When it becomes TOO much. How can we safely remove the problem?

[frollywolly]

That's no way to talk about someone behind his back like this. How do you know he is not reading you here. What kind of group is this anyway. A group of spineless cowards? Nice way to turn on one who was good enough for your group to begin with. Who really evolved into the boors here.

It's you is it ?

One simply cannot know!

I have been careful not to give any specific details of the location, exact type of place, nationality, days of our meet up.

[Alan653]

Here is my experience with this kind of person.

Unfortunately, i grew up with both my parent's being alcholics.

There is no real or good way of handling such a person,

other than being blatening honest and straight forward.

Don't let the "we feel sorry for him" take control of your real feeling's of him.

You have to tackle with face to face.

Tell him he "must" leave the group and he is not welcome back,

because of his drinking and his ability to not listen to the group's opinion's.

I wish you all the best of luck. God Bless.

PS...this has to be done while he is sober!

Edited November 27, 2014 by Alan653

[NoshowJones]

You could try meeting at one another's homes for a few weeks. Unfortunately that cuts out the post-prandial activities.

Meeting at other peoples houses will not stop a drunk getting drunk unless the person who lives in the house is capable of manhandling the guy and throwing him out.

Going by your OP, there does not seem to be anyone capable of doing that.

[frollywolly]

Actually, my first thought was AA too - so, not so strange - - and there was a fellow moved in locally who knew everything but not just abt Thailand… abt everything. And when I mentioned him to a friend, he told me that alcoholics can get that way…

To address your problem, you surely have my sympathies. I have seen groups disband over similar, where the obnoxious person made it unpleasant and the nicer people stopped coming. Not sure how many in your group but what eventually did happen was on a much less formal basis we began getting together in smaller groups, no specific place or time, just a couple of phone calls and done on a specific invite basis. Sort of, "I am going for lunch, if you want to come, call a couple of the other guys, ok."

Though a confrontation sounds in order it is not easy or fun to do… and will likely leave much harder feelings.

I am cheered to read several members having experienced this situation.

Our situation could head down the path you describe. Is it the natural course of events anyway?

The confrontation is the least desirable of our options, for reasons you state and I/other members have stated in this thread.

[Wat dee]

How old you guys are?

You sound like 12 with your playground problem solving.

[NoshowJones]

Well in my opinion I reckon if you all banded together and made him feel unwelcome he would stop coming.It might be a bit tense for a while but if you find his company so irritating its a price worth paying.

The truth of the matter is just be a bit more wary about who you befriend . I always keep my distance when introduced to new people as in my experiance 8 out of 10 are dodgy.

Eight out of ten?????? There are no dodgy ones at any of our meetings, and there has been many of the same faces for years, There has been one or two dodgy ones in the past, but we soon got short of them, not me personally though, they happened at a time when I was teaching, and unable to be there.

[frollywolly]

FW ... indeed I did ... I asked you politely to place me on 'ignore'.

The Forum doesn't need any more bickering couples ... there is a deft of them already on here.

Imploring ... doesn't exactly accurately reflect the tone of the email.

That said ... how about a Christmas Avatar to improve the overall mood?

Tis the Season.

Good will to all members and all that.

.

No reason to split hairs. Let us agree on the term 'condescendingly encouraged' me to ignore you.

Which I did. Until you popped up here again.

You really are sending me mixed messages my old fruit.

[otocheater]

Sounds like not much problem. Now i solved to problems with face to the problem. Before i ran away from the problem and hand over to the people i trust but even more worse included they stab on my back. Buddhist tought yourself help yourself first.

Wish you luck.

:-)

[shaurene]

2 possible ways.

1: Write a letter and post it to his abode or leave it at the desk if possible. Or at your next meeting tell him you all do not want him to join your group any more.

2: Cahange your next meeting to another place. Never mind if your meeting place has been the same for many yrs, you can go back there later.

[David48]

FW ... indeed I did ... I asked you politely to place me on 'ignore'.

The Forum doesn't need any more bickering couples ... there is a deft of them already on here.

Imploring ... doesn't exactly accurately reflect the tone of the email.

That said ... how about a Christmas Avatar to improve the overall mood?

Tis the Season.

Good will to all members and all that.

.

No reason to split hairs. Let us agree on the term 'condescendingly encouraged' me to ignore you.

Which I did. Until you popped up here again.

