on holiday has disposable income, parties drinks, restaurants, hotels attractions, tours etc all the things they have never witnessed let alone been able to share. None of which would be available from the village guy.

Therein lies the root of Thai male resentment. Tough one to counteract

[FiftyTwo]

You want to find a good lady? Put 'big heart, small wallet' on your dating site profile, that's what I did after getting so much contact from 19 year old massage specialists.

I would avoid all mention of 'heart', as it marks you as a person that associates with sex workers.

'heart' talk is a very risky area to venture.

[Gsxrnz]

You want to find a good lady? Put 'big heart, small wallet' on your dating site profile, that's what I did after getting so much contact from 19 year old massage specialists.

I would avoid all mention of 'heart', as it marks you as a person that associates with sex workers.

'heart' talk is a very risky area to venture.

Can you elaborate please? You draw a conclusion but give no evidence supporting your conclusion.

How does the mention of "heart", which is one of the most common Thai words used to express feelings or describe character in many forms (in conjunction with other words), specifically mark you as a person that associates with sex workers?

I fail to see the Thai cultural or social connection - with the possible exception of a Farang that only comprehends the Thai words Jai-Dee or Nam-Jai is because their sole exposure to this phrase has been in regard to sex workers.

Edited October 18, 2013 by Gsxrnz

[i claudius]

I know what my wife wanted and got ,she also has given it to me in spades ---LOVE, that and the odd handbag and shoes.

[inthepink]

They all expect different things. As h90 said, they are not all clones so it's a rather silly question.

From my personal experience it's only poor Thai people, and then not all of them, that assume all Westerners are rich. Wealthy Thai people are not that ill-informed

Edited October 18, 2013 by inthepink

[sms747]

my mrs says 99% of thais marry falang for one reason only MONEY, I never asked if she was one of the one percent.

[Swiss1960]

They expect the same things as women back in your home countries... love, respect, care, support, money, acceptance, faithfulness, warmth, sex... you name it...

the question is only in which priority and to what extend which woman expect these things... and as there is no such thing as "the Thai Woman", you will find ladies with very different expectations and requests...

[Nautilus05]

Not sure, but chocolate chip cookies is my guess. Try making a batch for your woman, and see how it goes over.

[MJP]

my mrs says 99% of thais marry falang for one reason only MONEY, I never asked if she was one of the one percent.

Yup. Thai's educated to barrister level have told me the same thing.

[i claudius]

my mrs says 99% of thais marry falang for one reason only MONEY, I never asked if she was one of the one percent.

I hope she is one of the 1% the sort of women who marry for money can be found in any country , not just Thailand . unfortunatly many men come here ,the only women they meet are from bars ,they work there for ,you guessed it ---money ,and that is not to decry these ladies as i have in the past met many nice ones ,in fact a friend has been married to an ex bar girl for 26 years and she loves him very much,and he certainly is not well off.

[inthepink]

my mrs says 99% of thais marry falang for one reason only MONEY, I never asked if she was one of the one percent.

Yup. Thai's educated to barrister level have told me the same thing.

Barrister level lol. They don't have barristers in Thailand do they? Are they wealthy Thai people that have told you this or just people who happen to have a law degree? And were they talking about themselves or stating an opinion on why Thai girls from poor backgrounds marry Westerners?

Perhaps you meant to type barista?

Edited October 18, 2013 by inthepink

[Denim]

I was expecting a partnership to work on Anglo Thai relationships since the Bowring treaty was signed. This event in Thai history really requires a viewpoint from both a western and Eastern perspective and I was hoping we could produce an interesting work on this subject. However, Chulalongkorn University was not co operative in releasing crucial documents so the marriage fell apart.

[MJP]

my mrs says 99% of thais marry falang for one reason only MONEY, I never asked if she was one of the one percent.

Yup. Thai's educated to barrister level have told me the same thing.

Barrister level lol. They don't have barristers in Thailand do they? Are they wealthy Thai people that have told you this or just people who happen to have a law degree? And were they talking about themselves or stating an opinion on why Thai girls from poor backgrounds marry Westerners?

Perhaps you meant to type barista?

King's Counsel.

[bifftastic]

I know what my wife wanted and got ,she also has given it to me in spades ---LOVE, that and the odd handbag and shoes.

She gave you an odd handbag? What was odd about it?

[givenall]

the girls here they think too much of themselves. That is why are we here if they art not better than frang girls.

Otherwise we stay back home. And of course we are here because we think they easy.

[GuestHouse]

That aside, Thai's know that farangs are more faithful in relationships, less abusive and more generous as a whole than their Thai counterparts.

