Short rant, no comments required.

[tuky]

Shortish rant, no need to respond.

Yesterday was my daughter’s birthday.

I wanted to buy her a gift, so I spoke with the ex-sister in law saying I wanted to buy her an IPad so we can communicate with each other rather than through third parties.

Sister in law says don’t send an IPad as the ex-wife will only sell it.

I send money to the Grand Parents for both kids each month, not much but enough to cloth, feed and educate the kids.

So, yesterday I arrange to call my daughter to talk and wish her a happy birthday, needless to say I was pretty excited as I don’t get much communication with the kids.

Ex-wife has come from Bangkok for the birthday party.

Ex-wife gets a sniff that I am sending messages to the sister in law arranging a time.

Well that’s it, the sms abuse starts from the ex.

You suck

You are the devil

F you

I hope you die

Why do you send money to my Mum and not me? (ex lives in Bangkok/Singapore, doing god knows what, kids live with Grand parents)

Don’t believe the sister in law she is a liar.

F You

I hope you die

F you

You get the idea.

Well, I didn’t get to wish my daughter a happy birthday.

What I don’t understand is why people behave like that? For the last 5/7 years every communication from the ex is as above.

At the end of the day all it achieves is making it near on impossible for me have any communication with the kids.

If she gets a sniff that I am coming to visit the kids she is on the first bus to intercept me. And believe me, she gets violent.

I am really sick and tired of it and I miss my kids. I just wish she would move on, or time might dissipate her venom but she seems to be getting worse.

She blames all her life problems on me, her mum and her sister. Nothing is ever her own fault.

One of her favourites is to threaten legal action on me to get the two houses and car she gave to a loan shark back, from me.

(Please no “Man Up” “Go get the kids” types of comment, circumstances are not such that permits these alternatives at the moment, this is just a plain old rant as there is no one else to rant to that would believe the situation to be true other than folks familiar with Thailand).

[noikrit]

Yep that sux !! ..... Hope the kids grow up happy ......... Chokdee !

[scott1999]

Hi Tuky

You are not alone my friend. Welcome to my world. But from what I have just read the abuse has been going on for a long time now.

Anyway a belated welcome.

[tuky]

It is a shame isn't it? It doesn't have to be like that.

I don't give a hoot what she says to me, it doesn't matter one iota.

But it is the kids that suffer, they haven't done anything wrong.

[benalibina]

The kids not suffer now.....only later when they start to question and are free from manipulation.....they dont know any better........i guess....they follow the ones who look after them........sad but true in some cases !

Edited December 18, 2013 by benalibina

[krisb]

I hate how in Thailand it seems the family of children get custody over parents. I don't get it.

Tuky I wish you well on the matter. I think maybe your lucky to have a sil who speaks to you at least. Some guys don't even have that. Yep it's a tough call.

[FritsSikkink]

Get them a phone and you can communicate.

[chappie1207]

Don't know what I would do if i couldn't see my son...luckily the ex and I are on amicable grounds as we both know it's in the interest of our son

Sad story and I hope you have the chance to see them over Christmas.

As said....Chok Dee mate

[brianP]

I know a chap who gets together with the 3 ex's and all the kids from them marriages once a year. Yep, he funds the fun.

[easybullet3]

I know a chap who gets together with the 3 ex's and all the kids from them marriages once a year. Yep, he funds the fun.

i dont think that your remark was helpful. surely you have a better mind inside your head that could actually give this guy a nice piece of advice.

its far more nicer and respected to offer help than to make a witty joke about someones unfortunate situation.

[oneday]

If you decide to take a trip to see your kids, how could she find out it you tell NO ONE you are coming? By the time she does find out, you have seen them and you are on your way back home. That is unless the EX controls everyone around her and gets them to side with her, then it's a different story.

Crazy people like this are simply defective from birth and unlike in a factory you can't toss the part in the garbage bin.

[FiftyTwo]

"What I dont understand is why people behave like that? For the last 5/7 years every communication from the ex is as above.

At the end of the day all it achieves is making it near on impossible for me have any communication with the kids.