You really are sending me mixed messages my old fruit.

"Let us agree on the term 'condescendingly encouraged' me to ignore you" ... yep ... that's it ...

You have expressed it well.

Not mixed messages.

The Festive Season approaches.

I don't hold grudges ... you seem an intelligent chappie ... I'm assured that you don't hold grudges either.

Now ... how is that Christmas Avatar search going?

I typed into Google ... 'sexy christmas big tits' ... and the safety search is turned off.

I had to get to maybe the 12 th line before I could find something I could display publicially.

How about this?

Here

Or this ... a little more subtle ... but lost that Asian aspect ...

Here

Just a thought.

[David48]

Sounds like not much problem. Now i solved to problems with face to the problem. Before i ran away from the problem and hand over to the people i trust but even more worse included they stab on my back. Buddhist tought yourself help yourself first.

Wish you luck.

:-)

otocheater ... glad you dropped by.

The search for 'otocheater sexy christmas' reveals ...

Here

Change the Avatar for a month?

Sorry FW ... I won't promote the concept more here.

[BadBouy]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

Well in my opinion I reckon if you all banded together and made him feel unwelcome he would stop coming.It might be a bit tense for a while but if you find his company so irritating its a price worth paying.

The truth of the matter is just be a bit more wary about who you befriend . I always keep my distance when introduced to new people as in my experiance 8 out of 10 are dodgy.

Freezing him out is a good option.

Two solutions here:

(1)Stop having the "meetings"

(2)Tell him he is not welcome pure and simple

The meet ups must continue. Healthly minds for the rest of us.

I do agree, the direct approach is usually best. I am sure I would also give the same advice to someone else. This situation, not so. he can be unpredictable and volatile and might not respond to a direct approach.

3 months back it appeared he might be moving or leaving Thailand, but alas, he has not.

If you want to give him a chance to change then I would not confront him as a group. Two of you pull him aside at the start and explain how the group feels about his behavior warn him if it continues the group is going to change when and where you meet and he will not be informed and he will no longer be welcome.

If you all have had enough and want to avoid confrontation just change the time and place and be done with him.

[frollywolly]

"Let us agree on the term 'condescendingly encouraged' me to ignore you" ... yep ... that's it ...

You have expressed it well.

Not mixed messages.

The Festive Season approaches.

I don't hold grudges ... you seem an intelligent chappie ... I'm assured that you don't hold grudges either.

Now ... how is that Christmas Avatar search going?

I typed into Google ... 'sexy christmas big tits' ... and the safety search is turned off.

I had to get to maybe the 12 th line before I could find something I could display publicially.

How about this?

Here

Or this ... a little more subtle ... but lost that Asian aspect ...

Here

Just a thought.

Oh my Dear Lord! You are like the child who shouts 'Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!'

Christmas avatars? what???

I dont hold any grudge against you. I barely even give you a thought.

[myluckythai]

BE A MAN !!!!! just tell the one straight up he is not welcome anymore...............

[David48]

<snip> I barely even give you a thought.

OMG ... ... a member can only remain nice for some time till the BS builds, and builds, and builds.

frollywolly didn't have his first OP until this ... now locked. apologies-to-a-member-i-was-wrong

I have adapted this much loved Dr Suess children’s rhyme in honour of david48;

I am david48

I am frolly-i-am

Frolly I am

That frolly-i-am

That Frolly-I-am!

I do not like

That Frolly-I-am

Do you like

my postings David48?

I do not like them,

Frolly-I-am.

I do not like

your postings at all.

Would you like them

Here or there?

I would not like them

Here or there.

I would not like them

Anywhere.

I do not like

your postings on thaivisa.

I do not like them,

Frolly-I-am

Would you like them

In the general forum?

Would you like them

in farang pub?

I do not like them

In general forum.

I do not like them

in farang pub.

I do not like them

Here or there.

I do not like them

Anywhere.

I do not like your thaivisa postings.

I do not like them, Frolly-I-am.

Would you like them

In a PM?

Would you like them

With an emoticon?

Not in a PM.

Not with an emoticon.

Not in the general forum.

Not in farang pub.

I would not like them here or there.

I would not like them anywhere.

I would not like frolly’s thaivisa postings.

I do not like them, Frolly-I-am.

Would you? Could you?

In an email?

Like them! Like them!

Here they are.

I would not,

Could not,

In an email

You may like them.

