I have finally woke up to reality

[flyingsaucersarereal]

I have just ended a 4 year relationship with a Thai woman.

It wasn't always bad we had some good times defiantly but the reality of the situation is I was there for 1 reason.

To provide financial support for the family.

I really care about this girl but her family have totally destroyed any hope of staying in a relationship with this girl.

Because this girl could not do what simple things I requested she is now stuck in this situation.

1. She has no job.

2. Dad doesn't work or lift a finger to do anything.

3. She has one 8 year old she needs to support.

4. She needs to pay for her house every month.

5. Mom is in jail.

6. All extended family look to her for support.

The list goes on and on.

All I wanted was for my girl to stay with me and not sleep everyday with her family.

You can see them often but I want our time alone where were I can occasionally get away from the screams of kids and being surrounded by 100 people.

I have my own apartment so when I would come home from work I would be alone and the only time I could see her was when she rarely came by or I visited her house.

Anyway its done but why was there no compromise on her part on this. It was I have to be close to my family 24/7 with no exception.

I feel like she is being asked to fix every problem that the family has and they sit by and do absolutely nothing.

Dad would it kill you to clean up a little and not be a slob? Do you have to have your little daughter provide everything for you because your totally unable to do anything?

I am tired of money that I give to her going into lazy money grubbing family hands. They don't deserve her undivided devotion to them.

She is like a borg drone unable to think for herself and bound to the will of the collective.

Anyway I'm out free at last free at last!

[AYJAYDEE]

why didnt she have a job?

[scubascuba3]

Are you sure you were the only person sponsoring her?

[flyingsaucersarereal]

Are you sure you were the only person sponsoring her?

I am around often and never got that impression.

[flyingsaucersarereal]

why didnt she have a job?

She had a job working at a hotel but then didn't get along with some people and quit.

[AYJAYDEE]

why didnt she have a job?

She had a job working at a hotel but then didn't get along with some people and quit.

why didnt she get another one?

[flyingsaucersarereal]

why didnt she have a job?

She had a job working at a hotel but then didn't get along with some people and quit.

why didnt she get another one?

She was looking by not really trying very hard to find something.

[AZBill]

I never cease to be amazed!

[AYJAYDEE]

why didnt she have a job?

She had a job working at a hotel but then didn't get along with some people and quit.

why didnt she get another one?

She was looking by not really trying very hard to find something.

she is a dud pal. she didnt need to work because you volunteered to support everyone. she wasnt taking care of her family at all. you were! and once you did that she saw no need to spend much time with ou. she preferred to spend it with them. what was she doing all those hours with her family? just gossiping and eating and perhaps card playing and drinking. the whole family are layabouts and you put up with it. take a hard look at yourself to find out why or you will repeat your mistake next time. The fault lies with you not them.

Edited October 21, 2014 by AYJAYDEE

[neverdie]

There are individuals everywhere, the world is full of them.

Good ones and bad ones.

They come in all shapes , sizes, colours, race and creed.

Picking the right person to partner with is essential for longevity.

The 'warning signs' for bad are always visible, one just needs to be aware and look for them.

A leopard rarely changes it's spots & therefore if the warning signs are there at the start of the relationship, don't be fooled to think you can change the person.

FINALLY. A fool and his money are easily parted.

Now you are free.....Go forward, allow the 'little' you to party with all the eager, willing and waiting PYT's, but never allow the little head to lead the big head back into one of these traps. ENJOY.

[AYJAYDEE]

There are individuals everywhere, the world is full of them.

Good ones and bad ones.

They come in all shapes , sizes, colours, race and creed.

Picking the right person to partner with is essential for longevity.

The 'warning signs' for bad are always visible, one just needs to be aware and look for them.

A leopard rarely changes it's spots & therefore if the warning signs are there at the start of the relationship, don't be fooled to think you can change the person.

FINALLY. A fool and his money are easily parted.

Now you are free.....Go forward, allow the 'little' you to party with all the eager, willing and waiting PYT's, but never allow the little head to lead the big head back into one of these traps. ENJOY.

it could be more complicated than that. A counsellor once told me that an abuser and an abusee (enabler) who had never met could walk into a room full of 1000 strangers and find each other in 10 minutes flat!

