Experiences with Thai wifes,

[Kangawallafox]

As a mother to my children,the youngest just one,my wife is absolutely incredible,if she failed in that department I would take the children and leave however I can't fault her mothering skills.

As a wife she is very honest and loyal,we are never apart except when I work and she stays home with the kids until I return,her choice but she is very old fashioned.

She is a well spoken educated accountant before becoming a home mum,brother studied law then became a monk,sister in a great marketing job,other brother an engineer of some sort belfort going to prison,every family has a screw up.

All this from an isaan family,think what they could have been if they were half Chinese hi so.

[2008bangkok]

Okay, so one side of the story is yours. As I read it I thought about the children. She doesn't do much for them? What about you? When the last time you helped with homework? took them to the zoo? How about a nanny who can give them more attention, if not more love? Housekeeper twice a week? What do you do with your full time job money? If you are working all of the time, what do you give her? Or did you intend to marry a servant?

1. Cannot help with the homework as i dont read/write or speak thai

2. took them to the zoon 3 weeks ago

3. never gonna get a nanny ever

4 . Never gonna get housekeeper ever

5. Spend all my money on house/utlis/kids/school/food and a fortnightly beer

6. Give her nothing because she dont deserve it, what does she give me she works aswell

7. I intended to marry somebody who is equal par, if not equal par financially then pull your weight in other areas and ill take care of the bills!

Edited December 31, 2013 by 2008bangkok

[CraigSchuler]

One thing that has always amazed me is that many Thai (or maybe Isaan) ladies are hoping for that "Rich" farang to come riding in on his white stallion. I've tried to explain to these ladies that the average farang that visits Thailand is just a normal Joe.

Maybe I'm wrong but I can't understand why a wealthy farang would have a need to visit a place like Thailand. Money likes Money and Money stays with Money.

Many women (no matter what you've told them) still arrive in foreign countries expecting a modern home and a new Benz. If you don't have it you better plan on hearing comments forever about how lucky everybody else is.

My question is....What has she brought to the table?

[tingtongtingtong]

Sounds like the love is gone. What can you do to bring it back? Do you want it back? Talk?Travel? Get some hobbies maybe or give her some sort of thing where she has to be responsible and proactive....Posting on here about other people's wives wont benefit the situation.

My current girlfriend is doing her masters in international business while holding down a great well paid full time job, so she is working or studying 24/7. She has spent a number of years living in a western country and has family members who live in a western country (hence are western). She is the hardest working smartest woman I've met (the rest of her family are similar).I have no clue why she is with me...Though don't tell her I said that

I'm 31 and she is 28, the landscape of rich old men coming and marrying young poor women is changing in Thailand and I consider myself of of the new breed.

Edited December 31, 2013 by tingtongtingtong

[CraigSchuler]

Deal is that whenever one nationality joins another nationality in a relationship there is always going to be a challenge. You don't think the same and chances are you never will.

You're gonna say something or do something and she's gonna take it totally out of context and of course you will do the same. You say red and she's gonna say blue, happens 10 times a day. You have days when you just want a normal conversation with someone who fully understands what you're trying to say and not have to explain everything.

Is it really worth it? I guess for me it is, still love her even with all her faults. Just hope she feels the same way!

[nithisa78]

2008 Bangkok. You obviously after ten years continue to bring out the best in her, not.

[2008bangkok]

2008 Bangkok. You obviously after ten years continue to bring out the best in her, not.

This is the whole point of the post!

[MrGaoMungGawn]

Hey 2008 BKK!

If you really want to know what to do, then you gots to listen to me. I can fix your problem, ONE WAY OR ANOTHER

1. Before you do anything, You first need to truly know:

a. What are her goals for HERSELF

b. What kind of life does she really want to live, either with you or without you.

c. Are here goals for herself realistic, attainable given her abilities, or unrealistic

d. Does she like you? And then, does she love you?

2. You cannot yourself find the answers to the questions listed above in item 1, so you will need to enlist the help of a very capable interviewer who is unbiased and can uncover the truth, as much as this is possible.

3. Once you have answers to the questions in item One, you will need to assess if her goals, aspirations, likes and dislikes can fit in with the life you envision for yourself and your kids. If her goals and dreams are too far from yours, then you cannot ask her to change hers, just as you are unwilling to change yours.

