Is Thai bar girl different to most?

[RandomSand]

538 posts now. Amazing Thailand.

Is that all? You better have a few more drinks for the old "off-topic-road".

[alanrchase]

538 posts now. Amazing Thailand.

Is that all? You better have a few more drinks for the old "off-topic-road".

Lost the plot awhile ago.

[Berkshire]

Maybe I come across a bit of a tool but I have feelings for this girl and I need to know that her feelings are true and that her true intentions are a long term future with me and not the bar and other men.

Not sure if anyone's brought it up yet, but have you read the book Private Dancer? You should. You're in the lead role.

Do NOT read this book. I got through the first 50 pages and tossed it in the bin. Not because it wasn't true but because it was just about the most depressing read imaginable. No man could be expected to trust a Thai lady with such experiences in the back of his mind. Instead of being guided by someone else's bad experience, create your own good one. Just use a bit of common sense. No Thai lady can ever take from you what the western courts do, unless you are very foolish.

Geez man, what a wacko reply. I've read that book and I still trust most Thai women (BG's different altogether). I'm trying to help the young lad because much of what's in that book fits his situation. But he can still decide for himself. Out of curiosity, when you read a ghost story, does it make you believe in ghost?

[Berkshire]

Just to reply back to a few people. If she really had a husband would she really tattoo my name which reads *** loves ****. Highly unlikely especially when the tattoo is visible. Also like I say I give her no money so what would be in it for her and the husband? I do not deny that this widely happens along with a lot of other crazy things in Thailand. It comes at no surprise to me to see all sorts of stuff happening regarding money etc as I see all the thais we get in the casino but the girl I am seeing seems nothing like the thai girls I know here. Not all bar girls have several phones for several boyfriends and several Facebook accounts. Mine has an iPhone 4, takes care of herself and hasn't asked me for anything. Now I appreciate a lot of advice on here and I know there's stuff that I have seen that I don't want to hear but right now I don't think a lot of the bad stuff applies here. At the moment I see good in her. Maybe that will change but I can't just hold bad judgement on her just because of the job she does. I now fully believe her that she does not bar fine. Since I posted on here it has made me think so much with the comments that have been posted and it made me very paranoid about her. I have started accusing her of all sorts and today she finally had enough of all the accusations. She deleted me on Facebook which she has never done as she didn't want to speak to me. I have said some pretty nasty things to her and I've had her crying all day. It took a lot of grovelling for her to accept me back as a friend on Facebook (maybe a bit sad I know but I felt guilty). Eventually after a few hours she agreed to Skype and she was in floods of tears and deeply upset with what I have said to her. She said she wants us finished now and I find someone with a good job. I managed to calm the situation down and she said I have 2 choices. You keep speaking to me no good and we finish or you go back to being nice and we continue. I chose the 2nd option of course. Maybe that will be regretted down the line, but right now my only regret is letting a lot of people on here get into my head with their comments. I'm just pushing her away and saying stuff to a girl I think is really nice. Right now I will carry on, and certainly start trusting her more.

lol! a few pages ago you said you wished she would dump you because you couldnt bring yourself to dump her. and when she does , you grovel to get her back! and you want us to believe youre not hooked? lol

I for one I'm glad he's sticking it out. This thread entertains me to no end.

[brewsterbudgen]

Maybe I come across a bit of a tool but I have feelings for this girl and I need to know that her feelings are true and that her true intentions are a long term future with me and not the bar and other men.

Not sure if anyone's brought it up yet, but have you read the book Private Dancer? You should. You're in the lead role.

Do NOT read this book. I got through the first 50 pages and tossed it in the bin. Not because it wasn't true but because it was just about the most depressing read imaginable. No man could be expected to trust a Thai lady with such experiences in the back of his mind. Instead of being guided by someone else's bad experience, create your own good one. Just use a bit of common sense. No Thai lady can ever take from you what the western courts do, unless you are very foolish.

Geez man, what a wacko reply. I've read that book and I still trust most Thai women (BG's different altogether). I'm trying to help the young lad because much of what's in that book fits his situation. But he can still decide for himself. Out of curiosity, when you read a ghost story, does it make you believe in ghost?

Indeed. Strange how many don't seem to realise that Private Dancer is a work of fiction!

[palaver]

How long has she been in bar?

