Money. Who pays the bills? How much do you give your partner?

[naboo]

I pay the bills, she looks after the house and children. Like it should be.

[FiftyTwo]

BUT,.........we...........are in contact with this type of folk quite regularly just through being polite. Mrs.Trans and myself are totally pissed off with the mixed marriages in LOS that we have met. WE, have met zillions over the years and really only have a handful of friends.

I've never had any positive experience from allowing my wife to meet another foreigners wife/gf.

It just causes me (and her) grief. Strange but true.

allowing?? lol

So you allow your wife/gf to trail along with you whenever she likes?

No boys nights out, no time doing stuff on your own?

Can't imagine living a life in someone else's pocket.

Here's an appropriate song for you ........

http://dai.ly/x3ztl7

[Jasun]

Before we were married, my money was my money, and her money was her money. Now it's more like my money is our money, and her money is her money. But she puts a lot of it to helping with every day expenses. At least that's what she tells me.

[jacko45k]

What I find disturbing is "quizzing friends" about it.

I agree......

Whilst my situation varies greatly, being retired, living in Thailand and my wife does not work.

She was once listening to a particular friend and suddenly she is unhappy and behaving badly.

Same friend soon after had a problem with her husband, as she took his ATM card for a few excursions without permission.

Gossip is a problem!

[stickylies]

deliberately single in thailand until some filthy rich, good-looking, intellectually challenging*, atheist*, funny/cynic* Thai girl with a massive jazz collection* pops up.

* is this actually possible in this country? please advice!

[pinkpanther99]

We share one bank account which both of our salaries go into. Admittedly I earn more than her and it's me that pays for the bigger purchases such as a TV, new air con unit etc but where possible we try to share paying for the everyday things.

In the early days of our relationship she put the idea to me about paying her money every month but to me that feels like I'm giving her a salary to be my wife which I don't like. Although she told me at the time, and I have since found out this is quite common in LOS, I tried to show her things from a different viewpoint whereby a couple contribute what they can together to their household in order to raise their family the best they can (we have a daughter). 4 years on it seems to have worked. Her mindset with regards to money has changed quite a lot in that time and is quite different from many of her female friends.

I used to live next door to a guy who gave his gf 10k THB per month as a kind of salary. I'm not saying that's right or wrong but the idea of 'paying' your wife or gf isn't really for me.

Having said that, everyone's situation is different and I guess for the guys that are retired and don't have kids that their point of view if probably different to mine.

And as someone quite rightly mentioned earlier - the Thai WAGS often gossip among each other about how much their farang partners give them each month. My Mrs has one particular friend who seems to talk about nothing else!

[giddyup]

I don't think anyone has given a monetary amount yet, so I'll be the first. I give my partner 20,000 baht a month, out of which she pays for all the food bills (we eat very well), the electric and the water. I know she still has a few thousand left over, out of which she goes to the beauty shop once a month, buys herself the occasional dress and any make-up she needs. If we eat out, have a few drinks, go to the movies etc, that comes out of my pocket.

[AYJAYDEE]

we both have ATM cards on a joint account and we both withdraw as much as we want whenever we want.

[Guest]

Dear Thai Visa Readers,

Well, it is time to cross the bridge. For many years I have criticised many who posted for thier, what I thought was, a cynical and head hearted view of the Thai culture, especially in regard to women. Even when out on the town, I would argue with other Foreigners about thier "jaded perspective." In one of those exchanges in a pub, an English gentleman just rolled his eyes and said "Call me when the smoke and mirrors clears and you know reality."

I am sorry to report that the smoke and mirrors are out of the way, and the reality of a complex and baffling life view are in full focus.

In a perfectly constructed model, the society is formed on "Face is most important." We, in the West, tend to operate from a model that a new acquaintance, business associate or woman we meet...is given the basic pleasant social norm...but that respect, trust and confidence is not a "right"...it is a privilege that is earned, not through words, but deeds. Not, "I expect full respect" and I can use "Face" to simply truncate any uncomfortable conversation, especially when undeniable facts are on the table. What a lovely open door to avoid any conversation that does not line thier pockets.