4. It is far better to open your eyes now and smell the coffee, bitter or better, after 10 years together, than it would be to wait another 10 years while you both suffer.

5. You either need to find some common ground doing activities you both enjoy, and living in a style you both can accept, OR, you need to assess right now whether your personalities are just too far apart to bend that much without breaking.

Don't wait.

Find out know what the reality truly is.

Then use logic to deal with reality.

If you can bend enough to make things work, then do so.

If you are too far apart, then you will need to call it quits, or be unhappy in coming years, and be bitter in your old age.

I know of what I speak,

For I am all knowing about such matters.

Believe me.

[lanng khao]

One thing that has always amazed me is that many Thai (or maybe Isaan) ladies are hoping for that "Rich" farang to come riding in on his white stallion. I've tried to explain to these ladies that the average farang that visits Thailand is just a normal Joe.

Maybe I'm wrong but I can't understand why a wealthy farang would have a need to visit a place like Thailand. Money likes Money and Money stays with Money.

Many women (no matter what you've told them) still arrive in foreign countries expecting a modern home and a new Benz. If you don't have it you better plan on hearing comments forever about how lucky everybody else is.

My question is....What has she brought to the table?

nothing but when she's face Down spread eagled on top of it everything pales into significance..

[CraigSchuler]

One thing that has always amazed me is that many Thai (or maybe Isaan) ladies are hoping for that "Rich" farang to come riding in on his white stallion. I've tried to explain to these ladies that the average farang that visits Thailand is just a normal Joe.

Maybe I'm wrong but I can't understand why a wealthy farang would have a need to visit a place like Thailand. Money likes Money and Money stays with Money.

Many women (no matter what you've told them) still arrive in foreign countries expecting a modern home and a new Benz. If you don't have it you better plan on hearing comments forever about how lucky everybody else is.

My question is....What has she brought to the table?

nothing but when she's face Down spread eagled on top of it everything pales into significance..

Thank you for the intelligent post.

[lanng khao]

No probs.sawadee pee mai.

Sent from my HTC One mini using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[crazydrummerpauly]

I don't really get the OP. Logically i mean. The statement : "Its at the point now where after so long i just dont want to be with here anymore..." is the end of the story if it is sincerely meant. What relevance do the questions : "So im wondering if it is just her, whether its a issan thing or if other TV members have the same issue. Cheers and please no flaming, looking for genuine experiences as im sure there are many!" - have ? They might lead to interesting contributions to a debate - indeed they have - but they seem to be looking for assistance or advice or information, too late in the day for that story of marital incompatibility.

[mogo51]

This is a very interesting topic and I had some experience with a Thai when I first came to live there. Together for 6 disasterous months before I bailed, just too hard.

She was very materialistic having been with an American before who died and left her the whole deal, house, car, money etc. She was intent on making more!!

So I did a good bit of thought and research and decided that at least a major part of the answer was education. I am not well educated by Western standards, but a genius by Thai education standards (as a general rule, there are many exceptions I know). Isaan peasant woman come with too many issues and pre-conceived ideas. Many of my friends are testament to that.

In the end, I met a well educated Filipino lady who works in Thailand. That's when my life changed and I have found true happiness.

I am sure there are Thais with similar outlooks, but I could not find one - this woman is everything that other members are relating and I am so fortunate. Never asks for anything (she is a teacher) but when I help her she is so grateful genuinely and thanks me over and over. Alas not a good cook (Filipino food is rubbish), but more than makes up for the life and moral support she gives me. Fortunately I love to cook anyway.

We have been together 2 years and it just gets better.

[JMR]

urban village life? or rural village life...

[MrGaoMungGawn]

RELATIONSHIPS WHICH ARE BUILT ON REALITY are the ones that have the most chance of being happy and long lasting.

[wooloomooloo]

RELATIONSHIPS WHICH ARE BUILT ON REALITY are the ones that have the most chance of being happy and long lasting.

Relax a little and please endeavour not to bang home your theory with capitalisation. It's weak.

You're in no position to provide odds on scales of happiness and longevity of relationships.

Come this Monday your relationship might hit the buffers. You just don't know.

