Popular Post davidst01 Posted January 17, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted January 17, 2014 I have met a lovely Thai girl aged in late 20’s and I’m aged early 40’s- have been together 2 to 3 months and we love each other. She wants me to meet her parents this weekend and I know that this is a big deal in Thailand. She studied 6 yrs medical degree at a govt uni in bkk and now works in a hospital. I worked as a consultant for 12 yrs and now have money coming in each month- mostly due to hard work and some luck. I told her that I have a monthly ‘pension’ and she has not asked anymore questions about my financial situation and I have no intention of telling her. I just found out that she has been sharing some of our email correspondence and other discussions with her Thai cousin in Europe who is married over there to a farang. My girl still lives with her parents and I’m only her second boyfriend- a year ago she finished a long term relationship with a Thai guy. She is a kind and generous person and the first to pull out her purse if we go to dinner etc. She is hard working, responsible with money and I’ve told her that I will never be able to give her family or relatives money. She mentioned that she would protect me from the relatives if they ever came asking but that it was extremely unlikely. We had a brief discussion about sinsot (if we were to marry) and hers would be 1million but her parents would refund that to me. I don't want to pay this at all but will go with the flow. He is a headmaster of a big school and she is a teacher. I’ve been told that her mother is a jovial and affable person who likes to have a laugh but her father is really serious guy. My gf has already told me that her father is concerned that I do not work and that maybe I’m going to be relying on her for money in the future. I suppose it is fair enough for the old boy to be thinking this. It doesn’t seem to matter that I worked hard in the past and set myself up with passive income now. My gf told me ‘but that was in the past, what about now…' When we had a minor argument a few weeks ago, I got the impression that the cousin did not approve of me and was making judgements on me- by some of the things the cousin was saying. No doubt she has been on the phone to my gf’s parents. If you’re a farang who has experienced a similar situation as me, could you perhaps offer me your opinion as to the etiquette of meeting the parents for the first time…. I am a slightly nervous to meet them but realise I have to gain their approval in order to make this relationship work. I assume my strategy is to relax, smile and keep a low tone of voice; and maybe show pictures of my family etc. My father also has ‘Dr’ in front of his first name and thus hoping that they see I’m from a respected family. Should I be showing my uni qualifications to them (I have scanned copies on my laptop). It seems a bit over the top that I may have to gain their approval simply because I don’t have a job. She told me that we will not be having a meal but they only want to meet me to talk. I intend to take some fruit or something small on the day as a gesture. Any thoughts are appreciated. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sam sen Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 a million seems steep... are you sure she's being straight with you? as for meeting the parents, be yourself - assuming you're not a drunken slob... the worrying thing is third party advice; thai's a renown for listening to and taking on board friends and family advice that can be given more put of jealousy or spite than a genuine desire to be constructive and helpful. the only hope you have is that your GF is independently minded enough to make her own decisions. good luck. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post CharlieH Posted January 17, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted January 17, 2014 (edited) Your not going for a job interview, so you dont need credentials or certificates, she loves you, you have nothing to prove. Your gf will already have briefed them but you may get one or two questions which you will have to deal with as they arise. You are an educated guy and this should pose no problem. Dont over think this, you seem to know the ettiquette etc and its not a meal so may be quite brief. Relax, go with the flow, she loves you for who you are, not what she wants you to be, be yourself, thats what won her so why change. Edited January 17, 2014 by CharlieH 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post transam Posted January 17, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted January 17, 2014 How long have you been involved with Thai folk.? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post oogster8 Posted January 17, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted January 17, 2014 i smell a lamb being led to slaughter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the father wants an icum statement to show that you are able to support him.................lol. the daughter has shown she can take care of herself. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post chrisinth Posted January 17, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted January 17, 2014 If the GF is listening to and taking advice from the 3rd party (cousin in Europe), then it is a really good time to find out about it. If she doesn't love and respect you for who you are, then you are looking at a rough road ahead if you plan to continue. As for meeting the parents, be yourself! The same advice applies to that above; if the GF takes the advice from the parents over what her heart says, then there is something wrong with the relationship before you start. She is in her late 20's and not in her teens. I know this will rub some people up the wrong way with the 'This is Thailand, things are done differently here' argument. (Late 20's is deemed to be close to the sell-by' date) Yes, this is true, but it is also the 21st century and attitudes are changing all the time. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post transam Posted January 17, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted January 17, 2014 If the GF is listening to and taking advice from the 3rd party (cousin in Europe), then it is a really good time to find out about it. If she doesn't love and respect you for who you are, then you are looking at a rough road ahead if you plan to continue. As for meeting the parents, be yourself! The same advice applies to that above; if the GF takes the advice from the parents over what her heart says, then there is something wrong with the relationship before you start. She is in her late 20's and not in her teens. I know this will rub some people up the wrong way with the 'This is Thailand, things are done differently here' argument. (Late 20's is deemed to be close to the sell-by' date) Yes, this is true, but it is also the 21st century and attitudes are changing all the time. And why is she not wed already if a good catch......... 