Lovely !

[Bozo]

+++++++++ LOVELY ++++++++

Here is “Forwarder’s” 8 step programme. Everyone say it with me…

1. I will NOT get bad luck, lose my friends, or lose my mailing lists if I don’t forward an e-mail.

2. Bill Gates is NOT going to send me money because I respond an e-mail.

3. Ford will NOT give me a 50% discount even if I forward my e-mail to more than 50 people.

4. I will NEVER receive gift certificates, coupons, or freebies from Coca Cola, Cracker Barrel, Old Navy, or anyone else if I send an e-mail to 10 people.

5. There is NO SUCH THING as an e-mail tracking program, and I am not STUPID enough to think that someone will send me $100 for forwarding an e-mail to 10 or more people !

6. There is NO kid with cancer through the Make-a-Wish program in England collecting anything ! He did when he was 7 years old. He is now cancer free and 35 years old and DOESN’T WANT ANY MORE POST CARDS, or GET-WELL CARDS.

7. The American Red Cross will NOT donate 50 cents to a certain individual dying of some never-heard-of-disease for every e-mail address I send this to. The American Red Cross RECEIVES donations.

8. And finally, I WILL NOT let others guilt me into sending things by telling me I am not their friend or that I don’t believe in Jesus. If God wants to send a message, I believe the bushes in my yard will burn before He picks up a PC to pass it on !

Now, repeat this to yourself until you have it memorized, and send it along to at least 5 of your friends before the next full moon or you will surely be constipated for the next three months and all of your hair will fall out !

++++++++++ STUPID ++++++++++++

Subject: State Police Warning!

Message:

To my friends that I care about, what happens to them. Please read this and pass it on. VERY SERIOUS!

Our head office has informed us that they received this bit of information. Read this very carefully....then send it to all the people online that you know. You DO want to pay attention to this.

If a person with the screen-name of Slavemaster contacts you, do not reply, do not talk to this person; do not answer any of his/her instant messages or e-mail. Whoever this person may be, he/she is a suspect for murder in the death of 56 women (so far) contacted through the Internet.

Please send this to all the women on your buddy list and ask them to pass it on. This screen name was seen on Yahoo, AOL, and Excite. Send to everyone.

Ladies this is very serious.

+++++++++ ILLOGIC +++++++++++

URGENT! VIRUS!

This information arrived this morning, from Microsoft and Norton. Please send it to everybody you know who accesses the Internet.

You may receive an apparently harmless email with a PowerPoint presentation called "Life is beautiful.pps."

If you receive it DO NOT OPEN THE FILE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, and delete it immediately.

If you open this file, a message will appear on your screen saying: "It is too late now, your life is no longer beautiful", subsequently you will LOSE EVERYTHING IN YOUR PC and the person who sent it to you will gain access to your name, email and password.

This is a new virus which started to circulate on Saturday afternoon. WE NEED TO DO EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO STOP THIS VIRUS.

UOL has already confirmed its dangerousness, and the antivirus Softs are not capable of destroying it. The virus has been created by a hacker who calls himself "life owner", and who aims to destroying domestic PCs and who also fights Microsoft in court!

That's why it comes disguised with extension pps. He fights in court for the Windows-XP patent.

MAKE A COPY OF THIS EMAIL TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS.

+++++++++++ SWEET ++++++++++

Greetings, You have just received the "IRISH VIRUS".

As we don't have any programming experience, this Virus works on the honour system.

Please delete all the files on your hard drive manually and forward this Virus to everyone on your mailing list.

Thank you for your cooperation.

++++++++ LAUGHABLE ++++++++++

Forward the mail to those hotmail users.

Please read carefully before you send. Thank you.

READ THE PARAGRAPH IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR HOTMAIL ACCOUNT !!!!!!!

Dear Hotmail User,

Because of the sudden rush of people signing up to Hotmail, it has come to our attention that we are vastly running out of resources.

So, within a month's time, anyone who does not receive this email with the exact subject heading, will be deleted off our server. Please forward this email so that

we know you are still using this account.

WARNING WARNING

We want to find out which users are actually using their Hotmail accounts. So if you are using your account, please pass this e-mail to every Hotmail user that you can and if you do not pass this letter to anyone we will delete your account.