You will see.

You may like them

In a song?

I would not, could not in a song.

Not in an email! You let me be.

I do not like them in a PM.

I do not like them with an emoticon

I do not like them in general forum

I do not like them in farang pub

I do not like them here or there.

I do not like them anywhere.

I do not like frolly’s thaivisa postings.

I do not like them, Frolly-I-am.

A love poem! A love poem!

A love poem! A love poem!

Could you, would you

In a love poem?

Not in a love poem! Not in a song!

Not in an email! Frolly! Let me be!

I would not, could not, in a PM.

I could not, would not, with emoticon.

I will not like them in farang pub

I will not like them in general forum.

I will not like them here or there.

I will not like them anywhere.

I do not like them, Frolly-I-am.

Say!

Whispered in your ear?

Here whispered in your ear!

Would you, could you, whispered in your ear?

I would not, could not,

Whispered in my ear.

Would you, could you,

In the video?

I would not, could not, in a video.

Not whispered in my ear. Not in a love poem,

Not in an email, Not in a song.

I do not like them, Frolly, you see.

Not in the general forum. Not in a PM.

Not in farang pub. Not with an emoticon.

I will not like them here or there.

I do not like Your Postings anywhere!

You do not like

Frolly’s thaivisa postings?

I do not

Like them,

Frolly-I-am.

Could you, would you,

over dinner?

I would not,

Could not.

over dinner!

Would you, could you,

Holding hands?

I could not, would not, holding hands.

I will not, will not, over dinner.

I will not like them in a video.

I will not like them in a love poem.

Not whispered in my ear! Not in a song!

Not in ab email! You let me be!

I do not like them in a PM.

I do not like them with an emoticon.

I will not like them in the general forum.

I do not like them in farang pub.

I do not like them here or there.

I do not like them anywhere!

I do not like

Your Thaivisa Postings!

I do not like them,

Frolly-I-am.

You do not like them David48.

So you say.

Try them! Try them!

And you may.

Try them and you may I say.

Frolly!

If you will let me be,

I will try them.

You will see.

Say!

I like frolly’s thaivisa postings!

I do! I like them, Frolly-I-am!

And I would like them holding hands!

And I would like them over dinner...

And I will like them in the video.

And whispered in my ear. And in a love poem.

And in an email. And in a song.

They are so good so good you see!

So I will like them in a PM.

And I will like them with an emoticon.

And I will like them in the general forum.

And I will like them in farang pub.

And I will like them here and there.

Say! I will like them anywhere!

I do so like

Frolly’s thaivisa postings!

Thank you!

Thank you,

Frolly-I-am

So, as for ... "I barely even give you a thought" ...

As I said in the PM ... Just Stop ...

The Forum is smart ... they are intelligent members ... they see you for who you are.

Please ... just stop.

As for an answer to your OP.

Just choose another venue.

Don't tell the guy you want to diss ... simples ...

.

[frollywolly]

<snip> I barely even give you a thought.

OMG ... ... a member can only remain nice for some time till the BS builds, and builds, and builds.

frollywolly didn't have his first OP until this ... now locked. apologies-to-a-member-i-was-wrong

I have adapted this much loved Dr Suess children’s rhyme in honour of david48;

So, as for ... "I barely even give you a thought" ...

As I said in the PM ... Just Stop ...

The Forum is smart ... they are intelligent members ... they see you for who you are.

Please ... just stop.

As for an answer to your OP.

Just choose another venue.

Don't tell the guy you want to diss ... simples ...

.

Thank you for highlighting my past apology to you. I penned you a cheery and fun rhyme also (I trust all members enjoy).

Then I forgot about you.

Then you message me and ask me to ignore you. I did, as per your request.

Now you pop up on this thread, posting very odd photos, of what look like bar girls in christmas gear.

Then you tell ME to stop? Yet you are the one stalking me. Very curious.

[David48]

frollywolly ... I'm more then happy to move on.

Anyone, anyone who doesn't believe this guy isn't a complete wacko ... just read this ... apologies-to-a-member-i-was-wrong

This was his first ever OP on TVF.

He stalks members around the Forum ... till finally other members tell him to stop.

So he writes me a public apology.

Let's just move on.

Unless frollywolly you come back with another heap of BS ... I'm happy to move on.

Let's kick back as a Forum and enjoy the Festive time ... the Festive spirit.

