Have you any friends?

[maximillian]

I think the older you get the harder it is to keep friends. I didn't understand that when I was younger and had lots of friends.

But people move around, change careers, become different, and so on.

If you want to lose most of your friends, make some money. Then because you are such close friends they won't understand why you won't finance their latest business idea or bail them out of their debts. They also get jealous or they don't feel they belong even though you don't treat them differently. That's the last you see of them.

I think it is harder and harder to have close friends the older you get and you no longer work or see many people regularly at the same level.

But then my impression of most expats is that they are loners. I think it takes a bit of that to uproot from the home country and relocate.

Never sure, I fully agree with you.

Let me tell my story. Had a kayak for sale about 3.5 years ago. A guy turned up in shabby clothes, unshaved, totooed, long hair moustache.

He bought my kayak and we agreed to go kayaking together. He American, me German, both 60 plus. Two guys who couldn't be more different.

He a fan of the Tea Party, Sarah Palin, G.W.Bush and Fox News, me a leftist. Believe it or not, we became best friends, mostly argueing hard but always had mysteriously been attracted to each other. When he died, part of myself died with him. I'm still missing him a lot.

He was a charming womanizer, a drug adict and he had friends and a Thai wife who I didn't like. But for some unexplainable reason I loved him. My best friend died too soon leaving a big empty hole.

[maximillian]

On Friendship

Kahlil Gibran

Your friend is your needs answered.

He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.

And he is your board and your fireside.

For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.

When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay."

And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;

For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;

For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.

For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.

And let your best be for your friend.

If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.

For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?

Seek him always with hours to live.

For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.

And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.

For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

[n210mp]

Coincidentally this topic has been on my mind now for a little while, the reason is that I feel the need to have some or even just one "quality" friends such as I have had in the past but cannot seem to find the right material here in Pattaya!

I am not a user of the bars here, nor am I a butterfly and much prefer visiting friends for a meal and a few drinks (and of course they coming to us) just like my Thai lady wife and I did in the UK before we retired to our house over here.

I feel that to have a friend is not to "use" him or her for uncertainties or insurance purposes but to be able to "communicate" on a similar intellectual level and to share a "moral" code that means that there will always be an understanding or respect,

If you are lucky enough to have such a friend or indeed friends, then the good times and the bad ones can be shared.

I also think that if you wish to find friends then you must put yourself about in the right places, this is not to say that the right places are Walking street lady bars or massage parlours.

The right places may be Gyms, golf society's, card clubs like bridge or Canasta , various athletic sports clubs and the many charities that abound here .

Before you can cultivate a relationship or friendship you must put something in to making yourself available to be "lucky," like enthusiasm and buying an entry ticket.

In other words you will need to get off your backside and look for those people who are around , it may well be the key to turning a lonely and increasingly intellectually and unstimulated lonely life around.

As I get older I accept and realise that I may well be past the "Friending" stage but live in hope that somewhere out there, will be someone that operates on the same vibes that I do

Up to now I have failed miserably in making friends of the quality that I am looking for and have had to accept that it may well be my own fault because as I become older I seem to have become lazier and more cynical to a point that makes finding good friends impossible.

On the other hand it may well be that to have no friends here is better than having friends that you do not respect!

To summarise I have a couple of friends here in Pattaya and they know who they are but the rest are merely acquaintances just stocking fillers who I expect nothing from and who may well expect nothing from me.

Like many other posters on this thread I am married to my best friend and although loving a game of golf with my golf buddies, which takes me away from home and her, I am happy to live my life around my wife and what makes her happy.

Do miss a good debate though, maybe that's why I come on here eh?

I live 40 minutes from pattaya (sriracha) Next year I will retire down to Had samran (near Trang) going to open a fishing club for anyone who wants to come down and do deep sea fishing .Maybe will make some good friends . who knows. Have a English man down there waiting for me to come down. He will be a great friend by the way his manner is .

One of my "intentions" when deciding to retire here with my lady wife was by another coincidence to start doing some sea fishing Kevvy and although I do keep myself busy I intend , sooner rather than later to do just that, so when you get there maybe we can have a days fishing?