From Mr. Jon Henerd

Hotmail Admin. Dept.

Our hotmail system is getting too crowded!!

We need you to forward this to at least 20 people.

I know this seems like a large number, but we need to find out who is really using their account. If you do not send this to at least 10 Hotmail members, we will delete your account.

Sorry for this inconvenience.

Sincerely,

Director of Hotmail Services

Aaron Lopez

Please do this! Some of my friends have already gotten deleted and you aren't allowed to send it back to the person who sent this email to you!!!

++++++++ SEX ++++++++++

Subject : sex ?

I only have SEX on days that begin with T:

Thanksgiving,

Tuesday,

Thursday,

Today,

Tomorrow,

Thaturday,

Thunday?

Every Thucking day!!!!!!!

Sex is:

like Nokia (connecting people)

like Nike (just do it!)

like Pepsi (ask for more)

like Coca Cola (Enjoy)

like me (too good to be true)

Send this message to 5 friends or you will have 5 years of bad sex!

I didn't dare not to send it

++++++++ WORK ++++++++++

Subject: Fwd: Warning

Message:

This virus warning is genuine.

There is a new virus going around, called "work." If you receive any sort of "work" at all, whether via email, internet or simply handed to you by a colleague...DO NOT OPEN IT.

This has been circulating around our building for months and those who have been tempted to open "work" or even look at "work" have found that their social life is deleted and their brain ceases to function properly. If you do encounter "work" via email or are faced with any "work" at all, Then to purge the virus, send an email to your boss with the words "I've had Enough of your crap... I'm off to the pub." The "work" should automatically be forgotten by your brain.

If you receive "work" in paper-document form, simply lift the document and drag the "work" to your garbage can. Put on your hat and coat and skip to the nearest bar with two friends and order three pints of beer (or rum punch). After repeating this action 14 times, you will find that "work" will no longer be of any relevance to you and that "Scooby Doo" was the greatest cartoon ever.

++++++++++ ARMAGEDDON ++++++++

Hey. I just got this in the mail, from Symantec, so I thought I'd forward it along. It's a new virus that we should watch out for. PLEASE FORWARD THIS TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.

Virus Update, 1/07/02

Symantec Virus Alert Center

Hello Subscriber, As part of our ongoing effort to keep Symantec clients up to date on virus alerts, this e-mail is being sent to all Symantec subscribers.

A new, deadly type of virus has been detected in the wild. You should not open any message entitled "LAUNCH NUCLEAR STRIKE NOW," as this message has been programmed to access NORAD computers in Colorado and launch a full-scale nuclear strike on Russia and the former Soviet states.

Apparently, a disgruntled ex-Communist hacker has designed a pernicious vb-script that actually bypasses the U.S. arsenal's significant security system and takes command of missiles and bombers directly. By opening the e-mail, you may be causing Armageddon.

Needless to say, Armageddon will wipe out your hard drive and damage your computer. Again, we warn you, PLEASE, DO NOT OPEN ANY E-MAIL ENTITLED "LAUNCH NUCLEAR STRIKE NOW." YOU MAY CAUSE A FULL-SCALE NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST. As a precaution, all U.S. nuclear missiles have been set to "Do Not Authorize Launch Via E-mail" to prevent an accidental Armageddon. However, due to a Y2K bug, the possibility still exists that you may end life as we know it on this planet by opening the aforementioned e-mail.

VIRUS NAME: ArmaGeddyLee, HappyOrMaybeNot00, OopsWrongButton00

TRANSMITTAL METHOD: vb-script attached to e-mail

HAZARD: Extremely Super High

AREA OF INFECTION: Detected in wild

CHARACTERISTICS: Destroys life on earth via nuclear Armageddon

Please forward this warning to everyone you can. Thank you for your attention to this matter,

Sincerely,

The Symantec Anti-Virus Team

++++++++++ WTC +++++++++++

I just received a couple of emails regarding a "new" virus with the following message in the body of the email:

Date: Wed, 24 Oct 2001 08:50:15 -0500

Subject: Fwd: FW: Warning- New Virus: "WTC Survivor"

Dear All,

BIGGGG TROUBLE !!!! DO NOT OPEN "WTC Survivor"

It is a virus that will erase your whole "C" drive. It will come to you in the form of an E-Mail from a familiar person.

