Men's Manifest

[Bozo]

MEN’S MANIFEST

(ONCE AND FOR ALL)

Woman,

If you think you are fat, it is probably true. Don’t ask me the question, as I shall refuse to answer it.

If you want something, you only need to ask.

Let’s clarify things: we are simple people. We do not understand subtil indirect requests.

Direct indirect requests do not work out.

Obvious indirect requests do not work out either. Just tell things as they are.

If you ask a question to which you do not expect any answer, don’t be surprised to get an answer you don’t want to hear.

We are SIMPLE. When I ask you to give me the salt, I only mean that. I am not reproaching you that it is not on the table. There is no insinuation or reproach, we are really SIMPLE.

We are SIMPLE. It is no use to ask me what I think about, 96.5% it is about sex. Don’t misunderstand, we are not obsessed with sex, it is only what pleases us most, unfortunately, we are SIMPLE.

Sometimes I don’t think about you. There is nothing serious here. Please get used to it. Don’t ask me what I am thinking about, unless you are ready to talk about things like politics, economy, football or racing cars. Sunday = big brunch = friends = football watching on TV. This is like the full moon or the tide, it is inevitable.

To go shopping is not funny, and I, myself, will never find it interesting.

When we must go somewhere, whatever the clothes you wear, they will fit you perfectly. I swear.

You have enough clothes. You have too many pair of shoes. Crying is blackmail. Most men have three pairs of shoes only. May I insist, we are simple. What in heaven could ever let you think I can be of any asssistance to you for deciding which one of your thirty pairs fits you best ?

Simple answers as YES or NO are absolutely acceptable whatever the question is.

When you have a problem, come to see me only if you are expecting help to solve it. Don’t ask me to feel sorry for you as if I were one of your girlfriends.

A headhache which lasts 17 months is not a headhache. Go to see a doctor.

When I tell you something which can be interpreted in two different ways and that one of the interpretations could make you feel sad or worried, my intention is to say the other one.

ALL men see only 16 colors. Plum is a fruit, not a color.

What the ###### is this “fuchsia” color ? And even worse, how is this thing spelt ?

We enjoy beer as much as you do handbags.

When I am asking you what is wrong and that you answer me “nothing”, I shall believe you and do as if everything were fine.

Don’t ask me “do you love me ?” Just be sure that if I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t be with you. The most basic rule, before having any hesitation towards us : go to the most simple.

WE ARE REALLY SIMPLE

PLEASE DISTRIBUTE THIS MANIFEST

TO THE BIGGEST POSSIBLE NUMBER OF WOMEN,

SO THEY SHALL AT LAST UNDERSTAND MEN,

ONCE AND FOR ALL.

DISTRIBUTE IT ALSO TO THE BIGGEST POSSIBLE NUMBER OF MEN WHOM YOU KNOW SO THEY KNOW THEY ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE FIGHTING.