Business Example: The other day I visited a vendor who owes my company 3M THB. He agreed that the sum was due, but said he needed an invoice. I pointed out that he already has 1 M THB in invoices that are months overdue, so what possible benefit would another piece of A4 provide? The fact is, the contract says "Payment is due within 30 days of receipt of client funds deposit." It does not say "30 days after invoice." So, the question became, if invoices do not get addressed in a timely manner, why repeat an unsuccessful strategy, which is why I am sitting in front of you to hammer this out." He simply used the "Face Card" and refused to discuss it further. In other words, "The money is in my Bank, you are a Foreigner, have no leverage, and now can even say "You have offended me, so no payment will be made."

Relationship Example: For reasons we all know, considerable funds and assets often become under the control, in a legal sense, by women. This high trust relationship (From the Foreigner side at least) is often a fool's errand, and often does not end well. Correction, it ends extremely well for the person with the assets, for the provider of said funds...not so much.

This is the most perfect scheme I have ever seen. The law is tailored to separate a foreigner from assets, "help" is required by a "trusted" partner, and when it all goes sideways...guess who is out millions of THB. That is correct. Mr. "What smoke, what mirrors?"

At this point, for many, I am simply singing to the choir. I just wanted to announce my membership to the "What the F could I possibly been thinking?" Club.

Thinking??? As they say, the curse of being a man is we are born with two heads, but sadly, only enough blood pressure to provide circulation to one at a time.

Be well Gents...and apologies for years of yelling at you about something I knew little about, and you have either lived through, or have a friend who has.

One of my favorite life observations is that stereotypes are not conjured up and people repeat them because they are false. The Irish love to drink and fight, Aussies are lively and out going, Russians are tough as nails...etc. These "stereotypes" go on through the ages, not because people repeat silly sentences, they repeat those sentences because they are true.

So, is Thailand a mystery wrapped in an enigma in a self serving (non) logic circle that takes advantage of other cultures whose word is thier bond, who beleive facts ...are facts, that generosity is a virtue, and trust is a two way street?

Absolutely.

[thrilled]

I believe many people talk

About money just for curiosity.I also talk money.I don't have trouble asking about prices.As far as how much you give your ole lady.Imight be curious but I don't know if I'd ask ya.Probably depends how well I know ya.

[Bpuumike]

Many Thais consider those questions rude too. The only people in Thailand that have asked me how much I earn during my time here have been taxi drivers, women of ill repute and low class Westerners who think they can get away with it because they believe that Thai people think it is acceptable.

My Thai wife has never asked me how much I earn (working overseas) and I would find it a bit embarrassing compared to any sort of an average Thai income.

[Bpuumike]

I don't think anyone has given a monetary amount yet, so I'll be the first. I give my partner 20,000 baht a month, out of which she pays for all the food bills (we eat very well), the electric and the water. I know she still has a few thousand left over, out of which she goes to the beauty shop once a month, buys herself the occasional dress and any make-up she needs. If we eat out, have a few drinks, go to the movies etc, that comes out of my pocket.

I'm in the same ballpark, 20 - 30K/month.

But I did tell her to give up her job as I like to be with her when I am home.

[Bpuumike]

Dear Thai Visa Readers,

Well, it is time to cross the bridge. For many years I have criticised many who posted for thier, what I thought was, a cynical and head hearted view of the Thai culture, especially in regard to women. Even when out on the town, I would argue with other Foreigners about thier "jaded perspective." In one of those exchanges in a pub, an English gentleman just rolled his eyes and said "Call me when the smoke and mirrors clears and you know reality."

I am sorry to report that the smoke and mirrors are out of the way, and the reality of a complex and baffling life view are in full focus.

In a perfectly constructed model, the society is formed on "Face is most important." We, in the West, tend to operate from a model that a new acquaintance, business associate or woman we meet...is given the basic pleasant social norm...but that respect, trust and confidence is not a "right"...it is a privilege that is earned, not through words, but deeds. Not, "I expect full respect" and I can use "Face" to simply truncate any uncomfortable conversation, especially when undeniable facts are on the table. What a lovely open door to avoid any conversation that does not line thier pockets.