I'm not expert, but sure, after some time, the girls get corrupt. Less than a year? I don't know.

Okay, so I went to a "Thai girl-American man" (best/worst way to describe it) party here in America, girls have American husbands. My wife (career government worker in Thailand) knew one of them. Many/several of them had been bar girls and boy did it show. First the tattoos. Then their manners. Then their apparent class level. Not reserved. Talking sex and crap like that. All I wanted to do was leave after awhile and we did leave.

Your story generated a lot of responses. I'm sure I already know what some of them are from the jaded crowd. And from the reasonable people.

My view? Seems she needs to get out of bar if you are to be with her. But she should get a job doing anything but you supporting her. Well, maybe she can get some kind of job back home and you could send her a little.

Anyway, take your time. But a bar seems to turn an apple bad and you can't reverse an apple that has gone bad. From what I saw at the party, some of these girls had been in the states for a few years and still had not changed too much. Rotten apples.

She sounds like she may very well be a sweet girl and a good catch.

However, you are still young. Not that that is bad. Are you ready to settle down? Who knows.

I was double your age (twice divorced) when I met my current wife (divorced). I feel I had finally figured myself out. And I met a wonderful woman.

000

A word of warning: read everything you can online about Thailand. Keep your ground. Take what you read on Thaivisa often with a grain of salt.

People are the SAME everywhere. Don't need to think "Thai people this" or "Thai people that". There really is no difference. HOWEVER, it's important you understand yourself and everything you can read about Thai culture.

When you get deeply involved, first, don't cater to everything you read about Thai culture. On the other hand, don't treat her like a Western woman.

Sounds like the give an play are good. Seems like she is being reasonable.

Well, of course, she could be looking for a better life.

--

Now back to the so-called bar girls here in America - they seem to stick with their husbands. That's what I know so far.

--

You have asked a tough question about your situation. Could go either way. You could walk away and wait until you are older and have gotten around a bit in life. Or, you could just decide to pick the girl and marry her and be happy forever, hopefully.

Depends if you still need to get your "ya-ya's" out and experience life.

Life is long. Enjoy and have experiences and as many as you need to have. Things will sort out.

Edited September 7, 2014 by palaver

[mrtoad]

I do hope that we continue to get daily update son this blossoming romance. It's almost Mills and Boon like.

[MJP]

I do hope that we continue to get daily update son this blossoming romance. It's almost Mills and Boon like.

Toady, choose a hat, we've a wedding to attend.

[palaver]

Yeah, so she should get out of bars asap to get to know you better. Also, let her do a little struggle. If she scrapes by in a small shop back home, let it be. She can always go back to bar and find someone else or whatever. But out of the bar, no matter what, is important (in my humble opinion).

Okay, you are attracted to her and likewise. She just wants a better life and you could provide that for her and she will treat you like a king.

Some of us have a "better" (financial) life, but we don't have the emotional support or love.

I will tell you I was "misled" on this site to meet my wife. Luckily, I took on trip back with an open mind (after breakup) and everything fell into place. She's a wonderful wife and my life had completely changed. Why? She's got that "Thai" thing I could not find in an American woman.

She makes my life complete. I wanted to be free and travel the world. Now I don't care. The world is here with her. I don't care so much to go to other places. And she is very happy as well.

This after all of the "advice" I sought on sites and got the typical jaded responses that sent things off the rails.

---

You may not be rich, but you may wish to get over to see her as much as you can in the beginning. Early investment in relationships would be important.

Good luck

[AnotherOneAmerican]

This after all of the "advice" I sought on sites and got the typical jaded responses that sent things off the rails.

There is a difference between a loser having a long distance relationship with a tattooed working prostitute his own age,

And an old guy buying a much younger wife (from any occupation), and then living with her.

When you are young, you have a choice.

When you are old, you take what's available.

OP is a good looking young guy, you are, well you know what you are.

You have an excuse, OP doesn't.

Edited September 7, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican

[alanrchase]

This after all of the "advice" I sought on sites and got the typical jaded responses that sent things off the rails.

There is a difference between a loser having a long distance relationship with a working prostitute his own age,

And an old guy buying a much younger wife (from any occupation), and then living with her.

When you are young, you have a choice.

When you are old, you take what's available.