Edited December 31, 2013 by wooloomooloo

[MrGaoMungGawn]

RELATIONSHIPS WHICH ARE BUILT ON REALITY are the ones that have the most chance of being happy and long lasting.

Relax a little and please endeavour not to bang home your theory with capitalisation. It's weak.

You're in no position to provide odds on scales of happiness and longevity of relationships.

Come this Monday your relationship might hit the buffers. You just don't know.

This, as you say, Is another one of Rummy's Known, Unknowns.

I will try to curb my caps, too.

[HerIndoors]

So many different experiences. My wife and I have been together for over 8 years and we are about the same age. She is an Issan farm lady who only had minimal education. I am university educated, divorced and have 2 grown up children, she is divorced and has a grown up son. I couldn't physically do what she does every day. I have told her that she need not work so hard because I have enough income but... and this is the point..work is what she knows. She is happy working on the farm. For me, it took some time to come to understand that I won't be able to ( as the OP says) 'bring her up to my western style'. That concerned me for some time but now, in retrospect I have come to really appreciate the rhythm of rural life, the simplicity it offers and it is here that we can gain some insight. She has taught me some different values. Can I live 'up in the sticks' day in year out? No, I do need to get away from time to time. It may be a holiday abroad together, or lazing on a Thai beach together or maybe a trip alone to BKK to catch up with some western friends for a weekend.

I realised how lucky I was in finding this wonderful women when I thought to myself ..'I have so much admiration and respect for her' .... ha .... something I never had for my ex wife.

Life's funny huh?

[MrGaoMungGawn]

FiftyTwo......"Rather than insult me, why not point out where my conclusions were in error.

If you must pay a woman to live with you, why not just come out and admit it?

There are many old or undesirable guys in the world, when they come to Thailand, many of them forget what they are.

But the only person they are deceiving is themselves.

I am an old guy with a young wife.

I don't have a brilliant personality, I'm not hansum, but I do have some money.

There you go ...... Reality.

Try it yourself some day, it actually works."

Let me point out where your conclusions are in error. Firstly, you should use some of your money to get a stronger pair of glasses. No it is NOT A MUST that I pay my wife to live with me....what I said was that "She offered to go back to work and I said that it was not necessary yet, I enjoy her company around the house" I could have let her work like she offered and she would still be my wife.

Anyone who has followed my posts knows that it is a round trip of 52 kilometers to Pattaya from where I live. She would have to make that trip every day to go back to work in the plastic surgery clinic where she has worked most of her time since coming to Pattaya 18 years ago, coming home in the dark on the treacherous Sukhumvit road. She would only have 2 days off per month coming home tired out every night and rising very early the next morning. I also like her and myself to take holidays every five weeks or so around Thailand, this we could not do if she was working.

Do you suggest I should be a (real man)like yourself and send her out to her job under these conditions and save the money I give her in the bank instead, MAKING SURE SHE WORKS HER FINGERS TO THE BONE, seeing as you brought up the subject of her not working hard in the house (are you hiding in one of the rooms?)

Laughing together most of the day and "slagging" each other off is far more enjoyable than counting my money in the bank while she is at work.

Your crassness 52 make you a "moron" (look it up in the dictionary, I don't think you'll find it there).

Concerning your attributes....you forgot to mention that you are one hell of a rude ignorant grumpy person that seems unable to be happy for other people.....CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE FOR THE BETTER AND YOUR LIFE MIGHT JUST FOLLOW.

Hey DotPoom

I like your philosophy, because I far prefer reality to some weird dream world built from illusion.

Now here is my question to you if you are reading this:

a. How much do you need to pay for a very smart girl, educated to at least 4 year university level?

b. When i say pay, I really don't have any specific idea regarding what form of payment this might be. Is payment just a secure roof over this girl's head, with 3 squares, and 2 abnams?

c. Why don't you flesh this out a little bit more about what is available and how much payment is required and what kind of strings might be attached, and also how satisfying to do you find this relationship.

d. Just in case anyone here might look down their nose at this type of relationship, then don't bother because you can't see the reality that is staring you in the face. This is the way the world works, and only die hard romantics could argue otherwise, and they are the fools.