Business Example: The other day I visited a vendor who owes my company 3M THB. He agreed that the sum was due, but said he needed an invoice. I pointed out that he already has 1 M THB in invoices that are months overdue, so what possible benefit would another piece of A4 provide? The fact is, the contract says "Payment is due within 30 days of receipt of client funds deposit." It does not say "30 days after invoice." So, the question became, if invoices do not get addressed in a timely manner, why repeat an unsuccessful strategy, which is why I am sitting in front of you to hammer this out." He simply used the "Face Card" and refused to discuss it further. In other words, "The money is in my Bank, you are a Foreigner, have no leverage, and now can even say "You have offended me, so no payment will be made."

Relationship Example: For reasons we all know, considerable funds and assets often become under the control, in a legal sense, by women. This high trust relationship (From the Foreigner side at least) is often a fool's errand, and often does not end well. Correction, it ends extremely well for the person with the assets, for the provider of said funds...not so much.

This is the most perfect scheme I have ever seen. The law is tailored to separate a foreigner from assets, "help" is required by a "trusted" partner, and when it all goes sideways...guess who is out millions of THB. That is correct. Mr. "What smoke, what mirrors?"

At this point, for many, I am simply singing to the choir. I just wanted to announce my membership to the "What the F could I possibly been thinking?" Club.

Thinking??? As they say, the curse of being a man is we are born with two heads, but sadly, only enough blood pressure to provide circulation to one at a time.

Be well Gents...and apologies for years of yelling at you about something I knew little about, and you have either lived through, or have a friend who has.

One of my favorite life observations is that stereotypes are not conjured up and people repeat them because they are false. The Irish love to drink and fight, Aussies are lively and out going, Russians are tough as nails...etc. These "stereotypes" go on through the ages, not because people repeat silly sentences, they repeat those sentences because they are true.

So, is Thailand a mystery wrapped in an enigma in a self serving (non) logic circle that takes advantage of other cultures whose word is thier bond, who beleive facts ...are facts, that generosity is a virtue, and trust is a two way street?

Absolutely.

You must tread your own path.

Much nicer with a good partner though, if you are so lucky.

[PeterSmiles]

Dear Thai Visa Readers,

Well, it is time to cross the bridge. For many years I have criticised many who posted for thier, what I thought was, a cynical and head hearted view of the Thai culture, especially in regard to women. Even when out on the town, I would argue with other Foreigners about thier "jaded perspective." In one of those exchanges in a pub, an English gentleman just rolled his eyes and said "Call me when the smoke and mirrors clears and you know reality."

I am sorry to report that the smoke and mirrors are out of the way, and the reality of a complex and baffling life view are in full focus.

In a perfectly constructed model, the society is formed on "Face is most important." We, in the West, tend to operate from a model that a new acquaintance, business associate or woman we meet...is given the basic pleasant social norm...but that respect, trust and confidence is not a "right"...it is a privilege that is earned, not through words, but deeds. Not, "I expect full respect" and I can use "Face" to simply truncate any uncomfortable conversation, especially when undeniable facts are on the table. What a lovely open door to avoid any conversation that does not line thier pockets.

Business Example: The other day I visited a vendor who owes my company 3M THB. He agreed that the sum was due, but said he needed an invoice. I pointed out that he already has 1 M THB in invoices that are months overdue, so what possible benefit would another piece of A4 provide? The fact is, the contract says "Payment is due within 30 days of receipt of client funds deposit." It does not say "30 days after invoice." So, the question became, if invoices do not get addressed in a timely manner, why repeat an unsuccessful strategy, which is why I am sitting in front of you to hammer this out." He simply used the "Face Card" and refused to discuss it further. In other words, "The money is in my Bank, you are a Foreigner, have no leverage, and now can even say "You have offended me, so no payment will be made."

Relationship Example: For reasons we all know, considerable funds and assets often become under the control, in a legal sense, by women. This high trust relationship (From the Foreigner side at least) is often a fool's errand, and often does not end well. Correction, it ends extremely well for the person with the assets, for the provider of said funds...not so much.

