Another one bites the dust...

[brit1984]

I am now an official member of the stupid-farang-sucker club, after my wife ran away earlier this month. This in itself is not particularly news worthy, but I would like to share my story with you as there is an interesting twist.

My wife has severe NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) or to put it another way she is evil. She (as with others with NPD) is very egotistical/selfish, views the world as revolving around herself, and does not care how her pursuit of her wants/needs (or what she thinks she wants/needs) affects other people.

We have been married for 4 years, and together for nearly 5 years (the first half of which was mostly spent in the UK, and the latter mostly in Thailand). During that time we had 2 kids and we built a big international business together (to be more accurate I built the company while we were together) so everything was moving very fast (which is the only reason/excuse I can give for my stupidity).

Anyway, we recently learned that my wife had been taking all the sales from the business and not paying rent, bills, interest to investors, etc (and taking out loans to pay staff and more loans for god knows that) so even though the business as an entity was making significant operating profits there was no cash and debts of +20 MB had built up (but mostly kept secret).

There had been clues for some time but we (myself and the senior managers) only connected the dots recently after speaking to one of the landlords who had not been paid rent for several months and had given a loan to my wife, which then lead us to contact other stakeholders who all told similar stories of deceit.

At that point, we (with help from landlords), cut my wife's access to the cash. The next day she ran away (with the explanation that she also has huge debts to loan sharks which she now cannot pay) and has only since been in touch to clarify she feels no sorrow and (of course) to ask for money.

The interesting twist is that I went into the relationship (unlike many other members of the stupid-farang-sucker club) without many assets to my name but I still got burned (as did many other people who were caught up in this story one way or another).

This is not meant as criticism of Thailand/Thais as since living here I have grown to love both the country and its people, and since this situation came to light I have been touched by the selfless help/support I have received from the people around me (including my wife's friends and family), which has really surprised me.

Not everyone who smiles is evil but all evil people can smile. Watch out for evil people.

[transam]

I know of similar stories which beggar belief as to how and why.

[Showbags]

Strange that you can, as the business owner and manager, let debts become so large, without knowing about it.

Anyway, by the sounds of it you have a good business, so work around it and trade out if you can...think how good the future will be without her and her hands in the till........head down, arse up and make it happen.....for the kids if nothing else.

[benalibina]

Sorty to read about your situation. Am rocking myself the same boat. NPD might come in question 2. You have been suckered for money.....i will probably loose my kids because of it. Evilness has no meaning for people like that. Big issue, as you deal with 2, is that the circle of your wife does not understand the disease of your wife and the fact that you are a foreigner does not help 2.

Be happy its only money...and not kids....the feeling of deceit and being played with is similar ofcourse. Devastating.

Good luck for u.

[Julie H]

After 5 years i introduce associates as friends.

Edited January 26, 2014 by Julie H

[Tmymaimee]

I think she probably felt like leaving a while back but delayed her departure due to the business growth and future opportunity. She then worked at amassing her wealth perhaps due to her belief of an unfair divorce settlement being in Thailand.

My circumstances very similar to yours as she stayed an extra 2 years longer than intended as my business was growing. Thai asset titles transferred to her mother's name then called it quits. Whatever; we started with nothing as well so hardly a goldigger and had I been able to stay faithful, we would still be together.

[Bender]

really out of curiosity, i notice that you did have more than 3000 messages on tv, so here my question: Are you one of those members

who spent their times claiming how much their gf/wife is different, that she come from a good family, she is so honest, you can trust her with you life, she will never harm you, she is the best thing that did happen in your life, and she love you maak????!

(Well inspite of warning, the cultural gap, language barriere, difference of wealth, her family, etc etc)

Because if you are one of them, who spent his times to spread myths and <deleted> on tv, well in fact you might have fooled some other members, but the biggest victims is...you!

Now its time for some weeks holidays, and after to start to build back yourself, and dont run again in the same problems as it seems that some never learn.......

[brit1984]

Strange that you can, as the business owner and manager, let debts become so large, without knowing about it.

Anyway, by the sounds of it you have a good business, so work around it and trade out if you can...think how good the future will be without her and her hands in the till........head down, arse up and make it happen.....for the kids if nothing else.

Thanks for the positive advice/outlook...

I was of course very stupid and there are about 20 other people who were stupid - but my wife was very clever to control information flow between people so although we all knew something, none of us knew the full story.

The business was growing so fast that it made sense (on paper) we had debt, and I knew about a lot of it, but I didn't know interest or repayments had not been made and that follow on loans had been made (so the total debt is more than double what we knew about and with many people expecting repayment much sooner than we can pay).

Luckily most lenders have been very understanding and the senior managers have agreed to stick around and basically work for free until we repay suppliers/landlords/lenders, etc. There will be a tough couple of years but I'm confident and quite excited about the future thereafter with the leakage now blocked...

[brit1984]

really out of curiosity, i notice that you did have more than 3000 messages on tv, so here my question: Are you one of those members

who spent their times claiming how much their gf/wife is different, that she come from a good family, she is so honest, you can trust her with you life, she will never harm you, she is the best thing that did happen in your life, and she love you maak????!

(Well inspite of warning, the cultural gap, language barriere, difference of wealth, her family, etc etc)

Because if you are one of them, who spent his times to spread myths and <deleted> on tv, well in fact you might have fooled some other members, but the biggest victims is...you!

Now its time for some weeks holidays, and after to start to build back yourself, and dont run again in the same problems as it seems that some never learn.......

That is a very interesting post.

I'm one of the guys who didn't discover Thaivisa (or really know anything about Thailand) until AFTER I married my wife.

Now I would actually say my wife is very DIFFERENT because most Thai people are not evil monsters with NPD.

[Showbags]

So whats the deal with the kids now then ?

