Am I just a farang bank to her?

[robert888d]

I am sorry to say you are just one of the thousands and thousands who fall for the charms of an attractive young Thai lady and believe she really cares for you. RUBBISH. They only care for money and once the money bhas dried up or a richer ATM comes along you will be ditched. Don't make the same mistakes again! learn from your foolishness!

[ppmacready]

Lived here 19 years.

You need a sense of humour to live here.

You only ever need to ask your self 2 questions.

Am I happy?

Can I afford her?

Any No leave quietly!

[kinmaew]

Get out quick on the next plane. I dont care what culture it is anyone who asks for over US 150k just to marry someone else and this coming from poor people is just a scam get out get out get out now trust me.

[sdshaman]

You said her parents own a prominent business. Then mentioned that it was a shop and that the girl is the #1 employee and works 12 hours a day and are there even any other employees? Then you say her uncle is a tuk tuk driver.

Now I am really starting to understand on Thai Visa why I keep reading over and over again "my wife is upper middle class. Her parents have a prominent business" what that means and what qualifies... I realize now that the farang writing these posts are delusional and create alternate realities to suit their egos.

Her mom owns a beauty saloon. They cut hair. I am in there every day and they are busy. Maybe 15 customers a day. Some are just shampoo for 200 Baht but quite a few are hairstyles and colors that go from 1500 Baht and up. So it is not like they are selling used equipment trying to get rich. What would you consider this business?

They have no other employees

[chiang mai]

One of three possible scenarios for all these guys telling the OP he's being scammed:

1 - they were scammed themselves so they speak from experience, but so many people are that stupid?

2 - they heard that this is what Thai women do and they're just propagating rumour, now that is stupid.

3 - they have no idea and are just giving a popular answer to upset the OP, you can guess what that is!

Edited January 4, 2014 by chiang mai

[Ruin]

Nothing upsets farangs in Thailand as much as a fellow traveller getting fleecced in this way.

[ccarbaugh]

OP - "

Am I just a farang bank to her?"

Yes.

Edited January 4, 2014 by metisdead
Bold font removed.

[sdshaman]

1388825830043.jpg

Nice!

[marioc]

Do not give any money, never, if you are not living permanently in the country.... things in LOS can change quite quickly and you might find your gf with another falang next time you come back....and what about: money, ring.... ? Well, I let you imagine.

Of course sometimes there are exceptions, but as the word says: there are exceptions.

You really need to live in this country before going into such a kind of "business" and then you can decide for what you are ready to take as risk.

Needless to say, I had the very same experience....when I returned to LOS and settled down I have discovered her "seeing" another bf

At least I have managed to get back the gold ring with diamond ( they love so much diamonds ) and sold again to the same shop I had bought it for about 65% of the original price (fair, isn't it?)

After few years living in this country I came up to this conclusion: don't trust so much a family where the words money and gold come up every day, it rather stinks. If you are a good man the family will trust you in the same way you trust them and this is the same almost all over the world.

Good luck!

[harber8]

When she coughed 5 million BHT alarm bells would have rung in my head. Knowing thai culture or not.

Walk away bro there are tones more in this deep sea.

Goodluck

[rotary]

I have spent most of my time since 1988 in Thailand so have seen several deals like this. Run now, do not pass goal. Just run. She might be true but looks like she has a family problem that is going to be a big cash drag forever. She might make you happy now but she will nag and nag and make your bank account very sad.

Move on and cut the losses now.

Edited January 4, 2014 by rotary

[salapau]

Get real this is the LOFS = land of false smiles - She's lifting you leg son - Go back to your home country, work hard, support yourself and slowly find someone there to build a relationship with no baggage.

[Sharp]

Bin her

[thaijoe]

GET OUT NOW WHILE U CAN, UR JUST AN ATM believe me, find one that you dont have to pay a dowery... and if she marrys a thai man, see how much they pay?

[inthepink]

You said her parents own a prominent business. Then mentioned that it was a shop and that the girl is the #1 employee and works 12 hours a day and are there even any other employees? Then you say her uncle is a tuk tuk driver.