[Gracas]

Why did it take you 4 year to end it ? I am sure this situation / life style started much earlier on.

[geronimo]

Life is like a book, we turn the next page and there is something new. Good luck with your future.

[benalibina]

There are individuals everywhere, the world is full of them.

Good ones and bad ones.

They come in all shapes , sizes, colours, race and creed.

Picking the right person to partner with is essential for longevity.

The 'warning signs' for bad are always visible, one just needs to be aware and look for them.

A leopard rarely changes it's spots & therefore if the warning signs are there at the start of the relationship, don't be fooled to think you can change the person.

FINALLY. A fool and his money are easily parted.

Now you are free.....Go forward, allow the 'little' you to party with all the eager, willing and waiting PYT's, but never allow the little head to lead the big head back into one of these traps. ENJOY.

it could be more complicated than that. A counsellor once told me that an abuser and an abusee (enabler) who had never met could walk into a room full of 1000 strangers and find each other in 10 minutes flat!

Hmmm....never really looked at it that way.....500 ok as well ?

Good OP that the signs were easy visible.....dont blame your self for trying.....

[slipperylobster]

Do not listen to most of these posts, that sound like you are the problem. I would that there are quite a few of us that have gone through something similar. There will be those that say...my girl never asks for money and tells her family to bugger off after an afternoon of visits. Figure the odds.

You were doing what most of us are trained to do....trying to make the wife happy. Nothing wrong with that. It creeps up on you, and we are almost always, the outsider/financier. I am not set up for that, but I have tried to do that in the past. Cost me a marriage. My children were taught by their mom. Thank goodness two are grown, but I have an inkling that my 15 year old son has been listening to his Asian family (mom passed away). The stories I hear are incredible...but always concern money. He has a second father (long secret from me, but his mom told him to tell me of this in her final days in the hospital). Sometimes things get so dramatic, that they cannot possibly be true.

Give what you can afford. Walk away if you feel you lost your self respect. I did.

[AYJAYDEE]

Do not listen to most of these posts, that sound like you are the problem. I would that there are quite a few of us that have gone through something similar. There will be those that say...my girl never asks for money and tells her family to bugger off after an afternoon of visits. Figure the odds.

You were doing what most of us are trained to do....trying to make the wife happy. Nothing wrong with that. It creeps up on you, and we are almost always, the outsider/financier. I am not set up for that, but I have tried to do that in the past. Cost me a marriage. My children were taught by their mom. Thank goodness two are grown, but I have an inkling that my 15 year old son has been listening to his Asian family (mom passed away). The stories I hear are incredible...but always concern money. He has a second father (long secret from me, but his mom told him to tell me of this in her final days in the hospital). Sometimes things get so dramatic, that they cannot possibly be true.

Give what you can afford. Walk away if you feel you lost your self respect. I did.

4 years and she would rarely visit him? anyone that allows it to go on that long has a problem.

[slipperylobster]

Do not listen to most of these posts, that sound like you are the problem. I would that there are quite a few of us that have gone through something similar. There will be those that say...my girl never asks for money and tells her family to bugger off after an afternoon of visits. Figure the odds.

You were doing what most of us are trained to do....trying to make the wife happy. Nothing wrong with that. It creeps up on you, and we are almost always, the outsider/financier. I am not set up for that, but I have tried to do that in the past. Cost me a marriage. My children were taught by their mom. Thank goodness two are grown, but I have an inkling that my 15 year old son has been listening to his Asian family (mom passed away). The stories I hear are incredible...but always concern money. He has a second father (long secret from me, but his mom told him to tell me of this in her final days in the hospital). Sometimes things get so dramatic, that they cannot possibly be true.

Give what you can afford. Walk away if you feel you lost your self respect. I did.

4 years and she would rarely visit him? anyone that allows it to go on that long has a problem.

She is the problem.. Not him. Read the first line of my last post.

Edited October 21, 2014 by slipperylobster

[Gecko123]

Flyingsaucersarereal:

I wouldn't lose any sleep over your breakup.