Thank you MrGao,

I really couldn't advise on the questions you ask, I think it's down to each individual's personal circumstances and his(or hers) own make up and principles.

I try to keep life as simple as possible. I came to Thailand 12 years ago (as and from today)with enough money to buy 3 average size studio condos, which I did. I lived in one and rented the other 2. I have no other income so as you might figure out, I don't have a lot of money. I played the field concerning the ladies for about one and a half years until I couldn't do it anymore, I felt my dignity was getting hammered on each occasion, but that's just me, good luck to those who are not bothered by it. So I eventually met my wife and after a period of time we sold a condo and bought a house.

The important thing for me is (and this is where it all hinges)....had I not met my wife I would not have stayed in Thailand. Had I sold up and gone home the money would only have lasted up until about now. Today I would be skint as there is no work in my country for people over 60 (or 50 or 40 ). As it stands now, I have my house and still have the two condos....so....I really have them because of her. If you like, what I am trying to say is...every material thing I have today is because of her, how can one put a price on that.

All I can say to this is:

After being here almost a year, I have fallen in love with Thailand, and the people in Thailand.

I am almost as old as you.

And, it is my idea of heaven until the day I die, when there will be no more heaven,

To stay here and maybe find someone to share this time I have left with me.

I intend to go slow in finding this person,

And if I do not find the one that I think is suitable,

I do not care.

I am perfectly happy and capable of living my life, or what is left of it,

Alone. And alone and happy, too.

I am not one of those unlucky soles who fears being by myself.

There is plenty to do if one has an inquisitive mind which has not yet been wracked by dementia.

So....

Give me Thailand

That is all I ask

And enough money to study,

That is what I need

And you can keep your 50 foot Peterson,

Because I no longer need that to be happy.

A smart Thai woman, hopefully less than half my age,

Is what I am waiting for.

If she calls me grandpa,

That is OK, too.

What ever floats her boat,

As long as I can enjoy her company.

[dotpoom]

Good on ye MrGaoMungGawn. I wish you a long and happy life in Thailand. I have found that enjoying each day as it comes to be a healthy attitude, making plans but letting the outcome of those plans take their own course, in other words going with the flow. I try to treat others as I would like to be treated myself. However, I have fallen short of that goal sometimes on TV when I have allowed myself to get upset by rude, ill mannered people and have brought myself down to their level by hitting back. Still, that's Ok too as I'm aware that nobody is perfect and even those people have something to teach me, if it is only...how not to behave.

I also believe that when we are open to having a partner and companion in life...that certain person is out there searching for us too.

If it's meant to happen, it will. All we have to do is step back from the controls and let "the flow' takes it's course. Good luck to you again...I myself have a life beyond my wildest dreams here.

[cbluck58]

As sirineou says , this is about the OP's wife and not how great your own wife is ( mine is marvellous by the way ).

Talk to her straight and if there is no change, leave before your own unhappiness becomes a self destructive depression.

Sorry to be blunt, but have been there and it will do you no good at all to accept something that makes you unhappy on a daily basis, just get out if there is no change.

[MrGaoMungGawn]

So many different experiences. My wife and I have been together for over 8 years and we are about the same age. She is an Issan farm lady who only had minimal education. I am university educated, divorced and have 2 grown up children, she is divorced and has a grown up son. I couldn't physically do what she does every day. I have told her that she need not work so hard because I have enough income but... and this is the point..work is what she knows. She is happy working on the farm. For me, it took some time to come to understand that I won't be able to ( as the OP says) 'bring her up to my western style'. That concerned me for some time but now, in retrospect I have come to really appreciate the rhythm of rural life, the simplicity it offers and it is here that we can gain some insight. She has taught me some different values. Can I live 'up in the sticks' day in year out? No, I do need to get away from time to time. It may be a holiday abroad together, or lazing on a Thai beach together or maybe a trip alone to BKK to catch up with some western friends for a weekend.

I realised how lucky I was in finding this wonderful women when I thought to myself ..'I have so much admiration and respect for her' .... ha .... something I never had for my ex wife.

Life's funny huh?

This sounds like a happy union, precisely because you and she are about the same age, something that should be considered by everyone.

I need a girl who is educated because, otherwise, she will not understand the everyday references to what makes what we see humorous.

