Looking for advice : What would you do?

[jojo90]

Not sure how long this post will end up being. I'm writing it in a mobile phone so please excuse any auto correct nonsense.

We met in a bar about 2-3 years ago, she had been there for about 6 months so I figured she wouldn't be too jaded by the experience. I didn't go to Thailand looking for a girlfriend but it just sorta happened that way.

There are 11 years between us and she 21.

I'm educated to a Masters degree while she didint finish high school. Her mum worked in various bars and sent her daughter there when she was old enough because she didint finish her education. Her mum is married to a man from Denmark so in theory is financially secure.

Her grandparents raised her and don't have a great deal of money.

I've supported her for the past three years with an average of about 20-25k a month. Sometimes more sometimes less. I've put her through one hairdressing school (she didn't finish, apparently one of the teachers tried to shag her). The second nail academy she did finish.

I've given up work now to travel Asia with her for a year. We are about 7 months into the trip now and I've probably got 2,500,000 left in the piggy bank.

With all the trips to Thailand, taking her to the UK for 6 months, and general support its fair to say I've invested a fair deal into the relationship. Probably north of 3 million. Naturally that doesn't include the time and emotion.

Getting into the point of this post... Sin Sod. Yes, I know I can search the forums (and have) but everyone is different, right?

It's a topic that just won't go away. She's asking for 1,000,000, plus something for engagement (100,000), oh and for me to cover all wedding expenses out of a different budget.

I've told her that she needs to compromise because it's not my culture to pay and I would happily give a total budget of 1,000,000 to marry with sin sod being whatever is left after expenses. This is about what it would cost in the UK and we could have a massive party for that in TH. The flat answer is no. She wants to be married once and for it to be perfect. In fairness she says she will wait until I have the money (I actually have it already) but this will mean she doesn't return to England with me at the end of our trip. Of course this would still mean money every month.

She also tells me the money is for show and will go to her ATM after and will be used for our future. Her mum doesn't need money. I'm not sure how much I trust this situation.

I do love her very much, she is a great looking girl and fun to be around. Occasionally bananas are thrown but that's the same for Thai and Farang.

The thing is I'm getting tired of the constant give give give money wise. This is the icing on the cake. From my perspective I've given a lot already including the prospect of a carear and future.

She wants babies, I've never had a desire for kids, might like them if I had one, but it's never in my subconscious. Would go with it if we married.

Right now she's gone home for a week while I have quiet time to plan the next leg of our trip. I guess this has given me some headspace to think.

On the one hand I could stay with her, pay what she wants, and have a great wife. On the other hand maybe this is just a huge warning and I need to look at things rationally (not easy in love) and just stop things now.

It's probable I won't have another year off work again so I need to make the most of my time.

I feel this is all just reduced to a financial transaction. If that's the case then maybe I should just set up in Thailand for the next 6 months and sleep with as many girls as I can. could have a great time with 1 mil in the back pocket. Enjoy myself then go find another farang wife .

Picking up girls in Thailand shouldn't be a problem for me (outside the bars). I'm still young and (<deleted> thing to say I know) and "LOR MAK MAK" is something I get a lot wandering around the non bar areas...

So what would you do, stay with her and build a future or go crazy for the next 6 months ?

Sent from my HTC One using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[Sheryl]

"I feel this is all just reduced to a financial transaction."

Exactly right. So that is your answer.

BTW in Thai culture it is the parents who request sin sod not the bride to be. So that also says something.

[Upnotover]

Leave immediately.

[Robininbkk]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vwNcNOTVzY&feature=kp

This sums it up.

[Lockheed]

Enjoy your holiday, clear your head, become a single person again.

Cease contact and cut the income stream.

You may get a discount when you come back but you'll need to play hard-ball and don't be a soft c....ck.

[Robininbkk]

It took you 3+ years to figure it out? Well, at least you haven't married her yet, so can still save yourself. Bargirls move fast, like a shark, it wouldn't take 3 years for her to give you an ultimatum of marriage and babies. Most would and have done it in as much as a few months after meeting.