Now I am really starting to understand on Thai Visa why I keep reading over and over again "my wife is upper middle class. Her parents have a prominent business" what that means and what qualifies... I realize now that the farang writing these posts are delusional and create alternate realities to suit their egos.

Her mom owns a beauty saloon. They cut hair. I am in there every day and they are busy. Maybe 15 customers a day. Some are just shampoo for 200 Baht but quite a few are hairstyles and colors that go from 1500 Baht and up. So it is not like they are selling used equipment trying to get rich. What would you consider this business?

They have no other employees

I would consider the business to be a hairdresser's shop. They sound like a working class family that want to milk you dry. Why would you even consider paying for her parents' house and car - they seem to have managed perfectly well until you turned up.

[ozyjon]

RUN, RUN now and don't tell her where you are going, tell her your parrot (just like her mother, father, aunt, uncle, grandparents, buffalo) is sick,, and that you must get back real quick, you are being scammed, everyone knows it, probably many other fellas are sending her money and you are just one further down the list, it happened to me (various times) and it will happen to you..

The secret is to tell her you are broke, have no money, her love will go out like a light bulb and you will never hear from her again, she will just get another one.

(I deleted what i was going to tell you, work it out yourself)

Look Here

Seek and you shall find, try to look at her phone entries and see if any (names) are in English but she is smarter than you so she will have various phones for various men.

I have to leave it here, you must find out yourself.

[kuifje]

I do like balance in these things, so since the majority here are in favor of suggesting that the female in question is only after your money, let me paint an alternate picture, from personal experience:

I met my wife ten years ago, we lived together for a year before holding a forgiveness ceremony at the home of her parents, this was to apologize for living together outside of marriage - we were not engaged either, there was no financial aspect to this small ceremony other than to make a donation to the monks.

By the second year I'd decided the relationship was going to be long term and since I was flushed at the time I offered to build her parents a house, our self managed 80 sq metre build project cost about 500,000. Why did I do that? Because I wanted to give something back and if the relationship had finished the following week I would still have been OK with it all. And I also funded a shop they built in their garden, I spent 10,000 baht to stock the shop after it was built and they took it from there.

Today the family's quality of life is substantially improved over what it was when I first met them and I get a lot of satisfaction from that - they were dirt poor when we first met, seriously impoverished.

Around year four we decided to get married and this involved a ceremony at the family home and sin-sod - sin-sod in this case was a cheque for a million baht with the words INVALID written across it, it served it's purpose of show and face at the ceremony.

My financial commitment to the family (who are extremely poor) involve me paying their electric bill every month and this is typically under 1,000 baht, I voluntarily give them a further 4,000 baht and this is usually returned to us in some shape or form throughout the year, I don't keep track.

My wife works at an upmarket hotel and earns decent money, I pay for all living expenses and she self funds whatever her needs might be - infrequent exceptional items get discussed fully, sometimes they get funded, sometimes they don't. Family crisis occurs about twice a year and their remedy gets discussed and agreed also.

Last year my wife paid for our trip to Bali, this year I plan to buy her a new car, I trust my wife more than anyone else on the planet and the commitment has been tested (by circumstance) more ways than I care to think and she has always passed with flying colours.

So there we have it, I wonder how many of the posters thus far who advocate running a mile have actually experienced a relationship in Thailand that was financially negative or how much of popular opinion is borrowed from the next bar stool or urban myth. And of those that have endured failed relationships that caused financial loss, does that person admit to knowing the real reasons for it? It's easy to say that I lost all my money to a Thai woman because that's the way they are, money grabbing etc. It's harder to say the relationship failed because, I was promiscuous, lacked commitment to making the relationship work, was only present for ten per cent of the time with the remaining ninety per cent being spent at work and/or overseas with my wife, and so on and so on, the reasons for this are legion.

Excellent, I have a similar experience. Married for about 17-18 years, her boy (he was 5yr when we met) in university already and soon graduated speaking many languages and a top student.