This is the most perfect scheme I have ever seen. The law is tailored to separate a foreigner from assets, "help" is required by a "trusted" partner, and when it all goes sideways...guess who is out millions of THB. That is correct. Mr. "What smoke, what mirrors?"

At this point, for many, I am simply singing to the choir. I just wanted to announce my membership to the "What the F could I possibly been thinking?" Club.

Thinking??? As they say, the curse of being a man is we are born with two heads, but sadly, only enough blood pressure to provide circulation to one at a time.

Be well Gents...and apologies for years of yelling at you about something I knew little about, and you have either lived through, or have a friend who has.

One of my favorite life observations is that stereotypes are not conjured up and people repeat them because they are false. The Irish love to drink and fight, Aussies are lively and out going, Russians are tough as nails...etc. These "stereotypes" go on through the ages, not because people repeat silly sentences, they repeat those sentences because they are true.

So, is Thailand a mystery wrapped in an enigma in a self serving (non) logic circle that takes advantage of other cultures whose word is thier bond, who beleive facts ...are facts, that generosity is a virtue, and trust is a two way street?

Absolutely.

You must tread your own path.

Much nicer with a good partner though, if you are so lucky.

And so much easier for people who work overseas, and see only part of what is going on.

[kevinsan]

Its not the monthly. Its the departure tax.

[cream]

My life has been turned upside down ever since my isaan wife opened her first thai restaurant in Australia 5 years ago.

Her tradition isaan style strong flavoured cooking made the restaurant very popular in a very short time.

Due to the restaurants great success I don't need to work any more. My wife is now the bread winner. I ask her for money.

We now have a paid off house in Australia and Thailand x 2

She said she will always support me as long as I don't butterfly.

Marrying a poor isaan girl was the the best thing I ever did.

[ToddWeston]

If I had to pay the bills they'd never get paid, after almost 25 years I'm dependant - there I said it ......if there was any mischief I think it would have happened a long time ago, as long as I've got 10k in cash in my wallet I'm happy because I know where all of OUR money is invested.

The last time I heard the word allowance was when my parents docked mine for not unloading the dishwasher

[sfbandung]

In my first marriage I paid for everything. My wife was the homemaker and we had children to raise. I earned enough to allow her to be a full time mother and I think the kids benefited. I work as an expat and apart from the fact that my Thai wife is on a dependent visa ("Work Prohibited") she would only be able to earn a small fraction of what I can. So I pay for everything and she is the homemaker.

Truth be known she is much better with money than I am. When I divorced the white missus I walked away from our assets in Australia and basically had to start again. We're doing well now and it is in large part due to my wife's frugal (read major tight arse) ways. We live well but don't piss much money away.

Her friends ask all the time, "How much does your husband give you?" She says, "He doesn't give me anything, but I have these cards and can take what I need but I ask him if it is something big."

Marry a sensible chick. Treat her nicely. Life is grand.

[JLCrab]

So if I know more than the guy in #44 above does he give me the $87?

[slipperylobster]

Our bills are paid by my wife only. I have no patience to bother with the running around. I do raise hell if somebody threatens to turn off the internent or the power. A few mistakes have been made, but I am very happy with the arrangement. The only thing I need for myself is some beer money, and about 30,000 for the savings account per month. The rest goes to her. My savings stays in the bank back at the states. She gets everything else...who cares !

[PEP]

"To Each His Own". THAIMENTOR your opinions - - Yes you have a right to express them but not everone sits to the right side of Gentis Kahn. Freedom and trust are the milestones of my marriage to an Issan Lady.

I pay the Electricity and other minor Service Costs. What do I Pay her? "SFA"! she is not an employee or servant. The "Cookie Jar" is open and she helps herself. During the 12 years of our relationship I have never had to discuss her stepping-over-the-line.

Our income is my OAP.

[maxx58]

I pay for everything. My g/f doesn't make a heck of a lot of money working at a five-star hotel, so I let her keep her earnings for herself. I am lucky in that I have a decent pension and some cash in the bank. I live comfortably but not extravagantly. Also, I keep the condo clean, do the wash, and clean the dishes. My g/f is a good Thai cook but I need Western food for variety, so we go to a restaurant or a pub quite often. Occasionally my g/f will treat for dinner.