1 million baht sinsod? A bargirl is damaged goods and worth a dogs arse in Thai society. In all Asian society actually. So she's taking the piss on you mate. Her family should pay you for taking care of their daughter, because no other Asian man would ever marry her.

If you are really ''lor mak mak'', why do you even bother to have an relationship with a bargirl? Fun for occasional entertainment, but not for really serious commitment.

NIce try, but troll is obvious troll...

[robertthebruce]

Jump Ship for sure...

[jojo90]

It took you 3+ years to figure it out? Well, at least you haven't married her yet, so can still save yourself. Bargirls move fast, like a shark, it wouldn't take 3 years for her to give you an ultimatum of marriage and babies. Most would and have done it in as much as a few months after meeting.

1 million baht sinsod? A bargirl is damaged goods and worth a dogs arse in Thai society. In all Asian society actually. So she's taking the piss on you mate. Her family should pay you for taking care of their daughter, because no other Asian man would ever marry her.

If you are really ''lor mak mak'', why do you even bother to have an relationship with a bargirl? Fun for occasional entertainment, but not for really serious commitment.

NIce try, but troll is obvious troll...

Hiya Robin, not a troll (feel free to look at my previous posts about getting her a UK visa, maybe 1 year back). I'd accept foolish

Why a bargirl? Well I'd just finished with my farang wife who pretty much withheld sex for a year. It just happened, what can I say?

Sent from my HTC One using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Edited February 15, 2014 by jojo90

[RecklessRon]

Why not tell her you expect a dowry, as is your countries custom? That dowry would, of course, exactly match the sin sod she's asking for. After all it is YOU who will be supporting her for the rest of her life thus taking a burden from her father, eh!

[namatjira]

Classic story....never heard this one before.....do not worry...in Thailand if you are ' LAW MAAK MAAK ', Then you have

no problems, why dont you dump the one that you have already spent a small fortune on and just hang around the high-so

educated middle class areas, being so handsome it sounds you could easily get a super model, highly educated,

has her own mercedes and house and the parents own a brewery and are super rich, they will be so happy to have

you as a son in law that they might pay you an allowance so they can parade their handsome farang amongst their

upper class friends.....lucky man the world is your oyster.....I wish I could find a girl to support like you have done,

at 25000 a month for 3 years thats only 900,000 baht sit down money.....did you pay for the hairdressing course and nail course by the way.

I would definitely consider the super-model scenario, give Chompoo a call, she is single.....there are millions of stunningly

beautiful educated and rich girls who have everything except a handsome farang like you.

The roads are paved with gold, you just have to walk down them......take the high-so option, you will thank me

for the advice once you are sipping the dom-perignon champagne whilst relaxing in your private spa with your new

super model wife who hangs on your every word of wisdom while she feeds you caviar.....yes, many of us take that option,

it makes life much simpler

[namatjira]

oh and just by coincidence I know a very beautiful bar girl who has only just started work, first day actually,

and she will take 20,000 a month and only 500,000 sin-sot , she did ask though, is the 20,000 guaranteed for life

while you are away working , yes she will sit idly by and entertain you for 3 weeks every year on your holidays.

You see at 20,000 over a year that means you are only paying 240,000 baht for 3 weeks of unbridled sex.

You not only handsome you are clever too.......run now my man you have been done like a dogs dinner.

[Seashore]

Can't believe this is happening to you? There are that many stories out there that are same, same. Walk into any bar and you will hear them.Of course this girl is different..........right, and she loves you for your great body, conversation, degree, and sense of humour! Get real!

[transam]

You managed to get a visa for a gf to the UK for 6 months, hmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I think reading your post you are a troll, if not daft...........

[steven100]

After 3 years and you still need TV's bar judges to advise you the best way to go.

I not believe ...

[Skint]

Pump the mother before getting rid of her.

[krisb]

I've gotta stop reading these same old stories.

Does my head in just thinking about them.