By the way where is Had samran or indeed Trang?

PS just found it on "Earth" seems the best way to get there from Pattaya would be straight across the sea eh?

Edited October 26, 2013 by n210mp

[maximillian]

chrisinth:

Excellent post VF, once again. I think your viewpoint is very similar to mine, enjoy the friendships of the time and move on to a new chapter of your life, new characters.

I can never understand people who insist that the only true friends that they have ever had come from their home towns, formed through childhood. No doubt they are still friends to these believers, but people and situations continually change in this world of ours.

Everyone to their own, but me personally wouldn't trust anyone that I haven't seen for many years, supposed true friend or not.............

BTW, currently there are about 6 people that I would consider true friends, this number has been a constant throughout my life when I think about it. The number remains the same, the people change.

Six friends ? You must consider yourself very, very lucky !

[kevvy]

Coincidentally this topic has been on my mind now for a little while, the reason is that I feel the need to have some or even just one "quality" friends such as I have had in the past but cannot seem to find the right material here in Pattaya!

I am not a user of the bars here, nor am I a butterfly and much prefer visiting friends for a meal and a few drinks (and of course they coming to us) just like my Thai lady wife and I did in the UK before we retired to our house over here.

I feel that to have a friend is not to "use" him or her for uncertainties or insurance purposes but to be able to "communicate" on a similar intellectual level and to share a "moral" code that means that there will always be an understanding or respect,

If you are lucky enough to have such a friend or indeed friends, then the good times and the bad ones can be shared.

I also think that if you wish to find friends then you must put yourself about in the right places, this is not to say that the right places are Walking street lady bars or massage parlours.

The right places may be Gyms, golf society's, card clubs like bridge or Canasta , various athletic sports clubs and the many charities that abound here .

Before you can cultivate a relationship or friendship you must put something in to making yourself available to be "lucky," like enthusiasm and buying an entry ticket.

In other words you will need to get off your backside and look for those people who are around , it may well be the key to turning a lonely and increasingly intellectually and unstimulated lonely life around.

As I get older I accept and realise that I may well be past the "Friending" stage but live in hope that somewhere out there, will be someone that operates on the same vibes that I do

Up to now I have failed miserably in making friends of the quality that I am looking for and have had to accept that it may well be my own fault because as I become older I seem to have become lazier and more cynical to a point that makes finding good friends impossible.

On the other hand it may well be that to have no friends here is better than having friends that you do not respect!

To summarise I have a couple of friends here in Pattaya and they know who they are but the rest are merely acquaintances just stocking fillers who I expect nothing from and who may well expect nothing from me.

Like many other posters on this thread I am married to my best friend and although loving a game of golf with my golf buddies, which takes me away from home and her, I am happy to live my life around my wife and what makes her happy.

Do miss a good debate though, maybe that's why I come on here eh?

I live 40 minutes from pattaya (sriracha) Next year I will retire down to Had samran (near Trang) going to open a fishing club for anyone who wants to come down and do deep sea fishing .Maybe will make some good friends . who knows. Have a English man down there waiting for me to come down. He will be a great friend by the way his manner is .

One of my "intentions" when deciding to retire here with my lady wife was by another coincidence to start doing some sea fishing Kevvy and although I do keep myself busy I intend , sooner rather than later to do just that, so when you get there maybe we can have a days fishing?

By the way where is Had samran or indeed Trang?

PS just found it on "Earth" seems the best way to get there from Pattaya would be straight across the sea eh?

When we go down as we have brought 7 rai of beachfront land , we fly . Drove once and it took 10 hours. it is safe down there as well , no trouble with the insurgents .They are 3 hours away . I will build a new house and buy a good boat..EARLY NEXT YEAR. What a great way to make new friends..

I will offer deep sea fishing to anyone who is interested to come down for a holiday . just post me and I will keep everybody up to date with pictures as well. I will call it the southern anglers deep sea fishing club.

Anyone is welcome , just post me and I will reply.