I am ... are you?

.

[David48]

Anyone who wishes to know me ... I lost a good mate recently ... you can read about it here ... I-lost-a-friend-recently-moo-mate-you-are-missed/

Or you can just kick back in wonder why the OP just doesn't tell this guy to off and join another group.

[frollywolly]

Anyone who wishes to know me ... I lost a good mate recently ... you can read about it here ... I-lost-a-friend-recently-moo-mate-you-are-missed/

Or you can just kick back in wonder why the OP just doesn't tell this guy to off and join another group.

As i have said to you. My condolences for the loss of your dog. 14 years with a pet is a long time and I understand your loss.

Your opinion on what our group could do is noted. There are many different opinions on this thread. Yours is just one opinion. That does not make it the final and best solution.

Thank you for your answer.

[Morakot]

Ironically, from a problem with a know it all person you have ended up in a know it all forum...

Presumably, that's why the OP came here for advice...

[frollywolly]

frollywolly ... I'm more then happy to move on.

Anyone, anyone who doesn't believe this guy isn't a complete wacko ... just read this ... apologies-to-a-member-i-was-wrong

This was his first ever OP on TVF.

He stalks members around the Forum ... till finally other members tell him to stop.

So he writes me a public apology.

Let's just move on.

Unless frollywolly you come back with another heap of BS ... I'm happy to move on.

Let's kick back as a Forum and enjoy the Festive time ... the Festive spirit.

I am ... are you?

.

You are the ONLY member to repeatedly ask me to stop. Only you.

I have never stalked any member. Not one.

I have ignored you, at your own request, but you have come back here and posted, 10 times??

I am still more than willing to ignore you.

How about you do your own thing and I will do my own thing. Instead of your constant demands and suggestions as to how I behave. I will decide myself what I wish to do. Sound good?

We have all heard your opinion of me. Again and again and again. Noted.

Thank you for your post.

Edited November 27, 2014 by frollywolly

[dotpoom]

Maybe you could come to an arrangement with the building owners that for some reason they would prefer he not come to their building...let the owner "bar" him....not your group.

[transam]

I gave up a "meet" a loooooooooooooong time ago. Don't want to listen too shit............

Worked out great.............

[mrfaroukh]

Start having entry fees of 1000 Baht per session which is actually for him only. You collect all the money and then return everyone money except him. So let see how many more time he will appear.

[quicky]

So you have a meeting group to discuss things, and because one of your members has an opinion that may differ from yours they are not welcome to share? Oh wait that's right, because their opinion is second hand knowledge, it is not welcome.

Just tell them their opion is not one which fits the groups narrow point of view and robotic thought proccess, you would be doing him a favor it sounds like a pretty bad group to belong to.

[nithisa78]

I'm not sure being a minority has anything to do with this. Man up and talk straight. He isn't welcome anymore. Tell him you want a more elite group he is now displaced citizen.

You can please, ask him to write me. I would be more than okay with hearing from him, with an open heart. If we can't up our game with the Almighty, we can work on upping it with each other. The man you describe sounds like he is or has been a POW. Maybe just thinks like one. The road back to God isn't always so easy. Not for me, not for you, not for anybody. Since I didn't hear that he was Thai basher or of that nature, he is just hurting, inside.

Happy Thanksgiving. Put the give back in Thanksgiving.

[YeaBiGgiEs]

Are you talking about me? 555 I must admit that I have been that person most of my life. I just never fit in and don't really get along with other humans. There are several issues here that I wanted to comment on...

First one being is diversity. If you have a public social/networking group that people can come together at a pre-arranged place and time and shoot the shit then you must also be open to all walks of life and opinions. I AGREE, yes there are those people that are just too much and very difficult, set in their ways, self-appointed know-it-alls who travel around with their own soapbox. We are all foreigners, in a foreign country trying to mix, comprehend and understand a world of cultures.

I can't possibly know exactly what "TOO MUCH" means to you.. as everyone has different tolerance levels. As far as this goes, if there are others who also agree, then you all should collectively come together as another post suggested and have a discussion.. BEWARE you must be very sensitive when doing this and don't allow it to turn into a lynching. As none of us really know each other and if he is the "expert" he claims to be, he may seek avenues of retribution if you make/cause him to lose face. (soi mafias etc)

Secondly, perhaps this might come off as a joke but his person. Why don't you meet someplace where there is no alcohol served? That would circumvent his drinking issue. Also how long are these meetings that would allow anyone to consume enough alcohol to the point of being aggressive with violent tendencies. Perhaps 2, no more than 3 hours if you must be in such establishment. Depending on the long time members of this group and the level of trust, perhaps meeting in private at one of your own condos..