[dao16]

All I will add to this topic is that I have had this conversation with the equivalent of the mother in this story, and she was talking about her Thai daughter (very beautiful, apparently...I never saw her--my wife did say she was very beautiful, for what that's worth) and how the mother wanted more than the guy was offering and he turned her down. I think the girl was fine with it, but it wasn't her decision, it seems. The mother's main concern was that she had blown the deal and was asking me for advice!!!!!! Obviously, I didn't give any, but it does happen between Thais--the mom is looking for the most she can get for her precious daughter. Could be worth it, but buyer beware regardless of nationality.

[sdshaman]

First, you were introduced to parents, that is a sign of engagement. If she kept it secret from them, then you could have dated. It is common for group dating and not being alone to save reputation. However, if you didn't meet the family, she would have snuck out and spent time with you.

2nd, you are married in the eyes of the family especially if a monk is the one that wrapped the strings around you. If there wasn't a monk, then it was not a wedding. Getting the paper license is very easy and not always as important to a family.

Engagement rings are not traditional. Tell her flatly that the engagement ring especially a diamond ring is the Western equavalent of a dowry/ and you already gave sin sod. So it would be strange to give two times.

How old are you and how old is she? Her parents and neighbors probably are worried about her being with a foreigner because of reputation.

Sorry, 1 foreigner and 2 Thai tickets at the zoo is less than 300 Baht not 2k. Even if you take the bus around the whole place is stil less than 500.

Questions you need to ask yourself: Where would you live if you get officially married? What do you do for work and can you do it in Chiang Mai. Do you need to give your money to your wife for her family, or will she be responsible for that?

Sounds like you jumped into a marriage before thinking the big questions out.

This girl is not middle class, this girl is from a struggling family. Succesful businesses don't slave their children 12 hours a day, they don't need their children to give them money.

I doubt they are scamming you, but seriously think that you need to ask yourself and her some very big life questions.

As stated before wedding dowry is usually a lot more than 100k and is usually returned.

It might help to find some good mates in CM that are married to actual middle class profesional women and have them introduced to your girl friend. Then they can find out if this girl is for real or a pretender.

My initial reaction is for you to chalk it up to a loss and get out while you can.

You have 2 heads one that thinks and one that thinks that it thinks.

Yes her family is worried about reputation. All their customers come in and see me, (who is this farang) then when we are not there they ask where she is (We know what they are doing)

We went to the zoo and aquarium. My ticket was 500 just to get in. I paid and got the change so....

Until we can get our own place we have talked about when I come I stay with her and her family in their house. I travel for my work so that is why I was drwn to this relationship. She said that she would work with mother until I vacation for 2-3 months then we will be together. She also talked about coming to visit me once a year or so when my work is slow or I have a week or two off. Not very many women can put up with my work, My last wife couldn't!

About the struggling family... I don't think they struggle that much but I do feel that her mother is taking advantage of her. Has her believeing in "we debt" and that she needs to help to pay for everything. They have nice things and nice car. I bring this up often and she doesn't like it when I talk about it. Of course she knows no different.

What very big life questions are you thinking? I have been asking her ome, but ay help here would be appriciated!

I do not think she is a pretender. I have met her grandparents and great grand parents. Her grandparents raised her. I just think her mom is playing me in the name of tradition. I can't understand everything her mom says but I did make out that is she is going to have a son around she wants him to take care of her to.

Yes...lol... i like your two headed comment!

Edited January 4, 2014 by sdshaman

[HardenedSoul]

I do like balance in these things, so since the majority here are in favor of suggesting that the female in question is only after your money, let me paint an alternate picture, from personal experience:

I met my wife ten years ago, we lived together for a year before holding a forgiveness ceremony at the home of her parents, this was to apologize for living together outside of marriage - we were not engaged either, there was no financial aspect to this small ceremony other than to make a donation to the monks.

By the second year I'd decided the relationship was going to be long term and since I was flushed at the time I offered to build her parents a house, our self managed 80 sq metre build project cost about 500,000. Why did I do that? Because I wanted to give something back and if the relationship had finished the following week I would still have been OK with it all. And I also funded a shop they built in their garden, I spent 10,000 baht to stock the shop after it was built and they took it from there.