KEVVY

Edited October 26, 2013 by kevvy

[myluckythai]

I have lived my entire adult life in Thailand and learned long ago that relationships are very transient. Before email, when people left the country to work elsewhere, you simply lost touch.

I have never been the clingy or needy type, so I simply feel grateful for the time I share with people and move on when they leave, for whatever reason. I have always known a lot of people socially, but my wife is the only one I would ever ask anything of. She is my best friend.

Excellent post VF, once again. I think your viewpoint is very similar to mine, enjoy the friendships of the time and move on to a new chapter of your life, new characters.

I can never understand people who insist that the only true friends that they have ever had come from their home towns, formed through childhood. No doubt they are still friends to these believers, but people and situations continually change in this world of ours.

Everyone to their own, but me personally wouldn't trust anyone that I haven't seen for many years, supposed true friend or not.............

BTW, currently there are about 6 people that I would consider true friends, this number has been a constant throughout my life when I think about it. The number remains the same, the people change.

yuup, same as villagefarang stated

Edited October 26, 2013 by myluckythai

[myluckythai]

Friends tssssssssssssssss. who needs m. they all have a certain point where they can not be trusted any more. Only see ´m as people i know and like better than others and go along for a while, but wait until they benefit more when leaving or cheating you , than they do in staying true.

look at my post #95

now this is a topic nobody can claim to be more of an expert than an other...I like that.. i understand your point of view. I have people i go along with for most of my life. One of m more 30 years. this might be called a friend, but it is only because forgiveness is a big word in this relationship that it endured. Things happened along these years that took the better part of the relationship away and only for the sake of long long memeries and adventures and sharing innerthoughts together i suppose it still might be called a friend, but both of us (my friend and me) know there have been matters occuring that will never be forgotten and made me see a friend is only as much as a word, with no true value , and yes i would easily walk away from this guy too if hat is the smarter thing to do for me. For me the true value is in my family, but i understand that this is a lot different for many , as their families are the ones breaking m down. To me really trusting people who have no unbreakable connection with me is a foolish thing.

Thanks for the great post. Understand.

Thank you too. your post made me think about this and maybe i gotten a little cynical throughout the years. It makes me wonder if it is not time for me to reevaluate things . great posts all! never too shy to see another one's view on matters and reflect them on my way of living.

[transam]

A wife is no more a friend than any one else when she decides to do something else. I have the T-shirt from a 25 year relationship with a lady. We were two peas in a pod. worried about each other all the time, then suddenly.......BANG..........she wanted to do something different and our cuddly love disappeared, went up in smoke.

Same as your health, you or I do not know whats around the corner.

Sorry if I sound grim but it is reality. I have been there.

[myluckythai]

A wife is no more a friend than any one else when she decides to do something else. I have the T-shirt from a 25 year relationship with a lady. We were two peas in a pod. worried about each other all the time, then suddenly.......BANG..........she wanted to do something different and our cuddly love disappeared, went up in smoke.

Same as your health, you or I do not know whats around the corner.

Sorry if I sound grim but it is reality. I have been there.

so true. one day you love each other, the other day you can ask yourself how did i ever love this woman.. surprising to me still. No matter who you are with , firends, someone you just met or whoever at the moment, cherish it for what it is now and keep it as a sweet memory when it has past by. that way you never have to be dissapointed when it does

[GuestHouse]

This thread is certainly an eye opener and quite depressing in some aspects.

Back in Farangland, socially, what we considered normal was visiting friends at their homes, they would in turn visit us, go out socially together as husband and wife couples, with our kids, and so on. There were always people to chat to, my wife had her close friends, I had my close friends and we were all more like an extended family group rather than just friends. Occasions such as Christmas and New Years, we would usually meet and enjoy the events together. There was always something happening, somewhere.

But it`s not always like that over here and for those who are not loners, this could be considered as the downside of living in Thailand for the long term. I have known many who after a couple of years had fell into despair and had decided that this sort of lifestyle and Thailand is not for them and then returned to their home countries.