Regardless the drinking and violent tendencies is a MAJOR issue if anyone feels concerned for their safety around this person.

Perhaps make an announcement that the group will be suspended for the "HOLIDAYS" as everyone has things to do and will resume after the new year..

WARNING: Proceed with caution, with this individual. We all come from different backgrounds and found ourselves in Thailand for different reasons. You have no idea what he could be running from, capable of...

[hhgz]

How would you del with that in your home country? Why would you think it would be any different in Thailand?

[frollywolly]

Are you talking about me? 555 I must admit that I have been that person most of my life. I just never fit in and don't really get along with other humans. There are several issues here that I wanted to comment on...

First one being is diversity. If you have a public social/networking group that people can come together at a pre-arranged place and time and shoot the shit then you must also be open to all walks of life and opinions. I AGREE, yes there are those people that are just too much and very difficult, set in their ways, self-appointed know-it-alls who travel around with their own soapbox. We are all foreigners, in a foreign country trying to mix, comprehend and understand a world of cultures.

I can't possibly know exactly what "TOO MUCH" means to you.. as everyone has different tolerance levels. As far as this goes, if there are others who also agree, then you all should collectively come together as another post suggested and have a discussion.. BEWARE you must be very sensitive when doing this and don't allow it to turn into a lynching. As none of us really know each other and if he is the "expert" he claims to be, he may seek avenues of retribution if you make/cause him to lose face. (soi mafias etc)

Secondly, perhaps this might come off as a joke but his person. Why don't you meet someplace where there is no alcohol served? That would circumvent his drinking issue. Also how long are these meetings that would allow anyone to consume enough alcohol to the point of being aggressive with violent tendencies. Perhaps 2, no more than 3 hours if you must be in such establishment. Depending on the long time members of this group and the level of trust, perhaps meeting in private at one of your own condos..

Regardless the drinking and violent tendencies is a MAJOR issue if anyone feels concerned for their safety around this person.

Perhaps make an announcement that the group will be suspended for the "HOLIDAYS" as everyone has things to do and will resume after the new year..

WARNING: Proceed with caution, with this individual. We all come from different backgrounds and found ourselves in Thailand for different reasons. You have no idea what he could be running from, capable of...

A considered post, thank you.

We do welcome diversity. We are mostly all at an age where we now realise we know much less than we ever thought we did. Every day is a learning process.

If we were not in Thailand, I am sure our group would never have come together. We are disparate in more ways than not. Yet, for years, it has worked well. The pasts and experiences we did not have in common actually became the glue and stitching that bonded us together into the present. Exploration of each other's field of knowledge.

I do like your idea of a month break. That coupled with some home meet ups and other suggestions made in this thread might work well.

And finally. Yes. Your last point. We do not know and protection from police and courts here is not the same as our home countries.

[timendres]

All wrong - be honest and in a polite but genuine way tell him that when he drinks he starts talking BS and its getting to you and your friends. maybe he doesn't know how to ask for help about his drinking.

This point, and the consideration of the previous poster pointing out that this guy may genuinely see you all as friends and a group he respects, are important. It is a simple fact of life that some people are socially inept.

Emails are a good means communication sometimes, because lines of thought can be succinctly and tactfully expressed without interruption or reaction. A group confrontation is often undesirable, as the person being confronted will lose face to the group, as opposed to being approached by an individual, where the conversation and result can be kept between the two parties.

A good alternative might be to have one group member that this person respects or relates to best draft an email to him politely spelling out the issue. "I feel" the group is becoming uncomfortable with "your" group interaction. "I know" everyone likes "you" and wants you to be a part of the group, but you need to consider how your interactions affect the group as a whole. And suggest simple things he can do to help the overall picture - please let others express their opinions, please try not to get so drunk during the meeting, please be more polite, etc. If it is coming from one person that he respects to some degree, it will feel more like advice and less like confrontation. And maybe he will slowly adjust.

If that fails to help, then he is just a douche bag. At that point, the group should politely and jointly request that he not attend in the future.