Have you any friends?

[HardenedSoul]

I think it helps to be a bit of a loner when you live in Thailand.

Self-sufficiency and being comfortable in one's own skin are invaluable traits here.

Being needy just gets one into all sorts of trouble; I've seen guys move totally unsuitable Thai women into their apartments just cos they can't bear to be alone.

[GuestHouse]

I've got one good friend back in the UK and three friends in Thailand, one English guy and two Thais.

If you look at them individually you'd be hard pressed to spot anything that immediately says 'these people are any respects alike' and yet on occasions when I have introduced them to each other they've always got on really well.

But here's some advice I had from my grandfather.

Cultivate young friends as you get older - your old friends are going to leave you, if they are all about the same age, they'll all leave about the same time.

[Mooner]

I think we always judge having a friend with what we remember from our earlier lives back in our homelands. These people we have probably known for 10-30 years.

Not so likely to meet friends like these again probably more to do with the nostalgia than anything but its normal to feel this way.

Just get out there and try to meet people. Some you may like, others not so much but meeting people is actually quite helpful as it reminds us of the person we might want or not want to be!

[kevvy]

Yes and No.

Depends of what meaning you put into the word FRIEND.

I'm a non drinker.  Drinking buddies aren't friends in my books.

I was a womaniser. Ladies I bedded aren't friends in my books.

I am a generous person. I have met many generous people. I gave a lot and was given a lot. Takers and givers aren't friends in my books.

 

Once again, kevvy, what are the REAL FRIENDS you are talking about?

Explain yourself and you may get a better answer.  

Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile ap

In aus I had a group of friends which we all would do anything for each other. I opened up a very sucessful buisness and made some money in my younger days. I built a new house and got a new car. My friends stopped coming to see me as they were not sucessful in their life.They were still my friends as I had known them since primary school. After 12 months they just did not come around even though I tried many times to see them. This really hurt me and never got over it.I started moving around Aus after selling my movie business then moved overseas to America and Canada .I really was just running away from so called friendship. Long story short met my wife and found friendship. I love helping people but scared about making real friends

Kevvy

[StreetCowboy]

It can be a lonely place for some often turning to drink and in some cases drugs.

or prostitutes.

Or the internet

[puukao]

Like the importance of money, friends are in greater and lesser demand depending on age.

For example, growing up it's easy to have 30 friends at your b-day party.

50 friends in high school, simply from doing sports. and going to classes

20 friends in college, or up to 40, from classes and activities

5-10 friends from work, but some you get sick of

then it gets interesting....

i don't want to hear them complain about their wife 24/7.

i don't want to hear them complain about their life 24/7

a little complaining is fine, of course, but not every time.

so they get married, have kids, and then they call you for relief. that gets old.

so then you get married.....and care less about co-workers....so then friends go down to say 5

the ONLY person you have to be friends with first is yourself. ask yourself this question.

[kikoman]

I have many good friends in Thailand, My closest friend is my wife, her mother and father actually the entire family and 3 of my neighbors we do a lot of things together.

I have a few expat mostly acquaintances that i met on TV we like to make our own food and have our hobbies in common, I do not get to know them much better because most want to come visit alone, My wife is involved in all my activities and a friend must be willing to involve their families in our activities, I do nothing that excludes my wife, she as my best friend must be involved.

My neighbors over the years have had family emergencies, we watch their house water the plants and feed their animals and they do the same for us. a very busy and enjoyable life.

Cheers:

[StreetCowboy]

I have a couple of friends, maybe a few, locally from whom I could expect help if i was in need, though with limitations. A couple of them I have known and worked with for several years. I have a couple or even a few friends with whom I have maintained contact for 20-over years, but I don't see them all every decade. It's a long time since I visited an acquaintance or friend in hospital (the mark of a friend is not what they would do for you but what you would do for them, as I am sure JFK would have said were the topic to come up...)

I think I have few friends, and in thinking about it, that is partly through lack of cultivation, Thanks for the timely reminder

SC

[bikerlou47]

Not even one!

Sent from my iPod touch using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[cpofc]

It is a common belief that you find out who your real friends are once you get in the shit. There is alot of truth in that, I have experienced that, more than once, I have to say that I was both disappointed and surprised. The ones who 'step up' are often the friends you didn't know you had.

But try the other end of the scale, becoming successful, celebrated, and worst of all, envied. You'll have more friends than you know what to do with, but less real ones than you started out with. Never trust anyone who wants what you've got. Friend or no, envy is an overwhelming emotion.

The last 15 years has been a roller coaster. I have no farang friends in Thailand. By design or by chance? Maybe a bit of both. (There a none here where I am anyway). Only Thai friends. Although I do have vistors from my home country regulary passing through.