Unless you are filthy rich, world is your lobster.

[palaver]

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''She says it's fine, i can take care myself '' And just how is she going to do that....and send money home to family as well ? I think you know the answer so if you want a long term relationship with a Hooker that may end either way then it's your life and go ahead. Just don't be under any illusions and don't listen to fairy stories.

Yeah I thought that but if you go on the 12,500 flat rate for dancing and 6,000 for shows minus the 4,800 she has to pay per month for not bar fining that's still 13,700 baht which is the amount she says she sends home to family. So I think she could quite easily live off tips and the 50 baht per drink she gets. Even if she only managed 10 drinks per night (I'm sure she does more) that's still 500 baht per night 25 nights per month you have 12,500 baht plus extra tips etc takes her over 20k for herself and her rent for her room is 4,000 she says. Apparently when she is sitting with a customer and they want to bar fine her she says she doesn't bar fine but recommends them someone and they're usually happy with it. I often know where she is as it says her location when she talks on facebook and she sends pictures of what shes doing at the time and always goes home same time every night but yeah it could all be <deleted> and I could be getting taken for a ride but end of the day I think to myself what have I got to lose? I'm not a 50 year old with a wedge of cash a stake and she even says look if I didn't love you and cared about money don't you think I would've gone off with someone who has a lot of money? Anyway time will tell I guess.

Hopefully my last post on this: At some point stop reasoning with people here and yourself. At some point, you need to follow your heart. Really. If you trust your heart, and feel true feelings toward this person and she back, then you should go forth and continue.

It's a tricky road. You do have to listen to mind and reason, but mind and reasoning on (partial -always) facts can mislead you.

It's tough. But, I go back to what I say. She sounds young. You should ask her to quit bar and find another profession, even if she has to scrape by somehow. Let her live as if bars did not exist because she does not have to live that life. Then see where things go over next couple of years.

Curious to see how this pans out, but hope be bar job ends (just my opinion - what do I know).

[palaver]

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She speaks very low of her mum who I think lives back in Isaan.

DANGER!

Interesting. not sure of how much weight to put into that comment. I could speak lowly of my parents, but I don't. I know others who speak lowly of their parents and I understand. This is a difficult measure.

However, I will say that a contributing factor to choosing my wife was that she loves her parents and family and they are one hardworking, happy lot of people. Wish I had the same growing up.

Okay, she speaks lowly of mom. That's only one data point of 10,000.

Again, don't study the data points as you may weigh one data point too heavily while not knowing the other 9,000 or so that are good.

[alanrchase]

She speaks very low of her mum who I think lives back in Isaan.

DANGER!

Interesting. not sure of how much weight to put into that comment. I could speak lowly of my parents, but I don't. I know others who speak lowly of their parents and I understand. This is a difficult measure.

However, I will say that a contributing factor to choosing my wife was that she loves her parents and family and they are one hardworking, happy lot of people. Wish I had the same growing up.

Okay, she speaks lowly of mom. That's only one data point of 10,000.

Again, don't study the data points as you may weigh one data point too heavily while not knowing the other 9,000 or so that are good.

The "hopefully" did not last long.

[palaver]

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She says she doesn't bar fine now as she loves me too much to do that, but does shows and dancing.

The OP in my opinion is just a 24 year old kid and all this is a great adventure for him.

If the so-called love of his life is still in with the bar scene, than she is going with tricks, Johns, customers, however you like to describe them, no questions about it, 100%.

What should be the main concerns of the OP that if he has been having unprotected sex with a prostitute is the fact that he may have been exposed to HIV or aids and should have himself tested a.s.a.p. Because the odds are that this woman will never be loyal to 1 guy but probably has several on the go, paying or not, including as most have, a hanger on Thai boyfriend.

Many if not seeking an immediate earner will be looking for ways to obtain a residence and visas in the hope of living abroad and view the gullible farang as a means of leaving Thailand.

Whether the OP wants to face the facts and believe or not is up to him, and how far he decides to take this adventure is at his own risk and discretion.

Just a typical poster branding every bar girl as the same. Surely some of them can be good they can't all be the same? By the way she is not the love of my life. Seen her for 5 months hardly love of my life. Love of my life was my previous girlfriend.

Ok, stopping here. Seems you have some growing up to do in relationships and yourself.