Today the family's quality of life is substantially improved over what it was when I first met them and I get a lot of satisfaction from that - they were dirt poor when we first met, seriously impoverished.

Around year four we decided to get married and this involved a ceremony at the family home and sin-sod - sin-sod in this case was a cheque for a million baht with the words INVALID written across it, it served it's purpose of show and face at the ceremony.

My financial commitment to the family (who are extremely poor) involve me paying their electric bill every month and this is typically under 1,000 baht, I voluntarily give them a further 4,000 baht and this is usually returned to us in some shape or form throughout the year, I don't keep track.

My wife works at an upmarket hotel and earns decent money, I pay for all living expenses and she self funds whatever her needs might be - infrequent exceptional items get discussed fully, sometimes they get funded, sometimes they don't. Family crisis occurs about twice a year and their remedy gets discussed and agreed also.

Last year my wife paid for our trip to Bali, this year I plan to buy her a new car, I trust my wife more than anyone else on the planet and the commitment has been tested (by circumstance) more ways than I care to think and she has always passed with flying colours.

So there we have it, I wonder how many of the posters thus far who advocate running a mile have actually experienced a relationship in Thailand that was financially negative or how much of popular opinion is borrowed from the next bar stool or urban myth. And of those that have endured failed relationships that caused financial loss, does that person admit to knowing the real reasons for it? It's easy to say that I lost all my money to a Thai woman because that's the way they are, money grabbing etc. It's harder to say the relationship failed because, I was promiscuous, lacked commitment to making the relationship work, was only present for ten per cent of the time with the remaining ninety per cent being spent at work and/or overseas with my wife, and so on and so on, the reasons for this are legion.

Yeah that's all very well, CM but the OP's clearly not in a similar sitch.

His woman's asking for 5 million baht and her family ain't on the breadline.

You're comparing apples and pears

[robhufton]

Run Forest Run

[hotrod4098]

no money on engagement....looks like she has lined you up for the big one...can you run..if so do it now..

[Hardened Spanker]

The saddest part is she's almost certainly married already to Somchai,the tuk tuk driving "Uncle"!

Sin sot for an engagement now,it just gets worse!

[chiang mai]

I do like balance in these things, so since the majority here are in favor of suggesting that the female in question is only after your money, let me paint an alternate picture, from personal experience:

I met my wife ten years ago, we lived together for a year before holding a forgiveness ceremony at the home of her parents, this was to apologize for living together outside of marriage - we were not engaged either, there was no financial aspect to this small ceremony other than to make a donation to the monks.

By the second year I'd decided the relationship was going to be long term and since I was flushed at the time I offered to build her parents a house, our self managed 80 sq metre build project cost about 500,000. Why did I do that? Because I wanted to give something back and if the relationship had finished the following week I would still have been OK with it all. And I also funded a shop they built in their garden, I spent 10,000 baht to stock the shop after it was built and they took it from there.

Today the family's quality of life is substantially improved over what it was when I first met them and I get a lot of satisfaction from that - they were dirt poor when we first met, seriously impoverished.

Around year four we decided to get married and this involved a ceremony at the family home and sin-sod - sin-sod in this case was a cheque for a million baht with the words INVALID written across it, it served it's purpose of show and face at the ceremony.

My financial commitment to the family (who are extremely poor) involve me paying their electric bill every month and this is typically under 1,000 baht, I voluntarily give them a further 4,000 baht and this is usually returned to us in some shape or form throughout the year, I don't keep track.

My wife works at an upmarket hotel and earns decent money, I pay for all living expenses and she self funds whatever her needs might be - infrequent exceptional items get discussed fully, sometimes they get funded, sometimes they don't. Family crisis occurs about twice a year and their remedy gets discussed and agreed also.

Last year my wife paid for our trip to Bali, this year I plan to buy her a new car, I trust my wife more than anyone else on the planet and the commitment has been tested (by circumstance) more ways than I care to think and she has always passed with flying colours.