[namatjira]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vwNcNOTVzY&feature=kp

This sums it up.

that is absolutely brilliant, have not laughed so much in years

[FiftyTwo]

"I feel this is all just reduced to a financial transaction."

Exactly right. So that is your answer.

BTW in Thai culture it is the parents who request sin sod not the bride to be. So that also says something.

Yep, she's an experienced prostitute, all your transactions with her are financial.

[FiftyTwo]

Hiya Robin, not a troll (feel free to look at my previous posts about getting her a UK visa, maybe 1 year back). I'd accept foolish

Why a bargirl? Well I'd just finished with my farang wife who pretty much withheld sex for a year. It just happened, what can I say?

I agree,

Prostitutes are great for sex, but rubbish for anything else.

[paz]

My question to the OP is, where is any originality on your story? Do you realize that you are doing the same exact things (read: mistakes) that other tens of thousands have done ?

That is why you are being called a troll. If at least your story had a somehow a different angle, it would be more interesting to debate. But like this seem to be the "Thailand fever" kind of story re-written and read one million times already. Boring.

With the flat way you put it "I want to marry an ex-prostitute, she asks for money all the time but I'm uncomfortable, what do you think?", you will get just kicks in the balls on this forum.

If you can't protect youself from being manipulated by a Thai girl, at least protect yourself from peer judgmentm by not exposing your will financial and sentimental destruction.

[Waterloo]

I've gotta stop reading these same old stories.

Does my head in just thinking about them.

+1

[Choonpon]

Before marriage, you are already being squeezed dry. How long more can you survive after marriage? It is a bottomless pit you are jumping into.

[landslide]

"On the one hand I could stay with her, pay what she wants, and have a great wife. On the other hand maybe this is just a huge warning and I need to look at things rationally (not easy in love) and just stop things now."

You have invested a lot of time and money in this relationship, but unfortunately, like some investments we make in life, it does not look like you will get the return you want. Frankly, her sin sod demands are outrageous. To me, they indicate a mindset that values you for you what you will give her monetarily, and not for you yourself. It is possible that she is getting pressured by her mom, who seems to be experienced in manipulating farang. If you are going to go through with this, set an amount of sin sod that you are prepared to write off, and pay no more. If she is unwilling to compromise, you need to walk away. You are still young, it appears well educated, and it sounds like you have decent prospects in life. If you are dead set on marrying a Thai woman, there are many beautiful, educated women who would consider you a catch. Marriage should be a partnership, not a financial proposition..

[john1000]

Highly likely the op already knows all the answers. Maybe like so many others labelled as a Troll, just wants it off his chest.

Talking/texting helps.

[benalibina]

Highly likely the op already knows all the answers. Maybe like so many others labelled as a Troll, just wants it off his chest.

Talking/texting helps.

Empathy is not lost on this forum. Well done.

[AlexRRR]

Nice to know not all the fools who take after bar girls are old fat and stupid.

[CharlieH]

Another girl riding the gravy train, another guy who needs to wake up!

As stated elsewhere, parents decide the sinsod not the girl, these days most make show for ceremonial purposes and the money is returned to YOU not her bank account. She has been milking you in more ways than one, has been receiving more than the average Thai wage from you for absolutely nothing and enjoyed extensive travel.

Such a familiar story, frankly its just boring and very predictable, DONT BE A STATISTIC!

[monim]

Must leave her. You took too much time to reliaze this. Bargirls are not suitable of marriage. You can find other one. So search for new one and don't think about that bargirl.

[Mentors]

You dont have to pay sin sod to a girl with nightlife experience or kids.

This is was Thai people told me years ago.

Edited March 21, 2014 by Mentors

[bandos2000]

OP, still out there ? i would hope you ran from that girl ,as it would most likely end in tears at some point. update ? ive been married twice in asia, once to a thai bar girl , and once to a normal working laos girl , both times the dowry was very small, mostly just gave their mum some money and paid for a modest wedding, i did also date another thai bar girl for while , she was smoking hot , no kids, when the subject came up she wanted 500k , ran from that one quick smart.