Just an observation based off my years on the "road".

Take your time. Plenty of fish in the sea.

[Gecko123]

OP:

Thank you for expressing appreciation for some of the advice you've received here. That was nice to hear.

To my mind, it's obvious that both of you are hedging your bets. She's still working in the bar, and you're not yet ready to commit to helping her change her life circumstances.

The thing which makes your situation fairly unique is your believe that her continued employment in a go-go bar is a viable situation. For most guys who get serious about a bar girl, the first order of business is to try and get her to leave the bar as soon as possible.

If you're not willing (or able) to do this, it seems to me like you're wasting both your time and hers. You also must have quite a masochistic streak. I know for myself, thoughts of my girl still working in a go-go bar would be round the clock mental torture.

You keep saying that because you don't have any money, you've got nothing to lose. Well, actually you might have more to lose than you realize. For one thing, the next time you come over here, you're going to have to foot the vacation bill for both of you, and you're going to be under a lot of pressure to give her some money at the end of your visit. So it's not entirely true that this LOS fling is cost free.

It's also going to be a little complicated getting involved with someone back home if you're fixated on this overseas romance. How are you going to explain your solo vacations to Thailand and mystery Skype calls to a new girlfriend back home? Isn't getting involved with a go-go dancer in Thailand going to inhibit your inclination to get involved with someone new? If you try and hide it, it'll be like you're leading a secret double life. Exciting, maybe, but healthy?

Finally, you keep saying you don't have much money. Isn't this relationship a huge distraction from what most sensible people your age ought to be doing, namely, investing in your education and trying to increase your earning potential? So that's another hidden cost to what you are doing.

Despite what you wrote in your last post, I still think your girlfriend is far more experienced and a far more skilled manipulator than you realize. Others have already pointed out that she didn't just walk into a go-go bar and start performing on day one. She's already been working there at least 6 months since she met you, which is several lifetimes in the innocence department.

Some of the cautionary tales you've read on this thread and on other websites are coming from guys just as young and perhaps smarter than you. The pattern keeps repeating itself because everyone thinks they're smarter than the last guy. I guess that's part of human nature.

I do wish you good luck and I mean that sincerely. I wish I could say you probably won't need it, but chances are you will.

[DLock]

You will find a different girl on your next visit, that's for sure.

She is being schooled by the experienced bargirls daily, exposed to drugs, smoking, gambling, maybe more tattoos and the "glamour" of being a bargirl. Whatever money she is making, not much of it will be making it's way back to the village unfortunately.

Her after work clubs visits will be excuses like "It's Mai's birthday" or "We just go eating" or "I stay with Lek and her boyfriend. No worry"....and they will get more frequent.

Scooter, you clearly don't want to listen to advice and despite all the signs, you see your girl as a good girl.

The ONLY choice you have left if you feel this way is to get her out of the bar. That is the ONLY chance...but I would bet she will not leave the bar, or if she does, it will not be permanent. She likes working in the bar. It is now her social life, her circle of friends and her school.

Why don't you test the waters and tell her you want her to move back to the village and you will send her 10,000. That is an important test and if she fails, you have some real thinking to do...

[MJP]

Dlock, stop ruining the thread with sensibility.

Choose a wedding hat.

[palaver]

This after all of the "advice" I sought on sites and got the typical jaded responses that sent things off the rails.

There is a difference between a loser having a long distance relationship with a tattooed working prostitute his own age,

And an old guy buying a much younger wife (from any occupation), and then living with her.

When you are young, you have a choice.

When you are old, you take what's available.

OP is a good looking young guy, you are, well you know what you are.

You have an excuse, OP doesn't.

Wow what a comment.

My wife is close to my age and has some grey hair. I could have gone with a much younger woman but went with a woman I love and is most wonderful. Didn't buy anything. Well maybe the wedding rings that came under $900, unlike American coworker who wanted a $10,000 ring from her fiancé.

Nice to know that being 48 is old and you take what you can get. LOL. Old is in the mind and heart. So is young. Your choice.

Thanks for jumping to conclusions. Some of us need a good laugh.

[alanrchase]

Dlock, stop ruining the thread with sensibility.

Choose a wedding hat.

Hat fetish?

