Advice re the inlaws

[MobileContent]

Thanks for the replies. He came over to our house and I later asked him outside with a drink in hand and we had a chat.

He speaks ok English and I think he managed to understand that he has been annoying me. He told me that he did not have intent to cause this problem. I asked him to basically modify his behaviour and stop telling me what to do. Actually as soon as he arrived he did the usual giving advice and giving us tips about the house. My wife and I looked at each other.... He is one of these annoying guys who think that they know everything and offer advice even if the recipient does not ask. Will see how it goes in the future.

He is giving you Tips about the house ??? Alarm bells must start ringing by now. Could it be that the "brother" intends to live in the finished house and not you? Before you lay another brick, you must find out about the status of the brother within the family.

Unless you are fluent in Thai, you need outside help. Best way would be to engage a Farang friend and his THAI-WIFE (in no way related or otherwise connected to the family in question). I am sure she could discreetly provide relevant facts in no time at all.

Cheers.

Find the blue book for the parents home and see who has lived there and which ones are the brothers and sisters.It is a running recored of who lived in the parents home in the past and present.That should give you the names of all brothers and sisters of your wife.If they did live with the parents.Do not confront the guy in front of other people.Losing face for him would probably not be a good thing for you.Like someone else said is he really a brother or old /ongoing boyfriend?

The best advise on this topic. Check the Tabian Baan

[advancebooking]

Thanks for the replies. My wife informed me that her mother told him to modify his behaviour and that he has a sharp tongue.

I asked my wife to pick up the phone and assertively tell him not to repeat his behaviour. Thus far she has been reluctant to do so as he is the older brother. I am disappointed that she will not do this and show support.

[lovelaos]

Thai women expect their man to be a real man. Time to man up

[n210mp]

All this talk of a dog in the manger reminds that sometime ago a very straight forward, dour and tough West Yorkshireman not known for taking prisoners or tolerating fools took the stand at the Ex Pat club in Pattaya and told of recently divorcing his wife of many years because he had found out that his lazy drunken brother in law, who he had supported for many years was actually his wife's first husband and they had never divorced.

Edited October 22, 2014 by n210mp

[schlog]

No nice situation for you but you can find quickly a solution. It is a question of respect and hierarchy. You alone have to speak wih the familyhead your wifes father. Not with the mother, sister, smaller brother or wife. Show respect only to the father and have a clear chat with him. If the father respects you he will stop the brother immediately and your position in the family is clear.

If the father don't care you also knows your position, directly after the pets so ran fast and don't look back.

Edited October 22, 2014 by schlog

[Greydog]

Thanks for the replies. My wife informed me that her mother told him to modify his behaviour and that he has a sharp tongue.

I asked my wife to pick up the phone and assertively tell him not to repeat his behaviour. Thus far she has been reluctant to do so as he is the older brother. I am disappointed that she will not do this and show support.

I have been married to a Thai woman for 11 years and lived in Thailand for 12 years, but I do not consider myself an expert on Thai culture. If I were in your situation however, I would tell my wife that her brother is not welcome in the house. Make sure she understands that you REALLY mean what you say. In effect, make your wife choose between you and her brother. If she chooses her brother or tries to stay "neutral" then you walk out of her life, baby or no baby. But this is what I would do - it might not be right for you.

[tingtongtourist]

I got married this year and we just had a baby which is still in special care at the hospital. I have to say that the mother in law has been really helpful / supportive this week and thus feel bad about the family whinge below. To be honest Im raising this thread re my wifes older brother who has not liked me from the start.

He has a strange dominating personality and is 30 years old. Im in my 40s and have actually done a lot with my life thus far and I find it hard being told what to do by this guy. He was distinctly unfriendly the first time we met and made me look a bit stupid in front of his parents. Then at my wedding he tried to tell me what to do and I ignored him. 20 min later we were outside and he grabbed me on my arm and squeezed it hard- asking me to walk somewhere with him. An hour later we were in the car and I was in the back seat and he was in the drivers seat and I slapped him very hard on his shoulder telling him to start driving. I needed to send him a message not to fxxx with me.

After the wedding I told my wife about the incident and I think that she might have had words. A week later I saw him again and it was all ok. But then today everyone is back at my house and he did another arm grabbing incident. It wasn't hard as last time but it was another game on his part because I believe that my wife might have told him months ago not to do that to me again. There were several examples today but most notably was his suggestion to leave the baby cot in the lounge room as it has more ventilation. My wife was not around at the time but the other inlaws were. They were all agreeing with him and I assertively told them all no way. The baby is sleeping in our room for the first 6 months at least. Then he was trying to give other opinions which did not make sense and I said no again. Its duly noted that he does not have any kids himself.

Tomorrow I plan to go and see him at the inlaws house and have a word to him- as he is here the whole weekend (thankfully he does not live in this town). I am going to sit him down and tell him Im too old for games and too old to be told what to do. I am also going to state that if he ever grabs my arm again I could get violent. He needs to know this. Im not sure if this is the best way to handle this situation. I dont know if I should do it in front of my wife or her parents but suspect it should just be a private discussion between him and me. I need to tell this guy to stop telling me what to do and stop playing gaems.

Ive read on this forum many times that a thai girl will always choose her family over a farang. I dont want to cause issues here but this guy is weird. The younger brother in his twenties is completely normal and friendly and we get on so well.

I realise a lot of members here have lived a long time and thus I would appreciate your opinion. I feel a bit ratty anytime Im around this guy because he is just an idiot. . I would prefer that he did not come to our house to be honest. Background info is that they are all middle to upper class thai folk

I would appreciate your opinion if your willing and able.

thanks

In honesty i think nothing more would come of this if you did make an issue..just to give them more ignition to say "farang this and farang that"

These things you describe im sure they not have the slightest clue what you are on about.they will just smile and nod head.

sorry but just to ask are you American? Just curious as to the wordings.

anyway about the grabbing arm thing maybe you overreact?

When first come to Thailand it is strange , boys holding your arm and hand ect but in my opinion just one of those silly quirks. Maybe trying to be friendly who d know.

i think you have a dominating personality which is not so bad but if others want to bignote add advice ect it dont hurt to smile and nod head while thinking-idiot!

Im sure many the thai does this to farangs,especially loudmouths ones.

but surely if you make the issue bigger they will wonder what the heck you on about and probably reply with..

" you think to mutt"

this seem to be the answer to all farangs problem and maybe they are right. Thais would not waste time and aggro ob this stuff

The amount of whining and moaning and complain about even the most silly little things..this is the biggest complaint i have when having to spend time in own country!!