If she gets a sniff that I am coming to visit the kids she is on the first bus to intercept me. And believe me, she gets violent."

It's how nearly 40% of women (worldwide) with your children behave after a relationship breakup.

So apparently it is entirely normal. I'm not sure there is anything you can understand about it.

PS

If you do ever get to understand it, please let me know, I would also like understanding as I never managed to contact my children ever again (5 years past).

Edited December 19, 2013 by FiftyTwo

[easybullet3]

sorry for the situation, though you are not alone. I have heard such stories from people back home too.

its VERY common in the UK or USA to hear stories of fathers not being able to see their kids. many mums can always find a way to make it awkward or prevent the dad from having contact with his kids.

in thailand there is even less protection for you, so you may want to find a more creative method to see your kids.

given the fact that you are already paying monthly money to the grandparents (for the kids).. and you have already said that your ex-wife is angry with you and asking why you dont give her any money.

the fact that she is working abroad doing 'whatever' jobs,, she is obviously focused in money and emotions.

perhaps (despite your wishes) you can bite the bullet and find a way to appease your ex wife.

why dont you just give her what she wants? why dont you pretend to be sorry (for whatever she hates you for),,, say that you can give her some money too every month. do things that make her happy.

maybe you can bargain with her some 'kid time' for giving her money.

it seems she is caring about money... so give it to her.

i have no idea about your money situation, but i am sure you can find a price for it.

dont they say that everyone has a price ?

so,, if you think that seeing or speaking to your kids is worth an extra xxxx baht every month, then go ahead and do it!!

this is a country where you can pay a policeman some money to get him to do what you want!! so if thats the level you are dealing with, then go adn do it !!

PS: dont offer too much money to o fast,, coz she will get wise and need more money later.

pace yourself about how much money to give.

if you can think of another way to deal with it, then go for it.

but maybe giving her money is an easy way forward. even if it makes her feel great... at least you get to see your kids.

also: slipping the grandparents the occasional BONUS money from time to time will make them like you more!! they will like it when you slip them another xxxx baht!

the downside is that you are not raising your own kids... so they will have many of the views and habits of the grandparents or sister in law or mum.

they may be able to make their own minds up when they leave home,, but LOTS of the damage was done in the time that they were raised.

i dont know thai law.

is there no allowance for child visitation?

[WitawatWatawit]

Man I feel for you. Is there not an intermediary unknown to the ex? A sympathetic soul who can help get a smart phone to the kids? Or are you not that familiar with the area? Perhaps that person could also pass on letters and photos for you. Best of luck.

[Thaddeus]

Tuky, I know that you have been putting up with this crap for a very long time.

And all I can say is that it looks like you are going to have to put up with it for a while longer, your ex has never shown any signs of changing for the better in the past so it is unlikely she will change in the future.

But when the kids get to an age when they can make their own decisions, they will know who the good guy is.

[Dario]

In what a terrible world do we live in? How can anyone be so bad?

I feel so sorry for you and wish I could help.

I bet she's from the Isaan, please tell me if I'm wrong.

There must be some legal steps you can take in Thailand through a good lawyer, I'm pretty sure.

[ppmacready]

Hope the new guys read this rant and choose there special girl very carefully!

[superdome]

I really do feel for you Tuky....take a crumb of comfort from this...."GOD PAYS HIS DEBTS WITHOUT MONEY"...you will come out on top in the end...it may take a while...dont give up..trust me

[Suradit69]

To the O/P, sorry for you and your kids and all the kids around the world who suffer because their parents have issues of one kind or another that hurt children in ways that can never be fully understood.

I hate how in Thailand it seems the family of children get custody over parents. I don't get it.

Tuky I wish you well on the matter. I think maybe your lucky to have a sil who speaks to you at least. Some guys don't even have that. Yep it's a tough call.

"I hate how in Thailand ..."

Yes, of course, every problem known to mankind is somehow attributable to Thailand. If it weren't for Thailand, who could you blame for all the bad stuff?