[palaver]

By the way the age label is stupid. I have a coworker who is 72 years old and has a fresh mind and still runs three times a week. He is sharp as a bell and a lot of fun. Unlike some people much younger who are sticks in the mud and will never learn.

[MJP]

Dlock, stop ruining the thread with sensibility.

Choose a wedding hat.

Hat fetish?

That's nothing. You and me are the bridesmaids.

[hellohello123]

This after all of the "advice" I sought on sites and got the typical jaded responses that sent things off the rails.

There is a difference between a loser having a long distance relationship with a tattooed working prostitute his own age,

And an old guy buying a much younger wife (from any occupation), and then living with her.

When you are young, you have a choice.

When you are old, you take what's available.

OP is a good looking young guy, you are, well you know what you are.

You have an excuse, OP doesn't.

Wow what a comment.

My wife is close to my age and has some grey hair. I could have gone with a much younger woman but went with a woman I love and is most wonderful. Didn't buy anything. Well maybe the wedding rings that came under $900, unlike American coworker who wanted a $10,000 ring from her fiancé.

Nice to know that being 48 is old and you take what you can get. LOL. Old is in the mind and heart. So is young. Your choice.

Thanks for jumping to conclusions. Some of us need a good laugh.

Why oh why is thailand (maybe Philippines too) and tv the only place on earth where every old person has to tell everyone how young they act/feel/look/

think?

It's truly a unique phenomenon

People In the cultures and countries I've been exposed to simply acknowledge their age

Edited September 7, 2014 by hellohello123

[alanrchase]

This after all of the "advice" I sought on sites and got the typical jaded responses that sent things off the rails.

There is a difference between a loser having a long distance relationship with a tattooed working prostitute his own age,

And an old guy buying a much younger wife (from any occupation), and then living with her.

When you are young, you have a choice.

When you are old, you take what's available.

OP is a good looking young guy, you are, well you know what you are.

You have an excuse, OP doesn't.

Wow what a comment.

My wife is close to my age and has some grey hair. I could have gone with a much younger woman but went with a woman I love and is most wonderful. Didn't buy anything. Well maybe the wedding rings that came under $900, unlike American coworker who wanted a $10,000 ring from her fiancé.

Nice to know that being 48 is old and you take what you can get. LOL. Old is in the mind and heart. So is young. Your choice.

Thanks for jumping to conclusions. Some of us need a good laugh.

Why oh why is thailand (maybe Philippines too) and tv the only place on earth where every old person has to tell everyone how young they act/feel/look/

think?

It's truly a unique phenomenon

People In the cultures and countries I've been exposed to simply acknowledge their age

Possibly because an old &lt;deleted&gt; with little money here can walk arround with a young girl on his arm. Supply and demand.

[mrtoad]

Maybe they could have the engament in The Thai Visa Lounge. Free snacks and balloons provided courtesy of TVF

[MJP]

Maybe they could have the engament in The Thai Visa Lounge. Free snacks and balloons provided courtesy of TVF

I'll bring tumbleweed.

[alanrchase]

Maybe they could have the engament in The Thai Visa Lounge. Free snacks and balloons provided courtesy of TVF

I'll bring tumbleweed.

And hats?

[pgrahmm]

"Why oh why is thailand (maybe Philippines too) and tv the only place on earth where every old person has to tell everyone how young they act/feel/look/
think?"

I don't think it has to be said in person - maybe in a written forum such as this it's only someone trying to convey how they feel......most people that travel the world still have some sense of adventure and excitement, anticipation in their soul <> unlike some frightened sedentary people that cannot think beyond their (see picture).......and will die there - timidly plodding along.....afraid of many things......

I have friends of all ages - and did prior to moving here....... and having a younger wife.....

There seems to be a lot of young versus old bashing/lashing out quite commonly here on TV without valid reason <jealousy?> (don't often see it going the other way) - everyone has the right to live their own life......

Edited September 7, 2014 by pgrahmm

[Gecko123]

Maybe they could have the engament in The Thai Visa Lounge. Free snacks and balloons provided courtesy of TVF

If they ever marry, Thai Visa should pay for the wedding!

[MJP]

Maybe they could have the engament in The Thai Visa Lounge. Free snacks and balloons provided courtesy of TVF

I'll bring tumbleweed.

And hats?

And hats Allan, yes.