I repeat a friend sent it to me, but called and warned me before I opened it.

He was not so lucky and now he can't even start his computer!

Forward this to everyone in your address book. I would rather receive this 25 times than not at all.

If you receive an email called "WTC Survivor" do not open it. Delete it right away! This virus removes all dynamic link libraries (.dll files) from your computer.

++++++++++ COCA COLA ++++++++++

Subject: IMPORTANT WARNING!

Please send this to every person you know, and that accesses the Internet.

You may receive an apparently harmless screen protector from Coca-Cola, called "Coke.exe". If you receive it UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE OPEN THE FILE, and delete it immediately.

If you do open this file, the following message will appear on your monitor "drink a coke and go to ######", after that YOU WILL LOSE EVERYTHING YOU HAVE IN YOUR PC, and the person who sent it to you will gain total access to your name, e-mails, and passwords.

This is a new virus that started spreading yesterday morning. AOL has already confirmed its dangerousness, and the Antivirus Soft is not ready to destroy it.

A hacker who accuses the multinational Coca-Cola of using genetic mutations to manufacture the syrup used in the sodas created the virus

SEND THIS E-MAIL TO YOUR ENTIRE E-MAIL LIST!!!

+++++++++++ MAC DONALD'S +++++++++++

Subject: VIRUS!!!!!!

This information came from Microsoft.

Please, transmit it for everybody that you know who accesses the Internet.

You can receive a Macdonald's screensaver, apparently inoffensive, with the filename "Macmebig." If you come to receive it - don't OPEN THE FILE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE - delete it immediately.

If you open this file, it will appear the message "eat the big mac and go to ######" in your monitor and you imediatelly LOSE EVERYTHING THAT YOU HAVE IN YOUR PC and the person that sent it will have your user name, e-mail address and password. It is a new virus that began to spread yesterday morning.

WE NEED TO DO EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO STOP THAT VIRUS.

AOL already confirmed the danger of this virus and the Antivirus Softwares are not capable to destroy it. The Virus was created by a hacker that accuses the Macdonald's corporation of using genetic mutations to manufacture the meat used in their hamburgers.

COPY THIS E-MAIL FOR ALL YOUR FRIENDS

++++++++++++ CLEVER ++++++++++

This is a hoax. In November 1996, a false warning was posted to several sites on the Internet that the Microsoft home page was distributing a virus. The creator of the message quoted a well known antivirus developer, Mikko Hypponen of Data Fellows, to lend credibility to the false claims.

The following statement was falsely attributed to Mikko Hypponen:

"This is a warning on a nasty hoax that has been distributed on several mailing lists and in usenet news. The hoax message is falsely attributed to me ([email protected]).

This false warning urges people to stay off Microsoft's home page and not to use Microsoft Internet Explorer, because the 'Microsoft home page is possibly infected by a virus'. This is nonsense.

If you have seen this warning, please pass on this message, and please do not redistribute the original warning any more."

++++++++++++ TOO LONG ++++++++++

'Pandemic Computer Virus Discovered

(A ZDNet Exclusive)

April 4 Cupertino, CA

Yesterday, the anti-virus programming group at Symantec, the Cupertino California-based maker of the Norton brand of anti-virus software, announced the discovery of a unique computer virus which, though extremely widespread, has managed to elude detection for more than three years.

Most computer viruses clandestinely reproduce on a host computer or computer network, and then destroy data or cause performance irregularities. According to Symantec's anti-virus experts, this previously unknown breed of virus, christened "Microshaft" by its creator, wreaks havoc by mimicking the Microsoft Windows 95 and Windows 98 operating systems.

News of the virus has rocked the computer industry in Silicon Valley. Emergency meetings of top executives and programmers were convened yesterday at leading industry firms here and around the world. Since most personal computers are pre-installed with the Windows operating system, it is possible that tens of millions of computers have been infected.

"The genius of the virus' creators is truly amazing," said a visibly exhausted Chuck Wagner, senior programmer in charge of the anti-virus lab at Symantec. "This is the first virus ever found "in the wild" which is capable of mimicking all the major functions of an operating system, and that's why nobody caught it until now. It's extremely sophisticated, and almost impossible to pin down. But if you've experienced crashes, disk errors and data loss, or have had problems installing new hardware devices, you've probably got it."