Here is a good opportunity for some business entrepreneurs. Possibly a sort of meeting website (not dating) exclusively for ex-pats seeking other compatible ex-pats for friendship and a bit of socialising. Judging by many of these posts, there is certainly a need for something a long on this basis. Perhaps even Thai visa could pioneer something on similar lines as a forum?

I met best friend in Thailand via TVF, shortly before he was banned.

I can happily say it was not my loss.

[transam]

A wife is no more a friend than any one else when she decides to do something else. I have the T-shirt from a 25 year relationship with a lady. We were two peas in a pod. worried about each other all the time, then suddenly.......BANG..........she wanted to do something different and our cuddly love disappeared, went up in smoke.

Same as your health, you or I do not know whats around the corner.

Sorry if I sound grim but it is reality. I have been there.

so true. one day you love each other, the other day you can ask yourself how did i ever love this woman.. surprising to me still. No matter who you are with , firends, someone you just met or whoever at the moment, cherish it for what it is now and keep it as a sweet memory when it has past by. that way you never have to be dissapointed when it does

May I add, that lady in my post was the love of MY life, perhaps still is, l don't know, BUT, my point is in reply to the topic, do you (REALLY) have any friends.

[GuestHouse]

A wife is no more a friend than any one else when she decides to do something else. I have the T-shirt from a 25 year relationship with a lady. We were two peas in a pod. worried about each other all the time, then suddenly.......BANG..........she wanted to do something different and our cuddly love disappeared, went up in smoke.

Same as your health, you or I do not know whats around the corner.

Sorry if I sound grim but it is reality. I have been there.

It was my last day in the UK before an assignment in Singapore, I was spending the night at a hotel near the airport just as I was checking out a guy about my age walked up to the desk asking for a room, he looked a mess.

His clothes were a mess, he had a suitcase and a black plastic bin liner filled with stuff, I don't know what, and he had clearly been crying. I went out to my car to load my cases while the receptionist dealt with the guy's check-in.

When I came back in he was heading for the lift, the receptionist a middle aged black lady saw me looking at him.

As I approached the desk to pay my bill, she said to me 'Poor dear we get a lot like that' - I responded 'thrown out I guess', she said 'yes, thrown out'.

I paid my bill.

Ten minutes later I came back and handed the receptionist a pack of beers and asked her if she'd send them up the guy who''d just checked in, I added a note 'From a stranger - a friend will turn up'.

The receptionist said to me, in front of everyone at the desk, come here you, you're having a hug - and I did get a hug.

Transam's point is a very valid one - and ask around its when guys have placed all their emotional and social capital into a relationship which eventually falls apart that they learn who their real friend is.

Someone who gives them a sofa to sleep on, lends them a car, or some money to get buy. I hope maybe a stranger who buys some beers.

Its likely to be someone you did not expect would come across with the goods, and it sure as hell won't be the person who you are now in a legal battle for your life's savings, home and perhaps kids.

Edited October 26, 2013 by GuestHouse

[i claudius]

this must be a old fart problem..

No, it's a socially inadequate problem.

As for the guys who only have their wife as a friend, when she dumps you you'll be really, really sad!

To be honest ,you sound a very sad sort of person ,been dumped?

[arthurwait]

this must be a old fart problem..

No, it's a socially inadequate problem.

As for the guys who only have their wife as a friend, when she dumps you you'll be really, really sad!

To be honest ,you sound a very sad sort of person ,been dumped?

Tommo Fifty two doesn't mix with other farangs as they are all married to prostitutes and he doesn't believe any farang can have Thai friends, so.......

[Indrid Cold]

i have one real friend, he is back where im from. i consider him a real friend because he is the only one contacting me just to hear how i am. a couple of semi friends too but they only answer when spoken to first. one man here that might develope to real friendship, he is thai and apears not feel uncomfortable in any way around me, he even trusts me with his 6 month baby for short trips to some shop.

[chrisinth]

chrisinth:

Excellent post VF, once again. I think your viewpoint is very similar to mine, enjoy the friendships of the time and move on to a new chapter of your life, new characters.

