My soon to be ex Thai wife and her secret lesbian life.....

[Scarpolo]

Also the real remorse that I feel is the fact that this woman used me, my social status and savings in my bank account for her benefit to get her ILR visa, it was me who filled out the paper work, me who took her to the UKBA on the day of the appointment, me me me on everything.... she couldn't and wouldn't even go to the doctor alone I had to take her there, she was no way independent at all, this is why it confused me that it was so easy to up and leave me and go out in the big wide world on her own....

Trust me on this,

her life will not turn out well,

AND if she truly deceived you,

what comes around on her, will not be pretty,

dee's get beaten up by their Tom's, on a regular basis,

she doesnt know the world she entered,

and she will be soon be back, to scar another,

if not you

[Scarpolo]

If you go into any university town at night you'll clearly see that most of girls are with a Tom. I know it's a phase but nevertheless shows that they have a propensity towards bisexuality.

"Most of the girls are with a Tom...?" I'd say that's a gross exaggeration. I live in a university town and although there are quite a few tom's/dee's, they are still in the minority. Many times, girls will hang together, hold hands, and act like a couple when they're just friends. An Asian thing. So how can you possibly tell? And the fact that Thailand is much more tolerant than the west and other societies allows same sex couples to be less discrete. Try this in Russia.

Good Point and so very true.

In many different Cultures you can see that with Men as well. As you said, it just means a close friendship with them when holding hands. Which means don't judge what you see until you fully understand what it was.

But for the rest lies a question.

If a 20 Something Pretty Bar Girl, can sleep with a Fat Middle Aged Man, she just met, for money, then why can't there be some who do the same with Fat Middle Aged Women, and for the same reason?

Women also probably pay better as they would be harder to find, with far less known bars, I would think, and probably using there Husbands Money.

The short answer is this:

A customer is a customer is a customer:

they go with who they are told to go with, and if it is a bar girl in chiang mai, they are usually so drunk, they have no idea who they are with

[Scarpolo]

The OP`s main concerns should be that now his Thai wife has become established in his country, she maybe able to take him to the cleaners via the divorce legal system, where in the West the philosophy is; what belongs to the wife, is hers, and what belongs to the husband, is also hers.

Has he thought of that?

My advice is; be prepared to receive a lawyers letter at any time and start covering his a-se while he has the chance.

I am deadly serious about this.

dear boy you really are living in the 90's with this.... may I inquire as to where you come from?

I have already petitioned for divorce and the court has recognised that she has received the papers but failed to respond or act accordingly.... thus I can and will divorce her for several reasons.

Because I already owned my property and she never paid a penny towards the mortgage or any bills in the house she has no right to strip me of my assets, we were married for 3 years and no children.... this info is in among the last few pages....

cheers for the concern

I come from the planet Zorg, where common sense prevails.

If you believe that your wife cannot legally gain a share of your assets, whether you owned them prior to your marriage and also that because you allege she paid nothing towards the mortgage or the upkeep of the matrimonial home, than you`re living in cloud cuckoo land my lad.

Under the law once your wife, either common law or married lives with you, than it becomes the matrimonial home and she has as many rights over the property as you do, plus she is entitled to 50% of any equity accrued on the home.

Perhaps you consider that because your wife is a foreigner living in your country, she is naive and will conveniently step out of your life without any claims from you whatever. But I can assure you her Thai friends will no doubt show her the way and the lawyers will advise and guide her through the divorce and how to gain her entitlements from the marriage. Whatever, her lawyers will insist that your wife receives some settlement from the divorce.

I am not saying this to be malicious or just for fun, similar happen to me years ago.

What i said in my previous post still stands, as all I am saying is; beware and also seek some professional advice before flying over to Thailand again (which can also strengthen her case against you) as if your wife is now out of the picture, because she is not.

You should recognise that you have a problem over and above just her lover, which I am trying to make you aware of, and how you decide to handle this is at your own discretion.

