Hi well this is a source of great distress to me so I thought I'd ask you all. I regularly have to sit on boats - large longtails that take us off and around the island. They are nearly always packed with people and there is NO TOILET !!!!!!

My greatest fear is having one of those stomach rumbling moments (we're talking number 2's here)when you just CANNOT wait - what on earth would you do?????? I was close once and I considered pretending I had fallen into the sea !!!!!!!!

What would you do?

Seonai

Seonai,

Sorry just noticed you'd crossed to the other side - congrats!

And your question is kinda tough, I bet some of the regulars here might have some "creative" ideas for you.

Explorer

Regulars !!!!!!!!!!!

attachmentid=9327] One of these might help...

You might want to consider wearing diapers (for adults) if you're afraid of a 'bottom accident' on a boattrip...

BTW: are these packed longtailboats carrying life-vests? Those waters can be very rough sometimes, especially in the monsoon period (but you know better than me); I would want to carry 1 myself...

LaoPo

Yes Lao Po there are life jackets since the last boat sank last year killing 11 islanders. I had to sit at the front today as inside was ridiculous.

Don't think I would look very cool wearing a diaper on the boat though

God Tax - GROSSSSSSS !!!!!!

are you suffering from stool leakage anxiety , sudden and accidental bismark sinking misery , uncontrollable turtle head appearances , touching cloth without warning , or the sudden and uninvited arrival of mr. brown ?

what you need is one of these artificial <deleted>.

would make an ideal birthday or xmas gift for a loved one with an embarassing problem.

it is a handpump operated sphincter muscle , yours for only $300 , from turd -u- like trading ltd.

this week only , 10kilos of prunes free with every purchase.

But wait there's more -

If you were to order in the next 15 mins, the adult diapers and the magical cork will be yours at no charge. So ORDER NOW!

Explorer

are you suffering from stool leakage anxiety , sudden and accidental bismark sinking misery , uncontrollable turtle head appearances , touching cloth without warning , or the sudden and uninvited arrival of mr. brown ?

what you need is one of these artificial <deleted>.

would make an ideal birthday or xmas gift for a loved one with an embarassing problem.

it is a handpump operated sphincter muscle , yours for only $300 , from turd -u- like trading ltd.

this week only , 10kilos of prunes free with every purchase.

That actualy sounded like an advert from Viz Magazine but if you realy are interested in this product here is the apropriate link.

www.umc-cares.org/health_info/ADAM/Articles/003983.asp

Take an ice cream cone with you.

When you feel the rumble, discreetly whirl the turd into the cone then offer the treat to the nearest tye-dye linen-wearing 'spiritual' backpacker.

Hey presto.

any quick tips on how to do that discretely in a long tail boat full of passengers.

other than that , its a sensible and practical solution to the problem.

Stop the boat so you can relieve yourself in the water...what other options can there be. Doubt the other people would mind, since the alternative is a shi*ty boat.

Just shout jep kii to the captain and wedge your arse over the bow. Short of that, try not to think of anything funny when turtle wants to poke his head out

Easy..........Lomotil.......this is coming from the 'king of cheek clenchers'.

break up half a lomotil tablet, swallow with water, also drinking a 'dioralite' solution which you can buy in most chemists for 6b, which replaces lost salts etc.. after sport....come in orange and blackcurrent flavours, very easy to drink.....not to be 'downed'...merely sipped.......

A strong laxative before going to bed and evacuate sometime during the night. Or quicker, an enema before you leave. I understand coffee enemas are good for you, then you can get your caffeine kick at the same time.

Take an ice cream cone with you.

When you feel the rumble, discreetly whirl the turd into the cone then offer the treat to the nearest tye-dye linen-wearing 'spiritual' backpacker.

Hey presto.

any quick tips on how to do that discretely in a long tail boat full of passengers.

other than that , its a sensible and practical solution to the problem.

actually, there's no need to be discreet. the spiritual backpacker wont mind. their mouths are usually full of shit anyway.

Take an ice cream cone with you.

When you feel the rumble, discreetly whirl the turd into the cone then offer the treat to the nearest tye-dye linen-wearing 'spiritual' backpacker.

Hey presto.

any quick tips on how to do that discretely in a long tail boat full of passengers.

other than that , its a sensible and practical solution to the problem.

actually, there's no need to be discreet. the spiritual backpacker wont mind. their mouths are usually full of shit anyway.

Not very stylish to write such a sentence. The OP is a Lady

LaoPo

You might want to consider wearing diapers (for adults) if you're afraid of a 'bottom accident' on a boattrip...

I believe the brand of choice in Thailand is 'An-An' adult diapers - An-An apparently means shit in Persian... can anyone verify that for me? I was only told that by some kid on a school bus trip, and have always wondered if it was true or not.

Stop the boat so you can relieve yourself in the water...what other options can there be. Doubt the other people would mind, since the alternative is a shi*ty boat.

Then you either have wet or skid-marked pants . . .

Hmm, uncomfortable position to be in.

Take an ice cream cone with you.

When you feel the rumble, discreetly whirl the turd into the cone then offer the treat to the nearest tye-dye linen-wearing 'spiritual' backpacker.

Hey presto.

any quick tips on how to do that discretely in a long tail boat full of passengers.

other than that , its a sensible and practical solution to the problem.

actually, there's no need to be discreet. the spiritual backpacker wont mind. their mouths are usually full of shit anyway.

Not very stylish to write such a sentence. The OP is a Lady

LaoPo

So am I.............

........only on Tuesday's though.

ok, for any offence.

I forgot some people actually have morals.

Wear a dress

Well only since you asked, I found this in my old boys brigade manual:

Pack a large tablespoon, eat plenty of fibre, don’t go for a couple of days, ask the captain to motor slowly, hang your arse over the back, lay out your new ‘fibre’glass longboat, congrats you are now captain of the SS Logjam, use the spoon for propulsion, the icecream cone to play rule Britannia and don’t forget your etiquette with a slow Queenly hand wave to those suckers left behind.

Brigadier Cornhole Blowecheaks III

during my backpacking days around asia - i found that taking a couple of imodium or likewise before going on a long journey became the norm.. ive often found it saves agro and embarrasement if you've got or are expecting the $hit$

its never failed me

i would just deficate over the side of the boat, ive been in that situation before, it s not very fun.

I was on the bottom deck at the back ready to do it there.

But i made it.

Guys, this is a "Family Show" and the OP is a lady...... OK ???

so what , i'm sure her xxxx stinks just as much as anybody elses.

I mean if you were really on a local ferry boat, what on earth would you do if you had to go to the toilet???????? It is a possibility. You could not possibly "hang your bottom over the side" with 40 people looking on could you?????????????? And then there are the logistics. Speed and the boat man's schedule.

Moved topic as the subject & language was getting too risque for the public area. (General Topics)

Geezus!........ Your not a Bedlam member are you Donzo?

Udon's decision to move the topic to Bedlam was just in time...

LaoPo

you are not wrong there , udon and lao po.

like the original posters underwear , this could get very messy !