I can never understand people who insist that the only true friends that they have ever had come from their home towns, formed through childhood. No doubt they are still friends to these believers, but people and situations continually change in this world of ours.

Everyone to their own, but me personally wouldn't trust anyone that I haven't seen for many years, supposed true friend or not.............

BTW, currently there are about 6 people that I would consider true friends, this number has been a constant throughout my life when I think about it. The number remains the same, the people change.

Six friends ? You must consider yourself very, very lucky !

Yes, i do. This is 6 people who i know that would have my back at any given moment. 6 people who know where the bodies are buried.

6 true friends. There are some people who don't even have that many friends........................

[kevvy]

There is always one to start the rot... Well we all had a good start . Did everyone feel good about this thread I know I did and have had a few posts sent to me . Maybe this has made people think a little more about friendship ,

KEVVY

[AYJAYDEE]

chrisinth:

Excellent post VF, once again. I think your viewpoint is very similar to mine, enjoy the friendships of the time and move on to a new chapter of your life, new characters.

I can never understand people who insist that the only true friends that they have ever had come from their home towns, formed through childhood. No doubt they are still friends to these believers, but people and situations continually change in this world of ours.

Everyone to their own, but me personally wouldn't trust anyone that I haven't seen for many years, supposed true friend or not.............

BTW, currently there are about 6 people that I would consider true friends, this number has been a constant throughout my life when I think about it. The number remains the same, the people change.

Six friends ? You must consider yourself very, very lucky !

Yes, i do. This is 6 people who i know that would have my back at any given moment. 6 people who know where the bodies are buried.

6 true friends. There are some people who don't even have that many friends........................

5 or 6 TRUE friends sounds about right. I doubt many folks can say they have many more than that.

[transam]

Must say thank you to some guys above who know me and my life. Perhaps ''Mr.Average'' is a real eye opener to ones thoughts about the OP, imagine having a ''friend'' like him in your life. Noooooooooooo thanks, I think.

[StreetCowboy]

...

Yes, i do. This is 6 people who i know that would have my back at any given moment. 6 people who know where the bodies are buried.

...

Boddies in the kitchen, Tennents under the stairs, you're a veritable Fred West. I'd have probably not mentioned that on a public forum

SC

[Patsycat]

[theblether]

When do you arrive in Edinburgh Patsy? I think I'm flying to Prague December 8th.

[StreetCowboy]

When do you arrive in Edinburgh Patsy? I think I'm flying to Prague December 8th.

Patsy, GH:

Any chance of postponing to after Hogmanay? I could perhaps wangle a trip in the early part of the New Year

SC

[Patsycat]

I should arrive on the 19th December until the 28th. My nephew is getting married on the 21st and the rest is being a maid to mother.

Not booked the sleasy jet yet, will do tomorrow.

About friends, i may get in touch with one who i shared a flat with all those years ago.. will be fun. We shared the flat when we were 20, now we are 50!!!

Edited October 26, 2013 by Patsycat

[theblether]

My plans are in flux Patsy, I may still be here at Christmas, I'll let you know. I love Edinburgh at Christmas on a sharp frosty night. Beautiful.

[AYJAYDEE]

My plans are in flux Patsy, I may still be here at Christmas, I'll let you know. I love Edinburgh at Christmas on a sharp frosty night. Beautiful.

i love edinburgh period. one of the lovliest cities i've ever been to

[Patsycat]

Go to the Dome on George Street, all the lights and stuff.

[Patsycat]

New topic - apreciation of Edinburgh!! With loads of friends.

Edited October 26, 2013 by Patsycat

[AYJAYDEE]

New topic - apreciation of Edinburgh!! With loads of friends.

i can get behind that

[GuestHouse]

When do you arrive in Edinburgh Patsy? I think I'm flying to Prague December 8th.

Patsy, GH:

Any chance of postponing to after Hogmanay? I could perhaps wangle a trip in the early part of the New Year

SC

My schedule is set by exams in the first two weeks of December, I'm flying out to Thailand as soon as I can thereafter - but if I can ask anyone who gets this running to drop me a PM, I'll do what I can to join the PARTY.