I am sorry this is something you would prefer not to hear, but unfortunately if not sooner than later, this situation is going to smack you right in the face with a vengeance.

Good luck to all who sail in her.

I do not know UK law, but, US law is clear:

what was obtained before the marriage belongs to each individual,

what is "acquired" during the marriage, is marital property, unless in a trust, or some specific agreement, ie; a dividend on an asset acquired before the marriage, would not be marital property,

where some people fail, is when they retitle old asstes into the marriage,

that is a mistake, and doesnt prove love, it proves lack of brains and good advisors

[Scarpolo]

I have never believed that any man or woman is predisposed to be sexually attracted to the opposite sex. What I have observed in my 66 years is that people are drawn into sin and perversion by the same means that the Devil has been using since the Garden of Eden when he tempted Eve. Every person is tempted in their lives by "the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh and the pride of life"...so that is "by sight, by touch and by their desire for a better life". A person can be totally committed to their marriage, then all of a sudden another person crosses their path that represents an overwhelming temptation, and they succumb. One's spouse is "reeled in" by someone who looks good to them, then gets too close and experiences something that feels good to them and then they are manipulated by that person with the promise of a better life. It can be another man or another woman. Sin has no boundaries...it will take you further than you want to go and make you stay longer than you want to stay!

In my case I was married with my former Thai wife for 18 years and we lived in the US where we were members of a 5000 member church. We were both highly visible because we were both involved in ministry together, and our marriage was the envy of our church family. I treated my wife with dignity and respect and strived to live the same life behind closed doors that I did in public. I was totally devoted to my wife and our family and am confident that I was very attentive to my wife's every need, and I worked hard to accumulate adequate resources so that we could live comfortably in retirement.

One day while in my office I received a phone call from a trusted neighbor saying that my wife and two strange men appeared to be moving out possessions from our home. I rushed home and found the house void of her personal effects and divorce papers placed on the kitchen counter. I went straight to the computer and discovered that she had plundered our joint bank accounts. After several failed attempts at reconciliation we were divorced in Mar 2010 and her motive remained a total mystery to me until 1 1/2 years later when I discovered that she had been having an affair before our breakup with a younger man, and she eventually married him. She walked away with half of our marital assets and now she is set for life and enjoying the resources of her new man who appears to be well to do financially.

During the period of our separation many couples from our church attempted to counsel her, and I too had talks with my pastor in an attempt to "get my head around" all that had happened. My pastor had the belief that some women just get to a point in their marriage where they want their freedom...at all costs, and for no other apparent reason. However, all along I suspected that my wife was having an affair, because in my estimation and from my own personal experience...nothing will make a woman give up a loving and committed relationship with her husband...except she be tempted by another man or woman.

Yes, it's true that we don't know both sides of the story in the case of the OP. But what I do know is that even if he were the perfect husband, if the wife was tempted beyond her own personal capacity to resist and carried away by her own lusts, then he should not blame himself. No man can be held responsible and accountable for the sins of another. What the OP is feeling right now is the "collateral damage" from the blow of betrayal. It is a dastardly wound and one that is not easily healed. So please...go light on the guy and let him have his voice heard. It's good therapy for him and we can all learn a great lesson from his misfortune.

What I want the OP to know is that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I am now happily married to a wonderful Thai woman and I am totally blessed beyond measure. Hang in there OP...you can't see where you're headed if your always looking in the rear view mirror. Get up every morning and add a new brush stroke to the painting of your future, and before long an image will begin to appear and hope will guide you and be your best friend along your journey. I'm rooting for you!!!!!!!!!!

Good Post and Thanks for sharing with us.

But one question to you if you please.

Had you been is some Missionary in Africa and poor as ...as...as a Church Mouse...do you think she would have left you even then?