Based on the dynamic you described, I suspect breaking up is healthy for you as well as for her.

It sounds like the "reality" of your relationship was that this woman didn't enjoy being alone in the same room with you.

I would ask myself why you put up with this for as long as you did. At the risk of sounding nosy, I'd be curious to hear the answer as well.

Best of luck finding a girl who you have better chemistry with in the future.

[mesquite]

"It's all about money."

[hellohello123]

Glad you got out before you lost more then just a few $$, congrats.

My question/statement to others is

why do something that you would never do back home!

personally, if I had to pay for most things like dates, meals etc for a girl, that I could except regardless of country

but lifestyle expenses, eg rent, mortgage, car loans, utlities, pocket money for her let alone family, I would run faster then usain Bolt!!

[David48]

If the OP's story is to be credible ... then interesting ...

Wish to read sage advice ... read this below then a combination of AYJAYDEE's posts

There are individuals everywhere, the world is full of them.
Good ones and bad ones.
They come in all shapes , sizes, colours, race and creed.

Picking the right person to partner with is essential for longevity.

The 'warning signs' for bad are always visible, one just needs to be aware and look for them.

A leopard rarely changes it's spots & therefore if the warning signs are there at the start of the relationship, don't be fooled to think you can change the person.

FINALLY. A fool and his money are easily parted.

Now you are free.....Go forward, allow the 'little' you to party with all the eager, willing and waiting PYT's, but never allow the little head to lead the big head back into one of these traps. ENJOY.

In case the take-out message (for me) was missed from above ... "Picking the right person to partner with is essential for longevity."

Took me about 2 years to find MissFarmGirl ... but boy, did I enjoy making a few mistakes along the way ...

Don't settle for what is easiest, or the most convenient ... find the lady/partner who is your friend, someone who supports you through the Ups and Downs ... then you know you are on a winner ...

[AYJAYDEE]

Do not listen to most of these posts, that sound like you are the problem. I would that there are quite a few of us that have gone through something similar. There will be those that say...my girl never asks for money and tells her family to bugger off after an afternoon of visits. Figure the odds.

You were doing what most of us are trained to do....trying to make the wife happy. Nothing wrong with that. It creeps up on you, and we are almost always, the outsider/financier. I am not set up for that, but I have tried to do that in the past. Cost me a marriage. My children were taught by their mom. Thank goodness two are grown, but I have an inkling that my 15 year old son has been listening to his Asian family (mom passed away). The stories I hear are incredible...but always concern money. He has a second father (long secret from me, but his mom told him to tell me of this in her final days in the hospital). Sometimes things get so dramatic, that they cannot possibly be true.

Give what you can afford. Walk away if you feel you lost your self respect. I did.

4 years and she would rarely visit him? anyone that allows it to go on that long has a problem.

She is the problem.. Not him. Read the first line of my last post.

Not true. someone who puts up with that for 4 years has a problem. Some call it co-dependence

[Skip Tracer]

Change the locks on your apartment!

[Loptr]

The OP should keep an eye out for possible trouble... The family will most assuredly blame you for their misfortune...

[daveAustin]

No kids? You did the right thing. Forget it and move on.

[sipi]

Just take a minute to tell her why it is over. She and her family must learn that you don't treat your farang partner like that. Spread the word, we are not an ATM.

[kurnell]

She sounds like a great girl. Can I have her phone number, as I am looking to ruin my life

[AYJAYDEE]

Just take a minute to tell her why it is over. She and her family must learn that you don't treat your farang partner like that. Spread the word, we are not an ATM.

people like her will treat farang like that if the farang ALLOW themselves to be treated like that. its the farang that need educating.

[cgphuket]

Yes, you must have a white skinned Chinese-Thai Hi-so wife (Don't forget her MBA) whose family is rich and has connections with the army and police. They will support you and treat you as a god. Thats what all the TV members have......

Your were right to leave as it would definitely get worst before it would get better.

Why should you carry their problem's on your back, your free now and probable will learn a lot form this dysfunctional family.

Next time choose someone more wisely and find a lady from a more respectably family and background.

Good Luck.

[inzman]

This is a very common story in Thailand, buyer beware..