My grandmother was an amazing woman. A school teacher. She had a few rules she lived by. One of these was. 'Choose your own friends and don't let them choose you'. She was a very wise woman.

[StreetCowboy]

I was thinking about my earlier post, and I suppose you don;t know who your true friends are until they call on you.

There's not many here I would give more than a couple of days' leave to, not more than a week's salary to, were they overcome a bit short of cash.

As for the hums with whom I have kept in touch this last few decades, I've not thought in detail what I would refuse them or otherwise, and fortuitously, the question has not been called.

I had a remote relative asked if I could sort out a job, and fortuitously I did not, as she was in trouble that I would not want to get involved in, and in which I could not have helped

SC

[Patsycat]

Who fancies a pint in Edinburgh over Christmas?!!

[Mr Average]

I was thinking about my earlier post, and I suppose you don;t know who your true friends are until they call on you.

There's not many here I would give more than a couple of days' leave to, not more than a week's salary to, were they overcome a bit short of cash.

As for the hums with whom I have kept in touch this last few decades, I've not thought in detail what I would refuse them or otherwise, and fortuitously, the question has not been called.

I had a remote relative asked if I could sort out a job, and fortuitously I did not, as she was in trouble that I would not want to get involved in, and in which I could not have helped

SC

When I was very young, I read something that left me feeling slightly depressed.

What I read was a chapter from a book which claimed that most middle-aged men have no real or close friends. As a youngster, reading this was quite upsetting.

These days, I know the score. I have no friends. And I have no desire to have friends.

Instead, I have:

1. clients

2. acquaintances

3. work colleagues

4, people I knew at school and university

5. people who I've known for a very long time

6. drinking pals

7. golf buddies

8. immediate and less immediate family

When reading ThaiVisa, I really cringe at what I consider to be the "neediness" and emotional instability of very many other forum members.

[MJP]

Friends. Do imaginary ones count?

[AYJAYDEE]

I was thinking about my earlier post, and I suppose you don;t know who your true friends are until they call on you.

There's not many here I would give more than a couple of days' leave to, not more than a week's salary to, were they overcome a bit short of cash.

As for the hums with whom I have kept in touch this last few decades, I've not thought in detail what I would refuse them or otherwise, and fortuitously, the question has not been called.

I had a remote relative asked if I could sort out a job, and fortuitously I did not, as she was in trouble that I would not want to get involved in, and in which I could not have helped

SC

When I was very young, I read something that left me feeling slightly depressed.

What I read was a chapter from a book which claimed that most middle-aged men have no real or close friends. As a youngster, reading this was quite upsetting.

These days, I know the score. I have no friends. And I have no desire to have friends.

Instead, I have:

1. clients

2. acquaintances

3. work colleagues

4, people I knew at school and university

5. people who I've known for a very long time

6. drinking pals

7. golf buddies

8. immediate and less immediate family

When reading ThaiVisa, I really cringe at what I consider to be the "neediness" and emotional instability of very many other forum members.

i dont have friends because i am needy. i have friends because i have friends

[MAJIC]

I've got one good friend back in the UK and three friends in Thailand, one English guy and two Thais.

If you look at them individually you'd be hard pressed to spot anything that immediately says 'these people are any respects alike' and yet on occasions when I have introduced them to each other they've always got on really well.

But here's some advice I had from my grandfather.

Cultivate young friends as you get older - your old friends are going to leave you, if they are all about the same age, they'll all leave about the same time.

In the last 3 years,four of my friends have proved your statement above correct. It's been a case of: it must be me next!

[MAJIC]

My Best friend was my Brother who was two years older than me. When he died of Cancer,seems like I lost two of my very best friends on the same day!

[GuestHouse]

Who fancies a pint in Edinburgh over Christmas?!!

I'll be in Edinburgh just before Christmas for exams at the university, I'll be staying at my place in the New Town and almost certainly have a few jars in the Barony Bar. I'm going to be on a tight schedule but if I can squeeze some extra time I'll let you know.

I'd kill for a Cally 80 right now.

[crumpled]

Yes. 1 very good friend in Thailand that I can phone at any time if I was in need.

I have good friends locally in the UK too even though most of my time is spent in Thailand.

[Beetlejuice]

I have the benefit of having lived in Thailand for over 30 years and on the way have made some very close friends.

Now fastly leaving middle age and approaching old age, many of my closest friends whom I met from my early days in Thailand have either moved on or died. Now I am left with only a couple of close farang friends, all roughly on the same level and in my age bracket and I’m quite contented with that.

I don`t care how much some ex-pats say they are happy living in isolation and not interested in socialising with other ex-pats, all of us from time to time need people of our own kind that we can converse with and able to relate to regarding issues that only those of similar backgrounds are able to understand. If I only had my Thai wife, Thai friends or online friends to converse with, I think I would have gone completely insane years ago.