[AYJAYDEE]

BUT,.........we...........are in contact with this type of folk quite regularly just through being polite. Mrs.Trans and myself are totally pissed off with the mixed marriages in LOS that we have met. WE, have met zillions over the years and really only have a handful of friends.

I've never had any positive experience from allowing my wife to meet another foreigners wife/gf.

It just causes me (and her) grief. Strange but true.

allowing?? lol

So you allow your wife/gf to trail along with you whenever she likes?

No boys nights out, no time doing stuff on your own?

Can't imagine living a life in someone else's pocket.

Here's an appropriate song for you ........

http://dai.ly/x3ztl7

why would my wife want to come on a boys night out??

[A1Str8]

Gotta love the Thai's...They have absolutely no problem asking "How much do you make?", " Nice car, how much did it cost you? Nice House, how much did you pay?" In the States  we consider such questions RUDE! 

But here we are in Thailand ....so gotta put aside our western ways (sometimes) as we are in Thailand! Seems to me that the Thai's are kinda like curious children sometimes not recognizing the rules of life or even thinking about it ....it might give them a headache...

Oh Well

+10. "Not recognizing the rules of life..might give them a headache."

That's so true I am gonna write it down somewhere.

[SNGLIFE]

I help people to settle long-term in Thailand, and this issue inevitably comes up. The advice I give is usually something like this:

1. Give her no more than 10,000 baht as her personal allowance to spend as she wishes...blah, blah, blah...

My dear friend, if one is lucky enough to find a woman with NO family, NO other problems or responsibilities, and NO ambition to do more than just tread water living in the provinces, then 10k might - I say might - be sufficient. However, in the real world, 15-20k is minimum. 10k was adequate 10 years ago. You see, there is this thing called INFLATION which happend since 2003 and (dammit) keeps on happening. Age is also a consideration. The older they are, the less you can get away with giving them as a monthly allowance. True. Cheers!

Edited October 25, 2013 by SNGLIFE

[tingtongteesood]

The majority of women here want to be 'taken care of'. It's like 'I take care of kids, cook, give you 'personal services' and you pay everything, ok' I can't accept that. I want a career woman for my other half, someone who likes her independence and enjoys working. Guess I will have to wait a VERY long time to find her here...

[hellodolly]

Gotta love the Thai's...They have absolutely no problem asking "How much do you make?", " Nice car, how much did it cost you? Nice House, how much did you pay?" In the States we consider such questions RUDE!

But here we are in Thailand ....so gotta put aside our western ways (sometimes) as we are in Thailand! Seems to me that the Thai's are kinda like curious children sometimes not recognizing the rules of life or even thinking about it ....it might give them a headache...

Oh Well

Well that certainly is not my experience. At home I had no problem asking friends how much they paid for a new car or house and many other things. My friends had no problems with these things either.

How ever that has nothing to do with how much I give my Thai wife. I give her enough to take care of her mother. She also helps when the family siblings need help. I don't know how much money she has, But I was happy that recently she told me her son needed another 7,000 baht to complete two years of electronic engineering a course that had cost me a bundle. She said not to worry she would pay it out of her savings.

This was savings from Money I had given her. She pays for a lot of her own food as it is mostly Thai and Udon soup what ever that is. If we go out for dinner I pay. When we go to the grocery store I pay and I know some of it is going to her mother. If we go on a holiday I pay. In short I am old fashioned and pay the way I am not rich but I can afford to pay her enough money that she can be my wife not part of the bread winner that is my job.

[pxlgirl]

it's an odd question to ask, all expenses should be agreed upon accordingly, just like in every healthy relationship.

[hellodolly]

Dear Thai Visa Readers,

Well, it is time to cross the bridge. For many years I have criticised many who posted for thier, what I thought was, a cynical and head hearted view of the Thai culture, especially in regard to women. Even when out on the town, I would argue with other Foreigners about thier "jaded perspective." In one of those exchanges in a pub, an English gentleman just rolled his eyes and said "Call me when the smoke and mirrors clears and you know reality."

I am sorry to report that the smoke and mirrors are out of the way, and the reality of a complex and baffling life view are in full focus.