They might believe this, but is it true?

The three worst cases of abusive husbands I've personally witnessed have been dysfunctional Brits married to Thai women. Two of those cases I've written about before on TVF, a case of Brit imprisoning his Thai wife in a flat in the UK - she was taken into hospital suffering serious malnutrition, and another case of a Farang who was in the habit of gagging and tie-ing his Thai wife up in the house before he went out on the town in Pattaya. The third is currently going through the courts in the UK.

Read the threads here on Thaivisa and it becomes very clear that there are a lot of Farangs washing up in Thailand with serious problems relating to women on anything like level terms.

Of course most Farangs in Thailand are not abusive, far from it, I know loads of guys who are living good lives in Thailand. But look around, Thailand attracts way above its share of twisted foreigners. The Thai language forum which serves the Thai side of Farang/Thai relationships is full of accounts of abusive Farang husbands and boyfriends.

I'll rephrase what I've just said. Thailand attracts way above is share of nasty twisted foreigners.

[GuestHouse]

They all expect different things. As h90 said, they are not all clones so it's a rather silly question.

From my personal experience it's only poor Thai people, and then not all of them, that assume all Westerners are rich. Wealthy Thai people are not that ill-informed

I think it more accurate to say, wealthy Thais don't give a <deleted> whether westerners are rich or not.

[Mr Average]

Thailand attracts way above is share of nasty twisted foreigners.

The sickest, most obsessive and most jealous social inadequate I've ever come across on the internet is right here on this forum.

Oh -- and he's got lots of "likes", too.

[kikoman]

I would believe a Thai women is looking for stability in her life, the Farang is looking for a younger women. Many Farang's that come to Thailand believe that they are "god's gift to women", because of the easy access to young beautiful women, most of these women work in the sex industry for money.

Inclusive in the question should also be the question what motivated the Farang male to come to Thailand, the answer for most is access to young, beautiful, slender, available women

you can not keep that variable out of the answer of "what are Thai women looking for".

With those two reasons coming together, you see a trade off between the two to fulfill each parties goal, Thai women are looking for a stable financial future, a husband that is not a butterfly a secure future, (not unlike any other women in their home countries) The male is looking for a young , slender good looking woman.

One must face reality as it exist in Thailand, a young Thai girl does not grow up with the man of her dreams being an older, fatter (20 years or more her senior) Falang, so what are they looking for "A Better Life" (not any different again that what women around the world are also looking for).

The Farang is looking for access to young women (or younger women then those that are available to him in his home country), Yes, they would not have that easy access to young women without "you guessed it" "MONEY" . Most Farang's are satisfied with this relationship, when they decided that their lifestyle is to expensive, they chose a good looking partner to settle down with. Then comes the hardest part as the vast majority of these women had failed marriage/ relationships with Thai males. Most have children that are the motivators of why the women were looking for a better life,not only for themselves but also for their children.

This causes problems in the core relationship. as it effects more people than the Farang bargained for, the women comes with baggage, children and a family. While in the old country they loved a women enough, to include others in the relationship, here the main motivation is an easy access for sex with a young women. That accounts for the story of Falang's marrying a woman after knowing her for a week or month, is not likely someone you love, more like someone you "Lust".

Then come the bad feelings towards Thai's in general and to Thailand, as they see them as unwanted participants to their lives and marriages.

I do not believe this is the case in all Falang / Thai relationships, but it is in a big percentage of such relationships. Just my opinion!

Cheers:

[wooloomooloo]

Sociology - pure and simple.

A woman will evaluate a man's genetic qualities and perceived earning potential within seconds.

Her innate priority is babies and provision.

It's not rocket science.

[i claudius]

I know what my wife wanted and got ,she also has given it to me in spades ---LOVE, that and the odd handbag and shoes.

She gave you an odd handbag? What was odd about it?

Wouldnt you like to know ducky?

i realized later how it sounded,honestly i dont use a handbag (well not in public)

[seajae]

I have discussed this with my wife and her friends. It seems to boil down to the fact that most thai men are not trustworthy, they are butterflies, they simply want as many women as they can have, even those under age. They are drinkers and like to hit their women, cannot be trusted and they declare their love for the woman but instead of it getting stronger and stronger it gets less and less after it has been declared. It would appear that farangs are more loving and wanrt to spend time with their partners(something thasi men avoid) they help out around the house(again thai men avoid this) and are happy to be with them (again). I know this may not applt to all western men but it does apply to a lot, well at least me and a few others, . I am actually surprised byu the amount of my wifes friends that want a western hubby and they are not badly off, they have good jobs, earn good money and have nice residences, they just refuse to be with thai men.