He can believe what he wants,

Many people do not choose to be gay,

they are pre disposed to being gay,

and keep it to themselves until they can sort out what happened to them, who they are, and how to remain accepted by their families and peers,

they are pre disposed, they are in fact, born that way,.

they cant help it, they can only adjust to their reality

[fittobethaied]

I have never believed that any man or woman is predisposed to be sexually attracted to the opposite sex. What I have observed in my 66 years is that people are drawn into sin and perversion by the same means that the Devil has been using since the Garden of Eden when he tempted Eve. Every person is tempted in their lives by "the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh and the pride of life"...so that is "by sight, by touch and by their desire for a better life". A person can be totally committed to their marriage, then all of a sudden another person crosses their path that represents an overwhelming temptation, and they succumb. One's spouse is "reeled in" by someone who looks good to them, then gets too close and experiences something that feels good to them and then they are manipulated by that person with the promise of a better life. It can be another man or another woman. Sin has no boundaries...it will take you further than you want to go and make you stay longer than you want to stay!

In my case I was married with my former Thai wife for 18 years and we lived in the US where we were members of a 5000 member church. We were both highly visible because we were both involved in ministry together, and our marriage was the envy of our church family. I treated my wife with dignity and respect and strived to live the same life behind closed doors that I did in public. I was totally devoted to my wife and our family and am confident that I was very attentive to my wife's every need, and I worked hard to accumulate adequate resources so that we could live comfortably in retirement.

One day while in my office I received a phone call from a trusted neighbor saying that my wife and two strange men appeared to be moving out possessions from our home. I rushed home and found the house void of her personal effects and divorce papers placed on the kitchen counter. I went straight to the computer and discovered that she had plundered our joint bank accounts. After several failed attempts at reconciliation we were divorced in Mar 2010 and her motive remained a total mystery to me until 1 1/2 years later when I discovered that she had been having an affair before our breakup with a younger man, and she eventually married him. She walked away with half of our marital assets and now she is set for life and enjoying the resources of her new man who appears to be well to do financially.

During the period of our separation many couples from our church attempted to counsel her, and I too had talks with my pastor in an attempt to "get my head around" all that had happened. My pastor had the belief that some women just get to a point in their marriage where they want their freedom...at all costs, and for no other apparent reason. However, all along I suspected that my wife was having an affair, because in my estimation and from my own personal experience...nothing will make a woman give up a loving and committed relationship with her husband...except she be tempted by another man or woman.

Yes, it's true that we don't know both sides of the story in the case of the OP. But what I do know is that even if he were the perfect husband, if the wife was tempted beyond her own personal capacity to resist and carried away by her own lusts, then he should not blame himself. No man can be held responsible and accountable for the sins of another. What the OP is feeling right now is the "collateral damage" from the blow of betrayal. It is a dastardly wound and one that is not easily healed. So please...go light on the guy and let him have his voice heard. It's good therapy for him and we can all learn a great lesson from his misfortune.

What I want the OP to know is that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I am now happily married to a wonderful Thai woman and I am totally blessed beyond measure. Hang in there OP...you can't see where you're headed if your always looking in the rear view mirror. Get up every morning and add a new brush stroke to the painting of your future, and before long an image will begin to appear and hope will guide you and be your best friend along your journey. I'm rooting for you!!!!!!!!!!

Good Post and Thanks for sharing with us.

But one question to you if you please.

Had you been is some Missionary in Africa and poor as ...as...as a Church Mouse...do you think she would have left you even then?

He can believe what he wants,

Many people do not choose to be gay,

they are pre disposed to being gay,

and keep it to themselves until they can sort out what happened to them, who they are, and how to remain accepted by their families and peers,

they are pre disposed, they are in fact, born that way,.

they cant help it, they can only adjust to their reality

Scarpolo, I appreciate your comments. I am sure that you are sincere in what you believe, but with all due respect, it is no more a fact that people are predisposed to being gay than it is to say it is factual that "there is no God in a place called Heaven"! Folks will be debating both of these issues until Christ returns, and then we will all know the facts and the truth, but I respect your right to have an opinion.

