Have you any friends?

[bra]

A famous quote from Oscar Wilde is "A man can never be too careful in choosing his enemies." I think the same applies to friends. I worked in Malaysia for 8 years and made many friends at work and running with the Hash House Harriers.

The problem with the HHH is that the expats only stayed for 2 to 3 years, then work took them elsewhere. However the good part was that the Malaysian (mostly Chinese) friends were permanent - and contrary to some opinion they were very warm hearted and would go out of their way to help.

Not sure about Thailand as I am about to get married (to a Thai) and move there. It could be harder - language, customs etc but I am learning. It is of course easier for an English speaker to make friends in Malaysia as everyone speaks the language.

[yimlitnoy]

It is good to know that it is the same for everyone here, each sailing on a little boat, only occasionally stopping in the same port.

[jacko45k]

I had two here.

One guy knew he couldn't deal with living here, he went home.

The other thought he could deal with living here, he went crazy.

(My girl and my dog are doing fine, though. Both good friends, both answer when I call.)

I got a cat and she runs when I go near!

[villagefarang]

Some view friends as people who will risk life and limb, even financial ruin, to come bail you out when you screwup. I on the other hand would never think of imposing on a friend. I feel I have a responsibility to not be a burden to others.

I also feel there is often what I call misplaced loyalty or being too loyal, to the point where you become an enabler of bad and inexcusable behavior. Friends should encourage better behavior, not make excuses for bad behavior. But that is just my opinion.

[Dap]

Yes

[Beetlejuice]

We find the people of our dreams
We find that they're not what they seem
I've learned that people come and go
I've learned that families break and grow

[Dave Phuket Sisaket]

This is an interesting one. I thought I'd chime in because I feel like I have loads of "real" friends. Even though I don't really drink anymore, many of them are in fact ex-drinking buddies or co-workers. Yet now we will go for a run or just catch up for a chat. I have seen the proverbial fan hit for many of my friends and have seen them there for each other when it counted. Granted I moved out here in my twenties so maybe it is not a Thailand thing but an age thing? Also in Phuket there are so many expats, and while the ratios of low-lifes to good people may be as high as 10:1, you just have to choose carefully and not based on who is a good laugh. However in Sisaket I have met many expats who I could see becoming "real" friends given enough time spent together. I think time spent together is a big part of developing trust and maybe it gets harder as you get older because you are not working, or not as restless to be out doing something.

Anyways that's my two cents. If you feel lacking in the friends department I suggest finding a hobby that can be done in groups, such as golfing, hash house harriers, bridge, etc. Even just getting one of your drinking buddies to get off his arse and go walking for a half hour with you a few times a week is a way to start to develop a real friendship. A real friend should help you make positive changes in your life and be uplifting, and you can start that up by helping someone else. This is why drinking buddies aren't normally considered "real", since you generally just help each other into a hangover. Not that you can't have fun and get pissed with your real friends, but there should be more to it than just that..

[jackflash]

Impulse,

> Look at your circle of friends, and generally in 5 years you will be in the median of that circle when it comes to financial status.

Thanks for that. It gives me much to think about.

I avoid all my rich friends (I feel uncomfortable to be with them, and we have little in common now)

and those few friends remaining are very poor.

As I said, much to think about.

[AbeSurd]

Oh, yes, I have absolutely the best friends in the world who love reading what I post on ThaiVisa.

[PEP]

"Friends"!

Many friends are like underpants!

Some snap under pressure.
Some don't have the pressure to hold you up.
Some get a little twisted.
Some are your favourites.
Some are holey.
Some are cheap and nasty.
But the good ones cover your arse when you need them.
(And of course do not forget the ones that are occasionally full of crap.)

[boone57]

They say no man is an island. But coming from a dysfunctional family and having been stabbed in the back many times over the years, I find solitude quite embracing. Although I tend to disagree with everything I say, and yearn for someone with a few brains to talk to. Seriously, though, when you lead a fairly peripatetic life, even if it's within a particular society (night shift workers in a strange city might understand), true friends can be hard to find, and you tend to fall back on your workmates for solace and advice. I lost a very old friend recently when he slipped his mental moorings, and now people are really just ships in the night to me. No, I'm not an island, but I'm also not writing SOS messages in the sand, either.

Well written. Is that all your own stuff? If so, do you have any more acticles on the web?

I am the USS Thaitanic, listing at about 15 degrees but starting to straighen out.

[boone57]

With friends like mine, who needs enemies?

[metisdead]

A flame post has been removed.

[NoshowJones]

Had one other ferang that lived on the other side of my village, we were friends, didnt live in each others pockets but took time out once a week for a coffee and a chat and put the worlds to right. Sadly he died 2 years ago, miss him alot.