So there we have it, I wonder how many of the posters thus far who advocate running a mile have actually experienced a relationship in Thailand that was financially negative or how much of popular opinion is borrowed from the next bar stool or urban myth. And of those that have endured failed relationships that caused financial loss, does that person admit to knowing the real reasons for it? It's easy to say that I lost all my money to a Thai woman because that's the way they are, money grabbing etc. It's harder to say the relationship failed because, I was promiscuous, lacked commitment to making the relationship work, was only present for ten per cent of the time with the remaining ninety per cent being spent at work and/or overseas with my wife, and so on and so on, the reasons for this are legion.

Yeah that's all very well, CM but the OP's clearly not in a similar sitch.

His woman's asking for 5 million baht and her family ain't on the breadline.

You're comparing apples and pears

Negotiate it down to a level that he's happy with else walk, who in their right mind wouldn't ask for 5 mill. as an opening bid. But also, I'm not making comparisons, merely pointing out that is a range of different possibilities in this situation and one shouldn't automatically assume the worst case.

Edited January 4, 2014 by chiang mai

[thailandist]

This is simple. If her or her family keep trying to extract cash then you're a bank. If not, you're not.

From your story, considering all of the demands, I would cut my losses and run.

[HardenedSoul]

I do like balance in these things, so since the majority here are in favor of suggesting that the female in question is only after your money, let me paint an alternate picture, from personal experience:

I met my wife ten years ago, we lived together for a year before holding a forgiveness ceremony at the home of her parents, this was to apologize for living together outside of marriage - we were not engaged either, there was no financial aspect to this small ceremony other than to make a donation to the monks.

By the second year I'd decided the relationship was going to be long term and since I was flushed at the time I offered to build her parents a house, our self managed 80 sq metre build project cost about 500,000. Why did I do that? Because I wanted to give something back and if the relationship had finished the following week I would still have been OK with it all. And I also funded a shop they built in their garden, I spent 10,000 baht to stock the shop after it was built and they took it from there.

Today the family's quality of life is substantially improved over what it was when I first met them and I get a lot of satisfaction from that - they were dirt poor when we first met, seriously impoverished.

Around year four we decided to get married and this involved a ceremony at the family home and sin-sod - sin-sod in this case was a cheque for a million baht with the words INVALID written across it, it served it's purpose of show and face at the ceremony.

My financial commitment to the family (who are extremely poor) involve me paying their electric bill every month and this is typically under 1,000 baht, I voluntarily give them a further 4,000 baht and this is usually returned to us in some shape or form throughout the year, I don't keep track.

My wife works at an upmarket hotel and earns decent money, I pay for all living expenses and she self funds whatever her needs might be - infrequent exceptional items get discussed fully, sometimes they get funded, sometimes they don't. Family crisis occurs about twice a year and their remedy gets discussed and agreed also.

Last year my wife paid for our trip to Bali, this year I plan to buy her a new car, I trust my wife more than anyone else on the planet and the commitment has been tested (by circumstance) more ways than I care to think and she has always passed with flying colours.

So there we have it, I wonder how many of the posters thus far who advocate running a mile have actually experienced a relationship in Thailand that was financially negative or how much of popular opinion is borrowed from the next bar stool or urban myth. And of those that have endured failed relationships that caused financial loss, does that person admit to knowing the real reasons for it? It's easy to say that I lost all my money to a Thai woman because that's the way they are, money grabbing etc. It's harder to say the relationship failed because, I was promiscuous, lacked commitment to making the relationship work, was only present for ten per cent of the time with the remaining ninety per cent being spent at work and/or overseas with my wife, and so on and so on, the reasons for this are legion.

Yeah that's all very well, CM but the OP's clearly not in a similar sitch.

His woman's asking for 5 million baht and her family ain't on the breadline.

You're comparing apples and pears

Negotiate it down to a level that he's happy with else walk, who in their right mind wouldn't ask for 5 mill. as an opening bid.

Someone who actually gives a shit about the person they're asking for it from

[eurozhongguo]

There is always the risk that any Thai girlfriend is in love with our bank accounts. If you have had several relationships with Thai girls, you will have met those that ask you for money on your first date, those that pay for nothing and don't offer to pay either, those that propose to you on the Internet within 10 minutes of chatting to each other, those that tell you clearly that they will only marry you if you give their paenst a large dowry and buy them a nice house etc.