[wym]

that, and another few quotes like

"You never lose your thai girlfriend, just your place in line"

are gems,

Indeed, instant classic, and almost profound - thanks!

the woman who left the OP may have been hiding her relationships, but not without his permission,

there is no way anyone can hide anything from anyone,

it is the things you chooose to "overlook" that come back to bite you in the ass and wallet every time;

but please, don;t say you didn't see it coming,

Grossly unfair to blame the victim so universally and categorically.

Some people are simply less perceptive and intuitive than those so obviously superior as you (think you) are.

Some scammers are just that much more devious and skilled at their acting trade - more important to the sex biz than anything physical.

Sure in many cases self-deception, wishful thinking delusion plays a part, but not all.

Unless you're talking about the fact that unconsciously we know everything about everyone, there are no real barriers between individuals, collective unconscious or Godhead or whatever.

Which may well be the case but IMO not relevant here.

The short answer is this:

A customer is a customer is a customer:

they go with who they are told to go with, and if it is a bar girl in chiang mai, they are usually so drunk, they have no idea who they are with

Didn't realize things we so different up there.

If you're talking about BARS as opposed to true brothels, out of thousands of encounters in my experience south of there, girls are free to choose whether to go or not. It is true that they can only consistently refuse many many customers AND keep their jobs if they are saying yes as well to enough to make their quotas - but if they are regular earners they definitely DON'T have to go with the mamasan's choices. Unless it's a particularly dickish cop/official or otherwise critical VIP.

Generally speaking if a girl doesn't like you you just have to keep offering more money until you overcome her qualms. But in many many cases I've seen girls turn down 5x 10x the going rate just because their intuition tells them to avoid a guy, often more the case than him being too fat or old. . .

Scarpolo, I appreciate your comments. I am sure that you are sincere in what you believe, but with all due respect, it is no more a fact that people are predisposed to being gay than it is to say it is factual that "there is no God in a place called Heaven"! Folks will be debating both of these issues until Christ returns, and then we will all know the facts and the truth, but I respect your right to have an opinion.

What a dinosaur - you're kind is thankfully dying off quickly. The only people that will think that way next generation are those home-schooled by fundie cultists in tiny isolated communities in Idaho/Utah/Montana.

Thank the Lord the tide has turned and it is your kind of attitude that is finally seen as perverted and sinful, not the fact of nature that sexual preferences run the gamut and there is no shame or sin in doing whatever feels right as long as no one is being hurt.

[metisdead]

Posts containing inappropriate language as well as profanity have been removed. Off topic posts removed as well.

[humqdpf]

'Patriarchal binary gender paradigm'.

Get the f...out of there you social-constructivist fantic.

There are two sexes male and female and some in between due to genetical abnormalities.

Gender is a made up word largely. Maybe I decide that I am infact female-gendered and therefore would like to visit the girls lockerroom? 'But you dress like a man, clearly you're not gender female' I hear you shrieking. But - alas - you are then being discriminatory! Who are you to say what gender roles are? They are after all only a construct of partriarchy. So it is in fact perfectly fine for me to identify as a female while dressed like a man with 5 o clock shadow.

I look forward to pursuing my new gender identity in women's locker rooms and showers in the coming time.

Thank you for helping me find my way.

PS.

Live and let live. The crazy social constructivist crowd is just as bad as the bigots.

All words are "made up," if you put it that way. The word Gender, when used properly, generally refers to how a person identifies him or herself sexually. Someone whose phenotype is one sex but whose genotype is the other (this was a big problem in sport for a long time) may well have the gender of one or the other. Someone whose phenotype is inconclusive could have either gender. And then there are those people whose brains were given a strong dose of one sex hormone when in the womb but were born with the phenotype of the other sex.

Gender works very well as a word because it is not the same as sexual orientation or sexuality, Instead, it refers to the identification of the person in their own mind. It has emerged, as words invariably do, because its use is called for.