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Ricardo Posted January 17, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted January 17, 2014 Take her father a bottle of decent malt-whisky, to show respect & demonstrate that you're suitably respectful/generous/financially-solid, and ask your GF's opinion about what to give her mother. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post rijb Posted January 17, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted January 17, 2014 No offense. But, are you sure she is done with the boyfriend? 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Brevity Posted January 17, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted January 17, 2014 Perhaps your girl friend's father is a man who takes great pride in working and making a contribution to society through meaningful employment, so maybe he has some very serious doubts about a man who chooses to not work anymore when he's only in his early 40's, regardless of his financial situation. 16 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sceptict11 Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Interesting. I wonder on what basis the OP is staying in Thailand? There are very few legitimate means for someone in their 40's who is unmarried and not working to remain in country long term. If I was this educated ladies Dad I would ask some very searching questions ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post mmh8 Posted January 17, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted January 17, 2014 I had the same situation, I told the gf's old man not to worry, I would live cheap by eating and sleeping at their house, use their car to save on travel costs. No worries 16 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Bluetongue Posted January 17, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted January 17, 2014 OP fruit and something small on the day that you can share is fine. When it comes to your income/prospects you already told us, just tell them the same. Tell them you worked hard on your consultancy for long enough to be able to afford not to work until something that's right for you comes along. I don't see the Sinsod as a problem if it is only for show. As far as the cousin in Europe goes I would challenge your girlfriend on that, stick up for yourself tell her this cousin doesn't know me she doesn't know how hard I've worked etc. But don't lose your rag obviously. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post NancyL Posted January 17, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted January 17, 2014 I think Brevity may have hit on something. What is it exactly that you do to pass your time, davidst01? You and your new GF have been together just 2 - 3 months. That's probably a little early to start talking about sinsod, and your explanation that you worked hard earlier in life and now have a suitable income from your investments is adequate for this stage of your relationships. So what do you do with all your free time? Are you making the world a better place to live? Improving your mind? Learning new skills? Helping the less fortunate? Or are you part of the ranks of expat early retirees who hop on the barstool at 9 am, eat a high-fat western breakfast with a Chang chaser and whine about everything that's wrong with Thailand. I doubt that, but you can see where the parents might have cause for concern. 20 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post chiang mai Posted January 17, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted January 17, 2014 If the OP's post is true and complete my guess he has a very good chance of success and is likely unduly worried about the novelty aspects of the culture change. For some reason the OP's post ticks all the boxes for me and I would urge him to proceed on the same basis that got him to this point - most posters who present relationship stories here are obviously headed for trouble, not so this one. Good luck and ignore the idiots and naysayers. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oogster8 Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 that 2-3 month thing is trubblesome! run boy run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post meatboy Posted January 17, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted January 17, 2014 No offense. But, are you sure she is done with the boyfriend? he's sure her brother told him. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oogster8 Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 run boy run! that 2-3 motnh thing is a bad sign. girl working too fast! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post HeavyDrinker Posted January 17, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted January 17, 2014 (edited) Oh God!! not another one of those "Help me!!! I've got an 'educated upper class girlfriend" posts....! Edited January 17, 2014 by HeavyDrinker 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farma Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 I don't think the OP has much to worry about. The girls father is understandably concerned for his daughters future. It's not as if they are poor and looking for a cash cow. Both parents have good jobs along with the daughter holding medical qualifications and a good career. I know of similar sinsot amount being asked by parents of girls with similar qualifications. The fact that the parents will use it for show and return afterwards is a good sign. The amount can always be negotiated and doesn't necessarily need to be in cash. As for the cousin, ignore her advice. She doesn't know the whole story and you never know what her background was prior to moving to Europe. There are plenty of older unmarried women with university degrees that concentrated on careers instead of marriage. Ignore the if shes a good catch why isn't she married comments. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post transam Posted January 17, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted January 17, 2014 If the OP's post is true and complete my guess he has a very good chance of success and is likely unduly worried about the novelty aspects of the culture change. For some reason the OP's post ticks all the boxes for me and I would urge him to proceed on the same basis that got him to this point - most posters who present relationship stories here are obviously headed for trouble, not so this one. Good luck and ignore the idiots and naysayers. Thai folk discuss nothing without food on the table.........(dinner)........ It's what they do, so this is my first concern........ 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
