Should I feel guilty about using Dummies?

[David48]

Should I feel guilty about using Dummies?

I bought some Pacifiers/Dummies (BPA Free) over to Thailand.

When the TWINS cry and they've been fed, burped, dry nappy, no rashes/itches, comfortable lying position, not hot/cold ... none of the usual signals ... but they are still crying whingeing.

One is just asleep, but the other refuses to settle.

I unpacked the Dummy for the first time the other day, gave it a wash and popped it in ... and felt guilty.

Sure, he stopped crying ... but he sucked and sucked and sucked ... hoping for some milk maybe (he wasn't hungry) ... I honestly felt sorry for him ...

Do you guys (not gender specific) use/used them?

Feel guilty?

A Newbie Dad ...

OH ... for a bit of fun, may I ask what Google ad appeared on this page for you as they try and match it up ...

.

[Old Croc]

Thai love links

[canman]

I had no issues using dummies with my boys. Only used them at night to help them settle and would not let them have it during the day. Weaned off it by around 18 months.

[Boo]

babies don't like dummies because they think they are getting fed, they like the comfort the sucking gives them.

My son ditched his dummy at 2 & half years old by himself yet still made "nuunuu" (dummy) mouth whenever he was upset for another year or se after, he didn't need the dummy just the sucking motion to sooth himself.

IMO a dummy is also much better than thumb sucking, which is basically the same thing for a baby except it is much harder to "get rid of" the thumb.

[EyesWideOpen]

No need for a dummy. My daughter never ever used one, and she turned out fine at three years old.

Excessive use can deform the mouth... http://www.ivillage.com/can-pacifiers-damage-palate/6-n-136682

If the child has a need, then address it instead of being lazy and sticking in a pacifier....

[rhythmworx]

Get one of them rockers with an electronic thing on, that will gently bounce him to sleep.

Maybe he had a bit of wind etc...

Edited March 4, 2014 by rhythmworx

[Skint]

The best way is to give mothers norks, once bored they sleep.

Alternative is to have someone else rock them to sleep ie the MIL and FIL.

[sustento]

Do what the Victorians did. Give 'em gin!

[David48]

Do what the Victorians did. Give 'em gin!

I'm saving that for their Father!

[Forethat]

None of mine behaved as if they needed one so we never got them any...but I guess we were just lucky.

[eezergood]

No need for a dummy. My daughter never ever used one, and she turned out fine at three years old.

Excessive use can deform the mouth... http://www.ivillage.com/can-pacifiers-damage-palate/6-n-136682

If the child has a need, then address it instead of being lazy and sticking in a pacifier....

Nonsense!

My little un is teething & chomps on his dummy most of the day! Not interested in any of the other chewy toys, this is the only thing that gives him relief.....

[Puyai]

My boy has never used one, like someone said above never had the need. Must be lucky as teething doesn't seem to bother him to much either.

Probably be harder to wean them off it as to address the situation..

[EyesWideOpen]

No need for a dummy. My daughter never ever used one, and she turned out fine at three years old.

Excessive use can deform the mouth... http://www.ivillage.com/can-pacifiers-damage-palate/6-n-136682

If the child has a need, then address it instead of being lazy and sticking in a pacifier....

Nonsense!

My little un is teething & chomps on his dummy most of the day! Not interested in any of the other chewy toys, this is the only thing that gives him relief.....

Really........ I assume you have a computer, so go to Google and carefully type in

"pacifier causing mouth problems" and actually read some of the 13.4 million results...

When my daughter was teething, I would give her little chips of ice to help stop

the pain. Wow, saw that tip on the internet too...... Or as my wife calls me , Internet Dad.....

[transam]

Every babe is different, what works for one may not work for another. A trial and error thing for a peaceful life........

Remember, you don't see many young kids out playing with dummies after a certain age, so you just get through that early stage with what works for you and bubs.

[eezergood]

I also don't see too many adults with dodgy mouths!

I can google Elvis and find millions of sightings, doesn't make it so! I read the same

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[Boo]

Practically every one I know used a dummy incl my son, neice, sister, myself & oh not one has a problem with their mouth.

Not everything you read on the interwebs is right. Just, you know, FYI

[EyesWideOpen]

I also don't see too many adults with dodgy mouths!

I can google Elvis and find millions of sightings, doesn't make it so! I read the same

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Sigh, ok I rest my case in the face of absolutely overwhelming logic........

[EyesWideOpen]

Practically every one I know used a dummy incl my son, neice, sister, myself & oh not one has a problem with their mouth.

Not everything you read on the interwebs is right. Just, you know, FYI

The wealth of information available on the internet is nothing short of mind boggling.