Just because bathroom use is sometimes difficult to navigate for trangender folks does not mean that gender is not an issue. To overcome this, some schools in Thailand have a third bathroom for katoi.

Only Stalinist Russia or North Korea prevent the use of normal words. Gender originally came from grammar, not some social-contructivist origin. In different languages, certain nouns were deemed to have a masculine gender, some a feminine and some languages also have a neuter gender; which gender the noun will determine how the adjective is used. German and Latin have three genders.

[hotrod4098]

We were together 5 years total, 3 years married, I fell in love with this woman & she showed affection to me yes, I got SMS messages saying 'miss u' & all the usual kind of stuff right up to I'd say 2 months before the split, she worked & what she made was hers I paid for everything!

I'm quite blown away by it all really, only sussed it all out yesterday!

the same happened to me..done a runner with a guy from norway..my money was used for him to stay in

thailand...they even tried to scam me on a land deal for 600000 thb....

i hope karma works

[Scarpolo]

I have never believed that any man or woman is predisposed to be sexually attracted to the opposite sex. What I have observed in my 66 years is that people are drawn into sin and perversion by the same means that the Devil has been using since the Garden of Eden when he tempted Eve. Every person is tempted in their lives by "the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh and the pride of life"...so that is "by sight, by touch and by their desire for a better life". A person can be totally committed to their marriage, then all of a sudden another person crosses their path that represents an overwhelming temptation, and they succumb. One's spouse is "reeled in" by someone who looks good to them, then gets too close and experiences something that feels good to them and then they are manipulated by that person with the promise of a better life. It can be another man or another woman. Sin has no boundaries...it will take you further than you want to go and make you stay longer than you want to stay!

In my case I was married with my former Thai wife for 18 years and we lived in the US where we were members of a 5000 member church. We were both highly visible because we were both involved in ministry together, and our marriage was the envy of our church family. I treated my wife with dignity and respect and strived to live the same life behind closed doors that I did in public. I was totally devoted to my wife and our family and am confident that I was very attentive to my wife's every need, and I worked hard to accumulate adequate resources so that we could live comfortably in retirement.

One day while in my office I received a phone call from a trusted neighbor saying that my wife and two strange men appeared to be moving out possessions from our home. I rushed home and found the house void of her personal effects and divorce papers placed on the kitchen counter. I went straight to the computer and discovered that she had plundered our joint bank accounts. After several failed attempts at reconciliation we were divorced in Mar 2010 and her motive remained a total mystery to me until 1 1/2 years later when I discovered that she had been having an affair before our breakup with a younger man, and she eventually married him. She walked away with half of our marital assets and now she is set for life and enjoying the resources of her new man who appears to be well to do financially.

During the period of our separation many couples from our church attempted to counsel her, and I too had talks with my pastor in an attempt to "get my head around" all that had happened. My pastor had the belief that some women just get to a point in their marriage where they want their freedom...at all costs, and for no other apparent reason. However, all along I suspected that my wife was having an affair, because in my estimation and from my own personal experience...nothing will make a woman give up a loving and committed relationship with her husband...except she be tempted by another man or woman.

Yes, it's true that we don't know both sides of the story in the case of the OP. But what I do know is that even if he were the perfect husband, if the wife was tempted beyond her own personal capacity to resist and carried away by her own lusts, then he should not blame himself. No man can be held responsible and accountable for the sins of another. What the OP is feeling right now is the "collateral damage" from the blow of betrayal. It is a dastardly wound and one that is not easily healed. So please...go light on the guy and let him have his voice heard. It's good therapy for him and we can all learn a great lesson from his misfortune.

What I want the OP to know is that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I am now happily married to a wonderful Thai woman and I am totally blessed beyond measure. Hang in there OP...you can't see where you're headed if your always looking in the rear view mirror. Get up every morning and add a new brush stroke to the painting of your future, and before long an image will begin to appear and hope will guide you and be your best friend along your journey. I'm rooting for you!!!!!!!!!!