Me and my remaining friends are all getting on in years and we fully realise that it can take many years to make real close friends and for these reasons we stick together, because as loyal friends go, this is all we have and it`s too late now to go searching for new best friends, so we make the most of it.

I do feel pity for the newbie ex-pats to Thailand, who do not have any people of their own kind, or peers that they can truly call close friends. I do not consider bar pals as friends, but more as acquaintances.

Something to think about for those considering moving to Thailand for the long term, especially the older guys, as meeting interesting new people is much easier when we are young.

But remember; people have to be prepared to put some effort into meeting and socialising in order to make friends here, as there are no real farang communities in Thailand, not in the real sense and it is easy to fall into isolation if not careful.

[scubascuba3]

After reading all the posts, I'm not sure if this is specific to Thailand or I haven't seen the question asked before for other countries, but it seems a lonely place? Not as great as its cracked up to be?

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[Beetlejuice]

Yes and No.

Depends of what meaning you put into the word FRIEND.

I'm a non drinker. Drinking buddies aren't friends in my books.

I was a womaniser. Ladies I bedded aren't friends in my books.

I am a generous person. I have met many generous people. I gave a lot and was given a lot. Takers and givers aren't friends in my books.

Once again, kevvy, what are the REAL FRIENDS you are talking about?

Explain yourself and you may get a better answer.

I think I can explain.

Some people are content at being loners and with their own company or just contained in their own small family circles, but others are what I call social animals, they enjoy socialising and participating in activities with other people outside of their own circles. I am one of those social animals.

I like to live a lifestyle that includes a wider spectrum other than just being continuously stuck how I describe in my own little box. This does not mean that social people are unhappy with their basic home lives, only that some people have a need to be more active and expand their circles of friends around them.

All these ways of life can be considered as normal, it all depends on the characters of people and what they enjoy and their need for company.

Perhaps having had an active social life with many friends back in the home countries, then moving to Thailand and suddenly finding themselves alone, perhaps no one to share experiences with or show interest in them, or with only occasional people of their own kind to converse with can come as quite a shock to their system and some can never get used to it. To fully understand, one has to try and see the situation as they do and not solely as a one way point of thinking that your ways of living is suitable for everyone and should be acceptable.

I can imagine that for someone in their 50s or older, especially for those who have always been active, perhaps still fit and young minded, and then suddenly finds themselves friendless and with nothing particular happening for them in the future, and thinking; is this the end of the road for me? Have I had my day? Must seem rather daunting and even frightening. For those who cannot understand this, must be extremely naive and self indulgent indeed.

Edited October 25, 2013 by Beetlejuice

[Patsycat]

Who fancies a pint in Edinburgh over Christmas?!!

I'll be in Edinburgh just before Christmas for exams at the university, I'll be staying at my place in the New Town and almost certainly have a few jars in the Barony Bar. I'm going to be on a tight schedule but if I can squeeze some extra time I'll let you know.

I'd kill for a Cally 80 right now.

I'm there from the 19th December till the 28th. Only day i can't have a drink is the 21st because my nephew is getting married. New Town -posh!!

Edited October 25, 2013 by Patsycat

[maxx58]

Since retiring and moving here last February the one thing that I truly miss about work (actually, the only thing) is my friends. Here I have no friends, save for my g/f. I use Skype to talk to friends from back home, but it's not the same. But I kind of expected that and I accept it. Life is about trade-offs. I'm a lone wolf anyway, so being by myself while my g/f is working is ok. When I am out and about by myself my iPod is my best friend.

[JoeThePoster]

I've got great enemies.

[beachproperty]

Friends???? Pretty deep question .....I'm am one of the lucky ones as my Wife is my best friend!

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.”

[Alwyn]

Mind your own business

[Dararasmi]

Hundreds of acquaintances. Friends? I can count them all on one hand (and still have some fingers left over).

[impulse]

There's a financial theory that I've come to believe in:

Look at your circle of friends, and generally in 5 years you will be in the median of that circle when it comes to financial status.

For me, I don't really have a life in Thailand outside of a crazy work schedule, so not much time or energy to cultivate social relationships of any nature.

Key word is cultivate, because it takes work to maintain real friendships. The work may be pleasant, but it is work nonetheless.

[FiftyTwo]

After reading all the posts, I'm not sure if this is specific to Thailand or I haven't seen the question asked before for other countries, but it seems a lonely place? Not as great as its cracked up to be?

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

There are loads of great people around to meet and hang out with. But you have to get yourself out there, they aren't going to be knocking on your door to meet you. Join a club, take Thai lessons, learn to dance. Hiking, tennis, cycling, swimming, all great ways of meeting new people and making friends.

It really is up to you.

Last week I went out in the day about 6 times, each time with different friends.

Out in the evenings twice, the rest of the time I spend with my wife and children.