[thhMan]

I know a chap who gets together with the 3 ex's and all the kids from them marriages once a year. Yep, he funds the fun.

i dont think that your remark was helpful. surely you have a better mind inside your head that could actually give this guy a nice piece of advice.

its far more nicer and respected to offer help than to make a witty joke about someones unfortunate situation.

Your joking right...

What sort of a fruity would attack a similar situation that had turned out more pleasant.

Obviously the guy had tact and intelligence and never let the situation get that bad..

[A1Str8]

Circumstances might not permit certain things but a word of advice: you should make you circumstances to be a product of you instead of being a product of them. She poisons your life and is going to continue to do so because you let it. DON'T.

My best wishes

[Loles]

Hola Tuky,

keep your chin up.

You are a very brave guy cause you wrote this sad story here, not an usually bulls__hit like, every thing is OK, I'm lord in my house, etc, etc.

My advise, if your ex works in abroad you try to build contact with grandparents, cause they are whose take care of your kids, not this woman whom behavior is under zero.

second advise: if you show to her you don't care her idiot infantile sms this only gas to the fire. Show her it hurts you and may be she thinks she reached her task.

I fill with you and especially with your kids. They are innocent and they couldn't choose their mother.

[Africanteacher]

Happy Birthday To Your Daughter!

[Andre0720]

Strange the type of women we end up with sometimes as gf or wives...

WE do make those choices....

WE...as you are certainly not the only one...

[FM505]

Tough situation.... Really sorry it's happening for you. Ex is venting her guilt. Abusive language / actions display deep unhappiness. Hopeful the GP are gracious with you.

[vadimbz]

Google for bpd, splitting, distortion campaign, etc., there are lots of articles and anecdotes online. None of them will help you,but at least you'll understand what's going on.

Consider yourself lucky - she didn't burn your house or get you locked up for rape which never happened, that's what poor lads who date/marry bpd women normally get.

[falangadang]

That's a shame my friend.

It seems clear to me that the ex wife is only interested in herself and for some weird reason gets off on demonizing you.

If she was anything like a caring and decent mother she would simply be grateful that you are not only providing for your kids but also showing care.

Many guys just cut and run and move on to the next woman without much though about existing responsibilities.

The reason you have to communicate through the sister in law and the grandmother is obvious,.. its because the ex wife can't be trusted. My advice is to NEVER send any money or anything of value to your ex as the kids wont see the benefit.

Another TV member posted earlier that "everyone has a price" and that you should find out hers and give her what she wants but IMHO that would be a monumental mistake!

I had an ex in Australia (Aussie girl) who I divorced and was then put through the wringer of the Family Law Court and lost all contact with my kids for years. I tried to contact and send cards and gifts via school and friends but she put a stop to that legally despite me having zero record of violence or any criminal record. She broke one court order after another with zero consequences!

I too thought she had a "price" and so I paid it (over a period of 3 months as it was a fair whack) and after the last payment was made she slammed down the shutters and started all the hostility again. That was 2 years after the divorce. Some years later I paid her a disputed settlement (read "framed debt" from CSA) of $25,000AUD but it didn't change a thing and I never even got a single thank you either directly or via the grapevine.

Some things in life have to be relegated to the "List of Things That Totally Suck"... and I'm sorry to say that I sense your situation could be a worthy addition to such a list.

Best wishes to you and your kids and new family

Edited December 19, 2013 by falangadang

[FritsSikkink]

"What I don’t understand is why (she) behave(s) like that?"

Because she's Thai.

Utter nonsense

[Ulic]

Just stay the course, you are doing the right thing. Keep sending money to the grand parents. Try to sneak

in and out when you can. Sounds like you have the support of the grandparents and sister in law.

Hell hath no fury ......... the ex will move on eventually when she has a new love in her life.

The kids will know the truth about you and what you have done for them. Best of luck with your

trials and tribulations.

[tingtongteesood]

Sorry to hear this. I wish ex's would do what is best for the good of the kids. Even if the parents are divorced, the kids still need to know that BOTH parents love them and are there for them despite their differences with each other. A very sad state of affairs. If this was any Western country you could probably seek help from the courts, but I doubt you would have much success here sadly