But it is all about the source. So if someone has a blog about aliens coming , I do

not pay a lot of attention. If John Hopkins University publishes a paper regarding

cancer prevention, I will pay close attention.

In the past, information about raising a child was limited to a grandmother, reading

Dr. Spock's book, a few relatives who have grown children, or a neighbor. Now in

essence the knowledge on mankind is right at your fingertips via the web. It is a resource

I use extensively, in regards to protecting the most important thing in my life. With any

issue facing my child regarding a doctor visit, I will research the problem extensively online. Now

when I am talking with the doctor, I am a well informed consumer, can

ask intelligent questions, and jointly come up with the best solution...

The ultimate horror of any parent is SIDS. Needless to say, I did a LOT of research on

that issue. To my astonishment on the day my daughter was born, a very professional

looking Thai nurse comes into the room, and carefully explains to my wife that the baby

should be put to sleep on her stomach....... Which is completely wrong. My wife did not

know any better, and Thais tend to follow other Thais in a position of authority. So I

had to show her why it was wrong, using the internet. Now she absolutely trusts my

judgement on any issue facing our child.

[richard_smith237]

With a 3 month old we have faced the situation of an unconsolable baby... The Dummy / pacifier has helped, especially when he's crying in the car seat (he's really not impressed at being strapped in !)...

I've not once thought negatively of using a dummy or felt guilty that its helped our child relax enough to drop off to sleep.

Each child is different, each parent is different. I see the dummy as a harmless tool which gives the child momentary comfort when other options are unavailable (such as holding and rocking him, which we can't readily do when he's in the car or pushchair).

Giving him the dummy for 5 mins while preparing the bottle also prevents him from getting too upset to feed properly.

That said: He's not really taken to a dummy but seems to enjoy sucking his hand !!... Yes, it looks like he tries to get his whole hand in his mouth sometimes !...

[richard_smith237]

Practically every one I know used a dummy incl my son, neice, sister, myself & oh not one has a problem with their mouth.

Not everything you read on the interwebs is right. Just, you know, FYI

The wealth of information available on the internet is nothing short of mind boggling.

But it is all about the source. So if someone has a blog about aliens coming , I do

not pay a lot of attention. If John Hopkins University publishes a paper regarding

cancer prevention, I will pay close attention.

In the past, information about raising a child was limited to a grandmother, reading

Dr. Spock's book, a few relatives who have grown children, or a neighbor. Now in

essence the knowledge on mankind is right at your fingertips via the web. It is a resource

I use extensively, in regards to protecting the most important thing in my life. With any

issue facing my child regarding a doctor visit, I will research the problem extensively online. Now

when I am talking with the doctor, I am a well informed consumer, can

ask intelligent questions, and jointly come up with the best solution...

The ultimate horror of any parent is SIDS. Needless to say, I did a LOT of research on

that issue. To my astonishment on the day my daughter was born, a very professional

looking Thai nurse comes into the room, and carefully explains to my wife that the baby

should be put to sleep on her stomach....... Which is completely wrong. My wife did not

know any better, and Thais tend to follow other Thais in a position of authority. So I

had to show her why it was wrong, using the internet. Now she absolutely trusts my

judgement on any issue facing our child.

My Wife and I faced a very similar issue with the SIDS risks involved with an infant sleeping on their front with relatives of my Wife becoming fairly persistent until my Wife presented them with information from the internet outlining the additional risks.

We've had to use the same 'internet tactic' a few times - Feeding the baby a little honey to assist with pooping was another no-no...

Car seat use, not over dressing the baby, keeping the room at a pleasant cool temperature (no the baby isn't too cold in air-con when dressed).

But - I / we have digressed... A Dummy / Pacifier like anti-colic bottles, steamers are all tools which aid parenting... Over use may be an issue only if overuse is permitted.

[jimky]

4 children, the thought to use one was never had. Each was eating food before having teeth could be the reason or maybe perhaps because both parents had light work schedules most our time was about them, or maybe just lucky. No clue.

[orpheus454]

I'll address the first part of your question:

As long as you're making informed, rational parenting decisions in the best interests of your kids you shouldn't feel guilty about anything.

Parenting, liking anything else important in life, involves lots of compromises (plural used advisedly). Compared to others you'll make in the future, whether you choose to use a dummy or not is small beer.

Get informed, listen to advice and then take executive decisions either individually or jointly with the other parent as appropriate.

Keeping guilt out of parenting is an important theme of Steve Biddulf's work, even when with hindsight we recognize a previous decision or action as non-optimal (this word also used advisedly).

As my mum once said, "Everyone always knows how to bring up other people's children."

Except when they don't...