They could become a bitter element in future dealings.

[thailiketoo]

Sorry for your loss. You said you built the business not your wife. Who did the books?

[brit1984]

Sorty to read about your situation. Am rocking myself the same boat. NPD might come in question 2. You have been suckered for money.....i will probably loose my kids because of it. Evilness has no meaning for people like that. Big issue, as you deal with 2, is that the circle of your wife does not understand the disease of your wife and the fact that you are a foreigner does not help 2.

Be happy its only money...and not kids....the feeling of deceit and being played with is similar ofcourse. Devastating.

Good luck for u.

I wouldn't care so much if it was my money - the sad thing is that it's also other people's money - although I will find a way to repay and all will be ok in the end.

Sorry to hear your story. I am confident of keeping the kids but nothing is certain. I hope you can find a way to maintain access to your kids. If you think NPD might be involved, try to research it to help in your battle.

[brit1984]

So whats the deal with the kids now then ?

They could become a bitter element in future dealings.

They are with in-laws who are also victims of this, but I have unlimited access.

I expect to swap custody for divorce once my wife inevitably finds a new guy.

[brit1984]

Sorry for your loss. You said you built the business not your wife. Who did the books?

accountants

[Showbags]

Sorry for your loss. You said you built the business not your wife. Who did the books?

accountants

Did you ask for a refund ?

[thailiketoo]

Sorry for your loss. You said you built the business not your wife. Who did the books?

accountants

My God they let 20 million in debt build up without telling you?

[harrry]

I am genuininely sorry for your loss. You were so proud of how well you and your wife did with businesess too.

[Showbags]

So whats the deal with the kids now then ?

They could become a bitter element in future dealings.

They are with in-laws who are also victims of this, but I have unlimited access.

I expect to swap custody for divorce once my wife inevitably finds a new guy.

Be careful, custody for divorce is not as attractive as custody for cash.

[edwardandtubs]

Why not declare bankruptcy and start over? Working for years just to pay off debts seems an odd choice, especially if you can't pay your staff.

[sam sen]

i diont really understand how you say you built the company but your wife seems to have had free rein with the finances? and was able to take out loans through the company with no one else knowing? surely as a businessman you would have had a system in place that required two signatories on cheques? this is a basic financial safeguard. dont you have an accountant?

[mick220675]

sorry pal, look after the kids the best you can.

[Showbags]

Why do the kids live with inlaws if you are running such a successful business ?

Regardless of time required to run such a busy enterprise...does it come first over your children ?

Nannies ?

[FiftyTwo]

Brit, so many of us have been there, we all though ours was different.

Thought mine was different for nearly 30 years before she stole everything she could, including our kids.

And she was a schoolteacher from the UK.

Hope you get through it.

PS

Not a member of "stupid farang sucker club".

Are a member of "thought I could trust my wife because we love each other club"

Edited January 26, 2014 by FiftyTwo

[benalibina]

Brit, so many of us have been there, we all though ours was different.

Thought mine was different for nearly 30 years before she stole everything she could, including our kids.

And she was a schoolteacher from the UK.

Hope you get through it.

PS

Not a member of "stupid farang sucker club".

Are a member of "thought I could trust my wife because we love each other club"

+1

[thaisaregrt]

if your wife took out the loans and she signed for them then they are hers not yours unless you co signed. I hope you are hitting her with fraud charges as that is exactly what has happened as well as seizing any and all her goods and chattles.

[Showbags]

if your wife took out the loans and she signed for them then they are hers not yours unless you co signed. I hope you are hitting her with fraud charges as that is exactly what has happened as well as seizing any and all her goods and chattles.

Isn't the husband responsible for half of the wifes debts here...no matter what ?

[Dancealot]

Thank you for posting your story, Brit. Another lesson learned.

I am glad to read you take some strength from the good people around you.

[FiftyTwo]

if your wife took out the loans and she signed for them then they are hers not yours unless you co signed. I hope you are hitting her with fraud charges as that is exactly what has happened as well as seizing any and all her goods and chattles.

Isn't the husband responsible for half of the wifes debts here...no matter what ?

Worse, he's jointly responsible, which means they chase you both until all debts are paid.

[ABCer]

Strange that you can, as the business owner and manager, let debts become so large, without knowing about it.

Anyway, by the sounds of it you have a good business, so work around it and trade out if you can...think how good the future will be without her and her hands in the till........head down, arse up and make it happen.....for the kids if nothing else.

Not so fast, Showbags, not so fast.

OP may have built the business. His wife/gf may have stolen money, but she is still holding 51% of whatever is left. If he pulls the business out of the shit hole, she doesn't even have to say thanks.

I think OP should cut losses and salvage what can be saved but very carefully and with advice of a lawyer/accountant before he ends up holding the crap stick. Business (not OP) should sue her for damages.

Edited January 26, 2014 by ABCer

[brit1984]

Sorry, for clarity on a few points...

Debts are mostly personal loans from mutual friends or people who I respect, hence why I will repay.

Our accountants were not responsible for handling cash / bank accounts, so it's not their fault. I trusted / allowed my wife to perform the treasury function, which was one of many stupid mistakes I made.

As my wife has not been paying rents, the landlords hold all the power and will support us to form new legal entities without my wife involved.

She has indeed defrauded the business, although sueing her would be pointless as we are quite sure she has already gambled away every baht but it remains an option for later.

My kids were living with us until this kicked off but they are better off with the in-laws until I get things under control, not least because the 20,000/month for the nanny is a luxury I cannot afford/justify right now.

After what has happened, I don't fully trust anyone (despite the in-laws appearing to be on my side) and am taking steps to protect my kids and secure custody of them, although my wife has never really bonded with them (I know that may be hard to imagine for anyone who has not met such a person).