Good Post and Thanks for sharing with us.

But one question to you if you please.

Had you been is some Missionary in Africa and poor as ...as...as a Church Mouse...do you think she would have left you even then?

He can believe what he wants,

Many people do not choose to be gay,

they are pre disposed to being gay,

and keep it to themselves until they can sort out what happened to them, who they are, and how to remain accepted by their families and peers,

they are pre disposed, they are in fact, born that way,.

they cant help it, they can only adjust to their reality

Scarpolo, I appreciate your comments. I am sure that you are sincere in what you believe, but with all due respect, it is no more a fact that people are predisposed to being gay than it is to say it is factual that "there is no God in a place called Heaven"! Folks will be debating both of these issues until Christ returns, and then we will all know the facts and the truth, but I respect your right to have an opinion.

Anytime someone leads in a statement with "with all due respect" it is generally followed by an unsolicited recital of a persons bigotry.

If the shoe fits......

We will see your world view when one of your kids or grandchildren turn out as gay, lesbian, or something other than your perfect model of human kind,

but I assure you, your very own bible states that all men were gay, "in the begining" and God saw them all screwing eachother, and determined, it wasn't good, so, he gave them females....

sorry, but, that's from your God, your bible, your church, so, enjoy the pew

[Notable]

One of the horniest girls I ever met was an American girl in BKK here teaching. She told me she was being pressured by her family to live life as a Christian, but she knew religion was all b/s.Maybe your wife needed some good hard action! That's what most people enjoy after all. Americans on one level seem very intellectual, but when it comes to religious beliefs they will buy anything.

[Scarpolo]

We were together 5 years total, 3 years married, I fell in love with this woman & she showed affection to me yes, I got SMS messages saying 'miss u' & all the usual kind of stuff right up to I'd say 2 months before the split, she worked & what she made was hers I paid for everything!

I'm quite blown away by it all really, only sussed it all out yesterday!

I am pretty sure the "miss u" text message,

is thai to farange for "hello" are you still my _bitch_?

which, is fine, provided you understand, they are meant to incite emotion from you, as a tester,

and to relieve their boredom, direness, or other distresses too many of which to list?

does it work?

of course it does!

that is why the term exists........now, if you reply with, "what about me do u miss?

we may be on to something here.......I never tried that, I just said, "come over, I'm here"

[FiftyTwo]

You are all thinking too much.

If you want protection from your partner (who is probably the greatest threat to your well-being you will ever encounter).

1 You have sex with them as much as possible.

2 You give them as little money as you can get away with.

3 You restrict their access to your assets (no joint accounts, nothing purchased in their name, no access to your home country where a judge may give them more)

4 You forget everything you ever heard about, love, trust, and sharing.

It really isn't that hard is it?

Edited February 4, 2014 by FiftyTwo

[Scarpolo]

You are all thinking too much.

If you want protection from your partner (who is probably the greatest threat to your well-being you will ever encounter).

1 You have sex with them as much as possible.

2 You give them as little money as you can get away with.

3 You restrict their access to your assets (no joint accounts, nothing purchased in their name, no access to your home country where a judge may give them more)

4 You forget everything you ever heard about, love, trust, and sharing.

It really isn't that hard is it?

One of the very first pieces of advice given to me by a 15 year Brooklyn veteran of BKK was

1) dont fall in love, but love them all

then there was

2) don't even think of bringing a girl 21 years younger than you back to the USA

(she will quickly learn, she is the candy, where as here, she is at the end of the cane)

3) always use a condom.......

4) they are all working you,......some better than others.....

5) me, as a 6' 180 healthy white male with money, is the real candy, so enjoy the licking.....

I could go on, but, he has been right about everything

then I met a stranger who told me,

"you never lose your thai girlfriend, only your place in line" = priceless

and then the next one, never ask a man where he met gis thai g/f

so I don't