[LukKrueng]

I was all against using a dummy. My mum didn't think much of my "new age daddy" ideas and went to get the best available (ergonomic and such) dummies and tried to push it to my daughter's mouth. My daughter kept spitting it out, refusing to suck on it, never ever sucked a thumb either

[nanapong]

Don't feel guilty , Mum will soon be stuffing chilli , smelly fish and many other nasty things down their throats. A dummy is good !!!

[nanapong]

I'll address the first part of your question:

As long as you're making informed, rational parenting decisions in the best interests of your kids you shouldn't feel guilty about anything.

Parenting, liking anything else important in life, involves lots of compromises (plural used advisedly). Compared to others you'll make in the future, whether you choose to use a dummy or not is small beer.

Get informed, listen to advice and then take executive decisions either individually or jointly with the other parent as appropriate.

Keeping guilt out of parenting is an important theme of Steve Biddulf's work, even when with hindsight we recognize a previous decision or action as non-optimal (this word also used advisedly).

As my mum once said, "Everyone always knows how to bring up other people's children."

Except when they don't...

Good grief , " executive decisions ". It's a <deleted> baby not a commodity and they'll be brought up the Thai way. If i remember correctly David lives in the sticks ( apologies if i'm wrong ) so there won't be many board meetings to discuss how the babies are brought up.

Edited March 8, 2014 by nanapong

[Pacificperson]

I used them for all three kids with no problems. Sometimes when they didn't work, I would strap them in the carseat and take them for a drive. It was plan B, and it usually worked.

[falangadang]

We have 3 boys and only one of them used a dummy.

All babies are different so don't let anyone tell you its right or wrong.

Our 2nd boy would be pacified if he could keep on sucking his mum's finger. So we got him the pacifier and it worked wonders.

Then when he was around 1 year old he just gave it up without any dramas.

Do whatever works,.. and just because you have twins doesn't mean they have the same personalities.

Congratulations on your new twins!

[PMZ]

We did not use them for either of our two boys, never had the need and found other ways to calm them when needed.

There are many views for and against their use, so its hard to make a uniform call, as each baby and family circumstance is different.

That said, if you do go down the usage road, I have heard that using only evening / night (as stated above) is a good idea as it helps to stimulate the 'sleeping time' thoughts of the brain and, wean them off as early as is possible.

Remember, although every phase at present with your babies seems like a lifetime, in reality each phase is incredibly short, so what seems like a lifetime of endless crying or whining now, it will be gone in a month or so. Cherish each moment, good or bad, because they are all special.

Have fun.

[NoshowJones]

Get one of them rockers with an electronic thing on, that will gently bounce him to sleep.

Maybe he had a bit of wind etc...

Put some jam on it. Seriously, I was brought up with five brothers and a sister, and none of us ever had dummies. They are for lazy parents, used just to shut the babys up. Spend some time with them instead.

[laislica]

A great question David, takes me back 40 years when we thought babies were things to be fed at one end and wiped at the other. We had no idea and everything scared us to death.

The colour of the poop changed to something horrible - OMG rush to the Dr.

Our first daughter wouldn't settle and cried so much that I fully understood why parents can "shake" a baby to death accidentally!

She was bottle fed and in fact over fed. She was crying for water to help her liver cope with the food overload.

The clinic were happy that her weight gain was off the chart!

I collected all the stats about the number of calories the baby got daily by dividing the total number of feeds into the total calories shown on the SME powder. Plus detailed weight charts. There was no internet back then, we had Babyhood by Penelope Leach LOL, it was our bible.

After a few weeks of this torment, we made the feed as usual, then threw 10% away and replaced it with water.

Her weight gain reduced and ran parallel to the guide chart.

The clinic said the baby was ill and we should feed more!

We ignored them and the baby settled down and the crying stopped and everyone was relieved.

This was back in the day when we didn't know how to make 1 scoop full.

The "leveling action" with a knife compressed excess powder into the scoop, causing the over feed.

Dummies were quite frowned upon then and we didn't use them - I think we should have.

Feeling guilty is good, it means that you are thinking about things but now you have thought, taken direct action (made this thread) give up any feelings of guilt.

++EDIT

I should say that the stress for both me and my wife was off the charts too.

We were sailing in uncharted waters and both sleep deprived as well.

It felt wrong to reduce the food and those feelings were not helped by the rantings of the professionals.

++

The best time with babies is when they are new and you get to see them wonder what the hell is happening when one of their limbs thrashes across their face! When they grab it and finally realise - it's theirs!

When they start to learn how to control it.

There are some great links in the web, here's one for starters.....

http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Child_development_(3)_six_to_nine_months?open

Enjoy the baby and have a great time.

Sorry, I ran out of likes for today.

Edited March 8, 2014 by laislica