This post also applies to me Charlie, the only other Farang who lived in my village was also a friend until about three years ago, he was a drunk among other things, and started saying nasty things to me. He died about four weeks ago and I certainly do not miss him.

[godden]

As they say God gave you your relations thank God you can choose your friends.

[NoshowJones]

If you live like myself upcountry it can be difficult to find friends,acquaintances can be easier to come by but friends are different,I've been here 4 years although not full time due to work commitments and in that time I have found 1 real good friend.

Also I'm considerably younger than the majority of expats up here in Phetchabun and that makes it harder.

It can be a lonely place for some often turning to drink and in some cases drugs.

I'm surprised by the number of expats who live up here but often speak very little Thai after many years,in some cases their native tongue is German or French and they speak very little English as well,this must make life a struggle at times,especially in the marital home where by neither partner speaks much of each other's respective languages.

Combine al this with a lack of western foods,bars or restaurants as well as very little in the way of facilities such as swimming pools,it all makes for a recipe for disaster.

Many people live reclusive lives surrounded by people they grow to detest,can't communicate with and to top it all they've invested everything they have in building the dream home.

Seeking and finding friends up here can often uncover some very miserable people with very miserable lives.

Sad but true.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

I do see your point as I came across a couple of no users, But I have to say the biggest majority of expats I see regularly are good decent people, most of them are English, I am always made welcome anytime I go to see them.

[NoshowJones]

In Thailand? No only friends you can not trust .

If there was anyone I could not trust they would not be my friend.

[mrtoad]

The other thing, that people forget is that some are better at making friends than others. I'd guess, that it is easier to meet like minded people when you are a bit younger here, than being plonked in a village in Nakhon Nowhere at the age of 60, surrounded only by your GF or Wife's family. I have been lucky to have been members of sports clubs, so played football and Cricket whilst living in Bangkok, that was a good way to meet people, and I have several good friends from that. In Koh Chang again, we have a social cricket team , which plays every Sunday, so it was a good way again to meet people. I work with some really nice people, but I separate my work life from my social life, as it is healthier that way.

[oxo1947]

Its difficult for those who do not participate to understand---- but after living in 4 different countries (shortest time 14 years---here) I have found a fitness center really is a good place to meet--& make friends, a bar the worse.

[mjef]

I suggest you start jogging at Suan Lumpini (Lumpini Park). There are hundreds of people there of all ages, all there to somehow pass time or relax or work out a little bit. You can find both farang and Thai friends if that's what you're looking for. On my first visit I found a group of Thai friends who were practicing aerobic. Joined them and they accepted me as a friend. I see them and talk to them almost everyday. I'm much happier since I met them!

[Familyonthemove]

Yes. Very lucky to have good friends. Mostly Thai and Indian,:some Korean and some Brit from a previous job. All originally work related but now true friends. But if it was not for my job giving new opportunities I would provably only have two or three friends here.

Sent from my i-mobile IQ XA using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[thaidelight]

Friends?...good question....and something i have been grabbling with since moving to thailand....are men and womens needs different regarding friendships?

this is my first post on tv....so be gentle with me...

i am someone who has travelled extensively, female, lived in 3 continents and have always found making friends easy . However time, distance and maturing in years takes its toll and you suddenly find yourself in thailand..without good friends around. I realize the older i get the pickier i am about whom i want to spend time with...and living in an expat community has limitations with regards to friendships....and the question does come up...who would be there for you in an emergency?...a sobering thought at times

i guess being a guy here many of you have thai wives/gfs and their friends and families which gives you 'instant' friendships

i am alarmed to find myself spending hrs on the net talking to 'cyber' friends...what happened to the real world?? i am turning into one of those people i would have laughed at a year ago....

So anyone in Hua Hin who would like a coffee or chat drop me a line(or anyone else in other places in thailand who feel like a chat on skype or whatever)...everyone has an interesting story to tell...and i am no exception...and love a laugh!

At least i am trying...:)

[Familyonthemove]

Friends?...good question....and something i have been grabbling with since moving to thailand....are men and womens needs different regarding friendships?

this is my first post on tv....so be gentle with me...

i am someone who has travelled extensively, female, lived in 3 continents and have always found making friends easy . However time, distance and maturing in years takes its toll and you suddenly find yourself in thailand..without good friends around. I realize the older i get the pickier i am about whom i want to spend time with...and living in an expat community has limitations with regards to friendships....and the question does come up...who would be there for you in an emergency?...a sobering thought at times

i guess being a guy here many of you have thai wives/gfs and their friends and families which gives you 'instant' friendships

i am alarmed to find myself spending hrs on the net talking to 'cyber' friends...what happened to the real world?? i am turning into one of those people i would have laughed at a year ago....