It seems that in August of 1995 a security breach of unprecedented gravity occurred at the Redmond, Washington-based Microsoft Corporation. As the debut version of Windows 95 was being prepared for public release, Microshaft virus was grafted onto the top-secret shared network files of the popular Microsoft Windows 95 operating system, probably by a person or persons working inside the company.

By encoding itself in the kernel-the all-but-indecipherable crux of the Windows 95 and Windows 98 operating systems-the prevaricating virus has outfoxed technical analysts at Microsoft, and other leading software development firms and computer manufacturers, for more than forty months. The source of Windows 95's infamous unreliability, previously thought to be the fault of Microsoft's lack of strict programming standards, is now believed to be none other than the Microshaft virus.

The virus was reported to Symantec's elite cadre of anti-virus experts by Guillermo Puertas, a computer programmer in San Diego, California. In a telephone interview, Mr. Puertas-a self-described "amateur computer virologist"-said that he might never have suspected the existence of the Microshaft virus, had he not installed a second operating system, Linux, on his computer.

With Linux -- a Unix clone downloadable for free over the Internet-Mr. Puertas noticed that his system was suddenly free of the crashes and other performance flaws which had been plaguing his Windows programs. When he subjected the computer to a barrage of customized tests, Mr. Puertas discovered "incontrovertible" evidence that the portion of his hard drive allocated to Windows was infected by a "viropsys", or operating system-mimicking virus. Mr. Puertas claims that "the Microshaft virus...can also mimic some common programs like Internet Explorer and [Microsoft] Word...You think you're word processing or browsing the Internet, but in fact you're playing right into its hands. Every time you run a program, open a file or install a new application, you're feeding it more raw data, which increases the likelihood of reduced performance, hardware conflicts and crashes leading to loss of crucial data."

According to Mr. Puertas, since the virus has insinuated itself into the kernel of the Windows operating system, it might be extremely difficult, if not impossible, to eliminate the virus without destroying the functionality of Windows altogether. "It's like inoperable cancer," he said. "You can't remove the cancer without killing the patient."

Mr. Puertas speculated that the virus has managed to elude detection until now because of the extreme secrecy surrounding the Windows 95/98 kernel, the entire contents of which is known to few (if any) Microsoft programmers other than Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates. "Basically," says Puertas, "Microsoft's Windows programmers have been kept in the dark about each others' work, in order to protect proprietary source code. Some disgruntled programmer must have slipped the virus in through a crack", thus allowing it to lodge in the heart of the Windows operating system. Ralph Lederer, a legal consultant on intellectual property law in the computer industry and a business partner of Mr. Puertas, said that "because what appears on the user's screen as Internet Explorer is very likely a clever front for the virus, Microsoft's claim that Internet Explorer cannot be removed from Windows 98 without crippling Windows' functionality might actually have some truth to it."

In the past year, litigators in the Federal Government's anti-trust case against Microsoft have contested the company's claim that its Internet Explorer web browser is an integral part of the Windows operating system. "It's ironic, but the Microshaft virus could be a godsend for Bill Gates," noted Mr. Lederer. Asked what measures might be taken to neutralize the virus, Mr. Wagner said that Symantec's anti-virus unit would be working around the clock with top Microsoft programmers to develop commercial software capable of detecting and disabling the virus. "For the moment, we're going to have to live with it," he said with a sigh. "And somehow we've already managed do so for three and a half years. In any case, pretty soon users will have the option to upgrade to Windows 2000, which should be virus-free."

In a related story, on Monday Microsoft announced a bid to acquire a controlling share of Symantec, whose stock has gained seventeen points since the offer. Meanwhile, Microsoft stock has taken a five-percent plunge on news of the virus, but most market analysts and fund managers are sitting tight. According to several Wall Street sources, the Symantec deal, plus the expected stampede of computer users desperate to upgrade to a virus-free Windows 2000, will ensure better-than-expected profits for Microsoft during the next fiscal year.

At a Redmond press conference last evening, a Microsoft spokesman said that although company programmers had been unaware of the virus' existence, emergency measures were being taken to rectify the problem. When asked whether Microsoft would reveal its Windows operating system code so that programmers around the world could help root out the virus, he answered "That's not gonna happen", and declined to answer any further questions.'