I have come across all those situations in my dealings with Thai girls, but I have also come across Thai girls that take turns to pay and end up paying more than me and never ask for a single Baht. I have also come across Thai girls who have little interest in marriage. One to be parrticularly careful with are those wo have children who will use you to pay for their education, very poor girls who need you to finance their families and those with extravangant ambitions who think you are rich enough to buy huge palaces for them.

In fact, the time when that girl asked you for 5 million Baht should have been your get-out clause. That should have set the alarm bells off and you could have easily walked put of her life completely. It might have not been easy for your heart, but remember that Thai girls are easier than average to date and that there's an excellent supply of them.

You could also suggest that you get married in your country and that her father foot the entire bill as is probbaly deemed by your country's culture. If she refsues to do that, you refuse to pay the dowry, Thai style. It is already too late for you though. Once bitten, twice shy!!!! Now, you must leave her. Yes, you absolutely MUST, no ifs or buts!!!!

[recycler]

As I mentioned in another topic too today:

Thailand is one of many countries and areas in the world where woman are put in dependable and dangerous positions and often are simply sold by the family.

Calling it culture does not justify it, it is wrong not matter how it's labelled!

[MobileContent]

I do like balance in these things, so since the majority here are in favor of suggesting that the female in question is only after your money, let me paint an alternate picture, from personal experience:

I met my wife ten years ago, we lived together for a year before holding a forgiveness ceremony at the home of her parents, this was to apologize for living together outside of marriage - we were not engaged either, there was no financial aspect to this small ceremony other than to make a donation to the monks.

By the second year I'd decided the relationship was going to be long term and since I was flushed at the time I offered to build her parents a house, our self managed 80 sq metre build project cost about 500,000. Why did I do that? Because I wanted to give something back and if the relationship had finished the following week I would still have been OK with it all. And I also funded a shop they built in their garden, I spent 10,000 baht to stock the shop after it was built and they took it from there.

Today the family's quality of life is substantially improved over what it was when I first met them and I get a lot of satisfaction from that - they were dirt poor when we first met, seriously impoverished.

Around year four we decided to get married and this involved a ceremony at the family home and sin-sod - sin-sod in this case was a cheque for a million baht with the words INVALID written across it, it served it's purpose of show and face at the ceremony.

My financial commitment to the family (who are extremely poor) involve me paying their electric bill every month and this is typically under 1,000 baht, I voluntarily give them a further 4,000 baht and this is usually returned to us in some shape or form throughout the year, I don't keep track.

My wife works at an upmarket hotel and earns decent money, I pay for all living expenses and she self funds whatever her needs might be - infrequent exceptional items get discussed fully, sometimes they get funded, sometimes they don't. Family crisis occurs about twice a year and their remedy gets discussed and agreed also.

Last year my wife paid for our trip to Bali, this year I plan to buy her a new car, I trust my wife more than anyone else on the planet and the commitment has been tested (by circumstance) more ways than I care to think and she has always passed with flying colours.

So there we have it, I wonder how many of the posters thus far who advocate running a mile have actually experienced a relationship in Thailand that was financially negative or how much of popular opinion is borrowed from the next bar stool or urban myth. And of those that have endured failed relationships that caused financial loss, does that person admit to knowing the real reasons for it? It's easy to say that I lost all my money to a Thai woman because that's the way they are, money grabbing etc. It's harder to say the relationship failed because, I was promiscuous, lacked commitment to making the relationship work, was only present for ten per cent of the time with the remaining ninety per cent being spent at work and/or overseas with my wife, and so on and so on, the reasons for this are legion.

+1 I very much experience the same with my wife and in-laws.

[In Search of Space]

My gf gave me 2000 Baht the other day and sent me off to have a few beers for a couple of days.

The money is fast running out though....what should I do?

Tell her your motorcycle needs fixing & your best friend is sick and needs to go to doctor urgently