I have lived quite a few years with girls who had only high school education, and sometimes only junior high education.

They were really smart, of course because you need to find someone on your IQ level to be comfortable.

But she was not educated, which can get to be a drag at times.

[MAJIC]

I have been in a relationship similar to yours. I kept telling myself, she will improve, she will learn and be more active. It never happened and after 6 years I moved on. At the time it was a big decision, but looking back it was the best decision I ever made.

Don't torment yourself, move on and take it as a learning experience.

No amount of explaining a problem will change someones mind until they are ready to see,the problem for themselves!

[michael12345]

OP: Where did you meet your wife?

If you met her in a bar...did you really expect more?

[MrGaoMungGawn]

I have been in a relationship similar to yours. I kept telling myself, she will improve, she will learn and be more active. It never happened and after 6 years I moved on. At the time it was a big decision, but looking back it was the best decision I ever made.

Don't torment yourself, move on and take it as a learning experience.

No amount of explaining a problem will change someones mind until they are ready to see,the problem for themselves!

That is precisely what I am arguing.

Every minute of delay is a wasted part of your new life,

One without the drag, of a hag, or not a hag,

It still boils down to the woman not being happy,

And that is a drag you do not need.

Some people just cannot be happy, no matter what.

And for you to be around these people, is a waste of your life.

[scubascuba3]

Maybe give her 1 year, have a long discussion or several so she fully understands the situation. If she agrees to try to change and you too perhaps then 1 year working at it,if she needs help get her help. If all that doesn't work you've given it a good final shot, then its time to bail out.

[MrGaoMungGawn]

OP: Where did you meet your wife?

If you met her in a bar...did you really expect more?

No amount of romantic Suzie Wong Dreaming will make anything other than a bar girl,

Outta a bar girl.

Some bar girls are really nice.

But they will always be bar girls.

If you are looking for a respectable girl,

Then don't root around in the bars.

[Carrerakiss]

Everybody is different. BUT, I have lived in an Isaan village of 80 houses for 7 years and I can say that a high percentage of people have no desire to improve or change their lives beyond the need for immediate requirements. Cash for Lao Khao, gambling, cock fighting, tv etc. those that are keen to better themselves tend to leave. Those that stay, are happy with the village life where nothing changes day after day and nothing is urgent.

Do I blame them? No I don't. It is their life and they can live it as they like.

If your wife wants to live the village life, no surprise that she does not seek to better herself, nor take the "opportunities" that you give her. By living in an urban environment, you may well be trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. Maybe she's unhappy that you keep trying to change her from what she wants. I guess you could ask her if she wants to go back to Isaan to live, w thout you and the kids I guess.

Anyway, I think what it comes down to is how happy or unhappy you are. If you're not happy, you have to do something to change your life, taking into account it doesn't seem your wife, can, or wants, to change herself.

Good luck with working something out and all the best for 2014

[Carrerakiss]

So many different experiences. My wife and I have been together for over 8 years and we are about the same age. She is an Issan farm lady who only had minimal education. I am university educated, divorced and have 2 grown up children, she is divorced and has a grown up son. I couldn't physically do what she does every day. I have told her that she need not work so hard because I have enough income but... and this is the point..work is what she knows. She is happy working on the farm. For me, it took some time to come to understand that I won't be able to ( as the OP says) 'bring her up to my western style'. That concerned me for some time but now, in retrospect I have come to really appreciate the rhythm of rural life, the simplicity it offers and it is here that we can gain some insight. She has taught me some different values. Can I live 'up in the sticks' day in year out? No, I do need to get away from time to time. It may be a holiday abroad together, or lazing on a Thai beach together or maybe a trip alone to BKK to catch up with some western friends for a weekend.

I realised how lucky I was in finding this wonderful women when I thought to myself ..'I have so much admiration and respect for her' .... ha .... something I never had for my ex wife.

Life's funny huh?

Your wife is happy working hard on the farm. I venture to suggest that is the life she has grown up with and loves. My wife is the same. The OP's wife does not have that option, assuming she might want it, as it appears they live in an urban environment.

[Windy]

I would check too see if she is smoking Yaa Baa behind your back.

That will kill her motivation to do anything.