h90 Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 sin sot doesn't really exist anymore in modern families. But it is often given for ceremonial purposes.....You give 500K to the parents and the parents give you as gift the car that you wanted to buy (which is worth 500K) or the land/house etc. Or you give the money and get it back immediately. Or even the parents give you the money before and you actually give it back. Something like that. But really money changing hands is only on the countryside, hardly when the father is Dr.. And there are more than enough relationships which the parents don't agree. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post n210mp Posted January 17, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted January 17, 2014 (edited) You have been invited to meet with the prospective in-laws. Make no mistake this is a very big deal for your girl friend and should not be underestimated. Without the parents blessing there will not be a happy future with this lady. Do not be too concerned by your lady asking her friend/s for emotional help because at the level of Thai society your girl is from there may well be concerns, there is in some respects a feeling that is definitely against mixed marriage to a Falang, especially one with no discernible means of support without a job. If I was your girls Father, I too would want a long interview with you. As far as the dowry is concerned, the amount could be described in the families circumstances as low and as long as your lady hasn't been married to anyone before and not had any children not unusually high. The fact that the parents would give this back after the wedding is a very good sign that the Sinsot is just for show and nothing more. Initially meeting the Mum and Dad for the first time can be stressful for both parties but if you keep your calm and your dignity, show that you really do love their daughter and you have the means, brains and self respect enough to support her then you will be OK. It may be sensible to explain to them that you do not intend to become a professional loafer all your life and maybe you have plans to build an hospital or a school or maybe even get a job as a school janitor but you will resume work at some foreseeable point in the near future Edited January 17, 2014 by n210mp 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 You have been invited to meet with the prospective in-laws. Make no mistake this is a very big deal for your girl friend and should not be underestimated. Without the parents blessing there will not be a happy future with this lady. Do not be too concerned by your lady asking her friend/s for emotinal help because at the level of "Class" you may well be marrying into there is in some respects a feeling that is definitely against mixed marriage to a Falang, especially one with no discernible means of support without a job. If I was your girls Father, I too would want a long interview with you. As far as the dowry is concerned, the amount could be described as low as long as your lady hasn't been married to anyone before and not had any children, the fact that the parents would give this back after the wedding is a very good sign that the Sinsot is just for show and nothing more. Initially meeting the Mum and Dad for the first time can be stressful for both parties but if you keep your calm and your dignity, show that you really do love their daughter and you have the means, brains and self respect enough to do that, then you will be OK. It may be sensible to explain to them that you do not intend to become a professional loafer all your life and maybe you have plans to build an hospital or a school or maybe even a job as a school janitor but you will resume work at some foreseeable point in the near future Nope........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slipperylobster Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Not surprised. My gal has a 44 year old (very cute) friend who still lives with her parents. No job, owns nothing, and never "married". She even has been to Germany (with her step father). They treat her like a teenager. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiang mai Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 (edited) Stop it TA, I've got side ache. Edited January 17, 2014 by chiang mai Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slipperylobster Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 LOL, 3 of my gals sisters eloped with their childhood boyfriends. Not much unhappiness or anger on the part of the mom. It is case to case, not really a steadfast rule. Some of these gals been married before...exercise extreeeeeeeme caution and stay away from conversations about money. Let you gal handle it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeavyDrinker Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Given the spate of threads in this vein of late you'd think having a Thai Girlfriend was akin to something you'd find in the SAS training manual. 1) Don't try and pull the mother 2) Don't kill the family pet 3) Don't break wind 4) You're 40, not 7...have you picked up no social skills in your time on this planet? 5) Perform all 'toilet functions' before you arrive. 6) You could try a neutral setting for your first meeting with the parents and draw things back in your favour, but not your fave Go-go bar or soapy massage shop. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meatboy Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 dai I don't know if you are aware of beautyfull thais but when you get a chance to visit her boudoir check the shaving cabinet in the bathroom,gillette is the most popular. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slipperylobster Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 sin sot doesn't really exist anymore in modern families. But it is often given for ceremonial purposes.....You give 500K to the parents and the parents give you as gift the car that you wanted to buy (which is worth 500K) or the land/house etc. Or you give the money and get it back immediately. Or even the parents give you the money before and you actually give it back. Something like that. But really money changing hands is only on the countryside, hardly when the father is Dr.. And there are more than enough relationships which the parents don't agree. No..I do not give. They love me anyways. Call me sticky sht but my gal says many in her family admire my stickiness. Don't believe a word about everyone having to pay 500 thousand which is immediately returned. Very humorous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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