The Boy Who Laughed At Santa Claus

In Baltimore there lived a boy.

He wasn't anybody's joy.

Although his name was Jabez Dawes,

His character was full of flaws.

In school he never led his classes,

He hid old ladies' reading glasses,

His mouth was open when he chewed,

And elbows to the table glued.

He stole the milk of hungry kittens,

And walked through doors marked NO ADMITTANCE.

He said he acted thus because

There wasn't any Santa Claus.

To be continued

Love Sant-Saens "Carnival of the Animals", words by Ogden Nash and spoken by Noel Coward.

The ElephantElephants are useful friends,Equipped with handles at both ends.They have a wrinkled moth-proof hide.Their teeth are upside down, outside.If you think the elephant preposterous,You've probably never seen a rhinosterous.KangaroosThe kangaroo can jump incredible,He has to jump because he is edible.I could not eat a kangaroo,But many fine Australians do.Those with cookbooks as well as boomerangs,Prefer him in tasty kangaroomeringues.

Treasures of a forgotten era Ken, now usurped by things like YouTube.

................................................................................................................

Another trick that tickled Jabez
Was crying 'Boo' at little babies.
He brushed his teeth, they said in town,
Sideways instead of up and down.
Yet people pardoned every sin,
And viewed his antics with a grin,
Till they were told by Jabez Dawes,
'There isn't any Santa Claus!'


Deploring how he did behave,
His parents swiftly sought their grave.
They hurried through the portals pearly,
And Jabez left the funeral early.

tbc.

Like whooping cough, from child to child,
He sped to spread the rumor wild:
'Sure as my name is Jabez Dawes
There isn't any Santa Claus!'
Slunk like a weasel of a marten
Through nursery and kindergarten,
Whispering low to every tot,
'There isn't any, no there's not!'


The children wept all Christmas eve
And Jabez chortled up his sleeve.
No infant dared hang up his stocking
For fear of Jabez' ribald mocking.

more later

He sprawled on his untidy bed,
Fresh malice dancing in his head,
When presently with scalp-a-tingling,
Jabez heard a distant jingling;
He heard the crunch of sleigh and hoof
Crisply alighting on the roof.
What good to rise and bar the door?
A shower of soot was on the floor.


What was beheld by Jabez Dawes?
The fireplace full of Santa Claus!
Then Jabez fell upon his knees
With cries of 'Don't,' and 'Pretty Please.'
He howled, 'I don't know where you read it,
But anyhow, I never said it!'
'Jabez' replied the angry saint,
'It isn't I, it's you that ain't.
Although there is a Santa Claus,
There isn't any Jabez Dawes!'

and more to come.

Said Jabez then with impudent vim,
'Oh, yes there is, and I am him!
Your magic don't scare me, it doesn't'
And suddenly he found he wasn't!
From grimy feet to grimy locks,
Jabez became a Jack-in-the-box,
An ugly toy with springs unsprung,
Forever sticking out his tongue.


The neighbors heard his mournful squeal;
They searched for him, but not with zeal.
No trace was found of Jabez Dawes,
Which led to thunderous applause,
And people drank a loving cup
And went and hung their stockings up.


All you who sneer at Santa Claus,
Beware the fate of Jabez Dawes,
The saucy boy who mocked the saint.
Donner and Blitzen licked off his paint.

Ogden Nash

Oh, those Americans! Don't they teach grammar at school? "I am him" grates; it's just so wrong.

The point has obviously passed you by.

Never mind, my next contribution will hopefully be more acceptable.

The point has obviously passed you by.

Never mind, my next contribution will hopefully be more acceptable.

I look forward to your next contribution.

I have greatly enjoyed Ogden Nash's fine doggerel over the years.

One of the few poems I can quote by heart is one of his:

I think that I shall never see

a billboard lovely as a tree.

Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,

I'll never see a tree at all.

And I'm not averse to severely strained rhymes. (I'm a great fan of Tom Lehrer.)

However, the egregious abuse of a copular verb is a step too far.