In a perfectly constructed model, the society is formed on "Face is most important." We, in the West, tend to operate from a model that a new acquaintance, business associate or woman we meet...is given the basic pleasant social norm...but that respect, trust and confidence is not a "right"...it is a privilege that is earned, not through words, but deeds. Not, "I expect full respect" and I can use "Face" to simply truncate any uncomfortable conversation, especially when undeniable facts are on the table. What a lovely open door to avoid any conversation that does not line thier pockets.

Business Example: The other day I visited a vendor who owes my company 3M THB. He agreed that the sum was due, but said he needed an invoice. I pointed out that he already has 1 M THB in invoices that are months overdue, so what possible benefit would another piece of A4 provide? The fact is, the contract says "Payment is due within 30 days of receipt of client funds deposit." It does not say "30 days after invoice." So, the question became, if invoices do not get addressed in a timely manner, why repeat an unsuccessful strategy, which is why I am sitting in front of you to hammer this out." He simply used the "Face Card" and refused to discuss it further. In other words, "The money is in my Bank, you are a Foreigner, have no leverage, and now can even say "You have offended me, so no payment will be made."

Relationship Example: For reasons we all know, considerable funds and assets often become under the control, in a legal sense, by women. This high trust relationship (From the Foreigner side at least) is often a fool's errand, and often does not end well. Correction, it ends extremely well for the person with the assets, for the provider of said funds...not so much.

This is the most perfect scheme I have ever seen. The law is tailored to separate a foreigner from assets, "help" is required by a "trusted" partner, and when it all goes sideways...guess who is out millions of THB. That is correct. Mr. "What smoke, what mirrors?"

At this point, for many, I am simply singing to the choir. I just wanted to announce my membership to the "What the F could I possibly been thinking?" Club.

Thinking??? As they say, the curse of being a man is we are born with two heads, but sadly, only enough blood pressure to provide circulation to one at a time.

Be well Gents...and apologies for years of yelling at you about something I knew little about, and you have either lived through, or have a friend who has.

One of my favorite life observations is that stereotypes are not conjured up and people repeat them because they are false. The Irish love to drink and fight, Aussies are lively and out going, Russians are tough as nails...etc. These "stereotypes" go on through the ages, not because people repeat silly sentences, they repeat those sentences because they are true.

So, is Thailand a mystery wrapped in an enigma in a self serving (non) logic circle that takes advantage of other cultures whose word is thier bond, who beleive facts ...are facts, that generosity is a virtue, and trust is a two way street?

Absolutely.

I guess I could tell the same story except it would not be true.

I don't sit around bars talking about it. I don't associate with people that act that way and I sure as hell would investigate what i was getting into when I fronted in money or product some one 3,000,000 baht. Be they Thai or foreigner.

I know of people that that has happened to and I am not one bit surprised. If they were back in their own country they would find a way to lose there also.

Edit

How many times back in your home country did you hear the wife took every thing in the divorce. Yet you expect Thailand to not have those kind of people.

Edited October 25, 2013 by hellodolly

[spidermike007]

Gotta love the Thai's...They have absolutely no problem asking "How much do you make?", " Nice car, how much did it cost you? Nice House, how much did you pay?" In the States we consider such questions RUDE!

But here we are in Thailand ....so gotta put aside our western ways (sometimes) as we are in Thailand! Seems to me that the Thai's are kinda like curious children sometimes not recognizing the rules of life or even thinking about it ....it might give them a headache...

Oh Well

Well, one of the things we learn quickly once living here is that the rules of life that we hold dear, do not mean much here. I like to say Thailand is not a foreign country. It is a distant planet. The sooner you accept that, the easier life here becomes. The culture could not be more different than our own. Though we consider the discussion of money to be crude, they do not. It is perfectly normal for them. Have you ever noticed how often money comes up in conversation here? This cost this much, I paid this much for that, how much is this, how much did you make on that deal, what do you earn, how much did you pay for you house, your car, your watch, your phone, your ring, your necklace, your dowry, etc, etc, etc. Nothing peculiar to them. Just normal, everyday conversation.