So anyone in Hua Hin who would like a coffee or chat drop me a line(or anyone else in other places in thailand who feel like a chat on skype or whatever)...everyone has an interesting story to tell...and i am no exception...and love a laugh!

At least i am trying...

I understand how travel and distance can strain old friendships. I still keep in touch with old friends on the 'net .... but have made real friends here - and I don't mean girl friends though some of my friends happen to be female. The key thing for me is avoiding ex-pat zones. Friends can come from any country .... and some of new local friends (now with over 5 years history) are stronger friendships than I had back "home". Be choosy .... yes ..... but also be open.

[planetdweller]

If you live like myself upcountry it can be difficult to find friends,acquaintances can be easier to come by but friends are different,I've been here 4 years although not full time due to work commitments and in that time I have found 1 real good friend.

Also I'm considerably younger than the majority of expats up here in Phetchabun and that makes it harder.

It can be a lonely place for some often turning to drink and in some cases drugs.

I'm surprised by the number of expats who live up here but often speak very little Thai after many years,in some cases their native tongue is German or French and they speak very little English as well,this must make life a struggle at times,especially in the marital home where by neither partner speaks much of each other's respective languages.

Combine al this with a lack of western foods,bars or restaurants as well as very little in the way of facilities such as swimming pools,it all makes for a recipe for disaster.

Many people live reclusive lives surrounded by people they grow to detest,can't communicate with and to top it all they've invested everything they have in building the dream home.

Seeking and finding friends up here can often uncover some very miserable people with very miserable lives.

Sad but true.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Very interesting. I've always suspected living in Thailand would be much the way you've described it. It's why I am not likely to make the move , although I am already retired. Been to LOS many , many times but I'm always aware of the downsides as I observe everything around me. And , as easygoing as I am ( and a non-drinker ) I have felt some very bad vibes from time to time from the xenophobes.

[planetdweller]

My definition of a friend is someone you respect , trust and have a good time sharing tall tales with. Someone who just likes you as a human and vice versa. Astonishingly hard to come by people like this.

[tobikoproject]

i've been an expat now for ten years - working in various asian countries sometimes finding annual working contracts and in-between doing other things, and yes it's not easy having to move all the time, leaving new/old friends behind, making new ones along the way. i like to keep my friends back home and from school on fb, it's fun to see what others are doing. someday i hope to plant myself somewhere on this planet, but it seems i like the expat way of things (sometimes) but other times i find myself flying back home and the friends i had there all move on too, or are doing the same thing ten years ago. i chose this career path to (get out) and see things, being an expat offers a lot of advantages - living in different cultures and meeting interesting and sometimes not interesting people, but at the same time it has disadvantages; one is the struggle of locating work near the end of a contract and then having to leave friends behind, the other downside is living far from home you would think the experiences you have to share will ring joy and excitement to friends and family back home, but some families are not keen or open to the idea you are doing the things you enjoy and it's unfortunate that my family doesn't accept me for what i have chosen to do in my life. i tried to share my experiences back home, but my family have really never stayed away from home as long as i have and they don't speak to me as much as most of my friends who speak to their family often. so i am finding your true and closest friends are really your family. making new friends is important, but trusting the people you meet along your journeys are more important. i have lost everything i have by being way to generous to the new people i meet. i'm soon off to live and work in china - that will be a whole new experience, i've visited china, but think i might find myself having the same feelings as being friendless... being in thailand does offer the same feeling, yes you meet people for a short time, but then your alone again. having a partner helps but by the time you find yourself distraught by meeting people, not being able to have a conversation in your own language too can make things feel isolated, so it helps to know people you can talk to in your own language, especially your own interests too. one suggestion i have learned is to socialize with the people around you; if your a teacher - i found it's sometimes fun to socialize with your students and maybe their family. i have had that experience when i worked in japan, korea and india and it helps not feel so alone. most of the jobs i had earlier in my expat career i found myself the only expat in that workplace; that was not easy too. so finding a job where you feel more connected helps when you are not the only expat, or joining a recreational activity helps meeting new people and eventually making new friends; visiting places, museums, bookshops, libraries, or other public places helps make you feel not so isolated. so try to get out more and do things!

Edited October 26, 2013 by tobikoproject

[rotary]

I will have to hire mourners for my funeral!

[planetdweller]

I will have to hire mourners for my funeral!

With your obvious sense of humor , I'd be surprised if you didn't have some good friends. Alt of people are drawn to those who are witty , I know I am.

Good post !!

[anto]

I will have to hire mourners for my funeral!

I have always been of the view ,the less people at my funeral the better .( not that it will make any difference then anyway lol )

[FiftyTwo]

i guess being a guy here many of you have thai wives/gfs and their friends and families which gives you 'instant' friendships

Nah, a rented wife isn't your friend, their relatives certainly aren't your friends either.

Most of the time they actively get in the way of you having friends.